Chapter Thirty-Five
It was unusual for me to visit the cemetery twice in quick succession, but there was a special purpose behind my next visit. In a large canvas bag were my gardening tools, gloves, and an exquisite bunch of pale pink roses.
The plan had come to me in the middle of the night, where sometimes bad ideas can seem astonishingly wise. I tested this one out again as dawn broke, and it still seemed sound.
I’d been intending to send Henry a bouquet of flowers as a get-well gift.
But my subconscious had conjured up something I thought he’d appreciate even more.
I would find his wife’s plot, tidy it up if that was needed, and lay some new flowers for her.
Then I would photograph it to show Henry, so that he didn’t have to worry about it being neglected in his absence.
I might even have a little chat with Bee and let her know – in case she was in any doubt – what a lovely man her husband was.
I felt sure she’d be pleased to know he’d made a new friend.
A surprisingly full work diary meant I had to wait several days before I could put my plan into action.
I often worked on Saturdays, but this week I was letting go of the reins and allowing my new assistant to manage the office without me.
Taking on a member of staff had felt like a huge but totally logical move, and Simon was such an easy hire I knew it would have been crazy not to have given him the job.
I wasn’t the old Ellie anymore, the one who believed she had to do everything alone, that asking or accepting help was a sign of weakness.
Sometimes I truly believed getting struck by lightning had been the best thing that had ever happened to me.
‘Not only is Simon passionate about learning the estate agency business, but he’s super smart at all the technical stuff,’ I told Jackson.
‘I mean, he’s obviously not as good as you,’ I backtracked, as I saw my old friend bristle slightly.
‘But he’s shit-hot on the social media side, which has always been our USP. ’
Jackson had nodded wisely. ‘That’s why I make sure I stay current. It’s important to be “down with the kids”.’
I tried admirably to silence my snort of laughter, but it got away from me.
‘Do they still use that phrase, Grandpa?’ I said, giving my old friend an affectionate squeeze.
‘Fuck knows,’ he replied with a grin. ‘Although if you were looking for someone to help you out with the business, I’m a little hurt you didn’t ask me.’
Jackson had mentioned weeks ago that when he and Lars sold their respective flats and bought their first home together, he’d like to invest some of his money and time in a growing business. I just hadn’t realised he’d been serious.
‘Can you imagine you and I working together?’ I said, covering up my guilt with a nervous laugh.
‘Very easily, actually.’
It wasn’t the answer I’d expected, and it had stuck in my head for days.
I carefully checked the weather forecast, the way I always did now, before leaving my flat. Rain was predicted for late afternoon, but for now the sun was still valiantly trying to prove the meteorologists wrong.
‘Here. Let me take that,’ Rhys said, reaching for my bag of gardening tools. I passed him the jute carrier, which he slipped over his shoulder before placing a guiding hand at my back as we walked to his car.
His offer to accompany me to the cemetery had been a surprise. ‘Two pairs of eyes are better than one,’ he reasoned. ‘And you got me intrigued with all that cyber sleuthing the other day.’
He blipped open the car and the boot obediently rose. He stowed my bag in the back beside another bunch of flowers. The roses I’d bought for Bee looked quintessentially British; beautiful but refined. The other bouquet was all exotic tropical blooms in a riot of colours.
‘I thought it was only right to bring your mum some flowers the first time I meet her,’ Rhys said.
I didn’t think it was possible to keep falling in love with the same person over and over again, and yet somehow that was what kept happening to me.
‘She’ll adore them,’ I said softly.
I could feel Rhys’s eyes watching me carefully on the walk from the cemetery car park to my mother’s plot. It didn’t matter how many times I visited – I knew my demeanour changed during my time here. My stride was slower, my eyes more thoughtful, and my smile a little harder to locate.
Rhys held out his hand and as I felt his fingers curl around mine, some of the usual tension began to fade. His own parents were happily still alive, but he was so in tune with me he appeared to know – without me having to say a word – that this bit, before I reached her, was always the hardest.
‘Are you okay?’
I gave him a quick nod and a smile that couldn’t find my eyes if it was given a map. He took our joined hands and lifted them to his lips, grazing my knuckles with a kiss.
‘Thank you for coming today,’ I said in a voice that wasn’t entirely steady. ‘It’s been a long time since I introduced a boyfriend to my mum.’
His smile eased the knot in my chest. ‘Boyfriend. I don’t think I’ve heard you call me that before.’
For a moment I wondered if I’d taken a huge misstep, crossed a line I hadn’t seen, and made him uncomfortable. But then I saw the way his eyes were crinkling at the edges.
‘Do you mind?’ I asked, feeling tentative.
Another kiss, this one brief and firm on my lips. ‘Not at all. Boyfriend is fine for now, until we decide to find another title.’
That one was going to be stuck in my head for the rest of the day, but thinking about its implications would have to wait until later, for we were already at my mother’s grave.
I released my hand from Rhys’s, and he stayed back as I crossed the grass to bend down beside the granite headstone.
‘Hi, Mum,’ I said, running my fingertips over the engraving of her name, the way I often did when talking to her. ‘I’ve brought someone with me today. They wanted to meet you.’
I looked back over my shoulder at Rhys, who was waiting patiently to one side, holding the flowers he’d brought for a woman who could no longer smell their exquisite fragrance.
I hadn’t really thought through what this moment would be like, but what I hadn’t anticipated was how natural and right it felt to introduce the man I loved to the only family I’d ever had.
‘It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs Harker,’ Rhys said, not sounding the least bit embarrassed or self-conscious to be having a conversation with a slab of granite.
How did I ever get so lucky to find a man like this? I glanced back at my mother’s headstone. She would have loved him in real life, I knew that instinctively.
Rhys bent down beside me, and still sounding completely natural, he laid the flowers he’d brought at the base of Mum’s headstone. ‘These are for you, Mrs Harker.’
‘I think it’s probably okay to call her Elizabeth,’ I said with a gentle smile.
‘Not Liz, or Lizzy?’
I gave a mock shudder. ‘God no. She hated it when anyone abbreviated her name. It was one of her pet peeves.’
‘Then Elizabeth it is.’
Dark clouds had been slowly building on the drive to the cemetery and were now starting to buddy up in the sky. I glanced up. It looked like the Met Office had been right. Rain was clearly on the way.
‘I should probably start searching for Bee’s plot before it rains,’ I said.
‘Do you mind if I take a moment or two with your mum before I join you?’ Rhys asked.
He must have read the questions in my eyes.
‘I can’t expect her to approve of me just on your say-so.
’ His eyes swivelled to my mother’s name.
‘She needs to form her own opinion as to whether I’m worthy of her daughter. ’
‘You are,’ I said, my voice no more than a whisper. ‘Just saying what you did proves it.’
I got to my feet, fumbling a little when I bent to pick up the bag with Bee’s roses. As I headed towards the other side of the path, I strained my ears and just managed to hear Rhys’s voice carried by the wind.
‘Before I say anything else, Elizabeth, it’s only right that I tell you that what I feel for Ellie is like nothing I’ve ever known before.’
We’d agreed to search separate sections of the graveyard to maximise our chance of success, messaging each other every fifteen minutes or so to see if either of us had found Bee’s plot yet.
I walked up and down the first few rows, trying not to let myself get distracted by the poignant memorials that I couldn’t help but read in passing. There were many that could easily have moved me to tears: Adam, husband and best friend hit a chord, as did My beloved Grandmother.
Had my mother ever secretly longed to be a grandparent?
It was a question that simply hadn’t occurred to me before now.
I tried to summon up an image of her cradling the grandchild she’d never get to know in her arms and was shocked by an unexpected ache of longing for something I’d never wanted.
The image haunted me as I went up and down several farther rows of graves.
Grey clouds continued to gather overhead, and when a strong breeze began whipping through the trees and foliage, I knew the rain wouldn’t be far behind. The first drops were thick and fat, decorating the concrete walkways with polka-dot splatters.
‘Do you want to take a break until it passes?’
It was a perfectly reasonable suggestion, and the fact that I’d had to wipe my phone screen clear of raindrops to read it should have made my answer an easy yes.
Think I’ll keep going, I rapidly typed. But I can meet you back at the car if you like?
Rhys didn’t reply.