Chapter Twenty-Eight
Danny
“Are you ready?” Ezra asked as we walked into the training centre together the next morning, our fingers not quite touching. I liked the feeling of having him beside me, just as I’d liked waking up with him sprawled out in the bed next to me. It was new, but not as terrifying as I’d imagined.
Instead, it felt right. Like I’d finally found the piece of myself I’d been missing.
I’d told Ezra this and he’d chuckled and said if he was that piece, he was probably some battered old bit of puzzle with half the picture missing that I’d found under the sofa covered in dust and bits of fluff.
But his sarcastic arse could suck it because there wasn’t any dust or fluff under my sofa.
“I think so, yeah,” I said, pulling the corner of my bottom lip between my teeth. “I’m gonna tell Charlie first. Then the team. I should probably tell Clive too.”
“I’ll handle Clive,” he said. “You can tell him too, but I’ll at least start the conversation.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, it’s the least I can do. And hopefully, I won’t lose my job.”
I frowned because I hadn’t thought of that, but I couldn’t see why it would be a problem.
Ezra wasn’t my coach, and he didn’t have anything to do with my day-to-day training.
He just got to annoy me with his social media shit.
I’d have to bug him about my training idea because that was gold.
At least in my opinion. “I don’t see why you would.
It’s not like we’re doing anything wrong.
Besides, Clive’s pretty chill. And if he’s got no problem with Jonny and Devon, he shouldn’t have a problem with this. ”
And if he did, then I would do what I did best and become the fucking problem.
“Fingers crossed,” Ezra said, shooting me a smile.
I left him at the bottom of the stairs, stealing a sneaky kiss before I headed towards the canteen to find Charlie.
I’d already messaged him to say I wanted to talk to him about something, which in hindsight had been a pretty bad decision because he’d been bombarding me with messages since he woke up, asking what it was.
So far he’d covered severe illness, bankruptcy, a long-lost sibling, a surprise baby, a lottery win, an inheritance, an international call-up, retirement, and me transferring to another club. In France.
I wasn’t sure if he was being serious or trying to lighten the mood, but knowing Charlie, they were all real worries he was trying to pass off as jokes. I probably would have been better just coming straight out to him or cornering him at some point during training.
I’d debated not telling him at all and enjoying things with Ezra for a few weeks before everyone else got involved. But I was piss-poor at keeping secrets and I was bound to end up saying something to Ezra that I shouldn’t, and I wanted to make sure I came out on my terms.
It was time to stop hiding and get this weight off my shoulders for good.
“Danny!” Charlie yelled, waving at me from a window table as soon as I stepped into the canteen. He already had two trays of food in front of him and a selection of drinks. Fuck, I really had made him nervous.
“Hey,” I said as I sat down opposite him. “What’s all this?”
“Well, I figured you might be hungry, so I got us breakfast.”
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t want you to have to stress,” he said, picking up a spoon and a bowl that looked like it had granola and yoghurt in, which I quickly grabbed from under his nose.
“You can’t have that, dipshit,” I said, grabbing my own spoon to start eating it before he tried to take it back. “Have something else. But leave me at least one of the apple crumble muffins, please. I fucking love those.”
Charlie shot me a disgruntled look but reached for some scrambled eggs and a pile of toast. “I like that granola.”
“I know, but you put dairy yoghurt on it instead of soy, so you’re not having it.”
“Yeah, but the soy tastes like bean! I hate it.”
“Well, ask Chef if he’ll get you something else. There’s gotta be other types of yoghurt out there.”
“Fine,” he said, and I chuckled because Charlie could not pull off sulky and pouting. “So, what did you want to talk about?”
Okay, straight in. I could deal with that.
“You know I said I was exploring some stuff… about me. And you asked if I was coming out and I said I was still figuring it out,” I said, glancing around in case anyone was listening. But everyone else was too occupied by their breakfast.
“Yeah.”
“Turns out it was the truth. I’m gay. Like really fucking gay.”
“Okay,” Charlie said, shooting me the warmest smile as he reached over the table to take my hand, squeezing it tightly.
“Okay? That’s it?” I asked with a laugh.
“Well, yeah, I kinda thought we’d already covered this. I thought you were gonna tell me you were leaving or something.”
“I’m not leaving. You’re stuck with me forever.”
“Good,” he said. “Oh, but you should definitely let me introduce you to Amanda’s cousin. He’s a doctor, recently moved back from London, loves rugby, and he’s pretty hot. Oh, and he’s single, obviously.”
I snorted because of course Charlie would immediately try to play wingman. It was kind of sweet. “Actually, I’ve already met someone. Been sort of seeing him for a while now. He was, er, helping me with the whole sexuality thing.”
“Wait, you already have a boyfriend?”
“Yeah.” I flushed, because it hadn’t really hit me before that Ezra was my boyfriend. Boyfriend… that was pretty cool. And something I’d never imagined being able to say, not even to myself.
“Seriously? Okay, who is he? Where did you meet him? What does he do for work? What are his hobbies? Can I meet him? Oh, you two should definitely come to dinner. Then Amanda can meet him too.”
“Jesus, are you my fucking dad or something?”
“Fuck no, I’m much better! I’m your best friend and I want to make sure he’s good for you.”
“I’m twenty-four!”
“And? I don’t want anyone taking advantage of you.”
“He definitely didn’t do that,” I said, then sighed. Somehow, this part was a thousand fucking times harder than telling him I was gay. But I wanted Charlie to like Ezra, not kick up a stink because he thought he was wrong for me. “You’ve already met him actually. It’s, er, it’s Ezra.”
Charlie stared at me, his forkful of scrambled eggs hovering in mid-air.
“Come on,” I said. “Out with it.”
“I mean… isn’t he a bit… well…”
“Yeah, he’s older than me. And he’s been going through some shit.
But I think he’s hot as fuck, and he really gives a shit about me.
When I’m with him, fuck, you know when you talk about how being with Amanda makes everything better?
That’s how I feel about him. Yeah, it’s still new, but I really like him, Charlie.
I always thought everyone was making it up when they talked about butterflies or just being happy when they’re around, but with Ezra, I finally get it. ”
Charlie nodded and smiled. “Okay then. But if he hurts you, I will kill him.”
“Wouldn’t expect anything less.”
“And you’re still bringing him to dinner. I’ll get a date from Amanda. Just let me get this weekend over with.”
“Oh shit, are you finally asking her?”
“Yeah, it’s all planned. Saturday afternoon at her parents’ house. I’m fucking bricking it.”
“You’re gonna do great.” It was my turn to smile and reach across the table to squeeze his hand. “She’s going to say yes.”
“I hope so.” He sighed slowly, then went back to his eggs. We ate in silence for a second before Charlie added, “Are you gonna tell everyone else? About you and Ezra.”
“I’m gonna tell them. I’ll be shit at hiding it and I want… I want everyone to know. I’ve been hiding for so long and I can’t do it anymore.” I was still nervous, but at least I had Charlie on my side. West too.
He was sitting a bit further down with Jonny, Devon, and Mason, the four of them with their heads together as usual.
The whole canteen had filled up now, although there were still a few people missing.
I debated doing it now, standing on a chair and making a statement.
But if I did, everyone would have questions and I wouldn’t get to finish my breakfast.
And this wasn’t the sort of thing I fancied doing on an empty stomach.
Food first, then I’d come out.
It took longer than I’d anticipated for me to get around to it.
At first, I thought I’d do it in the changing rooms before we went into the gym, but I got distracted by talking Charlie through his engagement plan and what he was going to say.
Then we had a team meeting, then lunch, and it wasn’t until we were getting ready to head out onto the pitch that I finally found my moment.
It was a bit last minute, but I knew if I didn’t do it then, I’d have to wait until tomorrow. Then the nerves would build up, I’d start overthinking it, and I’d fuck it up by putting my foot in my mouth.
I finished lacing my boots, smoothed out my moustache, took a deep breath, and stood up. “Hey, guys, I’ve got something to tell you.”
It took a minute for everyone to shut up, mostly through various people shushing the guys around them. Everyone’s eyes fell on me and the urge to vomit suddenly surged through me, my stomach writhing as the teriyaki chicken I’d had for lunch threatened to make an appearance.
Fuck it. Time to rip the fucking plaster off.
“I’m gay,” I said. “And, er, I’ve got a boyfriend. Just wanted you all to know.”
There was a beat of silence that stretched out into eternity.
“That’s not funny, Danny,” Mason said, glaring at me with his enormous forearms folded across his chest.
“Trust me, it’s not a joke. I’m a dickhead, but I’m not that much of a wanker.”
“Yeah, right.”
“Hey!” Charlie said, bouncing up beside me, ready to start an actual fucking fight. Shit, I probably should have expected this. My stomach lurched and I put my hand across my mouth. Like that would do anything to stop me from throwing up.
“He’s not joking,” West said, his quiet voice cutting through the hum of chatter that had started around the room. He folded his arms too, a hard stare on his normally soft features. “And anyone who’s got a problem with it can come talk to me.”
Mason looked up at him in surprise, mouth open like he wanted to say something. “He’s not?”
“I’m not,” I said. “And no, I’m not bi, or pan, or anything else. Just gay.”
There were a few nods and from the corner of my eye, I could see Matty smiling. “Thanks for telling us,” he said.
“Yeah, well, I figured it was time.”
“Have you known for long?” Bailey asked.
“Nope,” I said. “I thought I might be for a while but didn’t really do anything about it until recently.”
He nodded, seeming satisfied with my answer.
“What does your boyfriend think of the mullet?” Jonny asked.
“Shit, please tell me he’s not encouraging you to keep it?” Hunter asked.
“Oh, he loves it. Thinks it’s cute. Says I look very sexy.
” I shot him a wink. I wasn’t going to mention Ezra by name.
That detail could come another day. Besides, I should probably tell Clive I was shagging our social media manager before I told the rest of the team.
It was the polite thing to do. “Anyone else, or can we move on?”
“I think that’s enough,” Matty said, gesturing towards the door to the training pitch. “Come on, get your butts moving. You can ask Danny more questions, but only if he’s comfortable answering them. Think like Thumper. ‘If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say nothing at all.’”
“Yes, Dad!” everyone chorused as we all finished getting ready and trooped out onto the pitch.
As I went through the door, Mason caught me across the shoulder. “Sorry, that was a fucked-up thing for me to say.”
“You’re fine. Given what I’ve said in the past, it’s not unreasonable.”
“No, it is. I was a twat, and I’m sorry. I should never have assumed.” He squeezed my shoulder and smiled. “Proud of you, though.”
“Thanks,” I said. “I’m proud of me too.”