Chapter 8 Tobias
Tobias
I swipe to ignore the third call I’ve received in the past hour.
He’s seriously calling me. Again. This is a nightmare.
A quiet ache settles behind my ribs as I try to focus on breathing in and out.
I wish Derrick would just disappear. I’m dangerously close to wishing he never had me at all, and I hate that. I don’t want to slip back into that mindset, but it’s almost impossible not to when I have to deal with this shit.
Mrs. Baker told me to notice when thoughts like this happen. I’m supposed to sit with them, become aware of whose voice it really is that I’m hearing and then put them to rest. Try to focus on something else. Anything else.
Which is what I’m trying to do as I sit at the bar, putting together the next months’ schedule.
It’s better to sit out here than in my office. In there, all I have are these blaring thoughts to keep me company.
Out here, everything is busy—and busy is good.
Since the community college kids are in town, the money’s good, and my hands are full keeping everything running smoothly.
A loud thump on top of the bar jolts me out of my head.
Startled, I look up to see Gabe setting down a crate full of beer bottles. “Sorry,” he cringes.
I smile, shaking my head. “No worries.” I laugh, continuing to type on my laptop again.
“Busy bee over here,” he says, starting to pack the mini-fridge. It’s the first week and he’s already in the swing of things, showing us what a great hire he is. It’s like he’s always been a part of the team.
“Yeah, as always.” I sigh, not hiding my exhaustion. “Excited to have some time to relax this weekend, though.”
His eyes go wide. “Oh yeah! Elijah’s coming home this weekend, isn’t he?”
I can’t help the grin that spreads across my face. I nod eagerly, feeling an excited thrill surging through me. Fuck, I’m so excited to see him. He’s like a breath of fresh air when everything else is…clouded.
“I’m excited, yeah. I guess you haven’t officially met him yet. You’d love him.” Anyone would love Elijah.
“Oh, I’m sure I will. It’s the opposite that I’m worried about.” Gabe laughs quietly, wiping off the bar from the frost the beers left.
I blink, unsure of what he means by that.
Suddenly, my phone buzzes.
Without looking, I swipe to answer the incoming call and hold the phone up to my ear.
“Toby, Toby, Toby…” As soon as I hear Derrick’s low, disgusting voice, bile climbs my throat.
My eyes dart to a confused Gabe before looking away.
Dammit. I wasn’t thinking. Why did I answer without looking? Stupid, stupid.
A raw, irritated noise scrapes out of me, getting ready to hang up but before I do, I hear his grating voice loud and clear.
“Don’t you fucking dare hang up on me again or you’ll regret it—”
Gabe thankfully is now distracted, taking an order from a muscular blonde, tattooed guy who sat at the bar.
I better take this conversation elsewhere.
Hopping off the bar stool, I make my way quickly to my office.
Fingers trembling, I slam the door behind me, making the handle rattle.
“What did I tell you about contacting me? Leave me the fuck alone—”
“That’s enough.” I hear a loud bang on his side of the phone, like he hit a wall or something.
The sound makes me flinch. It reminds me a little too much of how he used to make me feel.
“I’ve been very very nice up until now. Your attitude has been pissing me off, you little ungrateful piece of shit. ” He spits.
“What do you want?” I grit out.
“More money and some clothes,” he mutters.
I shake my head, even though he can’t see me. “Yeah, no. Not my problem.”
“You fucking kidding me? After everything I’ve done for you in your life?
” He sounds erratic, moving on the other line.
Something’s off. More than just alcohol.
I can sense it. I know what Derrick’s like when he’s drunk.
He’s a monster. The thought of him on something else too might be catastrophic.
My jaw clenches as I try to muster up that same courage I had when I pummeled his face last summer. “I’ve given you everything you asked for, which is ten times more than I should’ve. I’m done. I’m out.”
A small beat passes which only makes my skin crawl. I’m not sure I like it when he’s silent that much better than when he’s spewing his venom.
He finally breaks the silence with his low rough voice. “You know what happens to people who did what you did, Toby?” He asks. “Harboring a fugitive? Aiding a criminal on the run?”
My breathing goes still. I don’t attempt to answer…because the truth is, I don’t know.
“Multiple years in prison. Look it up. The moment you gave me money is the moment you signed your goddamn warrant. I fucking got you, boy. And it was so damn easy.”
My hand balls into a fist at my side, feeling helpless against my own confusion.
Is what he’s saying the truth? I…I wouldn’t know.
“Y-you said people were after you and that I had no choice if I wanted to keep Elijah and I safe. The police will understand and let me off.”
Wouldn’t they?
He chuckles wickedly. “I said what I needed to say but the truth is, you would’ve shown up for me either way. You forget I know everything about you.”
A pit of unease and deep sorrow hits me at those words.
“I’m a cop, Toby. I know all about how to drag you down with me. And I would because you’re mine. All we have is each other. Until the very end.”
I’ll never understand him. For someone who hates me so much, why does he insist on chaining me to him? The power? Narcissism?
I just want to be free…
I shake my head, Elijah’s beautiful smile flashing behind my eyelids. “You’re wrong. I’m not yours and I’m not alone.”
He lets out a loud barking laugh. “Who do you think you have? Elijah? You’re just one fuck up away from him seeing you for who you really are and leaving your ass just like your mother did.
” I hear him take a long sniff of something I can only assume is a drug, making my stomach coil. There it is. He’s really lost it now.
Taking in a big breath, he continues. “You’re nothing but a pathetic, useless, loser.” He exhales. “You think Elijah’s going to save you when you’re sitting in a jail cell right beside me? He’s going to want nothing to do with you once he finds out what you did for me.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing my threatening tears to settle down.
I can’t help but imagine Elijah turning his back on me, just like he did back in high school. My heart starts to pound in my chest uncontrollably. I try to rub it with my palm but it’s no use. The pressure is getting worse.
I can’t lose Elijah. I won’t.
“No. You wouldn’t risk that, would you?” Derrick laughs.
“Now, what you’re going to do is exactly what I say.
I say jump, you ask ‘how high’? I call you—you pick up the damn phone.
Or else, I’m going to continue to burn your life down just like I did with that little restaurant of yours.
The first time was a warning but this time I’ll make sure I get the job done.
And maybe if you push me a little too hard, I’ll have to do it with your little boy toy inside. Then what will you have, huh?”
Fear grips my chest at the thought of him doing something so drastic, again.
Seriously, I wish I was done with this bullshit.
Fuck him.
My hand grips around my phone so hard that I think it may shatter.
I take a big breath in, thinking about my position here. My position is…I don’t have one. My hands are tied and I have no escape…
My throat scratches, preparing to answer him.
“How much do you need?”
***
The willow tree is bigger than I remember. Its long, drooping leaves surround me, and I can’t help but think how perfect it would be to lie beneath it with him—how beautiful he’d look sketching under the setting sun.
I run my hand along the rough bark, then freeze. My hand feels smaller than it should. Glancing down at my clothes, I realize I’m not the man I am anymore—I’m my younger self. How did I get here?
Suddenly, I hear a caw from above. My heart speeds up as I look into the yellow eyes owned by a big black crow.
My breath speeds up as the panic courses through me.
This crow sees something. I know it does. I can feel it and it’s horrifying.
I look back down to my hand and see the tree bark has now started to molten and rot under my fingers.
Another caw.
As soon as I look up, I see all the leaves starting to turn brown, then black.
The tree is poisoned. It’s dying. I’m dying. Is that it? I’m dying?
This is wrong. This is all wrong.
I try stepping away from the tree but my hand is stuck.
I’m stuck.
I’m dying.
Dying.
Dead.
My eyes whip open, as I jolt upright on the bed. Sweat slicked forehead, heart beating so loud I swear I can hear it.
Not again.
Ever since he called earlier this week, I’ve been waking up to these weird, twisted nightmares. It’s been awful.
Reaching for my phone on the bedside table, I groan the moment I see the time.
Four fucking o’clock.
I guess there’s no time better than ever to go for a run.
***
I snag a free parking spot, thankfully right in front of Bloom & Brew. Hopping out of my truck, I beeline it across the sidewalk and head for the door.
A caramel macchiato sounds perfect after such a draining morning. I just wish I could get to sleep and stay that way until my alarm.
As the week goes by, I’m feeling more and more like a zombie. Elijah is supposed to be coming home tonight and I’d love to be awake and energized when he does.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spot a man across the street that catches my eye.
Dressed in all black, leaning against a black sedan, he’s taking a long drag of his cigarette, while his eyes are fixated on me.
With sandy blonde hair like mine, and on the taller side with broad shoulders, he almost looks like Derrick and it makes my skin crawl.
I chew my lip as I walk up to the front door. Is my mind playing tricks on me? He couldn’t be here…just freely standing around. Could he?