Chapter 40
NINE DAYS LATER
It’ll be fine, Celia tells herself as she pulls on her jacket – even though she has never done a trip like this before.
It’s just a jaunt to the coast with her new friends.
What’s the big deal? And isn’t Amanda always saying that she should be open to new things?
First thing tomorrow, Enzo will be picking her up.
She thinks back to that giddy day out with Amanda – cinema and umami cocktails, that was new!
– and reminds herself that this is her life now.
That she can do whatever she wants.
Logan was all for it, during their five-minute chat.
‘It sounds great, Mum. One night at the beach? What are you so worried about? It’ll be fun!
’ Then she was aware of chatter in the background, and someone calling his name.
Already he seemed to have made a bunch of new friends at the mycology centre.
Names have been mentioned – Jonno and Ella and Ben – and she’s relieved to know that he’s happy and settled there.
Of course he is , she tells herself. He doesn’t need her fretting about him, and it was clear that he was in a hurry to wrap up the call.
‘Amanda’s going too, isn’t she?’ he asked.
‘Yes,’ she replied.
Then just as Celia is about to leave for the shop, Amanda emerges from the bathroom, wrapped in a towel. ‘So you’re off to your mum’s after work?’ she says.
‘That’s right.’ Celia manages a smile. ‘Just a quick visit to check she’s not missing Logan too much.’
Amanda nods, her expression inscrutable. ‘I’ll cook us a nice dinner when you’re back.’
‘That’d be lovely. Thanks.’ Celia quickly runs through everything she’s packed in Logan’s old rucksack, trying to figure out if there’s anything she’s forgotten. Relax. It’s only a couple of days by the sea!
‘Erm…’ Amanda looks down now. Her hair is wet and tangled, streaking over her bare shoulders. No one else Celia knows would look as good like that – all glowing and pink and gorgeous. ‘I, uh… I hope you don’t mind,’ she starts, looking up at Celia now. ‘But I’m not going to go on this weekend.’
‘What?’ Celia stares at her. ‘Why not?’
‘Because…’ She pauses. ‘I think it’d be good for you to go on your own.’
‘No, it wouldn’t! Why d’you say that?’
‘I just think it would,’ Amanda says firmly.
Celia stands there, knowing she should leave for work – she is never late – but also unable to move from this spot in the hallway.
When was the last time someone said this to her?
That she’d have to go somewhere alone? It was Geoff – when they’d been invited to Amanda’s wedding.
You’ll have a lot more fun on your own. ‘If you’re not going, then I’m not,’ Celia says firmly. ‘You have to come.’
‘Celia, listen.’ Amanda’s forehead crinkles as she touches her shoulder. ‘I’m leaving soon and, well, I just think you can get to know Enzo properly without me being there.’
Suspicion rises up in her. ‘What d’you mean, get to know him properly?’
‘Well, just have time together!’
Celia looks at her, trying to make sense of this. ‘You think I’m actually hoping something’s going to happen? Like, this weekend? So soon after Geoff? I don’t think?—’
‘No, of course not,’ Amanda cuts in. ‘I just meant?—’
‘As if he’d be interested anyway!’ she blasts out.
Amanda’s cheeks redden and her mouth crumples. ‘Celia, honestly. Why are you being like this?’
‘I’m not being like anything!’
With a loud sigh, Amanda strides straight past her to the bedroom.
Celia stares after her. ‘There’ll be loads of us, anyway.
Enzo, Mathilde, his sister…’ She presses her hands to her face, feeling stranded now in her own hallway.
Amanda has left a speckling of water droplets in her wake.
What should she do now? Exasperated, she calls out a curt goodbye and fetches her bike from where it’s chained at the back door, and cycles off to work.
The shop is unusually busy on this warm and sunny Friday, which helps to distract her from Amanda’s announcement.
Perhaps she’ll change her mind, Celia decides.
If Amanda agrees to go with her, then it’ll be okay.
She catches herself having these childish thoughts, and wonders what is wrong with her.
Why she cannot manage to do things easily on her own, as everyone else appears to do.
Even Logan who seems to be thriving at the mycology centre. What is she so afraid of?
She shuts up the shop and cycles, tired and scratchy-eyed, to her mum’s. Amanda was probably just testing her, she decides – trying to encourage her to do this thing on her own.
Well, no way is Celia being pushed that far out of her comfort zone.
At her mum’s, instead of pressing the buzzer and waiting patiently, she raps sharply on the door and marches right in. ‘Oh, Celia!’ Her mum scuttles out of the living room towards her.
‘Hi, Mum.’
‘Hi.’ Her mum looks different; Celia sees this at once. Brighter, somehow. More together. Her brown hair is neatly combed and her eyes are clearer, Celia thinks. Not so puffy and tired.
‘You look well,’ Celia says with a smile. ‘So how was it, having your grandson here?’
‘Extra work, of course,’ her mum says, making for the kitchen, ‘and he ate me out of house and home. But it was fine. Nice, actually, having the company.’
Celia watches as she fills the kettle and switches it on. ‘That’s good to hear. I think he enjoyed it too,’ she adds. ‘Thanks for having him. I appreciate that, Mum.’
She nods. ‘Like some tea?’
‘Er, yes, please.’ Her mum doesn’t usually offer her anything. She makes their tea, and instead of the TV blaring they sit together in the quiet of the living room.
‘I’ve been thinking,’ her mum says.
Celia looks at her. She is definitely sober – there’s not a trace of the familiar flush, the glassy eyes. ‘What about?’ Celia prompts her.
‘About the garden,’ she says. ‘I think I’d like to make a start on it out there.’
‘You mean… sort it all out?’ Celia asks in amazement.
‘Well, not all of it,’ her mum says quickly. ‘I couldn’t manage that all on my own?—’
‘But I could help you,’ Celia cuts in. ‘I think it’s a great idea. Such a waste really, leaving it all wild like that?—’
‘I’ve had a lot on my mind!’ her mum exclaims, eyes flashing now.
Celia leans towards her, clutching the chipped mug. ‘I know, Mum. I know it’s a lot. But honestly, I’d love to help…’
Her mother nods, her face softening. ‘I was wondering about this weekend, if you’re not busy?’
‘Oh, this weekend’s tricky,’ Celia says. ‘But as soon as I can?—’
‘What’re you up to this weekend?’
Celia hesitates. She could make something up – that she’s having to work in the shop, or has too much to do with the plant hospital.
In fact, until she’d arrived here she’d still been unsure about this trip – especially with Amanda announcing that she wasn’t going.
But then she’d given herself a mental shake, and told herself not to be so silly.
After all, she is an independent adult woman who’s weathered a break-up.
And of course she’s perfectly capable of enjoying an overnight trip with friends.
‘I’m actually going up north,’ she starts, ‘to this place on the coast.’
‘Oh, with Amanda?’ Her mum knows all about her oldest friend bowling up for an extended stay.
‘Erm, actually with a couple of other friends.’
‘Other friends?’ As if she were amazed that Celia has any.
‘That’s right.’
Her mum is scrutinising her now, and Celia knows she can’t leave it like that. ‘There’s this new friend, Enzo?—’
‘Enzo?’ She frowns. ‘Who’s that?’
‘Just someone I’ve got to know, Mum.’
Her mother’s eyes widen. ‘Is that a man?’
‘Yes, it’s a man.’
‘You mean you’re carrying on with someone else already?’
‘I’m not carrying on!’ Celia stares at her. ‘Like I said, he’s just a friend.’
‘Fast work, that!’
Celia sits there, frozen for a moment. Then she gets up and takes her mug through to the kitchen with her mum in pursuit. ‘You’re going away with a man ?’
‘Yes, and with his daughter and sister too…’ As she says this it dawns on Celia how utterly crazy this is.
The way she’d agreed to the trip, only because Amanda had urged her to.
And right now, Celia is sick of having her life managed, and going along with what every other person wants her to do.
Secretly, she’d hoped that Amanda would change her mind and agree to join them after all.
However, whether she comes or not is irrelevant now, as Celia’s mind is made up.
She washes her mug at the sink and tries to switch the subject to her mother’s garden: how they can hack down the weeds and she can dig it over – perhaps Logan will help, when he’s back from volunteering?
However, her mum won’t take the bait. ‘No sooner is Geoff out the door than you’ve shipped another one in!’
‘Mum, that’s ridiculous!’ Celia storms out to the hallway where she grabs her jacket from the hook. She pulls it on, her head spinning.
‘Celia, I’m sorry.’ Her mum grabs at her arm and suddenly she is crying, tears spilling down her cheeks. Celia cannot remember the last time she saw her mother cry.
‘Mum, it’s okay! Please don’t cry.’
Her mum pulls away, looking at her imploringly. ‘I’m sorry. I really am trying, you know.’
‘Oh, I know you are. And that’s great.’ They hug then, tightly and properly. And finally Celia pulls away and her mother virtually pushes her out of the door.
‘Please, forget what I said. You enjoy your weekend away at the beach, all right? We can do the garden together whenever you have time.’
Celia doesn’t want to go. It’s cracking her heart, to leave her mum like this.
But she needs to leave now, to be alone and try to figure things out.
She hugs her mum again – it’s so unfamiliar and weird – and instead of cycling home, she wheels her bike, blinking away tears as the steady rain hits her face.
Almost home now, she pulls out her phone and scrolls for Enzo’s name.
Really sorry but there’s a change of plan. We can’t make it this weekend. Hope you all have a brilliant time. Love Celia.