Chapter 21 Tobias
Tobias
“I just want to know you’re doing everything you can to find him.” I sniff, rubbing my nose with the back of my hand.
Jameson sighs into the phone, audibly exhausted with me. I get it. I’m tired of myself too. But every day that he’s out there, is another day I’ve got to lie to them and Elijah.
The faster they find him, the faster all of this can be over.
And I’m really ready for this to be over.
“I promise you, we’re doing everything we can with what information we have. Your father—”
“He’s not my father,” I bite.
“Derrick…” She corrects herself. “Has been…quiet as of late. There have been no signs of him.”
“Well, you need to try harder,” I say a little firmer than I was planning it too. I feel a sting of shame turn my insides. Jameson doesn’t deserve my attitude. Shit, no one does except for me. “I’m sorry. You’ve just…he’s a dangerous man and I hate knowing he’s out there.”
“I know. And I promise you, as soon as we hear anything, we’ll let you know.” Jameson says before we hang up.
I tuck my phone into the zipper pocket of my jacket and start on my run. The air is getting cooler, and the trees are beginning to turn orange and brown, covering the sidewalks with crunchy fallen leaves.
This is supposed to be a warm, cozy, time of year.
But, instead I feel nothing but cold, lonely, and scared.
The detectives say they haven’t seen my dad? Yeah, well I have.
Not only was I the last one to see him in that motel room, but I’ve heard him screaming in my head ever since—louder every day.
His hateful words, his wish for me and Elijah to die, echo through every waking moment.
I’ve woken to floorboards creaking, to shadows I swear were real in the corners of my room.
Every pair of eyes that linger for too long. Every whisper on the street.
No matter how much I try, I can’t shake him.
My chest burns; I can’t tell if it’s the run or the anxiety squeezing my ribs.
Either way, I’ve got to keep going. Running is the only thing that’s been keeping me sane lately.
Partially.
As sane as I can be under the circumstances.
I turn up the volume on my Bluetooth headphones and decide to take a new path today down by the water. This is where I used to come escape when Derrick was lashing out. Only now, there’s no running away from him. How can you run from something that’s in your head?
How can you run from yourself?
The sun is rising and I can already feel my bones aching from yesterday’s workout.
But it’s good. If I can focus on the pain coursing through my muscles, maybe everything else will get quieter.
All the thoughts. All the things I have to do around the restaurant. Elijah. The lack of Elijah. Everything will be quiet if I just keep running.
It’s not long before I’m passing Main Street. But, seeing Bloom & Brew makes me sad so I’ve been avoiding it lately. I’d just rather…not.
I run in place at the crosswalk as I wait for the pedestrian light to flash.
Cold sweat drips down my back, prickling my skin.
My chest burns with urgency, warning me something is wrong.
Someone’s watching me.
My eyes dart around, searching for him.
That’s when a hand grips my shoulder, sending my heart through a shock.
I jolt, grabbing the wrist of who I assume is my birth fathers.
“Tobias!” I hear a faint shout through my music. My eyes widen as I lock eyes with Gwen.
She looks terrified, looking down at my hard grip around her fragile wrist.
“Shit!” I gasp, letting go. I yank my headphones out and shove them into my pocket. “Dammit, Gwen, I’m so sorry.” Only my heart isn’t slowing down…if anything, it’s speeding up.
“No, I didn’t mean to scare you. I just thought—” Her eyes narrow. “Tobias, are you okay—”
My vision tunnels, sound drops away, and everything goes black.
***
My eyes flutter open as the sun beams through the window panes.
Wait. Window panes?
I sit up, realizing I’m on the couch back at home.
How’d I get here?
“Ah, there you are.” Gwen smiles, walking in the room with a food tray. I take in the delicious smelling warm cinnamon roll, paired with a glass of orange juice, scrambled eggs and two slices of toast.
Woah.
“You’ve got perfect timing.” She smiles, setting the tray down on the coffee table.
“What happened?” I ask, looking around, still trying to piece everything together.
Gwen lets out a long breath, sitting down to join me.
“Honey, I’m afraid you fainted.”
Swallowing thickly, I reach over to drink a long sip out of the orange juice.
“I’m so embarrassed.” I finally say, wiping my mouth. “How many times are you going to have to find me in such a way?” I let out a small, strained laugh.
She gives me a sweet, sympathetic look, moving my damp hair out of my eyes.
“Wait? How’d you get me here?”
There’s no way Gwen could’ve carried me.
“Thankfully you were in and out a few times. Delirious, sure, but enough to walk with me until we got to my car.” She sighs, sitting back. “The cops helped me after that.”
Oh. Right.
I nod my head. “My surveillance team.”
Gwen’s forehead crinkles as she looks away. “Yeah…Tobias, I want to talk to you about that. Should I be staying here with you? Do you need some company while Elijah’s away?”
I sit up. “No. No way, I’m sorry. I—”
“Honey, I’m just worried about you. The restaurant. Elijah. Your dad—”
“He’s not my dad.” I cut her off. Anger roiling in my stomach. “He’s…nothing. He’s a problem…and I’m handling it.”
“Who said you have to handle it alone?” She grabs my hand firmly, and it reminds me how good it feels to have someone genuinely care about me.
I look away, fighting the tears I feel stinging behind my eyes.
“Fine. If you don’t want me at the house, I can respect your space. But…” She glances down at the tray. “How have you been sleeping? Eating?” Her hand brushes the side of my face softly and I close my eyes.
Honestly, I can’t really remember the last time I ate a full meal. I’ve been surviving off coffees and quick bites I get at work on the fly. As someone who loves cooking, I haven’t been able to…relax enough to indulge in it.
I pinch my eyes shut. So many questions. Not enough good answers.
My silence has Gwen stirring beside me. I can feel her worry from here and it’s making my gut twist.
“What about Elijah? Have you been talking to him?”
I shake my head. “He’s busy with school and his friends there. He’s doing so well.” The last thing I need is Elijah dropping everything important to him to come take care of me. He has so much going for him right now.
Gwen shakes her head. “Maybe I should call him—”
My eyebrows shoot up, panic rushing through me as I reach for her. “No!” I basically shout. “No. I don’t want to worry him.” I plead, squeezing her hand.
Gwen’s eyes study my face for a moment. After a beat, she pats me on the hand before letting go to get up off the couch. I immediately feel the coldness she leaves behind. I want her to come back.
Dammit. I hate feeling alone.
I’m always alone—
I hear her rummaging in the kitchen, and thankfully, she soon returns. This time, she sits back down, laying a pen and notepad on my lap.
“If you don’t want to talk to one of us. Fine. But maybe you can write it out.”
I arch my eyebrow and look back at her. “Write what?”
She shrugs. “Write out what you need support with. Maybe if you can name it, we can tackle it together. One by one.”
I look away. “It’s more complicated than that.”
She doesn’t understand that there’s little anyone can help me with.
“Try me.” She smiles, moving the pen and paper closer. She stands up, heading back to the kitchen. “I’m going to clean up. Now, write it down and eat your breakfast.” She winks.
I give her a soft smile and look down at the paper.
Grabbing the pen, I stare at the lined sheet for what seems like forever.
Scrounging up as much courage as I can, I write down the first thing that comes to mind.
Tell Elijah the truth
As soon as it leaves the pen, I feel anxiety tightening its hold around my ribcage. I grab a hold of my necklace on my chest, feeling the weight of it grip my insides. I promised Jude I’d take care of Elijah. Hell, I promised Elijah I’d never leave him worried, scared or broken.
How’s he going to feel when I tell him I flat out lied to him? Lied to the cops. Protected my horrible, piece of shit father? Derrick is right…I’ll lose him. I’ll lose the one person I can’t live without.
I scratch out what I wrote, rip the paper from the notepad and crumple it up in a ball before throwing it across the room.
No. Losing Elijah is not an option.
I move the notebook off my lap and grab the tray of food instead. This—this I can do. Food won’t destroy what’s left of my life.
***
“Earth to Tobias.” Claire snaps her fingers in front of my eyes, drawing me back to the present moment.
All the guests have left and we’re almost finished up closing the restaurant for the night. Claire sits beside me rolling cutlery at the bar while I look through the inventory stock papers. I guess at some point I completely zoned out.
“Sorry. What?” I clear my throat, ignoring the way her and Gabe exchange concerning looks at each other.
“You know...I know I made fun of you and Elijah boinking all the time, but I gotta say, I think I’d choose that over this.” She waves a fork over me, as if to prove her point.
"You’d choose that over what?" I ask, scratching my forehead.
"Over mopey Tobias. Not my fav look on you. It gives me the heebie-jeebies." Her whole body shivers.
“Sadly, I think I’ve got to agree with her, Boss.” Gabe cringes, wiping up some spilt coke on the wood. “You’re way more fun with hearts in your eyes.”
I give them both a tired smile. “I’ve been hanging out with you guys every night after work. That isn’t enough for you?”
I’ve never been the biggest drinker, but truthfully, getting to sleep after a few has been helping. Of course, waking up has been worse…and the anxiety has heightened…and I feel absolutely horrible…but at least I’m getting to sleep. I guess… sort of…
Not really…
“Oh, and we’re so thankful,” Claire giggles, leaning into my shoulder. “But…maybe you should see your person.” She says, giving me soft eyes.
I feel my smile fade. Yeah. Wouldn’t that be nice.
“His prof needs his help over Thanksgiving weekend so…he won’t be coming home,” I say sadly, looking down. If I think about it too much, I think I may break.
“That’s such bullshit!” Claire says, slapping the wood.
My eyes widen at her sudden energy burst.
“I bet he’s just begging to see you.” She scoffs. “You know what? I’ve got the perfect idea.” She winks.
“Oh no…why do I feel like I should close my ears for this?” Gabe gives us a straight lined smile as he turns away.
Claire takes me by the shoulders as her lips curve with wicked intent. “You wanna do something that will really blow him away?”