Chapter 34
Thirty-Four
I’m finally at the end of it all. Someone else knows my story.
Sebastian hands me a tissue, and I dry my eyes.
“Before I say anything else . . .” He lowers his head to make certain I’m looking into his eyes. “I think you are incredible. The most incredible person I’ve ever met. The most incredible person to ever exist. I don’t know how you went through what you did, and you’re still standing.”
“Barely,” I whisper. “I’m here, but at what cost?”
He shakes his head. “You’re still here. I’m grateful. All of humanity should be.”
I nod and rest my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, steady and soothing.
“And to think, you’re able to keep going like this. It’s remarkable.”
It’s the only part Sebastian doesn’t know. That I’ve already made my mind up. There’s no need to tell him. It’s only for another day. I should be kind and let him enjoy it.
“Let’s not talk anymore,” I say, sitting up, facing him. If I only have one more day, I want to spend it next to him.
I can remember his touch as his gaze drops to my lips. “Are you sure?” The tension peaks between us again, and he waits for my lead even now.
“I’ve never been surer about anything.”
He stands, bringing me with him in one motion. I wrap my arms around his neck, pressing closer as he carries me out of the room and up the steps. He’s in no hurry, but I am. After all that talk, I want to feel.
He sits me on the edge of the bed. I slip out of my dress and sit naked before him, the air-conditioning cool on my fevered skin. His eyes trace the lines of my body, taking in every detail. I relish the attention, being fully seen one last time.
“No more talking,” I say, leaning forward.
He nods and stands between my legs, and I reach up, untying the string on his sweatpants. I tug the waistband down, tug on his shirt until he’s as naked as I am.
There’s no shyness. No hesitation. This man knows everything there is to know about me.
And I’m not about to wait a second longer.
He kisses me on my lips before grinning as he settles comfortably between my thighs, pinning me to the mattress.
This is different from our first time together, mainly because we’re in a bed.
Everything feels slower, like the drizzle of thick honey.
He feels like sweet release as he makes sure I reach my pleasure first.
When I’m finished, I sit up and kiss him long and slow. “More.”
He braces himself above me, hands tangled in my hair as he kisses the heart-shaped birthmark on my collarbone. I run my hands up and down his back, pressing him closer. No matter how I move, we fit together.
I draw my legs up on either side of his hips. He shudders from the deliciously slow way he inches inside me. It’s a perfect fit, almost like he was made for me. He meets me move for move as his hand finds my face, caressing.
“Oh, Sebastian.”
“Shh,” he says, grinning. “You said no talking.”
And there is no more talking, just our bodies coming together as I pull him to me, grinding to meet him upon every thrust.
I go over the edge again, this time taking him with me.
We lie together afterward, and everything is right and wrong all at the same time. As good as it was, I already know how bad it will be when I lose this. I will be less than dust.
That strengthens my resolve.
I wait until I hear his breath even out, a pleasant ache running through my body.
Sebastian stirs, reaching, still asleep, and pulls me toward him. I allow myself a moment, savoring his warmth and the strength of his touch. I’m happy and sick at the same time, Death’s words echoing in my mind. He’ll never let me have this. Or, instead, he will take it from me.
I marvel at Sebastian, still nestled in the sheets, and for an instant, an image of the not-so-distant future where we’ve made a life comes to mind.
I can picture it all—trips to museums, flights traveling the world, lovely dinners, and long walks along the beach.
Even thinking of it brings a flicker of joy that makes me incandescent.
It could all be so beautiful. That is, until I’m left to live it without him—alone again.
The familiar feeling creeps in, the bleak one that tastes of despair.
I can also imagine what it will be like to experience it all again: to watch Sebastian wither, struck down by an accident or old age itself; to plan another funeral under an assumed name.
The thought strengthens my resolve. This will all end tonight.
I tug on a robe and creep downstairs for a glass of water. His jacket is on the banister, and it looks good there, as if it belongs. All through the living room, Sebastian’s things lie about, taking up space as if they’re supposed to be here.
That’s when I see it. The one thing that doesn’t belong. It’s the object I’ve been waiting for.
A large golden hourglass sits on top of the piano, the sand steadily pouring through, mounding in the bottom compartment. I approach it like a bomb and read the time remaining—a little less than two hours. The white card stands out, with a familiar address not far from here.
I get my water and head upstairs.
It’s time to meet Death and face his wrath.
I’ve told someone the truth.
I sit on the edge of the bed.
“Hey.” He smiles sleepily at me.
“Hey,” I say back, smiling. He is so handsome. I love how he looks up at me like I am the sun and he’s caught in my orbit. I enjoy his look for a few seconds more because once he hears the truth, he won’t ever see me that way again.
He shifts back, eyes more alert, searching my face. “Something’s wrong.” He slips his hand into mine. “Is it because we had sex?”
“No,” I say, squeezing his hand. “That was perfect.”
He grins and brushes his mouth against my knuckles. “What’s the matter?”
Hasn’t he been paying attention about what happens when people get too close to me? I want to savor these final seconds together.
“I’m just glad I could share my story with you. I’m glad you’re the one who knows the whole thing.”
“And I’m glad to be a part of it,” he says, smiling. “There’s so much left to tell . . . so much more of your story to be written.”
“But that’s just it, Sebastian . . .”
Lightning flashes outside as rain lashes the window, filling the room with its steady beat. Silence stretches out between us as comprehension dawns.
“You broke the rules,” he says. “You weren’t supposed to . . . tell the story . . .”
There’s no judgment there, only a simple statement of the facts.
He pauses as if replaying the last few days in his mind. “Last night at the museum, you’d made your mind up then.” He swallows. “I was so caught up in what you told me about your past that I wasn’t paying attention to your future.”
Another man might storm out or rage at my selfishness, perhaps argue with me and try to change my mind.
But Sebastian is Sebastian and comforts me.
He draws me into his arms, which only makes it worse.
I can imagine a life of Sebastian helping me fulfill the terms of the deal, seeking other stories.
As good as it would be, nothing would be worth what would come in the end. At some future time, I’d lose him too.
My heart twists in my chest. The pain is so great that I feel my soul might shatter.
“Nella—” He moves to my side.
“No.” I hold out a hand, stopping him, and take a breath.
“I’ve had my mind made up since Winston died three years ago.
I’d fulfilled my promise to Gabby to look after him.
With him gone, I tried not to make any more attachments and keep things simple.
The thing was, Death never showed. Not even when I tried to force him to meet me.
So I decided to wait. He had to meet me at some point.
And then I met you. Perfect you. I suddenly remembered everything I’d forgotten, how good the world could feel—what it was like to be interested in life again.
What it felt like to want again . . .” I take a deep breath.
“I was ready to choose more time, right up until I saw those figurines in the museum. I had to tell you. I had to break the deal.”
Sebastian frowns, forehead wrinkling. “Why? Because of William?”
“No,” I say. “It’s because of you.” I cup his cheek, his beard slightly rough in my hand. I breathe in the scent of him—cinnamon, leather, and the bit of essence that is just him—savoring it for the last time.
“Because of me?” Sebastian sits back, bewildered. “What about me would make you want to end this bet?”
“To avoid the pain of losing you when the time comes.” I pull away, and his grip loosens, but he doesn’t let me go entirely; his fingers trail over mine. Knowing how short our time is, I crave his touch, but I can’t think straight when he’s touching me.
“But that’s the deal,” he says softly. “That’s humanity. We will all lose the ones we love—either them or us. From birth, we make our way in this world. The gift is the choice of who we spend it with.”
“The curse, you mean.” I shake my head sadly.
“That’s the part people miss. I’ve read books about immortality, vampires that live forever, people who never age .
. . They think the worst thing is death.
Death is the easy part. What they miss is the loneliness, all-consuming, that occurs as everything and everyone slips away, lost to the sands of time. ”
All I can think about is the cost. I was so sure that the beauty and the goodness were worth it. I had no concept of how empty life could feel, how meaningless it could be.
“I have a sense of what you mean. Not to the same extent, of course. You already know about Patricia. I know how hard life can be without love.”