Chapter 18 #2
“Maybe, but I don’t allow myself to get that drunk and then hang around women. I have accidentally gotten that drunk on a football Sunday, but only when hanging out with the guys.”
“And you’re never worried about being tempted by the guys?”
He chuckled. “No. I’ve often wondered if my life would be easier if I could swing that way. But it just doesn’t work for me.” He lifted the sheet so I could get a look beneath—likely to give me peace of mind,
He wore boxer shorts with cobras on them—that was weirdly phallic—and I was in my fuzzy Strawberry Shortcake sleep shorts and a simple white tank top.
I blew out a breath. “So we didn’t do anything we have to apologize to each other for this morning.” That was such a relief… and also a bit of a disappointment.
He chuckled and let the sheet fall back over us.
Then to my surprise, he snuggled me close again.
“No. We tortured Preston a little bit—he was not a fan of my stick finger knives—and then we came back here and fell into bed. We were a little drunk, but I don’t lose control that way.
I’m a big fan of consent, and you were way too buzzed last night to consent to anything. ”
Did that mean, if I had been able to consent, he would have been willing to go there? The mere thought of that made butterflies swarm in my stomach. I could not ponder that in front of him.
“I remember playing Freddy Krueger,” I assured him. “You have a very creepy singing voice when belting out the ‘one, two, Freddy’s after you’ song.”
He laughed. “That’s probably why my throat is a little sore this morning. I remember a lot of singing.”
“Yeah, we played that shadow game for a long time. Technically, it should have been long enough for us to sober up, but then you procured that small bottle of bourbon from somewhere, and we drank that.”
“Ah, right.” His hands were warm and smooth as they rubbed my back.
“I forgot about that extra bottle.” He pulled his head back far enough to stare down at me.
“What is it with your ex and teeny-tiny bottles of liquor? There were a lot of choices, but you got a shot and a half out of a bottle, and then you were done.”
“I like to pretend I’m a giant when I’m drinking those. That’s how I got through some of his mother’s lawn parties in Boston. I pretended I was a mythical fairy creature sent to the future to observe humans and determine if they needed to be wiped out.”
His eyebrows flew toward his hairline. “That is dark.”
“I spent most of those parties in a corner by myself. His mother was always on me to mingle, but I never felt comfortable in those settings. Nobody wanted to talk to Preston Martin Charles II’s secretary, and Preston never introduced me to people. His mother definitely didn’t.”
“I hate this tool,” Nathan complained. “I mean… I’m not blaming the victim, and you’re clearly a victim in all of this, but how could you ever be attracted to that guy?”
That was the question of the century.
I managed a shrug. “I wasn’t ever attracted to him. I’ve done a lot of thinking about this—I mean, a lot—but I’m not sure you want to hear it.”
“Oh, I want to hear it. I need to understand.”
I sighed. “I struggled a lot in college when I found out that nobody else had an upbringing quite like mine.”
He didn’t say anything and just listened.
“The others acted as if I’d been raised by wolves,” I continued. “It took me too long to realize it was the other way around. I had a great upbringing.
“By then, I’d convinced myself that Preston coming from one of the most prominent families in Boston meant that he was a good catch and that, eventually, he would calm down and we would get to know one another properly.
He couldn’t possibly walk around with that stick up his butt for the rest of his life, right? ”
“You don’t want my opinion on that,” he replied.
“No.” I was rueful. “I lied to myself. Preston is good looking—”
“Not as good looking as me.”
I snorted and shook my head. “Not as good looking as you,” I conceded. “I lied to myself that he would loosen up, and the longer I lied to myself, the easier it was to believe because the alternative, accepting that I’d been wrong this whole time, was too much.”
“So you dragged things out,” he guessed.
“I dragged things out,” I confirmed. “I dragged things out to the point that I was frozen. I kept coming up with these elaborate scenarios to get away, but then I would never pull the trigger. I was so relieved when I caught him cheating. I finally had my opening.”
Nathan’s face was full of frustration when I looked into his eyes. “I hate that you were afraid to leave him.”
“Not afraid, just…” This time I didn’t finish it out. I really thought about what he was saying.
“Afraid,” he reiterated in a soft voice.
“Yeah.” I rubbed my forehead. “I wasn’t lying about him not hurting me physically. He wouldn’t. I’m starting to understand that he did other things to me, more insidious things, and I still haven’t realized the scope of them.”
“I won’t let him hurt you again.” Nathan’s eyes were fierce. “It’s going to be okay. I want you to have fun and be yourself. Do not worry about that douche nozzle. We’re going to end his involvement in the author community within the month. I guarantee it.”
A smile pushed through the heavy moment. “You’re a good guy.”
“I’m not a dog?”
“Maybe just a little one.” I held my fingers out a hairsbreadth apart. “You’re just not ready to settle down. Something tells me, when you are ready, you’re going to make an amazing husband and father.”
A momentary flash of sadness was visible, then he pushed it away.
“So, I was thinking,” he said, grinning.
“How about we take our tablets and outlines to the far side of the lake and get some writing in after breakfast? I don’t know about you, but I could use a peaceful morning without having to worry about what Preston is up to. ”
That was music to my ears. “You read my mind. I would love to get some writing in.”
“Good.” He didn’t release me. “Just a few more minutes, and we’ll get up. I’m dying to see if Preston does that omelet bar again. He’s a complete and total idiot, but man, the food is good.”
“Yeah, I guess we can give him accolades for that. Nothing else, though.” I rested my head against his chest.
He exhaled heavily and tightened his grip on me. “Definitely nothing else.”