Chapter 24
TWENTY-FOUR
"O h my God, you can speak. You can touch me," I inhale sharply.
"Yes," he replies. His touch is cold and impersonal. It doesn't feel like skin, only like a hard surface that's being molded to my arm.
"How? What happened?" I ask, worry infusing my words.
"This world," he speaks slowly. "I have more...strength."
I stare at him, unable to believe this is actually happening. And just like that, all the hope I toiled to foster blossoms. His features are not discernible. There's still only a dark smoke that swirls with tinges of silver. But the contour of his body is unmistakable, as is his intoxicating presence.
Tentatively, I reach out, my palm fitting to the plane of his cheek. I caress him softly. I may not be able to see his face, but I can feel his features. It's him. My Nikki.
"Oh, Nikki," I burst out, throwing myself into his arms.
I wrap my arms around his neck, feeling the hard surface of his chest. Everything is familiar. Everything but one thing. There's no heartbeat. That soothing sound that has been my safe place for years is missing.
Of course it's missing. He's a ghost.
"You're following me, aren't you? You're attached to me?" I ask as I lean back.
He nods slowly.
"You have to...quit."
"What?" I frown.
"It's not safe. Please," he whispers. "Don't risk yourself for me."
"How can you ask me that? How can you even suggest it? You know I'd do anything for you."
He shakes his head.
"It's not safe," he repeats. "Please, Luce." He reaches with his hands, palming my cheeks as he strokes his thumb over my skin. "You have to withdraw after this trial."
"No. Absolutely no ," I state.
"You can't see what I see from here. This is not something you can win. And if you die, your soul dies too. Do you know what that means? No more incarnations. We can never meet again. At least this way..."
"I can't do it, Nikki. I can't give you up. I know I can win this."
"You're human, Luce. They aren't. You can't win."
"My team will help me," I tell him. "They're stronger than me. With them by my side, I can win. I will win."
"Luce. Please... I can't bear if anything happens to you."
"And I can't bear to be without you," I whisper. "So you see, we're at an impasse."
He continues to caress me as he moves closer. The coldness of his cheek seeps into mine as he nuzzles his face against mine.
"Please. Do it for me. Leave this game and go home."
"Do you understand what you're asking me? You're telling me I should just go back home and live the rest of my life without you. How could I ever do that? How, Nikki? How?" I cry out.
"Because the alternative is much worse," he says calmly.
"I know the risks. I'm well aware of the danger and nothing you could say can change my mind. I know you're only thinking of me, while I'm only thinking of you. So we're bound to be perpetually at a crossroads."
His arms drop from my side as he takes a step back, rising to his feet. I scramble up too, stepping toward him, needing to be closer to him.
"You must drop out of the game," he reiterates, his voice sterner. "You must, Lucero," he says with an exasperated sigh.
I blink slowly.
He called me Lucero... He only calls me by my full name when he's angry at me.
"Nikki, please..."
He shakes his head, stepping farther away from me.
"If you love me, you will drop out of the game."
"What... No. It's because I love you so much that I can never do that. Please understand me."
He doesn't speak. He merely stands there, a large spot of black against the colorful background. The shadows within his body move wildly, like black flames fanned by his increased displeasure.
He takes a step back. The chasm between us widens. I step forward, raising my arm and reaching for him.
"Please, Nikki... Don't leave," I whisper, terrified that he'll disappear any moment.
He doesn't move, letting me come closer. Raising myself on the tips of my toes, I reach for him, gently touching his face.
"Can you feel me?" I ask in a whisper as I blow hot air to combat the iciness that pervades every atom of his being. "Can you feel my touch?"
He gives me a subdued nod.
Closing my eyes, I bring my lips to his cheek, breathing him in as I breathe life into him. I skim my mouth all over the hard surface of his face. There's nothing that denotes my Nikki, yet there's something that's so intrinsically him. Tears fall unbidden down my cheeks. Where he'd once been warm to the touch, now he's cold and unwelcoming. Where once his heartbeat had been the sweetest melody, now there's only a deafening silence—one that not even my erratic heart can fill.
I wrap myself around him, all in hopes I can lend him some of my warmth.
"Does my touch warm you?"
He takes my hand, threading our fingers together.
"It gives me life."
Moments pass, and I cannot move. I'm trapped in his spell as I stare at the faceless man I love.
The hard planes of his body are tightly pressed against my soft ones. Yet even as I rejoice at this closeness, there's no denying that while this is my Nikki, he also isn't.
"Why did you not leave when the messengers came for you?"
"Because then I would have forgotten you," he replies in a low, cracked voice.
Those words wrap themselves around my heart, squeezing it until only pain and longing remain. Nikki...my Nikki.
I hold on tighter to him, wishing with all my might that I could see him once more—feel his warm skin on top of mine. His handsome face is an echo in my mind that threatens to ebb with every passing day, and I can't allow that. I can't let my feeble memory erase him—not when he risked everything to remember me.
Pressing both of my palms to his face, I hold him close to me as I seek some light in the darkness of the shadows. His eyes were once the same color—a smoky obsidian that has haunted me from that first moment I saw him when I was sixteen. They were black against the darkness of the tunnels we were sentenced to labor in, and yet still, I found light in them.
Now...
"I love you, Nikki. I love you more than anything in the world—even my own life. So please don't ask me to give up the game. It's the one time I cannot fulfill your request. You may hate me for it. But know I'll love you more."
A cold current of air whooshes me in the face. Before I can blink, Nikki's gone from my arms, already a few meters away. The shadows within him become more erratic and out of control to signal his anger. And though I can't stop the tears that pour down my face, I stand firm in my decision.
"I will win," I say as I straighten my back, bringing the back of my hand to my face to wipe the moisture away. "I will pass this trial and the next, and then the next until I get my wish. And I will have you back," I continue, leveling him with my gaze.
I can't see his expression. I can't tell what he's thinking or how he's reacting to my pronouncement. There's only the wild swirl of shadows that move around like tendrils of darkness. They sway in the air, destroying any semblance of a bodily contour. The wind picks up, the coldness of the air more biting than before.
Streaks of shimmery mist appear within the shadows.
"Nikki..." I whisper, my eyes wide.
I take a step forward. He walks farther away from me.
The swirling tendrils speed up until only small black particles remain. One moment he's there, the next he's gone.
Just like that.
A loud noise explodes in the background, the sound echoing the agony in my soul. My mouth falls open as pain slices me in half. He's mad at me. I swallow hard as I hug my arms to myself, hoping for a modicum of warmth.
He came with the cold, and now he stole my warmth, too.
And even though my determination doesn't falter, my spirits plummet until all I can feel is desolation.
Coldness and desolation.