Chapter 37
Back to Reality, Whatever That Is
Sarah stood in Quinn’s kitchen, staring ahead vacantly, sipping hot tea in a bid to settle her jolting tummy. Spread out on the counter were Paige’s blueprints, and while the project had held Sarah’s attention earlier, her mind was too far adrift to finish her notes.
Archer let out a yip and took off toward the garage. Quinn’s home. Sarah’s jolting stomach positively galloped … with excitement and dread.
He burst from the hallway, Archer dancing at his feet, tossed his gear bag on the floor, and strode toward her.
“Hey,” he said before he leaned down, cinched his arms around her, and kissed her silly.
She gave him a little shove when they came up for air. “You’re all sweaty!”
“No, I’m not. I took a shower after practice just for you so I’d smell good and you’d want to jump my bones as soon as I walked through the door. Now kiss me and jump my bones already.” He leaned in for another kiss, but she slipped out of his grasp.
A nervous laugh escaped her, and she took another swallow of her tea. “I jumped your bones before you left this morning.”
“So?” He winked at her, and his eyes shifted to the blueprints. “What are you doing with Paige’s drawings?”
“Wrapping up.”
He grabbed a sports drink from the fridge and twisted off the cap. “What did you find?”
Engineering talk was a welcome segue, and she pounced on it. “They’re going to need more piers for that foundation, and the HVAC system has to move.”
“I get the foundation—it looked a little suspect to me too. But why the HVAC?”
“Because a support column needs to go there.” She blinked. “You studied the blueprints?”
He grinned. “Yeah. You know what I do for my work, so I thought I’d check out what you do—in your other job.”
My real job. “Yeah, about that.” Another swig slid down his throat, and she stared in awe as it moved along the thick column of his neck.
“About what?” he asked.
“I’ve been sending out resumes,” she blurted. “In fact, I have a virtual interview tomorrow.”
“That’s great they want you, but aren’t you getting on it a little soon?”
She rushed into her prepared speech. “I don’t think so.
Your mom doesn’t need me anymore; she’s doing great.
In fact, she and your dad are looking for a service dog.
She’s hardly ever here, so I’ve had a lot of spare time.
” And I’m bored! “While you’ve been attending your meetings and small-group trainings, I’ve ramped up my job search again.
I figure with your full-on training camp starting in a few weeks, you’ll be really busy, and then you’re off to Canada for the playoffs for God knows how long.
It’s a good time for me to get on with—”
“So which Denver firms are hiring?” He crossed his arms and leaned against the counter, pleats between his knotted eyebrows.
Crap! Why hadn’t she just told him what she was doing at the beginning? Because it had seemed easier not to until she had something solid.
“I’m not just looking in Denver.” She held her breath, waiting for this statement to sink in.
Applying for the out-of-state openings had been driven by one factor: the positions were in prestigious firms like the one in Seattle, and she wanted to find out if she could land a coveted job on her own merits.
Whether she’d take it was a different matter altogether.
Quinn’s mouth hung open, and astonishment flashed in his brown eyes. “Where are you looking?”
She tried to keep her voice light. “Mostly in the western states.”
He seemed to measure her. “And tomorrow’s interview? Where’s that company located?”
Inwardly, she cringed. Why was this so hard? “Texas. Not so far away.” No reason to tell him she had interest from North Carolina, Illinois, and Virginia, which had been a huge confidence booster. Now that boost didn’t seem to lift her as much.
He threw out an arm. “How’s that supposed to work?
You live in Texas, I’m in Denver, and we see each other every few months?
Unless I’m traded to Dallas, which won’t happen if I can help it.
” The better part of wisdom made her hold back that Texas wanted her because of her Spanish, and working there would mean long stints in Mexico.
A long shot, and even if they offered her the job, what would she do with Archer?
Quinn’s eyes bored into her. Her mouth opened and closed. “We never talked about life after the caregiver job ended, and I just assumed—”
His frown deepened, and she hurried on. “The pandemic has twisted everything. Hasn’t it occurred to you that this …
attraction”—she waved her hand between them—“only happened because we were stuck together? And that once we were unstuck, everything would go back to the way it was?” Like Cinderella …
who had a happy ending. “Maybe this is a good time to take a break and see if this thing we’ve got is going to survive outside of a forced shelter-in-place.
” These arguments had been churning in her head, and they made perfect sense.
Surely Quinn’s logical brain would see it, too.
Instead, his volume climbed. “Attraction? That’s what you call what we’ve been doing?” He ruffled his short, damp hair. “Where do you see yourself living if you stay in Denver? And where do you see me living?”
“I assumed you’d move back into the condo you miss so much, and I’d stay at Gage’s until I find my own place here or …” Move away. Except she didn’t want to move away, but she owed it to herself to look at all her options, damn it! It didn’t mean she and Quinn wouldn’t see each other.
“You’re doing a hell of a lot of assuming on your own. Did you assume we’d go our separate ways? Is that what you want? You haven’t once mentioned living in my condo with me, so I can only assume that option’s off the table,” he huffed.
She gawped at him. Living with him hadn’t crossed her mind, and if it had … Well, she’d made that mistake with Wolf, and she didn’t intend repeating it. “We never talked about me living there!” she spluttered.
“Because I didn’t see this freight train bearing down on me.” He paused to pull in a breath. “Why not just stay with me? We’re so good together.”
Emotions tightened into a twister inside her. The plea in his eyes reached into her soul, but she needed to do this. For her. For them. Somehow, she couldn’t find the words to explain.
In a resigned tone, he said, “So when are you planning to move in with Gage?”
“The governor lifted the restriction on real estate closings, so Gage and Lily close on their new house next week,” she answered lamely.
“Meaning you’re moving in with them next week. Were you going to tell me or just let me come home to an empty house?”
“That’s not fair!” God, he could be infuriating!
“Neither is putting everything into play without talking to me!” A storm brewed in his expression.
“I don’t need your permission!” Her voice pitched high.
“No, you don’t, but I thought people who were in love discussed big decisions with each other.
I classify picking up stakes and moving halfway across the goddamn country a big fucking decision.
Instead, you’ve been laying your own plans that you’re just now springing on me.
You’re not in a vacuum, Sarah. This shit matters to me. It affects me too.”
People who are in love? He was in love with her? Was she in love with him? She pushed the questions aside because damn, she needed to do a better job explaining.
“When I moved to Seattle, I uprooted everything for a man I never would have started a relationship with in the first place had we not been forced to work together, and look how that turned out.”
A fire kindled in his eyes. In a low, dark voice, he said, “Have you told Gage about us?”
This was not going the way she’d hoped. When she’d played it out in her head, they had an objective conversation where she laid out her doubts, the reasons behind them, and her plans moving forward.
In turn, he would say he understood where she was coming from and that he was behind her.
They didn’t fight or rip apart at the seams. Instead, they fell into bed and loved each other like they always did. “No,” she said in a small voice.
“Why not?” A challenge tinged his tone.
“Because he knows about my Wolf disaster,” she shot back. “If I tell him about you and me, he’ll say it’s too soon, that you’re the wrong guy for me. Worse, if things don’t work out between us, I’ll have to admit one more screw-up to him. It has a compounding effect.”
“Goddamn it, Sarah, I’m not Wolf! I haven’t hidden a fucking thing from you, good or bad. Want to know who I am? Open your eyes. I’m the same guy I’ve always been, and I’m standing right here.”
“I didn’t say you were Wolf!”
The tempest in his chiseled features gave way to hurt that nearly tore her heart in two.
“But you’re judging me based on him. How the hell can this relationship work if you think of us as a ‘mistake,’ a ‘disaster,’ or a ‘screw-up’?
The way I see it, ‘taking a break,’ running to Texas for a job—or wherever the hell you wind up—is codespeak for ‘This is my way out.’”
Her anger started to rise. “You’re putting words in my mouth! First of all, I never called us a mistake—”
“Not directly.” He heaved out a sigh. A lock of soft sable hair brushed the tops of his eyebrows, and she had to stifle the urge to push it back, to touch it. Something told her she was about to give up that right, and her heart thumped heavily in her chest.