Chapter 24 Hannah
Hannah
Frost crystallizes on the lawn as I march back to the road, my ragged breaths forming clouds that dissolve into the darkness. The cold bites my skin, but I barely feel it past the burning in my chest—half pain from the binding spell, half something I refuse to name.
I get to the iron gates and loop my fingers through the icy bars, using the bite of freezing metal to distract me from the pull that demands I go back.
Do I believe Julia’s promise to keep me safe, or is she just saying whatever she must to break the binding spell?
I want to believe her. I want to think I’m different from everyone else—that she secretly cares about me, and I’m the only person she can feed on without killing, and this irresistible spark between us is real.
But I’d be a fool to trust a sanguine witch.
Fuck, I need to talk to someone.
My hands shake as I pull out my phone, my fingers so cold I nearly drop it. The screen’s brightness stings my eyes and makes me squint.
It’s five in the morning. An ungodly hour to be calling. But Dean has talked me down from major life crises before, and if he managed to talk me through the day my parents moved away on me, he can talk me through anything.
My thumb hovers over his name for several breaths before I get up the nerve to tap it.
Dean answers on the third ring, his voice groggy from being woken up. “Han? You okay?”
“Yeah. I mean, not really.” I know he can’t do a thing to help me, and if I tell him what’s happened since he left my yard, he’s going to think I’ve lost my mind, but… “I just need your advice.”
“Sure. What’s up?” He sounds more awake now, maybe reading the distress in my tone.
“I’ve…spent all night with a woman,” I say, hoping this is a good enough metaphor for being magically bound to her.
“Tonight?” A pause. He gives a muffled grunt, like he’s rubbing his face. “Did you go clubbing after I left or something?”
I hesitate, my breath fogging in the pre-dawn air. It’s the most plausible explanation that doesn’t open an entire barrel of worms. “Yeah.”
“Wow. I’m offended you didn’t invite me, but go on.”
“Sorry. Well, we hooked up, but it’s hard for me to… Like, I’m having a hard time surrendering to her.” I cringe as the words come out.
“Surrendering? That’s a poetic way of putting it. Or a kinky way, maybe. I’m not sure which.”
Despite everything, I huff out a laugh. “Trusting her, I mean.”
“You just got your heart broken, Han. Give yourself time.”
I tip my head back. The sky is still so dark and the stars so bright, belying how little time we have left. “Right. Yeah.”
How do I explain that I don’t have time? That I need to surrender in the next couple of hours if I don’t want to be tethered to a sanguine witch for the rest of my life?
“What’s she like?” Dean asks.
I turn around. Down the long driveway, Elizabeth’s house sits like a Gothic shadow against the night sky. What’s Julia doing right now? Is she hurting as much as I am?
Her face swims into my vision, with her wicked smile, wild hair, and piercing blue eyes that make me forget what life was like before she came along.
“Mysterious. Clever. Gorgeous. Older. More confident than anyone I’ve ever met. I just…can’t figure out if she actually cares about me or is manipulating me to get what she wants.”
Dean is quiet for a moment. “How much older?”
“Does it matter?”
“Depends. Are we talking cougar territory or predator territory?”
If he knew the truth, his head would explode. “She’s experienced and knows who she is.”
“But you’re afraid she’s going to abandon you,” he says gently.
The word “abandon” makes me flinch. My throat is too tight to respond, so I say nothing.
In the silence, a bird calls from the forest, and the sound is so normal that I could almost convince myself that the last few hours were a nightmare.
“I still think you need to give yourself time to heal from having your heart broken,” Dean says, “but I also think you’re so scared of getting abandoned again that you’re looking for reasons to push people away before they can hurt you.”
“Can you blame me? My own parents couldn’t wait to get rid of me the second I turned eighteen. And don’t get me started on Riley.” I shiver, my fingers, nose, and ears going numb.
“I know. You deserve better than all that shit.”
“So how am I supposed to tell who’s going to hurt me and who’s here to stay?” My voice cracks. “What if I decide to trust her, and she disappears like everyone else in my life has?”
“Not everyone has disappeared.”
“You’re different.”
Voicing this fear makes something twist in my chest. Why do I care if Julia is gone from my life? Do I actually want her to stay?
Of course you do, says a small voice in my head. You like her, and not just because it feels good to be fed on.
“I know it’s hard, but try not to let Riley or your parents impact your relationships,” Dean says. “They lost the right to have any sway over your life the moment they chose to leave it.”
He’s right. I’ve been letting old wounds dictate my choices, using their betrayals as a reason to never be vulnerable again.
“You’re someone worth staying for,” he adds, “and the fact that your parents and Riley couldn’t see that is their loss. If this woman is as mature and confident as you say she is, then I bet she sees that too.”
Tears burn my eyes. “And if she doesn’t?”
“Then you’ll survive it, just like you survived Riley, and just like you survived your parents. But Han, what if you don’t try, and you spend the rest of your life running from anyone who might want to stay?”
A gust of wind rattles the gates, and I shiver harder. I shuffle my feet to try and warm up. I wish I could tell him this isn’t just about whether or not I’ll get my heart broken. Where Julia is involved, my actual life is at risk.
“Anyway, you’re putting the burden of vulnerability all on yourself,” Dean says. “What about her?”
I furrow my brow. “What do you mean?”
“Like, do you feel like she’s being totally vulnerable and trusting with you? Trust is a two-way thing, Han. Or surrender, if that’s what you want to call it.”
“I—I guess she’s got her own issues too.” I bite my lip. What am I saying? She has a lot of her own issues. “She did almost leave me after we hooked up.”
“Okay, see? You don’t have to bear your soul without receiving vulnerability in return. The trust you’re looking for will happen when you’re both ready, if that’s what you want.”
“I doubt she’ll…” I stop shuffling my feet, going still. Wait. Does he have a point about this going both ways?
Rebecca never said I had to be the only one to surrender. She just said total surrender was the way out.
What if I’m not the only one who needs to surrender to break the binding spell?
“Han? Still there?”
My heart beats faster. I clutch my chest, recalling the warm purr there when we kissed for the first time, and Julia brushed my cheeks with her thumbs in a fleeting moment of tenderness.
Was that sensation the spell cracking? Was she already beginning to surrender her heart in that split second?
And all those other moments when she looked at me with unexpected softness…
the warmth behind my ribs, like the spell was squeezing and releasing…
Holy crap. This could be the answer. It makes terrible, perfect sense. Of course Rebecca would design a spell that requires Julia to—
My excitement crashes. “What if she’s incapable of being vulnerable?” I ask, barely a whisper.
“That’s not for you to fix.” Dean’s voice gets serious. “Anyway, if she’s got her own baggage and already just about ditched you tonight, maybe it’s for the best if you go home and chalk this up to a rebound one-night stand.”
I bite back a hysterical laugh. If only it were that simple. If only I could go home, shower off the night, and never think about Julia Moreau again.
In any ordinary circumstance, I’d agree with him. But I don’t have time to wait for Julia to go to therapy or do some soul searching, and I don’t have time to process my breakup. We need to break this spell within the next couple of hours—and I might finally know how to do it.
“You can take a leap of faith with this woman if you want,” Dean says into the silence. “But you can’t be the only one jumping.”
He’s right.
I swallow hard. If breaking the binding spell requires both of us to be vulnerable, then I know what I have to do.
I need to get her to surrender to me. To make her open her heart enough to let me in.
If she can do that, not only will we break the spell, but then I’ll know that this connection between us is real.
I drop my shoulders and let out a slow breath. “I love you, Dean. Thanks.”
“I love you too. You sure you’re okay? Want me to come get you?”
“I’m good. I’ve got this.”
We say goodbye, and I start walking back across the lawn, my shoes crunching on the frost-stiff grass. The binding spell loosens with each step closer, like my body is sighing in relief.
In the forest, birds begin their dawn chorus, their songs cutting through the silence. The world is waking up, oblivious to the impossible task ahead of me.
One thing I’ve learned tonight is that a sanguine witch always takes what she wants. She doesn’t ask. She doesn’t yield. Now, somehow, I have to flip that. I have to convince Julia Moreau, a woman who believes she’s a monster incapable of love, to surrender to me the same way I surrendered to her.
Somehow, I need her to let me take control.