29. Emily
H ad a semi somehow rumbled through my room at my parents’ place and run me over while I was asleep? It certainly felt that way. It felt like I was on my last nerve, my skin far too itchy and too small for my body. I had a fever, and I was light-headed.
So, all in all, a winning morning.
Somehow, I managed to make it through my routine, but only because I was spurred on by the omnipresent threat of lectures and labs. Often, I dreamed of the day it’d eventually end. Then if everything went right, I’d have an internship, then a residency, so I’d get to relax in, oh... a decade or so.
I was sorely tempted to turn and go right back to bed, but I placated myself with a compromise. If I didn’t feel better by the time I met up with the girls at school, then I’d call Caleb. Having that short-term goal allowed me to get everything I needed done, get out of the house in decent shape, and onto the college campus.
By the time I finally got to Roast’d, though, I felt like absolute, total, unmitigated crap. Needless to say, I wasn’t exactly in a glowing mood, so when Lisbeta pointed out I wasn’t wearing the bracelet Gavin had given me for my birthday, I rolled my eyes. I knew even if I explained I was deathly allergic to the metal, she wouldn’t just leave it there. She knew Gavin had gotten me a replacement. Lisbeta could never resist the urge for drama.
“OMG, was Gavin telling the truth?” she demanded. “You two are totally over?”
I got how it was normal for a friend to be concerned about another’s long-term relationship ending. Yet, there was something so false in her tone, the gleeful malevolence just beneath her faux concern. Why was I friends with these people again?
It wasn’t normal to want to deck my friends in the face, but that was how I felt.
Caleb had warned me I was going to be short with people. Should I call him already? It didn’t seem like enough of an escalation in symptoms, but it certainly wasn’t “nothing,” either.
“Yes,” I said flatly. “We’re over.”
“Holy shit! Really?!”
“I can’t believe it! He was such a great catch!”
“Girl, are you crazy? You had your life made with his resources. Whatever he was doing, are you sure you can’t suck it up?”
It was like a flock of birds had descended on me, all of them decrying how stupid I was. Well, what the fuck did they know? I wanted to tell them how their precious Gavin had tried to assault me, but I wasn’t ready to be that vulnerable around them.
Had I ever really been comfortable being vulnerable with these people, or had I always twisted myself into various shapes to appease them? I remembered when I’d first gotten to know them. I’d been so happy that I was finally making popular friends, unlike most of the in-crowd at my high school who’d rejected me. But how juvenile was that? I was in my twenties. It was time to leave childish school hierarchies behind.
They continued to chatter around me, and I continued to stew, not saying anything. Apparently, that was just too much for Lisbeta, who sighed with sheer aggravation.
“You know, you can say something instead of just sitting there like a bump on a log.”
“What would you have me say?” I asked calmly, leveling her with a look that wouldn’t be uncommon from one of my professors.
“I dunno, anything! Are you just being quiet because you know you’ll get back together with him in a week? Whatever he did, I’m sure you’ll cave.”
That made fire lick right up my spine in a way I wasn’t used to, and my entire body temperature spiked instantaneously. Lisbeta was looking at me so smugly, like she’d gotten a real zinger in, and for the life of me, I couldn’t understand why she’d so clearly wanted to get under my skin. What had I ever done to her? Why was my breakup of such concern?
“Like, weren’t you single for forever before him?” she went on. “I remember you were so happy to have finally gotten a man, and you’d always been too nice for your own good. It doesn’t make sen— what the fuck?! ”
Lisbeta was cut off in the middle of her sentence, but that was because her face was wet.
I’d thrown my entire iced drink into it.
Funny how that worked.
“What the hell, Emily?!”
“What’s gotten into you?”
Once more, it was a cacophony of them making so much noise , and this time, it was far more satisfying. I was so done with how they treated me, like some appendage they barely tolerated.
The Emily who had tolerated this was long gone.
I stood up, ready to leave and march to my classes, but Lisbeta jumped to her feet, too, drink at the ready. I knew exactly what she intended to do, but it was strange, like she was doing it in slow motion.
What was even stranger was the next thing I knew, both of us were on the floor, me inches above her as I snarled in her face.
“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” I hissed, my voice surprising even myself. I sounded borderline unhinged. Feral.
But it felt good.
“What the fuck!” she wailed. “Get off me!”
“Emily, whoa, let her up!”
I felt hands on me, tugging insistently, and for a moment, all my instincts screamed to fight them, to rip and tear, to bite and scratch. It was only when I saw my own reflection in Lisbeta’s bright eyes that I realized exactly what was going on.
Oh, shit.
Just as fast as I’d tackled Lisbeta, I was back on my feet and standing apart from my friends. Well, I supposed they really weren’t my friends any longer.
A real loss there.
“What is going on with you?” Jessica spat as she helped Lisbeta to her feet.
“It’s that druggie guy Gavin said you ran off with, isn’t it?” Lisbeta’s words were laced with poison, yet those barbs didn’t stab into me like they used to. “You’re fucking hopped up on whatever he has, aren’t you?”
That was ridiculous. I was one of the last people who’d ever do drugs.
“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” I muttered, finding it harder and harder to articulate anything. Was it now a lot hotter in Roast’d? Had someone accidentally nudged the thermostat up a million degrees or so?
“Don’t we?” Bella shot back. “Look at you! What, did you pawn off that necklace you’ve been wearing since your birthday for your next hit?”
My necklace? For some reason, the thought made echo something in my head, but my thoughts were racing too fast to catch it. In fact, everything was racing too fast, like my insides were rapidly expanding beyond what I could handle. Liquid fire was coursing through my veins.
I just... I just... I just wanted to hurt , to tear free from the civility that’d kept me bound up for so long and revel in the justice I’d enact upon everyone who had ever hurt me. It was all too much, and I couldn’t tell if my tongue was heavy in my mouth or my teeth were too large to accommodate it.
It was happening, wasn’t it?
The change.
I couldn’t risk being out in public. Despite the rage and bloodlust within, I didn’t actually want to hurt my former friends. They were assholes, but they didn’t deserve to die.
No, I needed to get out of there.
So I ran. I turned and ran, and ran, and ran until I was tucked away somewhere I could make a call.
With trembling hands, I pulled out my phone and dialed the one number that mattered.
Caleb.