Chapter 6 #2
“You pretend that you were raised better than I was,” I snapped. “You think because your parents have money and you were invited to all the best parties that you’re somehow better than everybody else.”
“Do I pretend that, or are you so embarrassed about how you were raised that you put that on me when it’s really you thinking it?”
“I don’t have a problem with how I was raised,” I gritted out. “I had a great childhood.”
“With a flake of a mother and an absentee father.”
He wasn’t wrong. My mother, by her own admission, was a flake. I barely knew my father. This was what Preston did, though. He belittled me with insults hidden behind simple statements. I hated it.
“My mother is the best person I know.” I chose my words carefully. “She’s a bit of a flake. She would tell you that. She finds joy in life, though. You’ve never found joy in anything, at least not as long as I’ve known you.”
“I found joy in you.” He said it with all the sincerity of a used-car salesman.
Rather than argue, I asked the obvious question. “When?”
That threw him. “What do you mean?”
“When did you find joy in me?”
He obviously hadn’t been prepared for that question, because he finally faltered. “I don’t think I understand the question. I found joy in everything you did.”
“Give me a ‘for instance.’”
“I don’t… I…”
“Just one memory of you finding joy in me,” I pressed.
“I’ll wait.” As if to prove my point, I took a big bite of my sandwich and methodically chewed.
By the time I’d swallowed, he still looked lost. “You didn’t find joy in me, Preston,” I said when it became obvious he wasn’t going to come up with an answer.
“You just didn’t like explaining that I was the one who left you. ”
Anger flashed in his eyes, but he shuttered it quickly. “You took what happened with Tiffany too personally. It had nothing to do with you.”
“You cheating on me had nothing to do with me? How does that work?”
“I didn’t look at it as cheating. It was just… stress relief.”
“Hmm.” I sipped my latte again, if only to give myself something to do with my hands. “That’s quite the hoop you’re trying to jump through.”
“It’s true. I love you. I have always loved you.” He showed no emotion. No, that line was just an item to be checked off his to-do list. It always had been.
The first time he’d said the words, it had been four months to the day of our first date. I remembered marking the time in my mind. I hadn’t been suspicious back then. I knew better now. He had a list of emotions to fake, and that was merely one of them.
“You don’t love me,” I replied in an even voice.
I wouldn’t let him get me going. A reaction was what he wanted so he could point to me being emotional as the reason he couldn’t talk to me. The move was one of his regular tricks.
“I do. Why do you think I’m here?”
“Because you want to win, even though I’m not playing the game.”
“That is not true. My life isn’t complete without you.” He took a big, dramatic pause. “If you need me not to relieve my stress with others, I understand. I didn’t realize it was going to be such a big deal. I’ll do better.”
Gawd, how had I ever convinced myself I loved this man? He was the absolute worst. Nothing he said was believable.
“I don’t need anything from you,” I replied. “I’ve moved on.”
“With Nathan?” His gaze darkened.
I considered telling him that it wasn’t about a man, that I wasn’t even really dating Nathan. I just didn’t want to date him. Why couldn’t he see that? Something stopped me at the last moment, however. There was an alarm going off in my head that I couldn’t put a name to.
“Nathan is really none of your concern,” I said instead.
“You can’t tell me that what you have going with him is better than what we had between us.”
“Preston, we had nothing between us. It took me way longer than it should have to figure that out, but I couldn’t even have all my stuff at your apartment because you said it cluttered the place up too much.
Now I know why you really didn’t want it there,” I continued.
“That would have made it harder, when I was over in Salem visiting my mother, for you to bring home random women and screw them in the bedroom we shared.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He had the gall to act hurt, but I didn’t miss the gleam in his eyes.
This conversation was over. He was only keeping it going because he was determined to win. I refused to let him claim victory over anything that involved me.
Instead, I packed up my computer and outline notebook then grabbed my coffee as I stood. I couldn’t carry the sandwich, too, and I was more than a little bit sad about abandoning it. But escape was more important.
“Let me go, Preston,” I said. “I’m not coming back. I’m moving forward with Nathan.” It felt weird to say, but I pushed the thought out of my head. If Nathan’s involvement in my life could keep Preston out of it, that was all that mattered.
“You don’t love Nathan,” Preston argued. “You still love me. I know it.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yes.” His smile was smug.
“Then why am I marrying him?” I had no idea where the lie had come from, but it was out of my mouth before I could haul it back.
Preston’s eyebrows practically flew off his forehead. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. I’m done here.” I started to turn, but his hand shot out and grabbed my elbow before I could. “Let me go.” I jerked away from him.
“You’re not engaged.” He was spitting mad now. “Why lie about something like that?”
“I’m not lying.”
“You’re not wearing a ring.” He pointed out, triumph taking over his features.
“The ring is getting sized.” The lie slid easily off my tongue. Thankfully, as an author, I could come up with dialogue on the fly. “I am getting married. There’s no room for you in my life. You need to let me go.”
“I don’t believe you.”
I shrugged because there was nothing else I could do. “That’s on you, then.”
I marched toward the door, my mind starting to whir and my heart pounding as I put one foot in front of the other. Just what the hell had I done? Whatever it was, the only thing I could say with any degree of certainty was that it wasn’t good.
No, it wasn’t good at all.