43. Peace of Mind
FORTY-THREE
Peace of Mind
Lillian
W hen we returned home an hour later, Harry went direct to the oven, pulled out the casserole, but switched the oven on to reheat.
Totally out of character, he completely ignored the dogs when he did this and continued to do so as he tugged off his jacket and went to the hall closet.
“Yours,” he grunted once he’d hung his up.
I shrugged mine off and handed it to him.
He dealt with it, walked by me and headed to the fridge, whereupon he pulled out a beer, grabbed the opener from a drawer, popped the cap and took a healthy swallow.
I flipped off my shoes, moved to the couch and got onto it on my knees, settling back on my calves, facing him.
For my part, I was jazzed. Seriously jazzed. Not only because they seemed to be closing in on my parents’ killer, but because I got to make an official statement. I got to say something that might be used to nail this guy when they caught him. And that meant something to me.
I couldn’t find him. I couldn’t try him. I couldn’t sentence him.
But I could do that.
And I did.
So, oh yeah.
I was jazzed.
However, Harry was in a mood I’d never experienced from him, and it brought to the fore for the first time since we began just how new we were.
Harry Moran wasn’t predictable.
Harry Moran was just a down-to-his-soul good man. He wasn’t about guessing games or walking on eggshells or solving relationship mysteries, the solution to which eventually bit you in the ass.
He was Harry.
You got what you saw.
He was not that now.
“What’s troubling you?” I asked cautiously and immediately stiffened, preparing for an emotional blow.
When I asked Willie this kind of question, the answer was usually issues with his family, which meant he got defensive, and he’d throw a tantrum, shouting about how I was trying to turn him against his kin (when I wasn’t, though I should have been—transference anyone?), and I just didn’t understand .
With Alex, I got impatience and such things as, “Well, you’d know if you’d move here, wouldn’t you?” Which led to secret keeping or twenty questions. It was exhausting.
Stormy was all about the brood. He didn’t talk feelings. He had a temper, but he didn’t lash out (at least, not to me). He didn’t make a scene. He just disappeared into himself.
I was expecting one of these three from Harry, in large part because he couldn’t talk due to his job, which had to be crazy frustrating.
And my heart was beginning to hurt because I was seeing this might be a problem for us.
But right then, being who he was, all he was, Harry proved me wrong.
He answered.
Put it right out there.
Honestly.
And fully.
“I did another death notice today. Ex-wife, two kids. The wife hated her ex. The kids had distanced themselves from their dad. But he was still their dad. They were confused, upset, and facing a life of never knowing if they could have fixed what was broken between them and their father.”
“Oh God, Harry,” I whispered.
“And this was after I walked to a man in full decomposition because his dead body had been sitting out in his car for over a week. I worked next to this guy for years. I didn’t respect him. I didn’t even like him. But I never wanted to see him like that.”
I closed my eyes as the heaviness of this overwhelmed me.
I opened them when he continued.
“I’ve also got a man who lost the use of his legs because his neighbor is a felonious asshole, and what, with probably the slightest fucking hint of decent police work, would have been an open and shut case, wasn’t. That man will live out his entire life in that wheelchair, doing it in a house next to the neighbor who it is very likely fucking shot him .”
Oh my God.
That was horrible.
Harry kept going.
“Further, I learned the FBI is after your ex-husband because he’s been laying to waste women in two different countries in the Pacific Northwest, marrying them, living off them and cleaning them out. If I ever find that asshole, I’ll have to wait to put him in one of our prisons for assaulting a man, because first, he’ll be spending time in a federal one.”
I was stunned. “Willie is doing all that?”
Harry nodded curtly. “Willie is doing all that.”
Good Lord.
How had I not seen what a mess he was?
I felt for those women, but thank God he’d never stolen from me.
Then again, back then, I didn’t have anything to steal.
Wretchedly, Harry wasn’t finished.
“This morning, I had a station full of women charging ex-officers with stalking, harassment, attempted coercive sexual assault and actual sexual assault. Seven women were stopped for alleged traffic violations and a deputy wearing this exact goddamned uniform tried to barter a blowjob for forgiving a ticket. Five of those women took the ticket, which they swear was falsified, so their fines were excessive, but they told him to go fuck himself. However, two women, the younger ones, the easier ones to manipulate and scare, got on their knees for this monster. None of these women came forward to report, because they knew it would go nowhere, and they had to live for years with the fear it might happen again and the injustice it happened at all.”
My heart sank, and I swallowed.
Harry kept letting it out.
“That might be the tip of the iceberg. Since that seal has been broken, we’re preparing for there to be more.”
“Oh, honey,” I said softly.
Harry kept going, “The same man who did that to those women is on the run for more than those heinous crimes, and obviously, that isn’t spray-painting my house. It tracks that he assisted a local couple in an insurance fraud and subsequent frame job, he crossed state lines to take the lives of your parents, he continued an extortion scheme for a decade and a half, he murdered a man who found out what he’d done, he used department resources to cover it up, and now the man who helped him do it is very dead. And there are three people who have gone into hiding for very good reason. If this guy keeps it up, they’re all next.”
I pressed my lips together and waited for him to get it all out.
“Which means I have to find him not only so they don’t get dead, but so he can pay for all he’s done and just simply end the liberty of a man who is an out-and-out menace. And not least of that, to get the woman I have deep feelings for, the woman I sleep beside and wake up next to, answers and justice.”
I stayed silent, sensing he wasn’t done.
“Now, I learn when you were nineteen fucking years old …”
Oh Lord.
He was losing it.
“…he sat on this house and followed you for the purposes of scaring you, warning you, if you knew what he thought your parents knew, or just dicking with you, because that’s who this motherfucker is. He knew your folks were gone because he took them from you. He wasn’t waiting for their return. Then, after he committed that act, he came back to my fucking town and fucked with you , my fucking woman .”
Totally losing it.
“Baby,” I whispered.
“So that, Lillian, all of that is what’s troubling me,” he concluded.
I didn’t know what to do.
He was more than prickly. He wasn’t inviting approach.
But he was Harry.
My Harry.
So what if we were new?
He’d had an incredibly shitty day after weeks of shitty days and freaking years of working with hugely shitty people.
I got off the couch and walked to him.
Harry didn’t move a muscle when I got close and curled my fingers around either side of his neck.
“I have a new doorbell with a camera,” I said softly.
“Lillian—”
I squeezed his neck and talked over him. “I have a thermostat I don’t have to remember to turn down. I didn’t even have to program it to turn itself down.”
A muscle in his cheek jumped.
“I’ve had dinner at The Lodge, something that is rare, because I can’t afford it. Same with the Bon Amie. I’ve also had my first spa visit,” I reminded him.
“Lill,” he murmured.
I edged closer to him and got up on my toes. “Those women came forward today, Harry, because they trust you’ll take care of them.”
He put his hands to my hips and whispered, “Sweetheart.”
“I don’t have to tell you that the police don’t have to be corrupt for women to hesitate to make those kinds of reports. It’s been embedded in our DNA there’s a good chance we won’t be believed, and if we are, the road to justice will be rocky, if justice is at the end of it at all. They need to know they’ll be handled with care. Those women came forward because they knew you’d handle them with care.”
That muscle twitched again.
“You were deep in it, it was all around you, so you don’t know,” I said. “You don’t know the sigh of relief that swept through Misted Pines, through this entire county when you were elected sheriff.”
He rested his forehead against mine, and he was hoarse when he said, “Baby.”
“Mom and Dad wouldn’t be dead if you, or a man like you, was sheriff back then, Harry,” I whispered. “You doing the job like you do, it keeps people safe every day in ways you’ll never know, but it happens.”
He closed his eyes like he was in pain.
He opened them when I continued whispering.
“It guts me. Absolutely guts me how crappy your day was today. I wish I could do something to make it all go away. But I can’t. The only thing I can do is remind you that you do the good work, Harry Moran. People know bad things are going to happen. People here also know they can trust you to knock yourself out to figure it out for them when it does.”
His fingers tensed on my hips. “I can handle it. Promise, Lilly. It was knowing he was fucking with you that put me over the edge.”
My smile was trembly, but grateful, when I replied, “I sensed that.”
“And I want answers for you.”
“You’re getting them, honey. You know this. Trust the process.”
He lifted his head from mine. “Let’s not get in the zone of thermostats and expensive dinners. This right here”—he pulled me so my body was flush to his—“is you giving yours back, Lill.”
“Good. A relationship doesn’t work if it’s not balanced.”
He took one hand from my hip to cup my jaw, and his brown eyes were so intense, it felt like they were branding me.
“Fuck, eight years ago, I thought I was the unluckiest man alive. Dead wife. The future I thought I had, gone with her. Working the only job I knew would fulfill me, but doing it for a man I had no respect for. And here I am. I do a job that’s hard to love, but I still love it. And I had her, I got to make her happy, for a time. And now I have you.”
“Now you have me,” I asserted firmly.
“Maybe the luckiest man alive,” he muttered.
Wow, that felt amazing.
Still.
“No, Harry, you’re just a man. A good one. A decent one. A smart one. A strong one. You’re the kind of man this world needs more of. Though, I might be the luckiest woman alive, because you’re also mine.”
“Thank you, Lilly,” he whispered.
But I wasn’t done.
I started swaying my hips, using my hands on him to encourage him to do the same.
“ Before the day I met you ,” I sang.
His eyes flashed, and he groaned, “Lill.”
“ Life seemed so unkind ,” I continued.
His forehead came back to mine, and he growled, “Fuck, Lillian.”
“ You’re the key to my peace of mind .”
I got no further.
With that, he dropped his head, kissed me, and we had our belated quickie while the oven preheated.
He took me to the bedroom, and it was fast, but not desperate. It was scorching, but not reckless. It was supremely satisfying, but not greedy.
It was us.
It was Harry.
It was perfect.