Chapter 38
A kitchen filled with people and chatter.
Not just people but friends, all happily drinking coffee and munching on biscuits from a variety box.
It’s something Celia imagines is so ordinary to people like Saska, with her gatherings.
But to Celia it’s still something of a novelty and she isn’t quite sure why she feels so at ease with all of this going on around her.
Perhaps because Geoff isn’t here? It still triggers a sudden pain in her, that all of those years together seem to have crumbled to dust. But still, it’s liberating, to have friends here – with the heating on, if she wants to! Celia can hardly believe she can behave in this way in her own home.
Now Terri is unboxing home-made brownies.
They’ve been short-staffed at the hospital recently and Celia is aware that, whenever she can, Terri grabs at the chance of extra shifts.
But it hasn’t just been that. She also suspects that, since Amanda seemed to settle herself in here, she’s been keeping her distance a little, and preferring to offer her support through daily texts.
‘I love your hair, by the way,’ Terri announces, giving it a ruffle.
‘Thanks.’ Celia smiles. ‘I kind of like it too!’
‘You look like a different person,’ Terri adds. ‘I mean, you’re still you , obviously?—’
‘But better,’ Amanda chips in.
Terri shakes her head. ‘Not better. Just… lighter. Like a younger version of you…’
Celia is so taken aback by the compliment that she spins towards the cupboard and lifts out a plate for the brownies. Blushing at forty-three years old? Ridiculous.
‘So, my favourite boy hasn’t come home yet?’ Terri perches on a kitchen chair.
‘Nope.’ Celia shakes her head. ‘I’d love him to be here but I can’t force him. I think it’s all been a bit too much, and he needed a change of scene…’ She breaks off, not wanting to delve into it all in front of Enzo and Mathilde.
‘He’ll be home again,’ Amanda says reassuringly, ‘when I’m out of your hair.’
‘I’m sure it’s nothing to do with that,’ Celia says quickly.
Amanda pulls a face. ‘It might be soon, actually. Or soon-ish. My agent called. A job offer’s come up and I’m still not sure whether to go for it…’
‘Oh, when did you hear about this?’ Celia asks.
‘A week ago,’ she admits.
‘A week ago? Why didn’t you say?’
Amanda nibbles a brownie, as if she needs to build up to sharing the news. ‘Mmm, this is delicious, Terri.’
‘Amanda, what’s the job offer?’ Celia prompts her.
She exhales forcefully, and then she describes the funeral plan commercial. How it would involve her strolling dreamily along a riverbank.
‘That doesn’t sound so bad,’ Enzo offers, at which Amanda splutters.
‘That’s my demographic now. Maybe they’ll want me to topple into the river in a sudden tragic accident?—’
‘Ridiculous,’ Terri retorts. ‘You look thirty-five if you’re a day.’
‘It’s true,’ Celia insists.
Amanda smiles. ‘You’re both very kind.’
Terri shrugs. ‘Well, honestly. The world’s gone mad. Will you do it, d’you think?’
‘Honestly, I don’t know.’ Amanda shrugs. ‘There’s not an awful lot else going on at the moment…’
‘You’re not on morning TV any more,’ Mathilde announces suddenly.
Amanda blinks in surprise and then smiles stoically. ‘No, I’m not, sweetheart. That came to an end, unfortunately.’
‘Why?’ she asks, and Celia catches Enzo giving her a quick look, as if warning her that this might be a sensitive issue.
‘They didn’t want me any more,’ Amanda says lightly.
‘But why not?’ Mathilde asks, frowning.
‘Mathilde,’ Enzo starts.
Amanda dismisses his concern with a flap of her hand. ‘It’s fine, really.’ She turns back towards Mathilde. ‘They actually wanted someone younger.’
‘I liked you,’ Mathilde announces, reaching for a second brownie. ‘I used to watch you in the school holidays or if I was off sick.’ She glances at her dad. ‘At Mum’s, I mean.’
‘Oh, right!’ Amanda beams at her. ‘Well, thank you, darling. So, not long till the summer holidays now, is it?’ Celia suspects she wants to swerve the topic away from her career.
‘Just two weeks to go,’ Mathilde replies.
‘What’re you up to this summer?’ Celia asks her, remembering those glorious days when the long holidays began – late June in Scotland, she was always delighted that it was so early in the summer. Logan would burst into the flat and fling his bag down, all smiles.
‘My Auntie Valérie’s coming over from France,’ Mathilde tells her. ‘She’s bringing her campervan.’
‘Oh, I bet that’s fun, honey,’ Terri says. ‘Are you going away on a trip?’
‘Yes, we are!’ Mathilde says.
‘Just a night away,’ Enzo says. ‘There’s this beach we love, isn’t there, Mathilde?’
‘Yeah. No one ever goes there but us.’
‘Well, hardly anyone.’ Enzo smiles. ‘Just the odd dog walker and one time there was a bunch of students in a tent, remember?’
Mathilde nods. ‘There’s a cave as well. A hermit’s cave?—’
‘That sounds magical,’ Amanda enthuses.
‘You could come too!’ Mathilde announces. ‘All of you, I mean?—’
‘Oh, I think it’s your trip,’ Celia says quickly.
‘With your dad and auntie, I mean.’ She turns her attention to Spike, allowing herself a moment’s pleasure at the sight of his perky erectness and the single pink flower blooming there.
She doesn’t know which – if any – component of her tea leaf fertiliser blend did the trick.
But it seems like something of a tiny miracle.
Now it occurs to her that, all those summers when Geoff didn’t want to go away with her – well, things can be different now. She can do whatever she wants. The thought is at once thrilling and faintly terrifying because actually, she doesn’t know what she wants to do.
Having asked for her dad’s phone, Mathilde shows Celia their beloved beach on the map. They pore over photos together and indeed it looks beautiful. Celia has lived in Scotland her whole life and had never heard of this secluded spot on the west coast.
‘Honestly,’ Enzo says, catching her eye, ‘you’d be very welcome to come if you’d like to. All of you, I mean,’ he adds quickly.
‘But this is your family time,’ Celia reiterates.
He looks expectantly at Mathilde. ‘You’d be fine with that, wouldn’t you?’
‘I’d love it,’ she says with a huge smile. ‘You’d all love it. It’s my favourite place.’
Celia shakes her head. ‘Space-wise, it’d be impossible. In a campervan, I mean…’
‘Mathilde and I can camp.’ Enzo turns to his daughter. ‘We’ve done that before, haven’t we? That time we brought Honey and Kizzy with us?’
Mathilde nods. ‘There’ll be room for all of us.
’ She looks around the kitchen as if that’s the matter settled.
Panicking now, Celia doesn’t know what to do.
Obviously they can’t all butt in on their family trip.
Mathilde is just being carried away in a burst of enthusiasm – and Enzo is being polite.
‘I’m sure you’ll want time with your sister,’ Celia ventures as she wipes up table crumbs.
Enzo shrugs. ‘Val’s over for three weeks. We’ll have plenty of time and there’s only so much I can handle, one to one.’ He smiles wryly. ‘Big sister, little brother. Those roles are hard to shift.’
‘She bosses Dad,’ Mathilde says, and they exchange a conspiratorial grin.
‘Well, maybe we could join you,’ Amanda announces now. ‘When are you going?’
‘Weekend after next, if that’d work for everyone,’ Enzo replies.
‘The start of the holidays,’ Mathilde enthuses.
‘Of course,’ Enzo adds, ‘you might have commitments?—’
‘I’m really not sure,’ Celia starts, but Amanda jumps in.
‘I don’t have anything happening, unless my agent comes up with a better offer. Also, that’ll be my last weekend here…’
‘Will it?’ Celia stares at her.
Amanda nods. ‘It’s time to go home. Jasper needs me there. He’s got a big art exhibition coming up and…’ She pauses, pushing back her hair. ‘So wouldn’t that be great, to do something fun together before I go?’
Celia frowns. The news of Amanda leaving has hit her with something of a thud. ‘So you should go!’ Terri announces.
‘What about you?’ Enzo asks her.
Terri shakes her head. ‘I’m full-on with work at the moment. Need the money.’ She grimaces and touches Celia’s arm. ‘I can keep an eye on things here, if you like? Before you start rolling that out as an excuse. “Oh, I can’t go, I need to look after my plants…”’
‘Are you good with plants, Terri?’ Amanda asks.
‘Terrible.’ She sniggers. ‘But we’re only talking a couple of days, right? I mean, what could possibly go wrong?’
Celia laughs dryly, her gaze skimming her kitchen that feels more full of life than she’s ever known it. And now Amanda has wound an arm around her shoulders.
‘C’mon!’ she urges her. ‘Remember the yes game?’
‘What’s that?’ Mathilde asks.
It’s Amanda who answers. ‘It’s from way back when me and Celia were kids. This thing the two of us came up with. Whenever one of us thought of something fun or exciting to do, the other had to say yes. Isn’t that right, Celia?’
‘Er, yes,’ she replies, feeling horribly in the spotlight.
‘Sounds like a good game,’ Enzo remarks with a smile.
‘So will you come?’ Mathilde grins.
Celia hesitates. Her brain is telling her, Yes, but you were young then and you’re not any more . But somehow, despite that, she catches Enzo’s smile and she finds herself saying, ‘Okay then. If you’re up for it too, Amanda?’
‘Of course I am!’
‘Then yes,’ Celia says. ‘Yes, we’ll come.’