Chapter 10 Tobias
Tobias
I grip the steering wheel as I pull into the back parking lot. The sky lightens to blue, reminding me exactly where I should be instead of here: at home, tangled in Elijah’s arms as he sleeps peacefully on my chest.
I grab the ring that’s hanging around my neck. I feel sick knowing I’m lying to him like this. I can’t believe I’m doing this. Sneaking out without him knowing at the crack of dawn. I hate Derrick with everything inside of me and I hate how weak I am even more.
I think about how powerful I felt smashing my fist in his face last summer. The way I reclaimed my energy. How wonderful it felt to have his life in the palm of my hand for a change. For once.
And above all, how proud Elijah was of me. How he jumped into my arms afterwards because I finally stood up to the fucker.
You know what? Fuck this. I’m out of here.
Placing my hand around my keys, I start the car up again.
I’ll go to the cops and they’ll help me. They’ve got to. And if they don’t…I’ll figure it out.
I see a curtain move in one of the hotel room windows. I know that’s him because he texted me that he’d be watching for me.
Always fucking watching me.
Fear crawls up my spine as I think about that. No matter what I try to do, he’s always found a way to sneak back into my life. Why would I think this would be any different?
I hang my head, remembering what he said over the phone.
The first time was a warning but this time I’ll make sure I get the job done.
His voice loud and clear in my head reminds me just how caged in I am. How little choice I have.
I pick up the duffel bag beside me and open the car door.
Locking my car, I head toward the pale green motel door, its rusty number nineteen hanging crooked.
From the sight of it alone, it’s an old, disgusting hotel for runaways just like himself.
It’s no surprise they’d let him in without any official identification.
They probably don’t give a shit as long as they’re getting paid.
I knock quietly and the door whips open. Musty, old air hits me right in the face.
And there he is, pacing the floor, frantic just like I expected him to be. No doubt he’s doing drugs on top of all the alcohol he drinks. I’m not even surprised.
His hair is dyed a darker brown than his natural shade and grown longer than he’d ever prefer. Paired with the beard he’s now sporting, the effect is chilling. He looks different enough that I might walk right past him on the street and that is frustrating beyond belief.
Quickly trudging over to me, he grabs my shirt, tugging me inside before pushing me against the wall and slamming the door shut beside me.
“Anyone see you leave this morning?” He flicks through a crack in the blinds, frantically looking left and right.
“I don’t know and I don’t care if they have.
” I bite, shoving him off of me. I swing the duffel bag down on the dirty bed.
“This is it. I’m done. This is the last thing I’m doing for you.
” I frown, disgusted with myself for even doing that much.
“You’ve got your money. You’ve got your clothes.
If you contact me again, I won’t hesitate to go to the fucking cops—” I bite, turning towards the door.
Suddenly, he presses into my back, winding me as my chest knocks against the door. He pulls my hair back, my scalp stinging as I try and grasp at the door to steady myself.
“What’d I say about your fucking attitude, boy? You think you can talk to me like that?” He grunts, pushing my face into the door. I try to push off, but he’s got the advantage of surprise on me. Pinned like some sort of criminal, he keeps me locked and subdued.
Shit.
I can feel sickness rise in my throat as all the hard memories of what he’s done to me in my life flood back.
I told myself I’d never be in this position again. I promised myself. Now look at me.
“Let me go.” I breathe heavily, trying to stifle my fear.
“You’ve forgotten who’s in charge here.” His tone coming out rough. “I’m the dad. You do as I say, or else I have to correct it.” His vile words, the Jack Daniels on his breath and the pressure against my back sends a horrid memory flashing in my mind. I freeze, caught between anger and disgust.
All of a sudden, cold metal presses into my spine. A chilling wave of dread washes over me.
I pinch my eyes shut, my stomach knotting.
“Yeah, you remember what that is, don’t you?” He laughs.
I remember exactly what that is.
He’d only pull it on me when he was really on one of his benders. And when he did…he made sure I wouldn’t forget it.
“You can’t be serious.”
“Does this feel like a joke to you?” He presses the pistol into my back. My legs feel like jelly as he leans close, whispering, and I swallow hard. “You think I wouldn’t do it. Don’t you?”
It’s not the first time he’s threatened my life. Hell, there were some days he got really close.
No, I’m not dumb enough to think he wouldn’t. He hates me enough to do it.
“Sit the fuck down,” he spits, finally stepping away from me and pushing me towards the bed.
I make my way over, raking my brain of how I got here again. Just last year I had him on the ground, his blood on my hands. I felt powerful. Like I’ve finally earned my freedom. But right now…I can’t help but feel totally helpless as I stare at the weapon in his hands.
I sit on the edge of the bed, making sure my back isn’t turned to him.
“Why are you doing this? I’ve given you everything you’ve asked for.” I breathe through my nose, my jaw clenching so hard I think my teeth might chip.
He takes a deep breath, scratching his forehead with the back of his hand, conveniently holding the gun. “See, that’s your problem. You keep saying that you’ve given me everything. But you haven’t.” He shakes his head, looking back at the window.
I watch the gun in his hand. His finger resting loosely on the trigger.
He walks over to the dresser on the opposite side of the room, and I see now that there’s some white powder lined on the desk.
Taking a big sniff of one, he stands up straight, dusting off his nose.
It’s like he’s somewhere else for a moment before his focus turns back to me.
“I told you to come home. You’re supposed to be with me.
You’re my son. You’re supposed. To be. With me. ” He bites.
My eyes widen. “You’ve got to be joking.” I huff out a laugh. “You’re fucking insane!”
“I’ve set some things up for us over in Mexico and if all goes well, we’ll have a chance to start over. No more foolishness. No more Elijah. I’m going to straighten your fucking ass out.”
He sniffs, rubbing his hand under his nose, before going back to cutting another line.
So which is it? Does he hate me so much he wants to punish me or he hates me so much he wants to fix me? His words don’t make any sense.
Oh, fuck this.
Before I can think better of it, my mouth starts running. “You think I’m going anywhere with you!? You’re fucking mental. Look at you! You’re a mess. You’re on the fucking run and you think you’ll be able to get across the border? You’re insane—”
His eyes go big as he grips his gun in his hand. That’s when I know I’ve said too much.
But before I can shut my mouth, he closes the distance between us in two strides. All of a sudden, a blinding pain hits me right in the eye, sending a crack whistling through the air. All I see is white as I fall onto the bed.
“Fuck!” I hiss, grabbing my forehead.
Motherfucker pistol whipped me.
I crumble into a ball, rubbing the sting on my eyebrow with my palm. It’s not long before I smell and taste metallic. Taking my hand away, crimson red covers my shaking fingers.
“You fucking hit me.” I groan, falling back. Everything is a little hazy as I try to regain my bearings.
Derrick lowers into a crouch, meeting me at eye level.
The reek of alcohol on his breath makes my stomach churn.
“You think you’re untouchable. Just because I haven’t hurt you yet doesn’t mean I won’t.
” He lifts my head with one hand, and it sways slightly as I try to focus.
Everything blurs as he waves the gun at me like it’s a pointer finger.
In a calm, chilling voice, he says, “From now on, when you speak to me, you speak to me with respect. Understand?”
I focus on breathing as I hold my head up, trying to ignore the pain throbbing on my eyebrow.
I nod my head. If only to satisfy him so he doesn’t hit me again.
His eyes trace my face like he’s trying to inspect me. “I don’t want to have to hurt you, but you’ve always been so damn stubborn.” He grits out, squeezing my hair tight at the back of my head. “I feel like it’s the only way you know how to listen. You make me do it, don’t you see?”
He shakes his head, looking down at the gun in his right hand.
“Everything I did was to protect you and now look where that’s gotten me.
” He kisses his teeth, throwing my head backwards as he stands up.
“You owe it to me to listen. This all started with you and it’ll end with you.
” He straightens up, fixing his messy shirt.
I swallow harshly. “So, what? You’re gonna kill me?”
He shakes his head, stuffing his gun into the waistband of his pants.
“If I was a weak man, that would be the simple option. But, unlike you, I’m not weak.
I don’t give up. I know I can fix you.” He whips open the bag I brought him and starts shifting through the clothes I brought for him.
Taking out a plaid shirt, I see him smile cheerfully. What a weirdo.
“If I get you out of this town and away from that little shit, I can still save you.” He walks over to the mini fridge in the room and cracks open a little bottle before downing the whole thing.
Walking back over to the duffel bag, he rummages around the cash I had to take out from the work safe.
“I’m going to take this as an opportunity to teach you a very valuable lesson. ” He mutters.
“And what’s that?”
His hand clasps around my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes. “All we have in this world is each other. No one ever is going to love you like I do. I own you. I’ll always own you and without me, you have nothing. You are nothing.”
I grit my teeth, feeling the pain ripple through my chest. “You’re wrong. You don’t love me at all. This isn’t what love feels like.”
A wicked smile spreads on his face as he pumps up his chest. “You think that’s love between you and him?
Nah, you’re all fucked in the head because he’s poisoned your brain.
Him and that fruity father of his. Once we get to Mexico, I’ll get you a nice woman and you’ll see what love feels like. ” He nods.
The homophobia makes my teeth hurt. Everything in me wants to lash out but the throbbing pain in my head reminds me what’ll happen if I do.
“Nah. You’re mine, boy. We’ll see at the end of the day who you’ll run to once he leaves you. I’ll be the only one for you to turn to.” He smiles. “Now get out of here. I’m sick of seeing your face.” He spits, dragging me to my feet and pushing me toward the door.
I waste no time, heading to the exit.
“Oh, and Toby?” he calls out.
I don’t want to but I stop. My fingers on the doorknob, praying this moment would end.
“Enjoy what little time you have left with him. Because it’ll be your last.” His eyes narrow as if trying to tell me a cryptic message. “You understand?” His voice is low and mean.
The threat lands. I’m fucking scared and I hate myself for it.
Tears brim my eyes as I nod my head before swinging open the door and running outside to my truck.
Once inside, I finally breathe out. Tears falling down my face like a damn waterfall.
I back out of the parking lot and make my way down the road. This is just fantastic. Now I’ve got an hour drive to replay what the fuck just happened.
Dammit, dammit, dammit.
I slam my hands down on my steering wheel. Hitting it repeatedly like I wish I could hit Derrick.
I wish I could do more than just hit him.
The anger coursing through me is enough to send me away for life.
Being taken away from Elijah? My worst fucking nightmare.
***
When I get home, the house is still quiet. Still shaking, I walk up the stairs slowly, before I enter the bedroom.
There he is.
His naked back ripples beneath the sheets as his arms tuck beneath the white pillow. His dark hair cascades down around his angelic face. He looks so peaceful. Why wouldn’t he be? That’s all I’d ever want him to be. Just like this.
I’ll carry the stress for the both of us. Always.
I quietly make my way over, opening the blinds just enough for the rising sun to peak through.
Taking off my sweatshirt and my shorts, I slide under the covers, making sure not to wake him.
I hold my breath as he stirs. But, all he does is set his head on my chest, snuggling in under my arms to get closer.
The gentleness almost makes me cry.
Here he is, cuddling close as though I’m his protector. And he’d be right. I’d do anything to protect him.
I run my fingers gently through his hair, feeling the soft strands slip through. Tucking his hair behind his ear, I let my fingers drift over his temple, down his jaw, and across his cheeks.
Ever so softly, I take this moment to trace his face. Memorizing every curve. Every line of this precious human. He’s all that I have. He’s all that I live for.
Tears drop from my eyes as I think about what Derrick said. How easy it is for him to threaten my whole world.
My home.
The only evidence I’ve ever had that real love is real and exists.
Derrick’s threats can’t hurt me here. His toxic words are meaningless when I’m here with him. I’m safe here.
It dawns on me in this very moment that I don’t think I’ve ever felt what home was before him and Jude. They were everything and they always will be.
For as long as I’m living.
Derrick thinks he owns me. He has no idea. My life belongs to Elijah—and I’d watch the world burn before I ever let him touch him.