Chapter Nineteen #2
“Why not?” Danny asked. He almost looked offended that I’d turned him down and it was so adorable I had to laugh. “Don’t laugh! Why are you laughing? Are you saying my arse isn’t fuckable?”
“It’s very fuckable, and I promise I will fuck it. Have patience, brat,” I said, tapping his nose softly. “But not tonight because I’m… I… I feel like shit and I don’t want to take it out on you.”
Danny tilted his head, like he was considering what I’d said. “I mean, you could? You said you wanted to spank me.”
Something clenched and exploded in my chest, nearly making me gasp.
He was too fucking sweet for words, and I didn’t think he even realised it.
“I do,” I said, pulling him closer so I could kiss him again, because I needed to make him melt.
“But the first time I spank you will be something we agree on and not when I feel like shit. You’re too…
” Special? No, I couldn’t say that. It was too intense.
“I want everything I do with you to be fun, and I don’t want to think about how fucked up I am when I’m with you. ”
“If it helps, I’m having a lot of fun so far,” Danny said, pressing himself against me so I could feel where he was started to get hard.
I groaned. Fuck it, the food would reheat.
I needed to hear Danny screaming my name as he came first.
“I’m sorry your ex was a dick to you today,” Danny said later when we were stretched out on the sofa together watching Jurassic World: Dominion, the empty plates of curry on the floor beside us.
His head was in my lap, and I was casually stroking his hair while we stared at the TV, which was maybe the least shitty thing in the whole flat because I owned it.
The food had been very good, the film was beyond ridiculous, and this was the best evening I’d had in a long time.
“Thanks.”
“Does he do that a lot?”
I thought for a second, weighing up how much I wanted to tell him. “At the start he did, when I first left. Recently, he’s been quiet. I guess something must have happened today to upset him, and he’s taking it out on me.”
Danny scoffed derisively. “What a prick.”
“I suppose.”
Danny shifted on the sofa and when I glanced down, he was looking up at me with a defiant pout. “What does suppose mean? You don’t think he’s a prick for saying that bollocks?”
I shrugged. “He is, but sometimes I can understand why he’s angry. I did blow up our whole life.”
“Hang on, didn’t he cheat on you? How the fuck can you be the one blowing everything up if he’s the one who cheated?”
It was the same question Shane had asked me whenever I blamed myself, and I still didn’t have a good answer. “I could have tried to fix our relationship. Given him another chance. Worked less, put more time into our relationship. Put him first.”
Danny’s frown suggested he didn’t believe me. “Was it just one time? With one person?”
“No.”
“And did he tell you he wanted you to spend more time together? Did he ever say he was feeling neglected?”
“… No.”
“Right. And you got psychic powers when? ’Cos if you can read minds and you haven’t told me, I’m gonna be proper upset.” He shot me a teasing smile, but there was a fierceness burning in his eyes that suggested he wasn’t as relaxed as he was trying to pretend.
“I’m sorry, I can’t read minds,” I said with a tiny huff of laughter as I ran my fingers through his mullet.
It was longer than I’d expected and weirdly suited him.
For a hairstyle that had never been fashionable, Danny had somehow made it work.
I hadn’t been sure about it the first time I’d seen him with it, but now I couldn’t imagine him with anything else.
“Right, so,” Danny said as he held up his hands, starting to count things off on his fingers.
“He never told you he was upset or that he wanted you to spend more time together and you didn’t know because you can’t read minds, he cheated on you multiple times and then expected you to get over it and forgive him, and then got mad when you didn’t and has now spent months harassing you because you didn’t do what he wanted?
I mean, from where I’m sitting, that makes him a first-class wanker.
You shouldn’t have to put up with that bollocks. ”
I sighed, my lip twitching. “You know, you’re not the first person to say that to me.”
“Well, clearly more people need to tell you if you still believe you’re the bad guy. Or maybe you need to start listening.”
“Or maybe things aren’t that black and white. Maybe there isn’t a good and bad here.”
“Maybe,” Danny said. “But there are definitely shades of grey. Like yeah, maybe if you were working too much or too focused on other stuff, then you needed to be more self-aware of that shit and adjust. But, I dunno, when we’re caught up in that, sometimes it’s difficult to notice that you’re doing too much.
You need someone to say, ‘Hey, I’m here too.
’ And yeah, maybe he was justified in feeling upset and neglected, but, like, you don’t cheat multiple times like that if you respect the person you’re with.
I don’t know if he thought he could get away with it, or if he was trying to punish you, or what.
But if he really loved you, he’d have tried to fix things first before going fucking nuclear. ”
I thought for a second. Everything Danny said made sense, and he was the first one to acknowledge that maybe I was a little at fault. Or had been at the start. “You don’t think I went nuclear?”
“Nah, I’d have left too. At that point, I don’t think it’s fixable.”
I hummed. “No, I don’t know if it was.”
“Did you want to fix it?” he asked. “When you found out. Did you want to fix it with him?”
“No… I was angry and upset, but I think part of me was a little relieved maybe? I still loved him, but looking back, I think he’d already stopped loving me.
And I think that was what hurt the most. Because, if he didn’t love me, why didn’t he tell me?
Why did he have to shatter my heart instead of just breaking it? ”
My chest burned painfully, the open wound inside ripping apart as if it had never started to heal.
Danny sat up and in a flash was crawling into my lap, putting his arms around me and pulling me against his chest. “’Cos he’s a prick,” Danny said softly.
“A vindictive, malicious little prick. And he wanted you to suffer. Well, fuck him, he doesn’t deserve you. ”
“Thanks,” I said, resting my head against his chest, feeling more vulnerable than I had in months. Maybe even years. It wasn’t a sensation I enjoyed, and I didn’t really want to dwell on it.
Danny kissed me softly. “Want me to distract you?”
“You really are insatiable, aren’t you, puppy?”
“I’m twenty-four. I’m horny like ninety percent of the time and you’ve now given me something to direct all that horny energy at.” He grinned and I laughed. I knew he was doing this deliberately, but I was grateful for his efforts.
I couldn’t remember the last time someone who wasn’t Shane had cared about me this much.
It was another realisation that I didn’t really want to dwell on.
“You can keep watching, just maybe let me suck your cock while you do?”
“Mmm, I’m never going to say no to that,” I said, tilting my head up to kiss him and then letting out a deep sigh as Danny slid onto the floor between my feet and reached for the button on my jeans.