Chapter Forty-Eight
I have thought about that night a thousand times since, if not a hundred thousand.
I have replayed it in my mind. I could have told Kakos we would consider the subject of marriage at a later date.
That it was a matter for all the women to decide, not me alone.
I could have refused to listen to him there in the shadows and darkness and not even engaged in conversation. But I thought I was in control.
A few days later, arrangements for the Dionysia began, and I had little time to think of Kakos and his temper. Besides, there was good news—unexpectedly good news.
“Hirtus is back!” Aina barged in through the door of my home and raced into the kitchen where Althea and I were talking by the fire. “Hirtus is back early!”
I glanced at Althea to find her expression mirroring my own concern. From what I had been led to believe, Hirtus always spent the entire winter farther south.
“Has he returned early before?” I asked.
Althea shook her head. “No, he always waits until the snow has melted. Perhaps something is wrong.”
“Nothing is wrong,” Aina insisted, her cheeks glowing from the bite of the cold. “He wished to return for the Dionysia. That is what he said.”
As plausible as his words must have sounded to a fourteen-year-old, I had difficulty believing that could be the only reason.
“I will go see him now,” I told Althea while fetching my leather cloak. “If anyone comes with questions about the festival, answer as you see fit.”
I feared it would be an invasion of privacy, knocking on Phile’s door the same day her husband had returned, but when I was led through the house to the dining room, I found an extra place had already been set. They had been expecting me.
“Otrera.” Hirtus greeted me with a tight embrace. “I assume Aina told you of my return.”
“Is everything well?” I shifted my gaze from him to Phile, who was wrapped in thick furs despite the warmth inside the house. “I was not expecting you so soon.”
“No, I understand. And I did not wish to worry you. But I could not find peace so easily on this trip.”
“You were worried about how the young men had reacted to the loss of their fathers?”
His smile rose at one corner. “I should have known you would have the situation under control.”
“She is a great leader.” Phile spoke, her voice crackling with the same cough that had plagued her all winter.
“I do not think that is the answer,” I said. “We have worked together—all of us women and the young men too. But I am glad to see you returned safely to us. Aina says you are here to celebrate the Dionysia?”
“I am looking forward to it.”
“In that case, I should go help with the preparations.”
“Are you not staying for food?” Phile said as Hirtus folded his arms around her. However welcome they had made me, I was invading their time together.
“We will have plenty of time to talk,” I said, once again embracing him. “But I am grateful to have you home, Hirtus.”
* * *
When the Dionysia arrived, we were treated to a day of clear skies and crisp air. Kallista enlisted help from several women to ensure our cups were never empty, while the young men readied to perform the plays they had practiced over the summer.
We moved in front of the fires, sharing food and offering our prayers to the gods.
The young men mingled among us with an ease we had not managed all winter.
Some played with the children, while others spoke to the older girls.
My gaze lingered on Ereas and Cleon, who were deep in conversation with several young men, along with Aina and a friend of hers of a similar age.
Something unexpectedly uncomfortable panged behind my ribs.
Envy? Disappointment? Both, I suspected.
Cleon would be a good match for Aina. He was older, yes, but that was often the case.
And there was something within him…a kindness that I wished for her.
That was the purpose of what we had gone through after all.
These young women would never know the type of violent matrimony we had experienced.
No matter how much I wished otherwise, I did not believe we could keep men from our lives forever.
For while we did not need them for their strength or competence, we needed their seed.
These young women would want children of their own one day, and that was not a role I could perform.
In the distance, I saw Phile with her arm resting on Hirtus’s. Her eyes shone golden in the firelight as her lips curled up in a smile that reflected his. I had hoped to find an opportunity to pray with them both that evening, so I started toward them, only to find my route blocked.
“Otrera.”
“Cleon.”
While most of the young men had used this time to thicken their beards, Cleon had trimmed his close to his face. His blue eyes were still piercing, even in the limited light.
A pause widened the space between us, and I searched my mind for words to say, only to find myself lacking. He had come to me after all. Thankfully, he spoke again.
“Today has been joyous. You honored the god well.”
“I can hardly claim credit for the work done here. I believe you are one of the master playwrights among us.”
He chuckled lightly, shyly.
“I wished to thank you for what you have done here. My mother…she had a strength like yours. She would have liked to have seen this. It would have brought her great joy.”
“Thank you.” They were the only words I could offer.
“I know it is not her day, but I intended to pray to the goddess Artemis tonight. To thank her for all she has blessed us with here. I heard there is a shrine you have made in her honor by the edge of the forest. Could you take me there? I find it easier to pray in the quiet.”
“I am surprised you know of such a place,” I said before recalling who he had been talking to only moments before. “Aina?”
“She idolizes you,” Cleon said, again offering that soft, warm smile.
“As I do her. Her skill with the horses is one I hope she will teach me one day.”
“You amaze me, Otrera. You are fearless.”
I could not recall ever having been looked at that way before, and a heat that was not from the blazing fire rushed to my cheeks.
“That is not so,” I said truthfully. “There is plenty I fear.”
“Truthfully?”
“Truthfully.”
His smile widened as he cast a look behind him to where Aina was still talking with several of the young men. A moment later, Cleon’s attention was back on me.
“Then perhaps you can tell me of some of your fears as you walk me to this shrine of yours,” he said.