Chapter Eighty
It was a rash and foolish decision. By the time we were all gathered, it was late afternoon, and we were barely out of the forest when darkness fell upon us and we were forced to set up camp.
I gave the women a choice. They did not have to fight.
It would not be held against them. But I also told them the truth: The greater our numbers were, the less chance of any loss.
My one condition was that we would all ride.
I wanted to be in a fight. I wanted to feel the rush of anger flying through my body and into the end of my arrow tip, and I would not wait for those who ambled behind.
Forty women came on horseback. Still, our weapons were not as they should have been, and several were forced to rely on scythes and old knives from the tannery. When we returned from this fight, I promised myself that the next time we rode into a battle, it would be with swords and spears.
As we set up camp, I placed my bed a short way from the rest of the women.
The men, for their part, remained together.
My impulsive decision to leave without proper preparation meant that we did not have adequate supplies and were forced to hunt.
Three women quickly brought down a wild boar, but skinning and roasting such an animal is a lengthy process.
I was ravenous, and in my state, I could not wait the hours it would take for the beast to be cooked, so upon seeing a snake coiled around the branch of a tree, I impaled the animal with my knife and cooked it on a small flame hidden from the rest of the women.
It was not a leader’s action, I know, but my pain made me selfish, and I devoured that meat without so much as a flicker of guilt.
I was busy picking the final fibers of flesh from the bones when Thalassa approached.
“You should not be here. You should be resting. Mourning.”
I snapped off a small bone from the ribs and used it to pick at my teeth. “Do not tell me how I should behave. And do not think I have forgotten this morning. The way you attempted to present yourself as the leader.”
Thalassa sucked in her cheeks as she narrowed her eyes at me.
“By asking if they had tiles? I thought we all had a voice. I thought all opinions could be heard in this place. If not, how is this any different from a land ruled by men?”
I sprang to my feet. “How is this different? I will tell you how. Because you are not raped every night by a man who claims to love you. Because you are not beaten black and blue, merely because a man desires sport. Because you have the freedom to ride, to hunt, to live in safety.”
Thalassa’s eyes locked on mine, her expression entirely calm, the same calm that rolled through her voice as she spoke to me.
“Take your hands off my throat, Otrera,” she said.
Confused, I glanced down and startled at the sight.
The fingers and thumb of my right hand were pressed up against her jaw as if I were hoping to squeeze the breath out of her body.
It was the same grip Morsimus had held me in a hundred times.
I dropped my hand and stepped back, shaking, confused, and afraid.
How could I be capable of such an action?
With my legs still trembling, I swept my gaze around me, fearful of who might have seen my display.
I had told the women time and time again that they were safe from monsters.
I had never believed that I could be one.
“Thalassa.” I stepped back. Every inch of me trembled.
“You do not need to explain, Otrera. You do not.”
“I did not… I could not.”
“I understand.” Thalassa’s voice did not so much as flicker in volume as she continued with that same soothing tone.
“That pain you feel, Otrera, is the same every mother here has felt. Every one who has lost a child or whose child has been hurt under their protection. That anger and fear and guilt you feel are the same as all the mothers who allowed their sons to be taken away from them at your command because they knew it was for a greater good. But watch yourself, Otrera. You can use that pain to build yourself as a leader, or you can use it to destroy yourself. The choice is yours.” With that, she glanced down at the discarded snake bones and skin scattered on the spitting flames of my dwindling fire.
“And eat more. You need everything you can get.”
* * *
We began again at first light. In my erratic state, where I had insisted that only women who could ride could join us, I had forgotten the men. Men who had already spent three days walking to reach Themiscyra and had been allowed less than half a day’s rest before continuing.
Their torpid pace caused me to itch with irritation. And I was not alone.
On the second day, we reached plains. Plains where the horses could have galloped and stretched their legs but instead were forced to trundle onward, kicking out, sometimes bucking and rearing in frustration.
The third day, I was done.
“I can do this no longer,” I said. “Leander, you and your men join the women. You are to ride on the horses.”
The women looked at me, aghast, and I understood.
To have a man forced on them was something I had promised they would never have to endure.
But it was not merely about the pace. The slowness of the journey was giving me too much time to think, to dwell.
My body was still not my own. I felt the difference in the tightness of my chest, the looseness of my belly.
“I will not insist any of you carry a man upon your steed,” I said. “I ask this only because I believe it will aid us. The sooner we reach their farms and do as we have been hired to do, the sooner we can head home to Themiscyra.”
Silence remained. They needed more from me, and I needed to find a way to give it to them.
“The men will ride in front,” I said, my thoughts and speech simultaneous. “Their hands will be bound if necessary so that you can push them off and snap their necks at the slightest hint of disrespect. You have my blessing to do so.”
The men’s eyes widened, although the light chuckle that reverberated through the air assured me the women were slightly more appeased.
“Do I have any volunteers?”
“I will take one.”
I did not need to turn to know that it was Thalassa who had spoken. I glanced at her, yet her eyes barely met mine. No doubt she was fearful of what they would betray if they did. Thalassa, who had always been out for herself, was doing this for me.
“I will take one too.” Sotiria, as I could have predicted, was next.
“That makes three, for Leander will ride with me,” I said. “Two more are needed, or we can leave the others here to trudge behind. I do not mind either way.”
We received no more volunteers, so the remaining two men were left to walk home, although they did not seem too displeased.
“I assume this will not be an issue for you?” I asked Leander as I offered him a hand and pulled him up onto Erebus.
He shook his head. Even if it was, I suspect he would have avoided saying anything. The other two who came with us were the eldest, those I had feared would not manage much more of the journey. As we rounded a hill, cut through by a river, the one sitting with Sotiria spoke.
“I think it is less than half a day’s ride from here. Perhaps it would be best to decide how you wish to approach. They are unlikely to come to the village if they see all these horses surrounding it.”
“Tell me, from which direction do the raiders come?” I asked.
“The east. The farm is a few days’ walk southeast of here.”
I scanned the horizon. “In that case, we will continue on for only a short while longer. Then you three must continue the journey on foot and alone.”
“And you?”
“What we do does not matter to you. All I ask is that when you reach your village, place three torches in a row so that when lit, they can be seen from that hill.” I pointed to a place where the height would offer us a clear view across the valley but a copse of trees would provide shelter.
We would not be seen, even if the men came in daylight.
“If they arrive, light those three torches, and we will come to your aid.”
“Thank you, thank you.”
“One more thing. Ask all your people to tie white scarves around their necks. That way, we will know not to run a dagger through their hearts should they be outside when we attack.”
Leander opened his mouth as if to thank me, but his lips closed tightly, and he nodded instead.
I had said all I needed to say, yet as silence fell on our group, I felt Thalassa’s gaze boring into me. Unease churned within me as, with a grimace, I spoke the words she desperately wished me to say.
“And when we have rid you of these men,” I said, “and your farm is once again safe, then we will discuss our payment.”