14. Revi
Revi waited in his frostcat form in the dining hall for Kienna to come. The servants had brought the food, warm under domed silver covers, and then left again, as usual.
There was only Revi and his thoughts. Even after all these weeks, the room still felt strangely empty without Enlo around. Not for the first time, a prickle of guilt trickled through Revi at his order for Enlo to keep away.
It had been the right decision. And, another part of him quietly admitted, now that he had seen how Kienna could smile, he found he wanted to share her with his cousin even less than before. His last visit to her dream echoed in his mind. The light brush of her fingers against his chest still burned through him. The way she had looked up at him...
If he could only see that look again. It made him believe that maybe love was possible, as fanciful as the idea was. Maybe it wouldn’t be so terrible to break the curse by marrying Kienna. He admired her already, from her bravery to her kindness. That wasn’t the same as her admiring him, but it was something.
And really, how hard could it be to be pleasant, to court her? He had done so before. Not courting, of course, but pleasantries. Before the curse, before his parents’ disappearance… He had made nice with courtiers. Not as well as Enlo, but he had managed. He’d had a hold on the beast once before. He could do it again.
His resolve thus strengthened, he settled his head on his paws and waited.
And waited.
Time trickled away, and still there was no sign of Kienna. Irritation at her tardiness built minute by minute.
But no. She did not seem the sort to be late for no reason.
That thought washed away the irritation with a wave of concern. He’d gone to the library in the afternoon, but she’d been absent there as well. He hadn’t thought too much of it. She didn’t visit the library every day. But now, with her current absence… Had something happened to her? But surely if something had, he would have been notified. Unless…
He pushed himself to his feet and leaped down from the sofa. It couldn’t hurt to just go check, to ensure that all was well. He was halfway across the room when the doors opened and Kienna stepped in, her cheeks flushed a rosy hue and her breath slightly ragged as if she had hurried.
He stopped abruptly. “My lady.”
Kienna’s gaze landed on him, and she dropped into a curtsy, her expression falling into a careful mask. “I apologize for my tardiness.”
“It’s no matter.” He drew in a deep breath, nostrils flaring as he checked the air. There was no scent of blood. No sign of injury. Still, something seemed off. Kienna stood before him, quietly agitated. He had not seen her so since her first week here.
“Are you all right?” he asked, the question feeling awkward.
“Of course.” The smile she gave him was stiff—cold, even. An edge of sweat tinged her scent. Her pulse moved a tick faster.
Was she… lying to him?
“Did something happen?”
Her pulse jumped again. “Of course not. What would give you that idea?” She brushed past him, skirting him by several paces. She took her seat with a stiff posture. “I’m famished.”
He turned and padded after her, tail twitching behind him. Despite her protests, there was clearly something wrong. And Revi did not appreciate being lied to. It was a strange sensation, one he had rarely experienced in his life. He didn’t want it to become familiar now.
Kienna plucked the domes off their plates and started eating with gusto.
“Did you…” Revi said haltingly, taking his own place but not touching his meat. It had gone cold, and he found he disliked the idea of cold cooked meat even less than the idea of it warm. “What did you do today?”
At the question, Kienna stiffened. Her fingers tightened imperceptibly on her fork before she stabbed it into a roasted vegetable. She didn’t look at Revi. “I went exploring a bit. I found an art studio.”
“Do you enjoy art?”
“Not particularly.” Her voice was oddly short.
Was she angry with him? Was that why she was lying? Revi’s claws pricked the fabric of the sofa before he forced himself to stop. Not every anger warranted a fight… and even if this anger did, he could not handle it with tooth and claw. He had a bargain to maintain. And beyond that, he found that even his usual predatorial instincts stayed quiet. He had no desire to harm her.
He thought over their recent interactions during the days, looking for any clue that would explain her strange behavior. Nothing came to mind. Their recent dinners had mostly been quiet. Their times in the library equally so as she read and he pretended to read but mostly enjoyed their companionable silence and listened to Kienna mutter as she studied his language—even helping her occasionally when she asked. It was good that Enlo didn’t spend time with them in the library, or he would have teased Revi mercilessly for his obvious fascination.
But no. He could think of nothing that would warrant her ire, and yet here she sat, irritated, perhaps even angry, about something.
“What is wrong with you tonight?” He had no desire to dance around the subject or her feelings. Getting it out into the open was far more efficient.
That question earned him a look; her eyes widened with shock, then narrowed in that strange, unexplainable anger. “Why do you keep me here? Do you enjoy imprisoning people? Is this some sort of twisted game to you?”
“Your father took my rose—”
“I know that,” she snapped, cutting him off.
He blinked, for a moment too frozen to react. He would have thought her too afraid of him to dare snap, but she had begun her tirade and there was no stopping her now.
“Why trap me?” she asked. “Why claim me for a year and aday if you’re only going to send me back again? What purpose does it serve?” She threw a hand up toward the door. “Why—?” Her words cut off, and she froze, seeming like she was choking. She recovered herself with a large gulp from her water glass and crossed her arms. “I just want to understand. Zoya speaks highly of you when she dares to speak of you at all. You haven’t been cruel, and yet you keep u—me here. What benefit do you get from trapping people in your dying Court?”
With every word she spoke, Revi’s hackles raised. “I told you not to ask questions,” he growled.
“If you would provide more answers, I wouldn’t have to! Is it so terrible that I want to understand you? Understand this strange place that I have to call home for the rest of my year?”
“Perhaps you’ll just have to trust me.”
When he’d said that in the dream, she’d looked at him with affection, maybe even agreement. Now, she scoffed and crossed her arms. “Perhaps you should give me a reason to.”
He rose to a crouch, claws digging deeper into the sofa. Everything in him wanted to pounce at her, to fight in the only way he knew how. It would be so easy. She was so weak, this human.
No.
As she stared at him, a fiery light in her eyes, he pushed back against the dark, monstrous urgings in his mind. No, she might not be as physically strong as he was, but this woman was not weak.
Instead, he leaped from the sofa and started pacing in front of the window. He kept his breath shallow, doing his best not to pull in the scent of her, which only made his bestial instincts flare.
“Why is it so hard to answer my questions?” she asked. “Are you under some sort of magic?”
He huffed out a breath. No, his curse had no magic that forbade him to speak of it, but he was also certain that telling her of it would not make it any more likely to be fulfilled. If anything, knowing the expectations of the curse would only frighten her, push her away further. What woman would want to know that she was expected to marry a beast she hardly even tolerated? Still, a part of him found himself wanting to give her something. But what could he possibly give her that would satisfy her?
He hadn’t found the right words when she sighed. The motion deflated her, her anger trickling away to something closer to weariness.
“I don’t know why I bother,” she murmured, low enough that Revi was certain the words weren’t meant for him. “Never mind,” she said, raising her voice. “Come eat.”
He turned to look at her fully. She was twisted halfway around in her seat and gave him a taut smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.
“I didn’t mean to derail our dinner. I’m sorry for asking pointless questions.”
He slinked closer warily, but her expression didn’t shift back into anger, so he returned to his seat.
She picked up her fork again and took a bite of food. “If you’re unwilling to answer those questions,” she said after a moment, “perhaps you would answer another one for me?”
He stared at her, waiting. She chewed her lip.
“Where are the king and queen? You seem like the highest authority here, but the title ’prince’ is not usually the highest authority.”
A pang of loss shot through him at her words. Something must have showed in his demeanor, because she hurried to add, “If this is related to everything else you won’t tell me, I understand. I’ve just been wondering.”
“I don’t know,” he said quietly. “I don’t know where my parents are.” Her face softened at his admission, but he continued. This, at least, he could give her, as painful as it was for him. “It has nothing to do with your other questions. They vanished years ago; no one knows where to. They went out riding one day, and they never returned.”
Her hand raised to cover her mouth. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered through her fingers. “Were you close with them?”
The innocent query twisted through him. “Yes. And no. Their roles didn’t always allow for the closeness I wanted. But I would have done anything for them, happily. I still would.”
“You sound like you love them deeply.”
He nodded. No words would ever properly convey the depth of his love.
Of his concern for them, even now.
“But if it’s been that long,” she continued, “why haven’t you ascended the throne, taken the role of king?”
He grimaced. “Because they’re not dead.” Her brow furrowed, and he could already feel the question that was coming, so he answered it before she could ask. “If they were dead, their pine and moss would have withered with everything else. I would have the full power of the Winter Court at my command. Most of that power is my father’s, but if he perished, it would fall to my mother. Only if both of them were gone would it transfer to me. I am the most powerful Winter Elyri here, and as a member of the royal family, that leaves me with the designation of the Heart of Winter, just like”—he cut himself out before mentioning Enlo’s name—“just as anyone else with my blood would have. So I rule in their absence, but I am not the Winter King, and I will not become the Winter King until my parents have both perished.”
She took all this in with wide eyes. “Have you ever tried to find them?”
He scoffed. “I have sent hundreds of men and women in search of them, but wherever they are, they left no tracks, no clues to follow. Either they do not want to be found”—he pushed away the familiar anger, the betrayal at the idea—“or someone else doesn’t want them to be found.”
The silence weighed heavy with his words. He felt exposed. He’d admitted one of his greatest pains to her. Dread tried to crowd his mind—he’d given her a way to hurt him; if she chose to, she could wield it against him. He had to protect himself, do something to keep her from using it to wound him—
“My mother died only a few years ago.” A heavy weight of familiar sorrow filled her voice. It dragged the dread in his thoughts to a halt. “Brigands along the road when she was visiting a close friend who lived a few days from our home.”
Revi tensed, instantly wanting to find these brigands and punish them. “Were they ever caught?”
“My father hunted for a year before he found them. It’s part of why he was given his position; he became quite familiar with the Makarian countryside and people in the process.” Kienna tucked her hair behind her ear. “But there was this terrible period, a span of a week when her carriage was first found and she wasn’t. A week when we knew something horrible had happened, but we didn’t know what. I was sick with worry and trapped at home. Powerless to do anything. I had only my hope, and it shredded a little more each day.”
He knew the feeling well; he’d lived with it so long it felt an ingrained part of him, even more than his curse did. It made him want to go to Kienna, curl around her and protect her from it, even if only the memory of it.
He cleared his throat. “How did you finally find her?”
“They dumped her body along the road near where the carriage had been. I think they took her because they thought to ransom her, but she’d been injured in the initial attack. It was the infection that actually took her from us.”
A deep growl escaped him. If anyone had ever dared do that to his mother—
He forced the thought away, focusing instead on the woman before him. “I’m sorry. That must have been shattering.”
“It was. Like you, I would have done anything for her.” She took in a shaky breath but tilted her face to smile at him. “It was the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced. But I remember that time of not knowing with a great deal of pain, too. It was only the hope of her return that brought me through it, until we found—” She cut off, squeezing her eyes shut for just a moment. “But you know. You know they’re alive. And if they’re alive, there’s still hope to find them. Cling to that hope. It will see you through, too.”
What a brave, strong woman she was. Baring what had to be one of the most horrible, painful moments of her life to him, only to encourage him. He’d never met anyone so incredibly unflinching before.
“I will,” he promised, desperate for something to say. It felt inadequate, after her story, but he wanted to give her something in return. “I will never give up on finding them.”
She nodded, seeming satisfied.
Silence wrapped around them. She picked at her food, but he just sat, wanting nothing more than to study her, understand her. He was searching for something to steer the conversation back to life when she spoke first.
“Is it difficult ruling when you aren’t technically the final authority in your Court?”
He turned his head away from her, tensing. That was so far from a subject he wanted to explore with her. “I learned ways to discourage questions and doubt.”
He didn’t want to see what the admission would mean to her, how she would interpret it. Having to rule had probably been the true beginning of his descent into the beast he was now, but he couldn’t afford to regret that, because he had used it first to secure his Court and later to protect it from outside threats.
Soft fingers sank into the fur at his shoulder. He froze, slowly turning back to look at her.
Kienna’s expression was sorrowful. “I’m so sorry. That must have been such a difficult time.”
“Luckily for me, I have always been good at monstrous things, even bef—” He cut himself off and stiffened. He’d almost admitted the curse to her in full. What was it about this woman that made him want to bare every corner of himself to her?
She was silent a long moment; he waited for her to question his slip, but when she spoke again, she sounded almost frustrated. “You aren’t a beast just because you look like one.”
“I am—and have been—a beast inside and out for years.” The curse just better reflected his true nature.
“Maybe if you acted like one, yes.” Her gaze drilled into him, as if she could will him to believe her. “If you were cruel, manipulative, vicious. But just having fangs and claws doesn’t make you a monster. You are more than what you look like. You are who you choose to be. And you do what you must to rule your Court. Protecting people, especially at risk to yourself, is the opposite of monstrous.”
He forced himself to relax under her touch, even as his entire being wanted to tense at her words. She’d reached out to him, and her fingers rested, still and small. He didn’t want to frighten her away.
She was so delicate. He had no doubt that in many ways, she was the strongest of her kind, just not in the ways he had ever thought mattered before now.
But here she was, showing kindness to a beast, and it lit within him a cool whisper of hope. If she could be compassionate toward him, perhaps she could be more. If she could be more, perhaps it wasn’t so foolish to think that he could change his nature and be more too, like she seemed to believe he could be.
It felt like an impossible dream.
It was a dream he wanted anyway. But first, he needed to rid his Court of the curse, or he’d have no time to find out.
“I choose to be who I must for my Court,” he finally said, falling back on a familiar answer. “I’m the only one who can fulfill my role.”
Kienna’s fingers tightened slightly on his fur. “Aren’t you… lonely?”
He considered the question. He’d never had many friends. Just Enlo, really. And now he had her, even if only by dint of trapping her here with a bargain. But that felt too exposing to say. “I am no lonelier than I’ve ever been.”
She made a humming noise.
He tilted his head to better study her. “Are you lonely? Do you… miss your family? Your father?”
“Not lonely. But yes, I miss him.” Her free hand moved to her chest as if she could hold in the ache she hid. The motion opened a similar ache in Revi’s chest. If she felt that pain, it was entirely his doing.
A sharp thought occurred to him that made him want to raise his hackles. “Did you have anyone besides your family?”
Was her heart already claimed?
A small smile flickered with her usual brilliance even as it knifed at Revi’s heart. “Yes, but not what you might expect.” She laughed at his bemusement. “I kept rabbits.”
Revi blinked. The jealousy washed away, only to be replaced by sheepishness. “Rabbits?”
She laughed outright. “For their fur. Well, originally. My mother loved the feel of rabbit fur specifically, so I got them to spin the fiber to make her things. But they’re just lovely creatures. Soft and cuddly and sweet. I go—” She cut off. “I mean, I used to go to their hutches every day to care for them—feed them, comb their fur to collect the fiber, things like that. They were all fairly friendly, but one of them, my favorite—I named her Mushroom. She’s the fluffiest, a lovely silvery grey, and she’d always hop to the door of their enclosure to greet me when I came and bury her nose in the crook of my neck.” Her hand went to her neck absently as she spoke, a melancholic shadow cast over her features.
Revi swallowed. He’d never been so irrationally jealous of a prey animal before.
“And ever since she died, I find they remind me of her.” Her shoulders drew in, and he could hear her swallow, even as her eyes glistened.
She drew her hand back from his coat and stood. “I find I don’t have much appetite tonight.”
Revi rose quickly, bumping into the table. He wasn’t ready for her to leave. “Would you like to walk to the kitchens with me? I smelled some sort of pastry baking earlier.” A lemon cake with vanilla. It sounded completely unappealing to him, but perhaps Kienna liked sour-sweet.
“Oh, no, thank you.” She gave him a small curtsy. She tried to mask the melancholy in her mien with a smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Good night.”
“Kienna, wait—”
She ignored him. Her steps made a shuffling whoosh on the stone floor as she hurried from the room, but the sound couldn’t hide her soft sniffling.
Revi wanted to rip his teeth into something. He wanted to comfort her, yet she fled. Because why would she want comfort from him? She was mourning the loss of her home, her family, her beloved pets, and it was his fault.
He was the worst kind of monster—no matter what she said to the contrary.