Chapter 35 Maybe Not Now
THIRTY-FIVE
Maybe Not Now
Mabel
Only a dusting, but it already looked crusty on top of the wet that had iced over, and it was collecting on the roads, which Hutch, when he gave me his mountain-man-to-city-girl lecture about winterizing my truck, said could hide black ice.
However, with Hutch taking it slow and careful, we made it.
And the good news was, during the drive, Brett texted, Home with Abigail. It’s just this flu. She’s in no danger. I’ll keep in touch.
That was promising.
When we got to Hutch’s cabin, as had become routine when we came home together, I dealt with Hannibal and Tonks’s bathroom breaks, and Hutch went to the puppies.
After our dogs saw to themselves, I got them in and went to help him.
We watched them in their run as they frolicked and played, squatted and lifted, and once we saw all five of them had done their business, we scooped them up, gave them praise and did the back and forth to get them inside.
Only then did we take off our coats, our boots, and Hutch went to the stove in the always warm and cozy kitchen to add wood.
I wandered to the living room, realizing I was jazzed but exhausted, still a little concerned about Abigail and Lillian, but now that we were home safe and sound, and everyone we cared about was too, it was time.
Time to talk to Hutch.
So I was back to anxious.
Hutch came into the room in his thermal and stocking feet, looking all mountain-man-at-home amazing, and he headed to the fireplace in the living room.
I was standing behind his couch.
“Want a fire in here?” he asked.
“I’m gonna drop soon,” I told him. “It was a busy day at the shop.”
“Weekenders,” he murmured as he moved to his chair.
He reached to his guitar, which I’d noticed was a habit.
Even when we were talking, he’d grab it and strum, no tune, just strumming a chord here, several of them there. It was like I thought when I first saw him with that guitar. It was an extension of him.
But I also thought it was a support, a balm. It was like his version of meditation.
And of course, Hutch’s version of meditation was cooler than anything.
Though now, I needed his attention.
Now, I needed him fully with me as I did this thing.
He had his fingers around the neck of the guitar.
Now or never, Mabel! My mind screamed.
“I’m falling in love with you,” I blurted.
He stilled.
Then slowly, so agonizingly slowly, he turned his head to me.
Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I caught the feels. Full disclosure, I always had them.” I shook my head vehemently.
“But I didn’t lie to you. I swear. I didn’t realize it.
Or I was burying it. Definitely, I was scared of it.
But now, it’s getting out of control. And we have a deal.
So I’m honoring our deal. I don’t want to be friends.
” I flipped a hand out nervously. “I mean, I do. Obviously. Want to be friends, that is. Just not friends with benefits. Though, I also want those benefits.”
I stopped babbling as he rose from his chair.
I went back to it when he turned fully to me.
“Just that, I don’t want that to be all. I want you. As a boyfriend. Maybe a husband. And a father to my kids. Later, of course. Because I want kids. But mostly…I…”
I was trailing off because he was coming my way.
“…don’t want to lose you,” I finished on a whisper.
And he was at me.
Then I was up with his hands on my ass.
I rounded his hips with my legs, caught his jaw in my fingers, and still whispering, but this time it was trembling, I said, “Hutch.”
He was walking.
He said nothing.
And then I was down on his bed with him on top of me, and he was kissing me.
With all I was worth, I kissed him back.
There wasn’t going to be any lingering over each other tonight either.
Or not this round.
I had my answer (I thought), and I was jubilant.
I tore at his clothes.
He tore at mine.
We kissed and nipped and licked and touched.
We gave up on the clothes when I still had on my shell and bra, no panties, he was shirtless with his fly open, and I was ready.
Therefore, I told him, “Now.”
No hesitation, Hutch rolled between my legs, took command of his cock and drove in.
Dang, he could fill a girl up in every way.
I held him to me, lifting my hips to meet his thrusts, kissing him, alternating with panting against his lips, all the time clutching him with all I had in me.
I came fast with a fistful of his hair and another of his tight ass.
He grunted hard when he followed me with two handfuls of my ass.
When it left him, he collapsed on me before he pulled out and rolled to his back at my side.
However, like he never did, he didn’t take me with him or keep his touch on me.
I stared at the ceiling, trying to get my breath and my bearings.
Was that a yes, I’m falling for you too?
Or was that a no, but one last go ’round before it’s over?
“We, uh…didn’t use protection that time,” I remarked.
“You’re on the pill,” he stated impassively.
I closed my eyes.
Door number two.
As always.
“And you’re my woman,” he went on. “And I want kids too. Maybe not now—”
My heart swelled so big, it felt like it might choke me.
But I couldn’t care less.
I was a flurry of activity to get on him and kiss him all over his face.
I was straddling him, we were chest to chest, and his hands were again at my ass when I finally lifted up and gazed down at him.
This man was mine.
This handsome, talented, interesting man was all mine.
Officially.
And I was happy.
Officially.
Sooooooo very happy.
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you, baby,” he said gently.
“To tell me you’re my boyfriend?” I asked gleefully.
An insanely beautiful smile hit his lips. “Think we’re past that, seein’ as you’re my woman, that makes me your man.”
I was so at one with this added elevation to our relationship status, I did the kissing him all over his face thing again.
He started chuckling, wrapping his arms around me as he did it, and then he said, “Your aim is shit.”
I took his mouth.
He gave it to me and then took mine.
I oh-so gave it to him.
When he broke, he whispered, “You’re leaking all over my stomach.”
I would have bounced off to take care of that chore, but his arms were still around me.
He did an epic ab crunch, and then, with my arms and legs around him, he walked me to the bathroom.
Tonks danced in the door, gave an ecstatic roo-roo! (or at least I read it as ecstatic), then she danced out.
“I think Tonks senses I’m happy,” I told Hutch as he set my ass on the counter of the vanity.
“Probably,” he said through a smile and turned on the tap.
He hiked his jeans up, did a couple of buttons to keep them there (how they hadn’t already fallen off his slim hips was a mystery) and found a washcloth.
He saw to me, he saw to his belly, then we did the him-carrying-me, me-wrapped-around-him thing back to bed.
But this time, he set me in it, then took off his jeans before he joined me.
And by joining me, I meant putting me under the covers and stretching his long body on top of mine.
He smoothed the hair from my face then took that face in.
“You were nervous,” he noted.
“Yeah,” I pointed out the obvious.
“Fucked it,” he said. “Shouldn’t have let you get to that place.”
“Hutch—”
“I’ve known for weeks too, May,” he admitted.
I was warm, comfy, happy, with my man on me in his bed.
But that made me more of all three.
A ton more.
“I knew when I agreed to that fucked-up deal,” he went on.
I felt my lips turn down. “It wasn’t fucked up.”
“Babe, I’ve been torturing myself for weeks that, if I told you where my heart was taking me, you’d get shot of my ass.”
“Well, I’ve been doing the same, Hutch. Though, because of moi, we’ve both been getting laid doing it.”
My body shook with his humor (more warm, comfy and happy), as he shook his head, but he said, “This is true.”
“I know it is.”
“And now it’s over.”
“Well, that part is, this”—I squeezed him with my arms—“is far from it.”
“Yeah,” he said quietly.
Oh God.
After he said that, I didn’t know if I kissed him, or he kissed me, but whatever.
We kissed.
That go around, we got totally naked.
And it was lingering.
He took his time.
He gave me mine.
There wasn’t an inch of him I didn’t touch.
There wasn’t an inch of me he didn’t already know.
And again, he didn’t use a condom.
After we cleaned up, I headed back to bed, and he headed through the house to make sure it was shut down, and all the beings in it were doing okay, before he joined me under the warm covers in the dark.
When we tangled up, I promised, “We can take it slow.”
“I trust you, May.”
“I know, I just want you to know I can give you time to make sure you do.”
His arms moved from around me so he could frame my face in the shadows.
“We have all the time in the world, May.”
Tears hit my eyes, and even if he probably couldn’t see me, I pulled out of his hold and shoved my face in his throat to hide them.
I deep breathed to keep it together as Hutch stroked my hair to help.
When I got a handle on it, I told him, “I’m your Clementine.”
“What?”
“And you’re my Chisolm.”
“Baby…what?”
I tipped my head back to look at him in the dark. “It was shit. Pure shit. I met good people along the way. There were fun times. But my whole life was shit, Hutch. Until I met you.”
He growled delightfully before he kissed me again.
And even though he was right…
We had all the time in the world to pack it in…
We took some of that time to enjoy round three.