Chapter 40
Kitty Muirhead
THE RUTHVENS’ SERVANTS HAVE BEEN coming in for a keek – they’ve heard about the boggin peasant in the attic. They leave the bowls of soup on the table and look at me like I’m manure they’ve just stepped in.
Lady Dorothea Ruthven came to see me too. The one whose stupid pearls started all my troubles. What did they expect? These folk who have everything, more than they could ever need. So much food, half of it goes to waste, while the folk in the clachan go hungry.
I sold the pearls to Finn Drummie. Not that he gave me a fair price. It was just enough to buy my second dress. But then everything was worse than ever – the money was gone, the countess sent me away. I was humiliated and so was Ma, and I had to go and work in the filthy saltpans.
Now, I’m in this bitch’s hoose. There’s always someone hanging around – I’m sure she’s got them guarding the door, and there’s no chance of getting my hands on any pearls, or anything else.
‘You seem better. I told my daughter you may stay until you are recovered from your fainting spell. Then you must leave,’ Dorothea Ruthven says, being careful not to get too close. And then she’s gone again.
I need to get out and find that man – track him down and make him pay.
If I wasn’t waiting for Lady Alvah to come back and rid me of this bloody bairn, I’d have walked out by now.
Was she lying to me like everyone else? It’s been ages now and still no sign.
I know you need to take the right herbs sooner rather than later. What if it’s already too late?
I need to leave this room, this hoose and get out into the city. I need to find that man – wherever he is – and make him give me the money he promised. I burn at the unfairness of all he’s got away with. I will make him pay.
The door of the chamber opens and I steel myself for more contempt from the servants. But my heart leaps – it’s Lady Alvah Gordon. Finally.
‘Thank God you’re here,’ I say. ‘Let’s get this over with.’
She sits down on the bed, face dead serious. I know straight away she’s changed her mind. She’s not going to help me. For God’s sake – will nothing go my way?
‘I want to talk to you about something, Kitty.’
‘You said you’d help me.’ I cringe at how pathetic I sound.
‘I know how desperate you are, Kitty, but I believe there’s another way.’
‘What can you – a lady – know of desperation like this?’ I spit back. My head starts to swim and the wound in my side throbs.
‘More than you know,’ Lady Alvah says. ‘Please, just listen.’
‘What?’ But now I’m giving her the attention she’s asked for, Lady Alvah is lost for words. She’s silent, looking down at her hands in her lap.
‘Oh, for Christ’s sake, spit it out.’
‘I know you need a new start,’ Lady Alvah says. ‘What if you could earn yourself enough money to start a new life, and at the same time get rid of the bairn you carry?’
Like that’s going to happen. But I might as well listen – so I fix Lady Alvah with a look. ‘Go on.’
‘You would have to carry the child to term, and birth it. Then there’s someone who’d pay you for it.’
I lean back, away from her. I don’t know what I was expecting this woman to say – but certainly not this. ‘Pay for a bairn?’ I repeat stupidly.
‘Yes.’
‘Who?’
‘There’s a couple – a very wealthy couple.’ Lady Alvah speaks slowly and deliberately. ‘They’ve been unable to have a child of their own. But they desperately wish for one. They have asked me to put this offer to you.’
‘Who are this couple?’ I shoot back.
Lady Alvah shakes her head. ‘I am sworn to secrecy.’
‘So, I’m supposed to trust folk I’ve never even met with my own bairn?’
Lady Alvah looks at the floor as she speaks. ‘They are good people.’
I feel the swelling in my belly. All this time, I’ve avoided thinking about you as a bairn because I knew you never would be. Can I imagine carrying you, giving birth to you, and then giving you away? I feel an unexpected surge of reluctance but force that stupid feeling down.
Maybe this isn’t such a terrible idea. Maybe this is the way I get what I want – if she’s telling the truth.
‘You’d be paid,’ Lady Alvah goes on, ‘handsomely.’
If that’s true, I could get a new start somewhere with plenty of money in my pocket, as a respectable lady. Perhaps even a new name – in a place where nobody kens me or my shameful secrets.
‘How much?’
‘Enough for you to get set up with somewhere to live, somewhere nice. And not worry about money for a very long time.’
‘Where will I stay until the birth?’ I ask. If Dorothea Ruthven is turfing me out onto the street, where am I supposed to go until the bairn is born?
‘You’ll be allowed to stay here in the comfort of New-Frater House for the next five or six months until the child arrives.’
I meet Lady Alvah’s gaze as levelly as I can. ‘Tell them to put me in a nicer room.’
‘What?’ Lady Alvah asks, confused.
‘This boggin small chamber is not comfort. If I’m going to stay here until this bairn is ready to be born, I want to be somewhere nicer.’
Lady Alvah gives a small smile.
How dare she laugh at me? ‘You think it’s funny?’
Lady Alvah’s expression becomes serious. ‘It’s not funny,’ she says. ‘I understand what you’re asking. You want a little respect.’
Hearing it put so simply strikes me like a blow and I blink away the unwelcome tears that gather in my eyes. She’s right – that’s all I’ve ever wanted really.
She reaches out and touches my arm. ‘I’ll ask about a nicer room for you.’
It’s the first time in longer than I can remember that anyone’s touched me with kindness – probably the first time since before Ma died. It’s so shocking I immediately pull away.
‘What is your answer, Kitty?’ Lady Alvah whispers.
I touch my swollen belly. Why now, when it comes to it, do I feel this stupid sentimentality? Besides, it wouldn’t do to agree too easily, not when I finally have something that somebody else wants.
I fix Lady Alvah with a glare. ‘I’ll think about it.’