Chapter 14
Kitty Muirhead
‘WHAT DO YOU WANT?’ he’s bored and irritated. I’m an inconvenience that needs to be dealt with as quickly as possible. Jamie Bogge’s hood obscures his eyes – he’s wearing his black cloak despite the warmth from the fire in Finn Drummie’s hearth.
I haven’t been inside this room since Finn and I were bairns – this was Ma Drummie’s hoose when she was alive.
I can taste the sweet tea she’d pour for us.
I was sometimes allowed to bring a basket of cakes Ma had baked in the kitchen at Dunrobin to share among my friends.
I was so proud of her job up at the castle – a long time ago, before I’d gone up to work at Dunrobin myself, when everything had gone wrong.
I look into the shadow where his eyes should be. Perhaps this was a mistake – but I’m here now so I must at least try.
‘I had to see you,’ I say slowly. ‘There’s something you must know.’
He takes a step back and regards me in silence. I can’t see his eyes but I ken he’s looking me up and down. ‘Oh, for God’s sake,’ he says with disgust. He’s guessed.
‘It can only be yours,’ I whisper.
‘I find that very hard to believe. But even if it’s true, why on earth would you bother me with this?’
‘You have a responsibility . . .’ I stammer. ‘You said you’d help me, give me a fresh start somewhere nobody knows me. But so far, you’ve only brought me more shame.’
‘You can’t have really been foolish enough to believe any of that?’ He sounds genuinely surprised.
Fury rises in me, overwhelming even my fear. ‘You can’t just abandon me. I need your help – you don’t know what it’s like for a woman like me.’
I take a step towards him and he holds up a hand to stop me coming any closer.
‘You’re so na?ve,’ he says slowly.
‘But you said . . . you said you would help me get away . . .’ I trail off as I realise how pathetic I sound.
‘That’s not how this works,’ he says, almost sadly. ‘Maybe if you had some money, could make some contribution, you might stand a chance. But look at you – you have nothing.’
‘I made a payment,’ I say, strength returning to my voice. ‘My payment to you is what has put me in this position.’
‘That moment has passed. I can’t help you, Kitty Muirhead. I’ve got enough to worry about without being bothered with the illegitimate child of a peasant.’
There’s one more thing I can try. If he won’t listen to my appeals, then I must use what I know. ‘I know who you are.’ My voice hardens. ‘If you don’t help me, I’ll tell them all, everyone at Dunrobin, what you’ve been doing. In the kirkyards . . . with those bodies . . .’
He hits me across my face, a slap with his full palm. I don’t see it coming and the humiliation stings as much as the blow. ‘No,’ he spits. ‘You can never tell anyone.’
There’s a pause before he speaks again, his voice softer now. ‘They’d never believe you anyway. The word of a woman like you against a man like me – you’d be a laughing stock.’
He’s probably right. But can he afford to take that chance? I stand firm. The urge to give up, to sink to Finn Drummie’s beaten earth floor, hard as the gravestones in Culmaily kirkyard, is strong. I force myself to wait.
‘But I see you have no one else to turn to. Perhaps I should reward the loyal members of my congregation.’
I try and keep the surprise out of my voice. ‘Really?’
‘I will arrange for money to be brought for you and the child.’
Relief floods over me. ‘I want to move away from here – start again. Somewhere nobody knows me. I will need enough money to begin a new life, a respectable one.’
‘You make a lot of demands for one with so little power. But you will have what you ask for.’ There is almost a hint of admiration in his tone.
‘Tomorrow,’ I say. ‘Bring me the money tomorrow or I will tell everyone your secret.’
‘There’s no need to threaten me again,’ he shoots back, angry now. ‘You will get what you want.’
He sweeps past me and through the door. I breathe out a huge sigh.
Perhaps this was all for the best. Without the bairn in my belly, would he ever have agreed to pay me?
I doubt it. But it’s played its role now – this wee swelling.
This is my chance – a good life is waiting for me and the last thing I need to take with me is a bairn.
I still have to rid myself of this burden, even if that means facing the source of my greatest humiliation.