Chapter Twenty-Eight
Walker
B eside me, Cady woke and sat up. Despite the sticky mess that covered her, seeing her alive continued to be a relief. I wasn’t sure, however, anyone would survive the brewing battle between Freya and Ryder.
“In a few hours,” Freya said, “Arion will be able to shift.”
Ryder scoffed. “ Hours? We can’t wait hours.”
“What about the boat?” I asked.
“It’s destroyed,” Ryder answered. “I already checked. The Handmaidens are very thorough.”
“I know we all want off the island,” Cady said, “but where will we go? No one knows where the High Witch’s court is, assuming that’s where she took Elle.”
The thought of Cady getting anywhere near the High Witch ever again sent a shiver down my spine.
Ryder snarled, though he didn’t have any better ideas about where the High Witch’s court was than the rest of us. If he did, he would’ve already swum across the damned ocean to get there.
“Why don’t you ask Freya?” Ryder snapped. “She’s the one who’s so close to Cordelia.”
Freya’s head swiveled to him, and her hair swung around her shoulders like living flames.
“I realized my mistake,” she said, “but the High—the farce of a leader lied. She was supposed to be here at sundown. She came early in case I changed my mind.”
“It must suck,” I muttered, “being lied to.”
For a moment, I thought smoke curled out of Freya’s nostrils.
“I lied,” she gritted out, “and I hurt all of you. I will never forgive myself for that. For what happened to Cadence and Arion.”
Her gaze drifted to my sister, and love shined there. My anger chipped away.
“I was wrong to trust Cordelia,” Freya continued. “I was wrong not to listen to my friends, but you don’t know what it’s like to have so many lives in your hands. You both just lead with your heart and see where it takes you.”
Freya gestured to Cady. “You see now what she can do with an ounce of her time and power. I was just trying to avoid that. I was trying to keep everyone safe, but I failed. I know I failed, I just…”
Freya’s eyes brimmed with tears, and she looked to the sky. She did that a lot, I realized, to burn away unshed tears. Without a word, Cadence stood and walked to Freya. As Freya’s sobs broke free, my sister wrapped her in a hug.
“I’m sorry,” Freya said. She clutched Cady like a lifeline. “I’m so, so sorry.”
Cady squeezed her tighter.
“I forgive you,” my sister promised. “I forgive you, Freya. We’re coven, remember? We’re family.”
The tightness in my chest eased, but I couldn’t let go of all my hurt, though part of me wanted to, if only to ease Freya's pain. I didn’t have any right to judge her—in the heat of the moment, I too had sacrificed Elle in favor of saving my sister. Freya had only tried to do what she always did. She had tried to protect everyone she loved.
So, why couldn’t I forgive her?
When Freya’s tears quieted, Cady faced Ryder. His stoic facade crumbled, and worry lined his face.
Saving Elle was the new top priority. No one who was willing to sacrifice themselves for a child should be at the High Witch’s mercy. At the thought of Cordelia, a fresh wave of anger stirred. The High Witch was powerful enough to avoid harming a child, yet she and her Handmaidens had chosen not to.
She would pay.
“Do you have any idea where she could be?” Ryder asked. He clenched and unclenched his fists.
“Yes and no,” Freya said. Ryder rolled his eyes. “She definitely would’ve taken her to her court, but…”
“But what?” Ryder demanded.
“Cadence was right,” Freya answered. “No one knows where it is. The secrecy behind the court's location is part of why Cordelia is so powerful. Magic can’t trace her home or any of its inhabitants.”
“Maybe they haven’t gotten there yet?” Cady suggested. “Maybe we could still track Elle.”
“We can try,” Freya agreed, “but rumor has it that the court is hidden in the pockets of the dimensions, and Cordelia can portal to those pockets in seconds.”
Ryder raked his hands through his hair, and Freya grimaced.
“But a tracking spell is worth a shot,” Freya offered.
Together, Freya and Cadence stood to perform a tracking spell. Part of me recognized that I should be rising to help them. I should’ve offered ideas as to how we were going to save Elle, who had sacrificed herself for my sister, but I couldn’t bring myself to move. The weight of what had transpired and what was yet to come froze me in place.
As I watched Ryder pace, his glowing eyes shifted like an animal’s, talons replaced his fingernails, and hair tufted from his arms. I had never seen him struggle to contain a shift.
Within less than twenty-four hours of meeting his mate, he had lost her, yet it still destroyed him.
I wondered what I would look like in his place. Freya and I shared a magical bond unlike anything else on the planet. We had known each other for months, and we had fought our greatest battles together.
Would I be any better than Ryder?
Would I be worse?
A more sinister thought crept into my mind.
How would Freya respond if I were taken?
Months ago, she had brought me back to life, but that was in the wake of losing the two people closest to her. She hadn’t wanted to lose anyone else.
Freya had chosen to save me before she realized the full weight of that decision and how it would lead to her coven’s waning faith in her and the High Witch’s anvil placed over her head. She had chosen to save me before she had learned what a mess I would make of her life.
If I trust anyone, she had said, I trust you.
But that couldn’t be true. Even when faced with a spell that required truth-telling, Freya hadn’t warned me that she had called the High Witch.
As she and Cadence chanted the tracking spell, their magic twined together and hummed in my ears. It was a song I couldn’t live without, and for a moment, I had thought I would have to. I had thought my little sister—my brave, annoying, wonderful little sister—was gone.
Cady had been hurt because I wasn’t there to protect her. I was with Freya, who so eclipsed my good sense I had almost lost the only family I had left because of her.
My poor choices weren’t Freya’s fault. Throughout the entirety of our trip, she had tried to clarify that she didn’t return the soul-crushing devotion I felt for her.
I had never been more stupid.
Though we were magically bound, nothing else tied us together but a messy history. Freya was tethered to me by her choice to save me, but she didn’t feel for me what I felt for her. What I felt for her had a word Freya would never confess.
Love.
As I finally the confronted the truth of my emotions, they hit me like a ton of bricks. I loved Freya’s ferocity and her kindness and her dry humor. I loved how she was as nurturing as she was protective. I basked in her smiles like they were sunshine, and I loved her enough to do anything for her.
I was in love with Freya Redfern, and I loved her enough to recognize she didn’t feel the same.
???
Freya
As I had feared, the tracking spell yielded nothing. It was as if Elle had never existed. Part of me wished that were true, no matter how selfish that made me.
I couldn’t be selfish anymore, not after I had experienced the cost.
Since he had almost watched his sister burn to death, the color hadn’t returned to Walker’s face. He leaned against a tree and stared blankly at the charred remains of the trees that surrounded us.
My familiar laid still and stained by blood beside me. A fresh wave of disgust rolled through me—the High Witch had attacked him before he even had a chance to shift. Going after one’s familiar in such a way was not only cowardly, but downright monstrous. Only Coven Mothers were granted familiars, and they were only able to bond with one throughout their long lives. Mom had lost hers a couple years before I was born, and it had been a pain she carried with her throughout the rest of her life.
In a state of semi-shift, Ryder continued to pace like a caged wolf. I hated that I was the reason my childhood friend experienced such duress, but I could only help him by bringing his mate back.
Nothing said "I’m sorry" like returning the other half of your friend’s soul.
While Cadence and Ryder swapped ideas about where to begin the search for Elle, I cautiously approached Walker. I reached a hand toward him to help him to his feet, but he continued to stare ahead, vacant-eyed.
“You could do me the courtesy of yelling,” I said. “I prefer that over the silent treatment.”
His gaze snapped to mine. “I didn’t realize you were there.”
Worry gnawed at me. Swallowing the part of myself that begged me to hang my head in shame and leave him be, I cleared my throat.
“Walk with me?” I asked.
I hated how hesitation shook my voice, but Walker stood and followed me. Awkwardly, I dropped the hand I had held out for him. When we were away from the others but still within eye shot, we paused. Bugs buzzed wildly. They would be enough to drown out our conversation from Ryder’s ears.
“Cowboy,” I prodded. “What’s going on in your head?”
Walker studied the jungle floor like it held the secrets of the universe.
“Why should I tell you?” he snapped. “You don’t find it necessary to share your secret plans.”
I sighed. “Okay, I deserved that—”
“No,” Walker interrupted and swallowed. “No, you didn’t.”
When his gaze met mine, I gasped at his stricken expression. The magical bond between us hummed in the air, and I sensed the swirling mess of his emotions. Walker’s eyes rounded, and the agony and longing and something even deeper that I had glimpsed left as quickly as it had struck.
“What was that?” I whispered.
Walker ran a hand through his sweat-dampened curls.
“It’s just the bond between us.” His voice was resigned. “I could sense your pain during the fight earlier. I think going into the cave strengthened it—whatever it is.”
The disgust on his face was a pang to my chest.
You wanted space, I reminded myself.
“That’s a good theory,” I said lamely and shook my head to clear my thoughts.
“Freya,” Walker blurted. “I’m sorry.”
I tilted my head in confusion. “For what?”
He took a deep breath and reached for me, then jerked his hand back to his side. His fingers curled like they itched to touch me.
“I didn’t get it before,” he said, “when you cut things off between us, I didn’t understand, but I do now.”
“Didn’t understand?” I repeated. “What—”
“I hung around you like a lost puppy,” he continued, “and I’m sorry. I should’ve respected the distance you wanted. I understand now how you feel.”
I sputtered for words.
“It’s okay,” he murmured. “You’re a witch. I should’ve known. I should’ve listened.”
My frustration swelled. “What are you talking about? You’re always accusing witches of being vague but listen to yourself!”
As I pushed him to clarify, dread reared its ugly head.
You’re a witch. I should’ve known.
“Witches don’t believe in love,” he said quietly. I held my breath. “You’ll never feel what I feel. You can’t.”
Tears pricked my eyes.
Did Walker…did Walker love me?
“I shouldn’t have expected you to tell me your plan just because I would’ve,” he continued, as if his confession hadn’t just exposed every raw nerve in my body. “You’re a witch. You’re a Coven Mother. I finally get it now, and I won’t expect otherwise from you. I won’t keep pushing for you to let me in.”
Speech failed me. I wanted to tell him he was wrong, but I couldn’t form the words. I wasn’t sure they were the truth.
Witches didn’t fall in love.
The sea of emotion that threatened to drown me every time he smiled or touched me or called me sweetheart had to be something else.
“I only ask,” he continued, “that you help me keep Cady safe. I know you never intended for anything bad to happen to her, but I-I can’t lose her, Freya. I can’t.”
I nodded like a puppet on strings. My movements were mechanical and controlled by muscle memory alone. Far above, I floated from my own body and tried to come to terms with Walker’s words.
“Nothing else will happen to her,” I vowed. It was one thing in this mess of a conversation I could be sure of. “I swear on the Goddess to protect her at all costs.”
Walker stared at me, and I realized this was my chance to say more. This was the moment to tell him he was wrong. This was the time for me to confess I had only kept my call to the High Witch secret from him because I had been afraid he wouldn’t look at me the same way he did now, not because I didn’t care about him enough to tell him.
As Walker turned toward the others, I opened my mouth to confess the truth, but my courage died on my tongue. I followed him back to Cadence and Ryder in silence.