Chapter 16
SORROW
Equilibrium is vital. Once the Deviant welcomes Evella’s gifts, utilises and masters them, they must balance.
The blight has no desire to rest. It turns inwards.
It spoils and poisons the very blessings the Deviant carries in their core.
The threads fill with ire, frustration. The Deviant’s gifts mutate.
Control is lost, until finally, the Deviant destroys all they hold dear.
— MRS GLESNI GRACE’S ADVICE FOR MENTORS: THIRD EDITION
I jumped as Hawk slammed his tankard against the table, wiping ale froth from his beard with his sleeve.
He told me we’d been lucky to find the half-empty inn as we headed towards Ostos.
But the space exploded the second our stews were shoved before us, and as a wedding party burst through the door, he’d uttered some words that forced a blush over my cheeks.
He glared as a band of fiddlers started up in the corner, and the young groom bowed low to his dark-haired bride before they held each other close and danced between the tables.
I looked away, the sight of happy newlyweds souring my ale.
We’d never had our second wedding, the one Matthias had promised would cement our union.
There’d been too many distractions, too much at stake to waste time organising a wedding and now…
now I couldn’t envisage how we’d ever get the opportunity.
Our only vows tainted by the chasm his apparent abandonment had caused.
I dropped my fork with a clatter and turned towards Hawk, gravy dripping from his spoon as he sneered as the groom twirled his new wife. I glanced at his bare ring finger, the disgust flickering across his face at the happiness surrounding us.
‘Do you think we should wish them well?’ I asked, popping my half-eaten stew under the table to where Pablo had curled up.
‘I think we should warn them to run,’ Hawk replied, pushing his empty bowl across the table and grabbing another swig of his ale through curled lips.
I should leave it. I knew far too well how crushing heartache was. But this man was a walking mystery and I’d always had a curious streak.
‘Did you ever marry your—’
‘I wouldn’t go there, sweetheart.’ He dragged his eyes away from the wedding party to look my way. ‘You don’t exactly have a good run in the love department yourself.’
My retort died and I swallowed down the sudden ache in my chest. Hawk snorted.
‘That pain.’ He tilted his ale towards my chest, a few drops spilling onto the already stained table.
‘It won’t go. Every morning, for those first few blinks of your eyes, everything’s fine, good.
Then you remember.’ Hawk downed the last of his ale, slammed his tankard onto the table and tapped his chest. ‘And it cuts again. And again. And the one you tore your heart apart for, they just carry on as though they didn’t destroy you. ’
I watched him, and for the first time, my heart twisted for the man.
I shifted uncomfortably, regretting the taunts I’d hurled at him whenever he’d turned to his bottle.
He exhaled, set his dark eyes on the couple, his face a mirror of the scars my own heart bore.
Pablo licked my fingers and I sat straighter.
This was a man I needed on my side. I knew better than most how broken his soul must be.
And if I pissed him off, I may lose Matthias and my one and only way to ease my own agony.
‘Apologies,’ I said. He arched a brow, a slight tilt lifting up the corner of his mouth. ‘I-I get it.’
He raised his tankard, froth slipping over the side, and I narrowed my eyes. I could have sworn it was empty a few moments ago.
‘Here’s to drowning your memories at the bottom of a full glass, eh?’
I lifted my own tankard, clacked it against his and took a swig, trying my hardest not to spit out the ale. Gods, how could anyone drink this stuff?
‘Drowning our memories,’ I said, my eyes watering.
‘Because drowning our exes is frowned upon.’
I barked out a laugh as he chuckled.
He turned back to watch the wedding party, his shoulders slumping. We’d been on the road for a few days and I hadn’t broached the fact that we both knew he was lying about the gifts he hid beneath his weathered skin. His fingers tapped the tankard in time to the music, and I took a deep breath.
‘You’re a rather brave man, aren’t you?’
Hawk’s tankard hovered a whisker away from his mouth. His brow furrowed as he turned to me, grimacing as I placed what I hoped was a sincere smile on my face.
‘I mean, you barely know me, but you’re aware my gifts are a bit… volatile and you’re still taking me to The Void.’ Slowly, he lowered his tankard. ‘You’re not even Asmaran or Drufaeran.’
Hawk crossed his arms and raised one brow.
‘Where did you say you came from again?’
He regarded me for a moment before speaking. ‘I didn’t.’
‘I can’t place your accent. Vlanael?’
He glared at me before raising his tankard, slumping into his seat. ‘I’m not from round here.’
‘The Southern lands then?’
He shook his head, pulled his notebook from his pocket, licked a pencil and struck off something within.
‘I heard there are less Anomalies there.’ If I could just get him to admit to a gift, give me something I could force his hand with. ‘Something to do with where the meteor struck. There aren’t as many Vyrium mines, so you don’t get as many Anomalies.’
Hawk grunted before stuffing the notebook away.
‘I imagine it must have been difficult to find a mentor to train—’
I yelped as the tankard hit the table. Hawk stood, the flames of the hearth reflected in his eyes, and I shuffled back.
‘I can promise you, sweetheart. I’ve never in my life needed a mentor.’ He threw some coins on the table before walking away. Damn. Calling Pab, I scurried after him, cursing as he stormed through the door and disappeared into the street.
I’d wanted to take some time to explore the cobbled alleyways, the endless bookshops, a world I’d never had access to, but I could barely keep pace with Pablo as he hunted the cursed man down.
My fingers clung tightly to his fur as we weaved after the blurry form of the mariner, his steps steady despite how much he’d drunk.
‘Hawk.’ He half-turned; I wasn’t certain if he rolled his eyes. ‘I get it. I do. But if you could just help me…’
He stopped abruptly, and my heart skipped a beat as he set his dark gaze on mine.
‘I know your game, sweetheart, and you can drop it.’
‘But—’
‘No.’ He turned, marching down the street once more. ‘There’s no “but”. If you continue down this road, I’ll leave you and your wolf. I’ll fuck off and find the rebels myself. I don’t want to help you.’
Why did I forever piss him off?
‘But—’
He stormed away. For a few moments, I watched his blurry form shove people aside.
Everything I needed lay within this infuriating creature, but no matter how I tried to coax the glaringly obvious out of him, he’d shut me down.
I closed my eyes, bit back the tears. Why had Evella chosen this man to be the key to everything?
He could teach me how to balance these gifts.
He was a powerful weapon, a force to defeat the empress. The path to Matthias’s salvation.
There had to be a way to convince him. I’d just have to watch him. Wait. The rebels were notoriously tricky to locate. I just needed to be patient.
What a shame it wasn’t a particular blessing I possessed.
I cursed as the half-decomposed mole raised its jawless nose and, after a violent sniff of air, collapsed onto the grass, twitching until its hind leg fell off.
The purple threads slammed back inside, disgusted at the specimen Pablo had found for me to practice on.
A lone ribbon of silver raised its shimmering head before I shoved it down.
Great, I thought, peering at the mangy creature, you would answer my call now.
The tiny, rotting thing was long past being capable of answering their call.
Hawk peered at it before putting his half-eaten hare to the side, revulsion written onto his face.
‘Was it supposed to do that?’ he asked, standing up and taking a swig from his bitter-smelling bottle.
‘Not entirely,’ I said, casting my shaky gaze across the small camp we’d made in the crook of a towering cliff face. ‘My corpses usually go on a mindless spree of bloodshed and violence before falling apart.’
‘Quite the talent.’
I heaved in a deep breath, kept my eyes on the repulsive mole.
‘I’m sure my gifts are nothing compared to the great Hawk’s.’
‘If only you knew, sweetheart. If only you knew.’
‘My sentiments exactly.’
He groaned, and I forced my gaze onto him.
He turned, swaying in a circle, his ankle clipping the small fire he’d made.
He turned his head to the stars. I glanced up, a small knot twisting in my gut as I squinted into a blanket of shimmering onyx.
I’d lost the constellations long ago. Mama had known all the great stars; Evella’s tree, Vyrus and his bandolier, Aren and his great wolf, whom he’d slain, mistakenly believing the creature had killed his children.
I ran my fingers across Pablo’s head. He closed his amber eyes, an almost satisfied grin on his face as I peered back at the heavens.
Then we had the Gods the Northern lands had long abandoned.
The almost-forgotten Enja and her journal of secrets.
Talesis, Oarae and Cobus. The three lovers, perpetually trapped in separate galaxies by a jealous Vyrus.
My gaze swept over to Hawk as I recalled the Goblet of Ades, the God forever faithful to Vyrus.
The God still revered in the kingdom of Obaithe, where Evella was viewed as a demon, sent to tempt the God of Vengeance.
The tales I’d learnt at Mama’s knee. The ones Matthias adored too.
It was one of the few times he ever sat still.
I swallowed at the memory of him and Mama sitting in the garden, Enfys asleep on her shoulder and Matthias enraptured, hooked on every word that passed her lips.