Chapter 24 #2
“You can buy a peg leg for Nathan in the gift shop and make him wear it for whatever weird roleplay the two of you get up to,” she replied, not missing a beat. “Before you deny that you do that, you should know we really did spy on you guys in the woods.”
“That’s weird,” I complained.
“I don’t find nearly as much joy at being in the middle of nowhere as the rest of you.”
We got a table and placed our orders. I was feeling meek, so Bree handled the ordering for everybody. She really was bossy.
“We will have three Skull Crushers to drink,” she started.
“That’s a lot of alcohol early in the day,” Hayley complained.
Bree pinned her with a death glare before continuing. “Everybody will have the crab soup as the first course, and we’ll split an order of the corn fritters as an appetizer.”
I made a protesting sound. “It’s too early for heavy food.”
She jabbed a finger at me and continued. “We’ll all have the Steak Caprese Salad for our main entrees.”
My first instinct was to argue, but when I thought about it, she’d made good choices. Her smile was smug when I snapped my mouth shut.
She waited until our Skull Crushers had been delivered, along with the soup, to speak.
“I’m sorry about Preston,” she started. “I cannot imagine how difficult he was to live with.”
I leaned back in my chair and regarded her. Did she really want an honest conversation? Well, she was going to get one.
“That’s just it, I made myself invisible to live with him.
” Things had been bothering me about the Preston situation for years now, from way before I left him.
“I didn’t realize it at first. It happened, though.
I was afraid to be seen when I was with him because I thought he would realize I wasn’t good enough. ”
Bree made a growling sound. “That you weren’t good enough?” She was enraged. “What the hell?”
“Language,” Hayley warned, raising her hand. “Also, let her speak. She’s allowed to tell us what she’s feeling. Not everything is about you.”
Bree made a disgruntled noise then shut her mouth.
“I don’t know how it happened,” I said in a soft voice. This was the part I was struggling with. “I wasn’t raised to be the sort of person who ended up with a Preston. It somehow happened, though, and I’m afraid it might happen again.”
“Nathan is nothing like Preston,” Hayley noted.
“Oh, I know.” I was rueful. “The thing is, there are warnings about him being a dog all over the writer boards. I’ve seen a completely different man. It’s just… there were rumors about Preston too, back then, and I ignored them.”
“Ah.” Understanding dawned on Hayley’s features. “I get it. You missed signs before and you’re angry at yourself for allowing Preston to ruin your life for as long as he did. Your biggest fear is that you’re going to repeat the same mistakes.”
“I spent a full year plotting an escape that I only made when I found Preston in bed with Tiffany. When I left, it was like I could finally breathe again. Why didn’t I leave before then? I know I wanted to. I just never did.”
Hayley didn’t immediately speak. She looked to be searching for the right answer. Bree, however, raised her hand like a sheepish student.
“I know the answer to this if anybody wants to hear what I have to say,” she offered.
There was no containing my smirk. “Oh, yeah? You have the answer to the greatest mystery of my life, do you?”
“Yup.”
Bree had more self-esteem than anybody I knew. Well, maybe other than my mother. I envied her.
“Do you want to hear it?”
“Sure.” I nodded. “The thing is, if you’re going to blame it all on Preston, don’t. He’s a villain—I would never say otherwise—but it can’t be all him. That’s reductive.”
“Oh, you played a part in this,” Bree replied solemnly. “A big part. That doesn’t mean you’re to blame, though.” She took a deep breath. “You were abandoned by your father, correct?”
That was not where I’d expected her to go. “Um…”
“It’s not a trick question,” she assured me. “You’ve made brief mention of having an absentee father. He was there when you were little and then he was gone. That made your mother your entire life. As most girls of a certain age, you likely became hyper-critical of your mother at some point.”
I slurped some soup as I considered it then nodded. “My early college years were rough because I realized my mother was lying and not everybody was raised just like me. I was… confused. We’d been in our own bubble in Salem.”
“And your father not being there popped the bubble,” Bree said. “I get it, although I want to say, your mother sounds great. She might be a bit flaky, but she was always there for you. There are some people who have absentee fathers and less-than-stellar mothers.”
I didn’t push her on the matter. Nathan, during one of our talks, had told me the story of Bree’s mother. She sounded like a piece of work.
“None of this is really about Preston, troll that he is,” Bree continued. “He’s a terrible person. If you were in a good place when you met him, you would have shown him the exit before he made it through the entrance. You were too busy examining your place in the world.”
“Meaning what?” I was genuinely curious what she had to say.
“Your father left you, and it’s normal to wonder why he did that,” she explained. “Why weren’t you good enough for him to stay? That sort of questioning is normal. Preston, as an emotional vampire, recognized that in you and decided to move in.”
“Why, though? There was nothing special about me.”
Bree balked, reminding me a little of Nathan when I’d said the same thing to him. “You glow. You have the sort of energy people are drawn to. Preston wanted it for himself. He didn’t want to share. He did want to control it. That’s what his whole deal is.
“I’m guessing his parents controlled every aspect of his life,” she continued. “He never had control, so he saw his opportunity with you. He knows he’s never getting his control back now. That makes him dangerous. He’s just a little boy throwing a tantrum.”
What she said made sense. Still—still—I couldn’t help but worry. “What if Nathan decides I’m not enough?”
“Nathan has already decided you’re his forever,” Bree replied.
“We don’t know each other well enough for that,” I protested.
“What’s enough? Who gets to decide what is enough?”
I paused for a beat. “I don’t know,” I said finally. “I just want to be enough for the first time in my life.”
“You are enough,” Bree assured me. “Nathan is going to do something weird to screw up. I’m not sure what that’s going to look like—I’m kind of looking forward to seeing it—and you’re going to have an emotional meltdown before it’s all said and done.
“None of that is important, though,” she continued. “What’s important is that the two of you have enough faith in one another to move past it, because that’s when the good stuff will start happening.”
“Are you suggesting what’s happening now isn’t the good stuff?” I narrowed my eyes. “If you are, I have to question your judgement.”
She barked out a laugh. “It’s going to get better.”
“How can you be sure?”
“Just trust me. For once in your life, release the control you’re holding onto and have faith in me. I’m right about everything.”
I wanted to believe her, so I nodded. And realistically, I did feel better. But there was still a small speck of doubt careening through my heart.
What if I wasn’t enough?