Chapter 1 Tobias
Tobias
“Do you remember what I said to you last week?” Mrs. Baker’s warm voice pulls me from my daydream.
My eyes lift to meet hers. I hadn’t realized I was that zoned out. As I pick at a loose thread along the couch’s edge, I try to remember what she said in our last therapy session.
“Um…work on staying in the present moment?”
“Right. Be intentional with your time, because it matters.” She sits up and lowers her glasses on the bridge of her nose. “Because you matter, Tobias. Remember?”
I swallow harshly, feeling my temperature rise. This office is nice. I like coming here most days. When life gets too heavy, and my thoughts are too loud, Mrs. Baker usually knows how to center me. It’s been helping.
I think.
“Tobias—” she cuts in again.
Dammit, I zoned out again.
“Sorry.” I smile softly. “My head is all over the place today.” Which is the truth. It’s been like that more and more lately.
“Well, how about we start there.” She leans back, flipping open her notebook. “Where’s your head at? What’s been occupying the space?” she asks, clicking her shiny black pen to begin writing.
I’m afraid I’m only going to disappoint her. There’s nothing I want to talk about. Nothing I can talk about, that’s for sure.
I don’t want to drag her into my mess if I can even call it that.
***
A month ago
I pinch my eyes shut and drag in a deep, shaky breath.
I swear my foot hasn’t stopped tapping the truck floor since I got in. Keeping my nerves in check feels impossible.
I’m a couple of minutes down the road from where Derrick Voss, my piece-of-shit biological father, for lack of a better term, told me to be.
After everything he’s done—abusing me, neglecting me, making my life hell.
Even burning down Jude’s Place. He still had to come back and try to shake me down for money.
He’s always wanting more. As if stealing my childhood wasn’t enough.
He’s a damn bloodsucking leech that won’t stop until it drinks its fill.
I know the phone calls won’t stop until he gets what he wants.
Which is exactly why I decided to give him the five grand he asked for.
I had to move some things around at the restaurant, but I couldn’t see any other choice.
When Derrick doesn’t get his way, he gets violent, and one thing I know for sure about him is that he follows through on his threats. He made sure I understood that all my life.
When he threatened Elijah, that’s when I knew what I had to do.
I have to keep Elijah safe. From people like Derrick… from the chaos that comes with being with me. He never asked for any of this. No. I can’t let him get hurt. I won’t.
Am I scared this isn’t the right decision? One hundred percent. But the more I sit on it, the more I realize that the alternative—putting Elijah in danger—just isn’t worth the fight. I’ll do anything to keep him out of this.
I see some headlights appear in the distance, slowly pulling up to the red flashing stoplight that hangs in the middle of the intersection.
Derrick’s driving an old beat-up burgundy Prius.
I have no idea how he could’ve gotten a car in his state, but frankly, I could give less of a shit.
Right now, he’s about to drag me into his fugitive plan, and I’d rather just get this over and done with as fast as possible.
Taking one more deep breath, I grab the white envelope stuffed with hundred-dollar bills from the passenger seat and slam the truck door behind me.
It’s unlikely anyone’s coming down this road since we’re meeting a fair distance from town. Still, I glance around, making sure no cars are coming before I cross the street.
I see his silhouette behind the tinted glass. It’s ten o’ clock at night so there’s no reason for the aviators and snug ball cap masking his face. Is this his attempt at a disguise? Pathetic.
I clench my teeth thinking about all that he’s done. Seriously, it boils my blood, and it’s taking everything in me not to drag him out of that car and flatten him the same way I did back at the lake house.
But no, I want nothing to do with him anymore. No more anger, no more pain. Just nothing.
The car window slides down, and he rests his arm on the door. Slowly, he removes his aviators and looks up at me, his expression impossible to read.
“Son—”
“Shut the fuck up.” I hold the envelope up so he can see it. “This is it. You won’t contact me or Elijah again, or else the deal’s off.”
He narrows his eyes, looking from me to the envelope and back again.
“You don’t exactly have a choice here. Either you leave us the hell alone, or I’m calling the cops right now.” I say, taking my phone out of my pants pocket.
Clenching his teeth, he holds up his hands, as if to surrender. “You’d do that to your old man? After everything I’ve done for you?”
I huff out a laugh. “This is me being nice. A pleasure you don’t deserve.”
He runs his hand down his face as if he’s got a reason to be annoyed with me.
“I meant what I said, okay? Money, and we have no more problems.” He holds out his palm, beckoning me closer. The gesture makes my stomach twist.
Disgust fills my throat, thinking of what a pathetic excuse of a human he is. I weigh my options one more time. I could call the cops right now; they’d come and all would be right as rain.
But, what would happen if they don’t get here in time and he gets away?
He’d make sure to come after us. Or, what if he does get arrested and what he told me on the phone was true and there really are people after him?
If he doesn’t get this money…would Elijah and I be next?
It makes my palms sweaty just thinking about it all.
“Say it, Derrick. You’ll leave us alone.”
I see his jaw tense as he thinks about his only choice. “Give me the envelope. I’ll go.”
I suck in a breath, full of relief, handing it over. He snags it out of my hand, opening it up and sifting through quickly.
“You saved my life with this.” He laughs a low, dangerous chuckle.
I roll my eyes, beginning to walk away. “Yeah, just remember our deal.”
“Yeah, we’ll see,” he mutters under his breath, dropping the envelope beside him.
I stop in my tracks, turning to him. “Wait, what was that?”
Did I hear him right?
“You make it sound like you’re calling the shots here.” He leans forward, glaring at me.
I shake my head, panic coursing through my veins. “Because I am. That’s it, Derrick. End of the deal.”
He gives me a once over, starting up his car. “It’ll end when I say it ends.”
My mouth drops as I watch his car rip away into the darkness.
What the actual fuck does that even mean?
Is that the last time I’ll ever see Derrick Voss? Or, did I just sign a deal with the devil?
***
I blink repeatedly, forcing my mind back to the present. I rack my brain for an answer to her question.
“Uh…work’s been busy, I guess.” I shrug, trying to sound casual.
Mrs. Baker sighs heavily, closing her notebook back, and gives me a long, sympathetic look.
“Tobias, if you don’t want help, then you can’t receive it. My job isn’t to just sit here and look at your face, as handsome as it is.”
A smile pulls at the corner of my lips. “Are you allowed to say that to me?”
She giggles softly. “No, probably not. But I trust you won’t say anything, just like you should trust me.
” She clasps her hands together on her lap and leans forward.
“You and I both know that you are under no obligation to tell me anything. But, I do sense that there’s been a shift with you lately, and before whatever it is gets too big for you to hold on your own, I need you to know that you’re safe here.
You’re safe to talk to me. You don’t have to carry it all by yourself. You get that, right?”
I lick my lips, my mouth becoming dry all of a sudden. She’s wrong. I do have to carry it. No one else deserves this stress. I did it to myself, and I deserve to bear it on my own.
“Yeah, I get that.” I lie.
“Good.” She nods, smiling softly again. She glances at her watch, and her eyebrows shoot up. “Oh goodness, it looks like we’re almost out of time. What do you feel like chatting about for our last few minutes?”
I shrug again.
She tilts her head. “How’s Elijah doing?”
My breath stutters as I remember that glorious man. My favorite fucking question.
How’s Elijah, she asks?