Chapter 39 Dianna
DIANNA
My head felt like a heavy stone rested upon it, and perhaps one did.
The last few hours felt like a horrible nightmare made real.
Not only had I been trapped in my own body while it was violated and used, but Gathrriel had used it to hurt the one person I couldn’t live without.
I hoped Samkiel knew just how badly I was fighting.
I cursed and screamed at Gathrriel with every blow he landed upon him.
It wasn’t until I felt the bond between us slowly start to slip away from me that I willed whatever strength I had left into gaining control.
Samkiel spoke of finding me in another life, but I wanted him in this one.
I heard Samkiel’s final goodbye, heard the way he said akrai, as if it was the last time he would say it, and decided I’d be damned if I let that monster steal him from me after everything we’d been through.
I didn’t know what power I’d tapped into, but I remembered studying with Gabby when she was trying to pass her boards.
Gathrriel was like a virus in my body, infecting me, and I knew one cure.
Our bodies overheat in response to an illness, and that’s just what I did.
I took a deep, shuddering breath and opened my eyes, looking out past the light curtains covering the windows.
Sweet ocean air fluttered in, but it was the hand resting against my abdomen that stilled my nerves and brought me peace.
I entwined our fingers, linking our rings.
“What do you think your enemies will say when they discover the great and powerful World Ender likes to cuddle?”
His laugh rumbled in his chest, and I felt it where he was pressed against my back. “Take it to your grave.”
I turned, the bed squeaking from my movement as I faced him and rested my head against his shoulder.
The owner of the hotel that Samkiel had led us to in Whitcliff had taken one look at us, covered in soot, dirt, and bruises, and he’d given us the room for free.
While he hadn’t questioned us, he’d probably assumed we’d either blown something up or were involved in an elaborate fighting ring.
On our way to the room, Samkiel had said that was one of the great things about Whitcliff.
The entire city was a hub for illegal trading, selling everything from spices to organs, but they didn’t ask questions or care who you were.
I had been too tired to ask him to elaborate.
I lay on my side, and lifted our interlocked fingers, holding them high enough between us that my ring glinted in the moonlight spilling into our room.
It was the most comforting feeling, having it back on my finger.
It was like being wrapped in a warm blanket after nearly freezing to death.
I never realized how addicted I was to the ring and our connection until I had lost them both.
It was made worse because it had happened not of my own volition or mistake, but because he had stripped me of my will.
I had gone days without them, and I absolutely hated it.
I didn’t know how I’d ever survived without it, without him, for so long.
I placed our hands between us, neither of us letting go as we lay there in the silence, hoping the city we had left for nearly a week was okay.
We’d sent Cameron and Reggie back to check on it before returning to us.
Of course, they’d both refused to leave until after they’d fussed over us and our well-being.
Mentally, we were fine. Physically, it was another story.
“I wonder what happened to Vvive that was so bad that his soul can’t rest.”
Samkiel took a deep breath. “Me too.”
“Do you blame him?”
“For taking over you? Yes,” he said. “For seeking revenge for something that was so bad that he cannot rest? No.”
I nodded. “Me either. I didn’t see it in his head, but I felt his rage and grief. I think she was ripped from him. Maybe Dhihsin too.”
His hand stilled on my back. “So many lies and secrets, even my mind no longer knows what to believe. The ancient texts that spoke of him, of them both, seem like bedtime stories now. I truly feel lost. Everything I knew or believed seems to be a lie.”
I raised my hand to him, holding out my pinky. “We can believe and trust in ourselves. That much I know is true. The rest we can figure out as we go.”
“In life or death, I am yours.” He smiled, gripping my pinky and placing a kiss on our conjoined fingers. He rested our hands over his chest, and I felt the rhythmic beat of his heart match my own.
I wrapped my leg around his, seeking more warmth.
The long sleeping pants I wore slid against his.
Along with our pajama tops, we were wearing more clothing in bed than we had since we got together.
Nighttime in Whitcliff meant cooler temperatures, given its exposure to the ocean.
“I don’t think Gathrriel could comprehend we were in love. In his brain, we are enemies until—”
“Until the stars burn out,” he finished for me.
They were the words I had carelessly spoken to him a year ago.
I nodded, craning my head back to look at him, afraid this was some dream and Gathrriel had actually won.
He lay with his eyes closed, his features relaxed.
I reached up, and Samkiel grunted as I gently ran my fingers across the massive bruise that had formed on his neck.
His skin was healing too slowly. Gathrriel had damn near ripped his head off with his teeth, and he had taken far too much blood.
The puncture wounds were almost gone, but Gathrriel definitely did not feed on him like I did.
It made me want to kill him twice. I leaned forward, placing a soft kiss on the large bruise across his neck.
If I could kiss away his pain, take it into myself, I would.
I loved Samkiel and had slowly learned how to show that affection in ways I would never do for anyone else.
He groaned softly, not in pleasure but pain.
“I will say,” he said, turning toward me. “It only feels good when you do it.”
I snorted and wrapped my arm loosely across his chest. “Well, I doubt he was trying to turn you on, considering he was intent on killing you.”
His face grew grave. “He would have, you know? Killed me.”
My hand stilled as I met his gaze. His eyes held no hint of a joke or half-lie.
“He overpowered me in every way, and if I’d fought back, I would have hurt you.
I’d never allow that. I will never raise my hand to you in such a way, no matter the circumstance.
When it comes to you, I’ll always choose you, no matter the consequences.
The world can burn, and the realms can fall to destruction.
If there is ever a choice between the two, I need you to know that neither the crown nor the throne means anything to me.
None of it would matter without you. It’s always you.
You are my priority. I may be a god, but you are the altar at which I worship. ”
My heart swelled at his admission. I knew Samkiel loved me.
I had known that far longer than I cared to admit.
He’d shown me over and over, but when he spoke it …
Poets would break their wrists, trying to transcribe the words he gave to me.
I leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss on his lips.
Samkiel turned, rolling onto his back and pulling me on top of him.
My hand slid through the short hair at the base of his neck, and when he went to deepen the kiss, he winced but tried to hide the pain that riddled his body.
I shifted and pulled back, my hand splayed lightly over his heart.
I couldn’t see them now because of his shirt, but I knew bruises and scrapes covered every part of his chest and back.
Even with his armor on, Gathrriel had been too strong, too determined.
“Being a hero is overrated,” I said.
“Vastly,” he said, pulling me back down and wrapping his arms around me, his breath tickling the hairs along the top of my head as he snorted.
“You should quit.”
Samkiel low chuckled. “I’ll get right on that.” He leaned forward, kissing the top of my head before relaxing under me.
I nodded and tipped my head back on his chest to watch him, plucking at the dark sleep shirt he wore. “When does the fighting stop?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” he said in all earnestness.
“I feel like we win a battle, only to run straight into another. I want us to be happy.”
He raised up, looking down at me. “Are you not happy?”
“No, I am.” I smiled. “I swear, but I want everyone back, not lost to themselves and being abused because of some spell my father created. I want our home and the city you’ve made safe. After everything, I want peace for us. What if one day we decided we want a family, children?”
His brows rose, and he grunted in pain as he sat up, his hands reaching for the waistband of his lounge pants. “All right. Let’s get started right now.”
The laugh that erupted from me was enough to make my ribs ache. I slapped his hands away and gently tugged him back down to lie next to me. “Stop it. You’re too bruised and beaten.”
“If you think that would stop me, you don’t actually know me.” He smiled, placing a kiss on my nose as we settled next to each other once more. He slipped his arm behind my head once more, and I curved alongside him, fitting my body against his side.
“Do you want that?” he asked, his voice soft and filled with wonder as if he’d never thought it would be something either of us would consider. “Eventually?”
I shrugged in the darkened room, glancing up at him.
We only spoke about it once back on Onuna when we were ice skating, and at that time, I only saw darkness in my future, but now?
“Eventually, maybe. I don’t even know if biologically we could, but I’d like the choice.
Although I refuse to bring anything we make out of love into this angry, violent world. ”