Chapter Four #2
He looked away, and we spent a moment in quiet.
I needed to watch my tongue, because I was about to say some nasty shit about his wife.
Like how she must never have loved him if that was the case.
Or how superficial she must be to make that demand.
But Alec didn’t seem open to hearing that, or think that of the woman he married.
And who the hell was I to inject my opinion on their marriage when I’d never met her?
After a moment, I said, “I’m sorry, man. I can’t say I know what that’s like, but I’m here if you ever need an ear to chew.”
Alec smiled at me in a way I hadn’t seen before. “Thanks, Mason. That actually means a lot.”
“No worries, dude.”
“Like I said, this was over a year in the making, so the end of my marriage was this slow, steady decay. Maybe it would’ve been easier if she cheated.
A burst of white-hot anger and indignation to burn away lingering feelings.
But we just let it suffocate. And as of yesterday, it took its last breath. ”
“Why? What happened yesterday?”
“She officially asked me to move out.”
“Fuck that! Don’t they say not to leave the property? If anything, force a sale!”
“The house was her grandmother’s, and not considered a marital asset. So I’ve got to go. She’s given me time, but as of yesterday I have a hard date I need to be out. Don’t know what the fuck I’m gonna do.”
“Is it soon?”
“No, I’ve known I had to go for months, but I’ve done shit all to look for a place. It's just like… I don’t know, man. It just sucks.” He looked at me with a smile so sad it broke my heart.
“I don’t know what to say, man. I’m sorry you’re going through that.”
“It’s okay.” His face brightened. “Life’s shit, and then you die, right?” His laugh rang hollow and he gulped down the rest of his whiskey.
After sucking the burn through his teeth, he said, “You’ve got the right idea about permanent bachelorhood, kid.
” He exhaled and stared into his empty glass.
“If you learn anything from me, it’s know before you go.
Know yourself, your guts. The deep-down shit you never look at.
I’m talking metaphorically and physically.
Get your shit checked, man. Better to know than have to start over at thirty-two. ”
“Fuck, man. Yeah, I will. Thanks.”
The sorrow and darkness flowing out of him crushed me. I’m not a big hugger, but I wanted to reach across the table and hold him. Tell him everything would be okay, but I’m shit at comforting people. I gave it a shot, anyway.
“Permanent bachelorhood is the best, but reclaimed bachelorhood will be just as good. Promise,” I said with a smile and laugh.
Alec evaluated me. “You think I should stay single?”
“Yeah. At least for a long while.”
“Why?”
“You’ll be happier, man.”
He glared at me. Along with the smirk he wore, it made my heart beat faster.
“Don’t know about that.” His voice dropped an octave. “Persuade me. Sell me on permanent bachelorhood. Let’s see if those skills are real or bullshit.”
It sounded like he wanted me to entertain him.If it made him feel better, I was glad to. I took a few seconds to formulate my plan of attack. When I was ready, I gave him a wicked grin.
“There are many different types of people in the world. Some you want to be, and some you don’t. I have friends who I’d never want to be like and—"
“You’re talking about your hometown friends?”
“Yes. I—”
“You never talk about them. Why wouldn’t I want to be like them? Because they’re in relationships?”
“No, not just because they’re in a relationship. They’re… small-minded?”
“Are you asking or telling? I don’t know them, Blackwood. Paint a picture.”
He was being obstinate. And how he stared at me, his smirk never growing, but his eyes tensing further, threw me off my game. I reframed my pitch.
“Ok, so, after high school, my whole friend group went backpacking through Europe. It blew our fucking minds, and we decided to transfer away from the local college, but I was the only one who actually did it.” I rubbed the back of my neck, unaware of how much the memory still stung until I relived it.
“All of them, everyone, moved back home after they graduated. Then they got married, mostly to each other or other locals, had babies, bought houses, the whole nine.”
“So? What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing. If that’s what they want, but I don’t.” I snorted. “I almost had a panic attack the last wedding I flew home for. Just not for me, or any worldly man, such as yourself.”
“What gave you a panic attack?”
I smiled and looked away. It felt less like a pitch than an interrogation.
“Everyone, including my family, pressured me to move back home, meet a girl and settle down. My dad got nasty, told me to stop dicking around, and that selling toilets halfway across the country wasn’t better than being near family and friends. Wasn’t a great trip.”
“So I should stay single forever because your dad was mean that one time?”
I laughed, shook my head, and smiled.
“No. What I’m trying to say is that whenever I come home, my friends talk about our summer in Europe as if it were a once-in-a-lifetime thing. Something that could never happen again, and,”—I cringed—“it gives me fucking hives.”
“Why? For them, it probably was. Isn’t it better that they went when they could, and remember it fondly, than never getting to go at all?”
“I guess.” My skin felt itchy, and I wanted to get up.
“What do you mean, you guess? You sound like a snob.” He chuckled. “Not everyone can fly around the world, Blackwood.”
“I don’t mean the ability. I meant the desire. They have none. They live their little lives in their little town, never changing, never moving, never seeing or experiencing anything new. It’s just…” My spine tickled, and I shimmied as if trying to shake the feeling loose.
“God, that’s pretentious.” Alec sat back, letting his smirk become a grin. “Are you repulsed by the idea of people being happy where they are?”
“What? No! Not repulsed by people being happy. Just like, you know… I don’t want to feel so tied down. It makes me feel trapped.”
“Having a family with the person you love makes you feel trapped?”
“No!” My heart rate continued to climb. “Yes… maybe. I don’t know. Shit—"
“I’m not sold, kid.” He grinned wider. “People have always, throughout human history, wanted to be in stable relationships. Why shouldn’t I want that?”
“I… well…” My brain emptied, and I had nothing more to say.
Alec stared at me until he laughed. “I’m fucking with you. Calm down.” He laughed harder. “I’ve never seen you so flustered.”
I laughed too, grateful for the reprieve. “Thank you, I had no idea how to bullshit that one.” I laughed more. “I only believe about half of the shit I just said, as it is.”
“Half? A good salesperson should believe anywhere from ninety to ninety-five percent of what they say… Oh, sorry, did I say ninety? I meant five.”
We laughed more. His eyes lingered on me as it died, and his smile changed. “Thanks for making me laugh. I needed it.”
“Anytime,” I said.
Shortly after, he caught our server and paid the tab, tipping him well. In the Uber on the way back, he said, “Thanks for listening to me. I appreciate it.”
I smiled. “No worries. And I wasn’t bullshitting. If you want to talk, I’m here,” I said.
Alec chuckled. “Don’t write checks you can’t cash, Blackwood. I might take you up on that. I don’t have what some would call a robust personal network, and clients get weird when you start talking about your divorce in meetings.” He chuckled again.
I laughed hard. It was silly, but the right amount of Alec. He didn’t laugh much, but he smiled.
It made my nascent attraction to him stronger. The night before was nothing compared to hearing him bare his soul, and then helping him soothe it. As he sat beside me in the back of the car, images from our first trip crowded my mind.
How he could be in total control—keep absolute cool—while his entire life was being torn apart was sad, but also endearing.
He was the center of attention, and didn’t stray from the spotlight, but it was never really about him, was it?
He’d lead a meeting, but make sure everyone was heard.
He’d close a deal, but give me the glory.
He’d put on a happy, smiling, laughing face when he was in some of the worst pain a man can go through.
I still wanted to hug him, hold him tight, and then…
Then I wanted to suck his cock until he almost forgot his name, before fucking his ass so hard that he did.
I didn’t know I was staring at him, because I wasn’t, really. I was looking at him, but seeing him naked, hairy, and covered in sweat beneath me.
He smiled. “What?”
My cheeks heated. “Nothing.” I looked out the window.
When we got back to the room, he said, “I’m so fucking beat, but I got work to do.”
“Do it in the morning,” I said, unbuttoning my shirt.
“No, it’ll be worse in the morning. Better to get a start on it than rushing with a headache.”
“Why’d you order two more drinks, then?”
“I wasn’t done. Now I am. Time for work and time for play, Blackwood. Remember that.”
“If you say so.”
“Don’t you have shit to do, too?”
I wanted to roll my eyes and complain like a teenager. It was late. I had a few drinks, and staring at my laptop screen until my eyes fell out was the last thing I wanted to do. But I nodded, said, “Yeah, good point,” and did just that.
He sat at the desk, and I lounged on my bed as we worked. It was well past midnight when Alec finally said, “That’s enough. I’m calling it.”
“Me too,” I said, closing my laptop. As Alec got into his bed, I got out of mine. “Gonna shower. Wanna sleep in. If that’s okay.”
“You’re a grown-ass man, Blackwood. You don’t need my permission to shower or sleep. But I guess that means you’re not hitting the gym with me?”
“Might skip it, yeah.”
“Your loss.”