Chapter 58
FIFTY-EIGHT
M y eyes stray from him to the dry and arid environment, made even more unbearable by the red, blazing sky that emits an unnatural heat. The atmosphere is thick and heavy, making one want to crawl instead of walk. And as I get a better view of a quarry nearby, filled with souls emitting a dim glow, I realize that's the purpose. They toil on their hands and knees in an attempt to achieve a task that would be easily done in normal conditions. In another gallery, a few meters over, there's another group of souls that attempt to work, only to be lashed and hit by a guardian watching from the sidelines when they fail to deliver results.
"Who are those?" I point to the guardians, the only ones moving normally, not crawling.
"Those are the Custodians. They ensure that the damned perform their tasks."
"Who are you?" an angry voice bellows from behind. We both turn and come face to face with one of those Custodians. He's dressed in a gray linen tunic that's held together at the waist by a thick belt housing a number of weapons. His hand is already on the hilt of a knife, withdrawing it and brandishing it in front of us.
Ze tilts his head to the side, a breeze blowing his long hair from his face to reveal the tattoos that mar one side of his body.
The Custodian's eyes widen, and he immediately lowers his head, his gaze on the floor.
"Forgive me, Commander. We were not expecting you," he murmurs in a subservient voice. "And this..." He slowly turns his head toward me, though he does not raise his gaze.
"This is my female, but you will not mention a word of her presence. Is that clear?"
The Custodian bows to me, bending so low, his body trembles from the effort exerted. He might be immune to the toxic atmosphere of Katras, but he is not immune to Ze's frightening tone.
"At rest, soldier," Ze intones. "This is an informal visit, and I would like it to be kept that way."
The Custodian wobbles up, though he keeps his eyes on the ground, not daring to glance at either of us.
"Of course. Whatever you need. I am at your service," he mentions, placing his open palm against his chest in another light bow.
Ze's lips curl up, no doubt satisfied with the deferential display.
"I am looking for a certain damned soul. Mayhap you could help me track him down."
The Custodian nods immediately.
"I am pleased to help you, Commander. Who is it that you are looking for? I shall help you to the best of my ability."
Ze opens his palm to reveal a small, black sphere that travels from his hand to the Custodian.
" This damned soul. I would also require a vial of Jì."
The Custodian falters for a moment.
"Commander..." he trails off in a tremulous voice. "You must be aware only the deities of the House of Psyche may use Jì."
Ze's expression tightens.
"I will not breathe a word of it if you do not," he mentions as he manifests a pouch in his hand. Metal rattles inside and I get a vague idea of what he might be offering the Custodian.
The man raises his gaze just enough to see the pouch, and indecision battles over his features. He swallows hard, and after a moment of deliberation, he extends his hands to receive the pouch.
"If you will follow me," he adds in a subdued voice. He swivels, leading us deeper into the hellish dimension that is Katras.
"Did you just bribe him?" I ask Ze in a whisper.
He keeps his features blank as he gives me a barely perceptible nod.
My eyes widen.
"Aren't you supposed to enforce the law, not break it?"
He purses his lips.
"It was necessary."
"Wow, the great Commander Azerius just did something illegal," I add in an amused tone.
He doesn't seem to appreciate the joke, however.
"It was the only way. I did not break the law. I merely circumvented it," he says, proudly pushing his chin up.
"Sure, sure. Whatever makes you feel better." I giggle.
He gives me a severe look.
"I have done it for you, human. You are welcome," he huffs.
"I don't remember asking. I don't even know why we're here, Ze."
"You shall see. It is a surprise."
"Right. I can see that. Not everyone gets a first date in hell. I should consider myself lucky," I add ironically—not that Ze can tell.
"Precisely." He nods thoughtfully. "Not only are you the first female I am taking on a date , but you are also getting an exclusive tour of hell. No one but me would have been able to arrange something like this," he says as he throws his arm over my shoulder, pulling me to his side. "I paid the Custodian a small fortune for this favor. Very few can afford that," he tells me in a very serious tone.
"Yep, got it, Ze. You're rich." I chuckle.
" Very rich," he corrects. "So you see, this is an exclusive experience only I could give you," he makes sure to let me know.
I nod along, amused.
He, on the other hand, is very pleased with himself, his lips curled up in a smile.
We walk behind the Custodian. Curiosity brims inside of me the more glimpses I get of this hell . Who exactly are we here to see? What damned soul? I would inquire more of Ze, but it doesn't seem he's very inclined to tell me.
The different galleries where souls are laboring while being lashed and caned by the Custodians are not unlike the dark tunnels I toiled in while I was at the hacienda. Except for this unbearable atmosphere, there aren't too many differences. Who said there isn't a hell on earth, too? If one took away the supernatural element, the conditions are the same.
I quietly take in the slowly shifting environment. Every quarry is worse than the other, the atmosphere seemingly even more inhospitable, which makes it harder for the souls to work, and in turn, makes the Custodians more likely to hurt them. The punishments increase, both in frequency and gruesomeness.
As we get deeper into this hellish dimension, we leave the barren land behind as we come across the entrance to a subterranean mountain.
"What's this?" I whisper as we go inside. The air becomes heavier and warmer, affecting my body and my mind. Colors mix together, my sight becoming confused the more we descend. "It's so hot," I grumble, attempting to air myself with my hand. Sweat pebbles on my forehead, dripping down my face and neck. My clothes are already damp from perspiration. The air I breathe is hot too, and I struggle to fill my lungs with it.
Damn it. I squeeze my eyes shut as I shake my head in an attempt to chase the fog away.
I hate heat. I hate anything too hot and sweaty. I especially hate hot air.
Of course Ze would bring me somewhere that has all three. And this was supposed to be a fun getaway.
One thing's for sure. Ze has no concept of the word fun—not that I didn't know before, but this just solidifies it.
"Easy," Ze murmurs as I sway on my feet. His arm falls to the small of my back as he keeps me upright. "Open your mouth," he says, grabbing my face with two fingers and prying my mouth open.
I'm so out of breath at this point that I don't even protest, my lips parting to allow for his cool breath to give me life. I suck in a deep breath. Then another. Soon, my body begins to regulate its temperature better and I'm no longer dying of heat. The air quality changes, too, and I'm able to breathe normally.
"Good?" he inquires.
I nod, bringing the back of my hand to wipe the sweat clinging to my skin.
"We are heading to the worst part of Katras. Very few beings can withstand this type of atmosphere," he explains. "Let me know when you start feeling hot again and I will lend you my breath."
"Now I see why people always associate hell with heat. It's awful ." I make a disgusted face.
"Technically, it is not an association," Ze starts, putting a finger up. Here it comes—another lesson. "It sometimes happens that a soul retains fragmentary memories of the afterlife. It is rare, and those memories are never something cohesive. Feelings, impressions, that type of thing. Heat is one of them. Mortals across all realms have the same basic idea of the afterlife because of those impressions."
"Oh." I blink. "Okay. That's interesting." I nod. "I've never given much thought to my past lives. I wonder what I was." I smile at the thought. "Is there a way to remember?"
He nods.
"Jì. It is a potion that is the opposite of Letharion. But living beings cannot consume it or they will suffer great consequences. It is why it is so strictly regulated by the House of Psyche. Only authorized beings are allowed to handle it."
"What consequences?" I quip, curious.
"Do not concern yourself with that, human. You will not touch Jì."
"Not even if I'm very, very curious?" I bat my lashes at him playfully.
"No," he states unequivocally. "It will harm you, and I will not let anything harm you. Understood?" He takes a moment to stare me down, his intense gaze conveying his disapproval.
"Fine, fine," I mutter, rolling my eyes.
He grunts, though he watches me carefully from the corner of his eyes.
We descend lower into the ground. We stick to a narrow path, and on every side, there are galleries inside the rock that are brimming with souls that are being punished.
Their forms are humanoid, but only enough so pain can be inflicted upon them. Flesh is being cut, time and time again as it slowly mends. Organs are removed and stomped on. One individual is cut in half, its intestines pooling on the floor.
"You should look away if this messes with your human sensibilities," Ze mentions.
"I'm fine." I shake my head. And just as I'm about to ask him how much longer we have to walk, the Custodian stops in front of a gallery, the energy ball in his hand emitting a low light.
"We have arrived, Commander." He inclines his head. "Here is your vial of Jì." He hands Ze a small vial, after which he adds, "I shall give you some privacy, but please do not take too long. It will not be good for either of us if word spreads someone was allowed into the depths of Katras."
"I shall call on you when we are done." Ze nods.
The Custodian vanishes, and Ze takes my hand, leading me off the path and into the small gallery carved in rock on the right side.
The light is dim, but it's enough to make out the dark figure of a soul chained to the wall and writhing in agony.
"Is this one of your enemies?" I wager a guess as we walk closer to the wall.
"You could say so," he answers, his voice laced with anger. He takes a step forward, pouring the vial of Jì over the soul before discarding it to the ground.
Shimmery particles dissipate all around the soul, color slowly suffusing the surface of its body. And with color comes form, its features regaining their previous contour. Seconds trickle by as his past life identity is revealed. And with it comes a gasp of recognition.
"What..." I whisper, awestruck.
I cannot move. I'm suddenly thrust back into the past. My thirteen-year-old self stares at the face of her tormentor, the fear as alive now as it had been then.
"Breathe, Luce," Ze whispers from behind. "He cannot hurt you now."
"What is the meaning of this, Ze? Why..." I gulp. "Why are we here?" My eyes are wide with horror as I continue to watch Sergio's flesh meld together until he once more resembles my biggest nightmare.
Ze creeps from behind, placing himself in front of me and blocking my view of Sergio.
"We do not have to continue if you do not want. But I would like you to have a chance to exact revenge on this man."
"I don't understand..." I whisper.
"He hurt you. He enslaved you. He..." He closes his eyes as he takes a deep breath. "He died before he could suffer—truly suffer. And I aim to remedy that. If you are amenable."
"You did this for me?" I blink back tears as I stare at him, my heart beating wildly in my chest. The adrenaline is in high gear, but the fear is slowly converting into something else. Something equally terrifying and out of control, but something that feels right .
"Since you have told me that your tormentor perished, I vowed I would find a way to avenge you either way. Please accept my gift," he murmurs softly, his big palm coming to rest against my cheek. His thumb brushes against my skin, and a shiver goes down my back. My eyes are attuned to his. The beat of my heart is doing a tandem march with the beat of his heart.
"This is..." I can barely form the words. My feelings are too wild. Too out of control. Too...ineffable. "This is the kindest thing anyone's ever done for me."
His lashes flutter, a satisfied smile slowly spreading across his face.
"I will be with you at every step. Remember. He cannot hurt you. But I can hurt him."
I slowly nod.
"Can I hurt him, too?"
"Do you want to?" He tilts his head to the side, an odd look descending on his face.
I lick my lips as I deliberate. My gaze flies to the wall. There's some movement and I hear the loud rattle of chains. I cannot see him, but I can feel his presence. And that is enough to make the decision for me.
How many times have I wished for a chance like this? For an opportunity to take back control?
I may have escaped the hacienda, but I've never been truly free, have I? His ghost has been hanging over my shoulders this entire time, poisoning my mind and polluting every moment of happiness. I may have survived those horrors, I may have moved on, but deep down in my subconscious, I know I remained the same scared little girl, abandoned by the only family she'd ever known and given to a sadistic monster to torture. Even while I enjoyed freedoms like never before, my mind was still trapped in that small, dark tunnel, with my fingers bleeding to the bone as I toiled as no child should toil.
In the end, no matter how much I'd like to pretend, I never really moved on. And it was all because in that last hour, this monster dared to die before I could look him in the face one last time and tell him that he doesn't own me—that he never did. He may have broken my body, but he never broke my spirit.
"Yes. I do," I eventually say.
Ze's lips pull up in a lopsided smile. He grabs my hand, turns it palm up, and deposits an object in it. The cold of a metal against my skin hints at his gift. My eyes move lower, perusing the small dagger. An intricate purple handle accompanied by an equally purple blade. His energy is all over it, in every atom and every pore. It curls around my hand in a tight embrace, giving me strength where before I had none.
"You made this, didn't you?" I inquire even while knowing the truth.
He nods.
My lips tremble as I dare meet his gaze.
Ze. Socially inept, endearingly arrogant Ze. And yet, with all his shortcomings, with all his inexperience with emotions and social cues, he managed to give me the most wonderful gift I have ever received.
Myself.
He gave me back myself and the opportunity to claim my past.
"Thank you," I murmur, vowing to find a way to return the favor at a later time. Regardless of the fact that he is a god—a very rich god—who cannot possibly want for anything, I will repay him.
Ze watches me for a few more moments to ensure I'm all right before he moves to the side, allowing me a full view of Sergio.
He's dressed in dirty rags that cling to his skin, stained by blood and other bodily fluids. The Jì didn't just restore his past appearance, but it also converted all the spiritual suffering into bodily suffering. His hair is the same gray-white shade I last saw it, his face wrinkled and showing the signs of his age.
Even in his sixties, he'd still gotten off on tormenting people. But there's no age cutoff for evil, is there? The desire to harm and cause pain is a ubiquitous one that withstands the test of time even when the means by which one is able to inflict it are not.
He looks pitiful. Yet I've suffered too much at his hands to have even one ounce of pity for him. All I feel is revulsion. A hate so deep, it's seeped into my bones, never letting me truly be.
But no more.
This is the last time I'll allow him to influence me, just as this is the last time I'll allow myself to think of him. It's a promise I make to myself. I've been a prisoner to this grudge for far too long.
For this moment, I'll let go. But after I'm out of here, I'll never once think of him again.
Sergio blinks as he accommodates to the light, but it's not a few seconds later that his eyes widen in realization. He recognizes me.
" Tu ..." he grits out. " Maldita perra ," he spits at me, his words slurred.
" Ya no me puedes lastimar, Senor. "
He scrunches his nose.
" ?Sabes donde estás? " I ask him, deliberately addressing him informally. In the past, I would have been flogged for merely daring to meet his gaze, let alone address him with tu .
He looks around, his glazed eyes filled with confusion.
" En el infierno ," I tell him, the words filling me with great pleasure. " Aquí no eres ningún dios. Solo un maldito pecador que va a sufrir por la eternidad. "
He flinches, pulling back and trying to escape his chains. He lets out a pitiful cry of pain as the chains dig into his flesh. But he doesn't stop. He does everything in his power to look for an escape.
"Tsk, tsk," Ze mentions from behind. "There is no escaping. You are, indeed, trapped here for an eternity. Of course, technically you can pay for your sins with your suffering and reincarnate at some point. But I will make sure that is not the case."
"?Qué está pasando? ?Quién es ese hombre? ?Dónde estoy? ?Qué me han hecho?" he yells, true fear finally entering his eyes as well as the realization that he will not be able to escape.
"Why don't you tell him who you are, Ze? It might help him realize the truth of his situation." I glance at Ze.
All his life, Sergio had pretended to be a god. But how will he feel now when he finally comes face to face with one?
"My pleasure." Ze nods. Stepping forward, he wraps his hand around Sergio's neck, forcing him to look into his eyes. Trembling, Sergio can only obey. And whatever he sees there makes him so utterly terrified, he soils himself.
I wrinkle my nose in disgust.
But Ze is not done. Leaning further in, he whispers something inaudible in his ear, smiling at Sergio's blanched expression as he pulls back.
I take a step forward, curious about what Ze has to say, but a clinking sound distracts my attention. My foot must have caught on something. Glancing down, I note the empty vial of Jì Ze had disposed of. I blink slowly. I don't know what comes over me as I pick it up. I'm even more confused by my reaction to it as I stare at the translucent glass, noting a remaining drop of liquid on the rim of the vial.
Remember.
The same voice I heard before infiltrates my subconsciousness until I have no will of my own, only a sinister compulsion that echoes in my mind.
Remember.
What? What do I need to remember?
All sense flies from me as my eyes are affixed to the vial. My finger traces the rim and swipes the last drop of moisture from the glass.
Remember.
Slowly, I bring my finger to my lips, my tongue peeking out to taste the odd liquid.
Remember!
The echo becomes stronger, so strong I can barely keep my balance as I bring my hands to my temples. The sound rips through me, a whirlpool of confusion bathing me from head to toe, staining me with the knowledge of something. A certain remembrance I cannot name.
But just as that wave of confusion suffuses me from head to toe, in the next second, it's gone.
"He is all yours, Luce. Make me proud." Ze's voice brings me back to the present. I raise my eyes to meet his, quickly hiding the vial behind my back and letting it fall to the ground.
Ze's eyes narrow at me, scanning the surroundings as if even that small noise could not go undetected by him.
I wet my lips as I prepare a reply.
"I will." I nod, plastering a smile on my face.
Ze steps back, leaving Sergio to me.
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath to calm myself. I palm the dagger he gifted me, feeling the coldness of the steel against my flesh.
This is it. My chance to get my precious revenge.
"You destroyed me. But not anymore. I'm putting myself back together," I declare before I throw myself forward, pushing the knife into his chest.
The advantage of already being dead is that he will not die again, but he'll feel pain. Every. Single. Time.
I remove my knife, only to bring it back against his flesh, stabbing repeatedly and closing my eyes as I listen to the music that is his cries of pain. He groans and moans, crying out and begging me to stop. But I don't. He hadn't stopped when I begged him either. I keep stabbing him until his body looks like a torn canvas, ripped to shreds, with frayed edges and bits of pieces strewn onto the ground.
My breathing becomes labored, my own body aching from the effort of my blows. I hit and hit until his throat is too raw to scream, his pain too profound to be uttered aloud.
Leaning back, I admire my handiwork. A boost of confidence surges through my veins as I see our roles reversed. No longer am I the victim. No longer am I the one in pain.
All those years of dreaming of what I would do to him have finally materialized.
But as the adrenaline wears off, I slowly realize that I'm not any more fulfilled than I was before. Sure, I got to confront my biggest enemy. But seeing him like this—knowing that this is what awaits him for the rest of time—my hate for him dims a little. Not because I feel vindicated, but because I finally see him for what he really is.
A man.
Just a man, and not the god he'd claimed to be.
A pitiful man.
He is dead, in hell.
I am alive and well.
I have won by default.
"I think I'm done," I say as I look back at Ze. He's leaning against the entrance to the gallery, one leg propped against the wall. His arms are crossed over his chest, his attention riveted on me.
"May I have my turn now?" he asks, slowly coming closer.
"Your turn?" I blink in surprise.
"You have had your revenge. Now it is my turn."
I don't get to answer as he withdraws his sword, placing his thumb at the tip and allowing the blade to nick his finger. Blood flows down onto the ridges of the blade, and with one smooth strike, he cuts Sergio in two—vertically.
I gawk in disbelief. It's the most unsettling sight I've ever seen. He can still blink and move, even cut in two. Not one second later, though, and a curdling scream erupts from both of his half mouths as he yells in pure agony.
"What did you do?"
"My blood is poisonous for most beings," Ze comments. "The Custodian will once more administer him the Letharion and he will forget this exchange. But he will never forget this pain. The torture he experienced before will not compare to the agony he will feel from now on," he explains, satisfied.
"I think that's the perfect punishment for him." I nod. "Let's get out of here now. I've had enough of him."
"Are you certain? I can think of a few more ways to make him suffer. You just say the word. I can even obliterate his soul..."
"No." I shake my head. "That would defeat the purpose. He will suffer for eternity. That is enough for me."
He inclines his head.
"I am happy if you are happy."
I raise my gaze to meet his, surprised by his words. A slow smile tips at my lips.
"I think we still have time for some fun ," I say. "We need to celebrate after all. Do you have a pub or somewhere to grab a drink in Aperion?"
"A pub?" he repeats, confused.
"You know, an establishment that sells alcohol."
He thinks on it for a moment.
"I believe I know somewhere," he mentions. "Though I have never been myself..."
"Let's do it! I finally feel free, Ze, and it's all thanks to you. We need to celebrate this occasion."
"We do?" he asks, unsure.
I nod effusively. He gave me this perfect gift. It stands to reason I should return the favor and show him how to have fun.
"I have never imbibed alcohol. But I suppose for you I can make an exception..." he muses aloud.
"Yay!" I jump up and down, crashing into him. Maybe this is an odd reaction considering I'm in literal hell. But I don't think I've ever felt as free and unencumbered as I do now. The past... it's just the past. It made me into who I am today. Only the future matters now. And I aim to grasp it tightly with both hands and not let go.
Ze smiles indulgently at me.
"Yes. For you, I shall make an exception." He nods to himself as he wraps his arms around me and flashes us out of Katras.