Chapter Twenty-Three #2
"I think it's a risk. A rational man will respond to threats from his superiors by toeing the line.
If Big John Jordan were rational, he never would've dragged you into a negotiation with the Raptors in the first place.
If he were rational, he wouldn't have had your husband assassinated.
These are not the actions of a rational person. That makes him dangerous."
I flinched when he stated so boldly that John had been murdered by his own father. I thought I'd made my peace with that, but I guess I was wrong. And Cooper was right. Big John was not rational. He was unpredictable.
But what were my options? Let things continue as they were and remain a prisoner in Jacob's penthouse? For so many reasons, that situation was temporary.
One way or another, the threat of Big John had to be resolved.
"It's your call, sweetheart," Jacob said, taking my hand in his and intertwining his fingers with mine.
"What do you think I should do?" I asked.
"Don't ask me," he warned. "I'm not rational either."
Under his breath, Evers mumbled, "No kidding," loud enough for all of us to hear.
Jacob sent him a livid glare before turning his eyes back to me.
"I can't stand the thought of you in danger," he said. "If it were up to me, I'd pack you up and ship you off to a hunting cabin in Montana until Big John was permanently out of the picture."
I couldn't help smiling at the thought of Jacob trying to dump me in a rustic cabin in the middle of nowhere. I was not the outdoorsy type.
"No," I said. "That's not going to happen, Jacob."
He returned my smile and shrugged. "I know.
I haven't done it, have I? I'm just saying, I'm not going to stand by and let you put your life in danger, but you have the right to make your own decisions.
If you want to stay holed up at my place and see how this plays out, then let's do that.
I'm in no hurry to shake things up, especially if it means putting you in more danger. But it's your call, Abigail."
I'm in no hurry to shake things up, he'd said.
And that was our problem in a nutshell. I was trapped by circumstances and the threat of Big John. Meanwhile, Jacob had me exactly where he wanted me, tucked away and convenient.
Even better for him, I didn't really want to leave. I could easily see our circumstances stretching out for months.
Or longer.
With me falling deeper and deeper in love with a man for whom I was little more than convenient sex and disposable companionship.
I didn't know what would be left of me by the end. There wasn't really a decision to make.
"Escalate things," I said. "I don't think we have a choice."
Cooper nodded once, his face expressionless. Griffen crossed his arms over his chest and looked at the floor, but I couldn't read whether he thought my decision was a good one or not. Evers stood, shoved his hands in his pockets, and shook his head.
"What?" I asked. "You think I should just keep hiding?"
Evers scowled at Jacob, then turned a gentle smile my way.
"No, Abigail. I think all of your choices suck.
I think this is a terrible situation, and I wish I had a better, safer answer for you.
Jacob's going to beat the shit out of me for asking, but I don't care.
Do you want to stay with him? I would feel better about this if you could look me in the eyes and tell me—all other concerns aside, if you knew your mother and Big John were not an issue—would you want to stay with Jacob? "
I realized, with a flood of embarrassment, that Evers knew exactly what my arrangement with Jacob was, and he did not approve.
My face burned, the flush of humiliation spreading down my neck over my collarbones until I was pretty sure every inch of my skin was blushing.
It was bad enough that Rachel and the doctor knew. Bad enough that there was already gossip that connected me to Jacob only months after John's death. But to have Evers Sinclair stare at me with pity and ask me if I was okay with being Jacob's whore—that was too much.
"Evers," Jacob growled, "I swear to fucking God, I will tear you to pieces if you say another word to her."
Evers took a step back, then held his ground. His voice low and unbearably gentle, he said to me, "Abigail, honey, I'm not trying to embarrass you. I just want you to know you have options if you want them. We have safe houses. We can get you out of Atlanta until this is resolved."
"Am I safe with Jacob?" I asked.
Jacob's fingers, still intertwined with mine, tightened painfully. I shied away from the thought that I had to consider Evers's offer.
Even though I was sure he wouldn't bill me for a stay in their safe house, there was still the issue of my mother's care to consider. I’d accepted Jacob's deal partly for protection, but mostly for her. If I ran out on Jacob, who would take care of my mother?
It was one thing to accept the Sinclairs’ protection without paying, but her fees were too much to lump in with a favor for a friend, and a distant friend at that.
Be honest, I told myself. This isn't entirely about the money.
The truth was, I didn't want to leave Jacob. Not yet.
"Am I safe with Jacob?" I prompted.
"Yes," Evers admitted after Cooper rumbled his name under his breath. "We've got Winters House locked up tight. There's going to be a risk getting you in and out of Shaded Glenn, but that would be true no matter where you were staying. You're as safe as we can make you with Jacob."
"If I left, would Jacob be any safer from Big John?" I asked.
Jacob let go of my hand and turned to face me.
"Abigail, that's not an issue."
"It is an issue," I insisted. "When I came to you, I was scared, and I wasn't thinking clearly about what could happen to you if you took me in. I was selfish, worried about myself. But he shot at you. You could've been killed, and it would've been my fault. Don't ask me to forget about that."
"I don't care," he said, his voice rising to a shout.
"Well, I do," I shouted back. Taking a deep breath and searching for calm, I looked at the three other men in the room and repeated my question. "If I leave, will Jacob be safer?"
I expected Evers or Cooper to answer, but Griffen cut in. "Possibly, marginally safer. But again, Big John isn't being rational. He's pissed, and Jacob hid you from him. If this makes a difference in your decision, if you leave him, I wouldn't recommend making any changes to his security."
"So you're saying he would still need the same level of protection whether I'm with him or not?" I asked.
Griffen gave a single nod. "That would be my assessment, yes."
He shifted his lazy stance leaning against the door and stepped forward to stand beside Evers.
"And just so you know, the nurses at Shaded Glenn have a lot to say about you.
And the woman they talk about? She didn't have any good choices in this situation.
You did the best you could. Jacob knew exactly the threat involved when he took you in, and you were looking out for your family. Don't ever feel badly about that."
I nodded and looked down at my lap. They were all watching me, waiting for my decision. Jacob leaned forward, taking both of my hands in his, and squeezed my fingers until I raised my eyes.
His voice was soft, free of anger, when he said, "Stay with me, Abigail. Please."
I searched his eyes, so familiar and yet often impenetrable to me.
Maybe, if I had more self-respect, I would have taken Evers up on his offer.
Jacob had a reputation for being tough in business, but he wouldn't throw my mother out on the street.
He might present me with a bill when this was over, but he wouldn't have her thrown out of Shaded Glenn.
If I was going to stay with him instead of going into a safe house, I should at least be honest with myself and stop hiding behind my mother as an excuse.
This may have started because I was trying to take care of her, but it wasn't about her anymore, and I was lying to myself if I thought I was sitting here trying to make a decision.
There was no decision to make.
"I won't leave," I said, wishing with all my heart that his request had included more.
Stay with me because I love you.
Stay with me because I can't live without you.
I was terribly afraid that what he really meant was stay with me because I like fucking you and you're a pretty good cook.
The truth was, I wasn't staying because he'd asked me to. I was staying because I was in love with him and I wasn't ready to give him up.
I looked across the desk to Cooper and said, "When can I see my mother?"