Chapter Fifteen
One year later.
“Yeah… Yup... Yes, that’s right… Uh-huh... Okay, speak soon… Yup... Seriously, thanks again... Mmhm... Bye... Goodbye,” I said, staring Deven in the eye, a smirk clashing with the annoyance on my face before I hung the phone up.
“So?” he said, eager as ever.
“We’re in!” I said, raising my hands.
Deven celebrated in his unique way, hunched over and rapidly pumping his fists for less than a second.
“Fuck yeah!” he said, before remembering we were in the office and regulating his volume. It was the end of the day, but there were still plenty of people around.
“Calm down, bro. It’s just a pitch meeting.” I said, quashing his fervor before my smirk returned. “But a hell of a lot closer than any of them have ever gotten.”
Deven pumped his fists again. “Fuck, man!” he whispered. “How long have you been chasing them? Didn’t you meet her with your old Sr. Rep.?”
A flash of ice hit my stomach. It used to be a lot worse than a flash. “We’ve been chasing them for a year and a half. But, yeah, I met Rebekah Shenandoah a year and three months ago.”
I knew precisely how long it had been since I met her. Three months, and then a year.
“Damn, so this is the longest chase you’ve ever been on? You used to close like ninety percent of your accounts within the same day, right?”
I chuckled. “Yup.” I hated talking about it, but didn’t want him to know that.
“Nice! Well, I know for a fact that we’re gonna be the team that finally closes CompComm!” He pumped his fists again. “Fuck yeah!”
I had been promoted to Senior Representative a few months before, and Deven was my Junior.
At twenty-two, he had graduated with his BA in marketing thirteen minutes ago and already made me feel old as dirt.
I was almost twenty-eight, but I already thought he used weird slang, listened to terrible music, and had a different professional vibe.
Or he might just have been a little weirdo, but I liked him.
Since my promotion and Deven’s hiring, we’d been killing it.
Lisa was deemed the number one sales Rep.
the previous year, after the abrupt end of my streak.
But we were on track to reclaim the title.
There was a moment when the sorrow gave way to clarity, and it all returned to me.
Since then, I was on a winning streak for record books. More so once I got Deven.
I can attribute that to work becoming my sole focus. Yeah, I went to happy hours and saw friends once in a while, but my time was spent working, thinking about work, and then working more. It never left my mind, even lifting at the gym—especially at the gym.
When I didn’t think about work, other thoughts crept in. I had a handle on them. Time heals all wounds and all that, but it was still a struggle even a year later.
Not to put too fine a point on it, but I was approaching the one-year anniversary of Alec leaving. Well, of me running away like a scared child and coming home to find out he left for good. It had been a year of growth and sorrow. Loss and transformation.
Sometimes, laying alone in bed, I’d relive it all. The shock and horror, the heartbreak and despair. I didn’t sleep a wink the night I came home and spent the rest of my PTO in bed. It was pretty terrible.
Worse than that? When I found out Alec had quit his job and erased all his social media.
He either got a new number or blocked everyone we knew in common.
It was an enormous scandal in the office.
After years with the company as a top-performing salesperson, his formal resignation was an email to the president.
Not even a call to his boss, the VP of Sales.
Eventually, I tracked down his ex-wife, Vivian, on social media. She was curt and said she didn’t know where he was, but that even if she did, she wouldn’t tell me or anyone else. Alec deserved a fresh start, and we should let him have it.
That wasn’t my last attempt to find him, but it was the last good lead.
His parents weren’t on social media, nor could I find them without the help of a private eye.
And if I was going to hire one, I might as well just look for Alec.
Googling private eyes was the last thing I did.
I thought of Vivian's message before clicking on any of the links. If he didn’t want to be found, that was his right.
The real sorrow didn’t set in until that moment. And what a fucking gut punch it was. I had never been in love with anyone before, which meant I’d never experienced heartbreak. Didn’t much care for it.
I came home ready and willing to give it a real shot with him. I’d never wanted to give anything a real shot with anyone before. Every relationship before him had been fleeting, much like my life. At two years, FinCrest was my longest employment stint.
Realizing that I’d never see him again felt like falling.
Whenever I thought of it, my stomach sank like the highest drop on a roller coaster.
He had said he felt listless and unmoored, but I didn’t understand him until then.
With time, the falling was replaced with ice.
A frozen grip in my guts when someone spoke his name, or my brain would conjure an image of us on the couch or dinner table.
Or the office. Or his hairy, sweaty, heaving chest after he filled me.
Somewhere between the ice and fall, the devastation and heartbreak, I realized my career was the only way out.
Having options had become toxic, and not just because of my actions.
I wanted to feel stable when nothing else was.
When a well-defined future is ripped away, finding something to hold on to is more than a life vest. It’s a life purpose.
That was work. Day in and day out. Call after call.
Pitch after pitch. I honed my skills better than when I was with Alec.
It took time. There were a few months where I was shit and didn’t close a damn thing, but it got better.
I’d already started improving when the VP of Sales sat me down to discuss my performance.
She and the rest of the team gave me ample slack.
Alec’s sudden departure was a blow to the company’s bottom line, but they understood I took the hit personally.
My mentor abandoned me without warning, and the company gave me time to recover.
I used to wonder if they’d have been as understanding if they knew the nature of our relationship. Probably less if they knew we were romantically involved. And I would’ve been fired if they found out why he fled.
I told no one. It wasn’t my place or my right to expose Alec. There was something about penance, too. I needed to suffer that loss in silence, and could not, would not, seek comfort from anyone else.
It was a long process, and I was just starting to feel like myself again.
Deven helped. He was so eager, and I enjoyed watching him learn and grow.
When he’d used a trick I taught him, or redid something without me asking, I felt pride.
In him and myself. It made me wonder if that’s how Alec felt about me, and if his romantic feelings changed or complicated things. Not if, but by how much.
Alec had once told me to know before I go. I didn’t understand that until he was gone. The first step was easy, making appointments with as many doctors as I could—I’m healthy as a horse and fertile as a stallion. But the other stuff? That took more time.
I looked at the deep-down shit I never had before. Not much had changed since I returned from that resort. What did was my understanding of myself. I wanted something serious and life-lasting, but could be happy alone. Also, Alec was right in his letter. We were destined to fail.
The people we were never could’ve made it through the upheaval ahead of us. I also understood, furthering my sorrow, that Alec might be the only one for me. Maybe things would change, maybe they wouldn’t. I was starting to be okay with either.
“Fuck yeah, is right. But we’ve gotta be more on our game than we’ve ever been.
” I said to Deven as I packed my bag. “No stupid mistakes. No little errors. Just unmitigated knowledge and charm. Rebekah ate me and my former Sr. Rep. alive the last time we spoke. Devastated us in two sentences. So perfection is the minimum requirement. One hundred percent effort. Got it?”
“Yes, sir!” Deven said, forcing more ice into my belly, and a cringe I fought to conceal.
“Don’t call me that, man,” I said with a chuckle.
I understood so much after Alec left. How much of an immature asshole I was for instigating our extra-professional relationship.
The stress he must’ve felt, and guilt at giving in to his desires.
Also, how weird it is to have your Jr. Rep.
call you, sir. I had less than zero interest in Deven that way, who was planning on proposing to his girlfriend.
It was weird, and a total fluke, that it worked so well between Alec and me sexually.
“I’ll stop when you stop freaking out about it,” he said, taking the cue to stand up and get out of my cubicle.
“Cheeky little shit.” I laughed. “Are you ready for tomorrow? It’s your first industry event, right?”
“Yup, but I’m so fucking ready, bro. Gonna rock that shit so hard.”
I laughed. “It’s a two-day conference. We’re not there to sell. Just keep tabs on the competition.”
“I know. I’ve got all the tabs. So many tabs they call me Tabby Cat.”
I laughed hard and shook my head. “Why are you so weird?” I laughed again, and so did he. “It’s an early flight. Are you packed?”
“Yes… no, but I will when I get home.”
“Good. I’ll be at your place at four-thirty. You better be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, because I’m not stopping the car. You gotta throw your shit in the trunk and hop in while I’m rolling away, or I’m leaving your ass behind.”
Deven laughed, then stood up straight and gave me a formal military salute. “Sir, yes, sir!”
Cheeky little shit.
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