Chapter Nineteen
Caroline was relieved when the doctor came and awoke her father with a brief whiff of smelling salts. The cut was cleaned and examined and then bandaged, and the Devereux siblings were assured that all should be well.
“He must have been in a state of extreme tension,” the doctor noted as he put away equipment into a small leather satchel. “The minute he opened his eyes, he grabbed my wrist and snapped ‘not the reticule!’ As if I should carry such an object on my person. Miss, have you any idea what he could mean?”
“None at all.” Caroline wished now her father hadn’t seen her fold the letter and tie it into her bag. He’d tried to wrestle it from her in the carriage to no avail. “Thank you, Doctor. Shall we take ourselves home?”
“You and your brother may go if you please, but I should like to keep the baron as still as possible tonight. He requires observation; I think he should remain awake in case of swelling of blood upon the brain.”
“Is the brain such an essential organ for Lord Devereux, then?” Lady Rockford inquired. The dowager countess sat before the fire with a glass of sherry and plainly disliked all the fuss going on in her house.
“Oh yes, my lady. The brain is of vital importance to all living creatures.” The doctor spoke in total earnestness; he seemed a nice sort of man.
“Well. Some make much more use of it than others, but I take your point.” Lady Rockford smiled icily upon Caroline. “Miss Devereux, I am indeed impressed by the boundlessness of your own cunning.”
Caroline wanted to fling the reticule in the woman’s face and shout at her to take it. She wanted to say that it was over now, that the blackmail had been a poor idea from the start, but her father was still tender and unbalanced from his fall. He took a swig of restorative whiskey and made meaningfully terrified eyes at her.
She would have to wait a while. Anyway, Gabriel, that is, Lord Rockford deserved to have it back. The earl had been goodness itself during all of this; he’d helped carry her father into the parlor, and now was insisting that the baron receive round-the-clock attention from the staff.
To think he was so good the whole time, Caroline wondered. She’d done to him what so many of the ton had done to her, she now realized. She’d taken one look at the scowling, muscular form of him and had assigned him the role of rogue and devil.
She’d never asked herself why he should be so cross with the world, or if there might be hidden depths to his personality.
He was so wonderfully thoughtful, so strong, so intelligent and wild. She wanted him more than she had ever wanted anything else. She wished she didn’t have to give him up.
As Edmund continued to speak with the doctor, Caroline drew toward Rockford as he stood near the hearth.
“Are you all right?” His question was sincere. The way he studied her with avid interest brought warmth to her cheeks.
“I’m afraid this is the last thing you wanted from tonight.”
“As a matter of fact, I only desired one thing. To see you smile. I’m afraid that plan hasn’t succeeded thus far, but I’m hopeful of a change.”
Despite her encroaching sadness, Caroline did smile. The earl seemed to relax a bit, and that predatory, self-satisfied expression returned as he studied her.
“Thank you for wearing that gown,” he muttered. “You’ve no idea how much I cherish the memories the sight of it brings.”
Yes. The night in the Wolf’s Den when they’d kissed for the first time, and when he had shown her with expertise how her body could be brought to the pinnacles of delight.
That was why Caroline hadn’t been able to wear the gown again until now; she almost didn’t want to wear away the magic she’d experienced.
She clutched her reticule, willing herself to open it. Maybe he’ll still want me. Maybe this can be all right. “My lord, I have something to tell you.”
“What is it?” He leaned a bit nearer. “Remember, you’ve only to ask for anything you need.”
I need you. I need to stay with you. You’re safety and danger all in one.
“Um. I need, that is, I need to tell you…” Caroline felt the whirl of the room about her, and she finally said, “I would like to stay the night here, if I may. Edmund, too, of course. I don’t believe we should leave our father alone here. It’s not right to have your staff care for him; we should do it ourselves.”
“Of course you may stay, but as my guests. If you’d like to sit up with your father, I won’t object, but you won’t need to perform it as a duty. Let me take care of you.” He cleared his throat sharply. “All of you are my guests, after all.”
She tingled at the words ‘take care of you’. She wanted to be taken care of. Caroline wanted to fall into someone else’s arms and give of her own burdens. She also wanted to take on his; that’s what an engaged couple ought to do, after all.
You must give him the letter. You must let him decide.
Caroline felt her chance snatched away as the clock struck eleven and Lord Rockford went to converse with the doctor again. She felt the dowager countess’s icy appraisal continue.
Desperate to make some peace with the woman, Caroline hurried over and spoke in a low voice. “I’m certain you must think me wicked, my lady.”
“Has life in our society taught you nothing, my dear girl? It is crucial to form no solid opinions on any matter.” The way the dowager sat so straight-backed upon the chair made Caroline self-conscious.
This woman was what a Countess of Rockford ought to be, graceful and unflappable. Caroline could never hope to achieve this.
“I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for causing your family any trouble.”
“A pretty sentiment.” The older woman’s eyes narrowed. “But sentiments are cheaply bought. Demonstrative action would better convince me you’re telling the truth.”
Caroline got the feeling the only action this woman wanted from her was a quick dive off the edge of the roof and into oblivion.
“I don’t think you’ll need to worry much longer,” Caroline began, but was pulled out of the discussion by Edmund calling her over.
“Papa has something he wishes to say, Caro. Come quickly.”
She hurried to the baron’s side, who weakly motioned for her to lean down so he might whisper in her ear.
“I may be dying,” her father declared hoarsely. “I can no longer see. Would you honor my final request and chuck your bag into the fire?” Caroline could have rolled her eyes at the obvious theatrics.
“Won’t the household think me a bit mad for doing such a thing?”
“It would be honoring a man’s last plea to his daughter! They would think you a good girl.”
“Be that as it may, the doctor doesn’t believe you’re in any danger of death, Papa.”
“What was that?” The baron groaned. “I told you, Caro, my hearing is going.”
“I thought it was your eyesight.”
“I’m perishing quicker than I expected! I’m going piece by piece! Oh! Oh!” He jostled back and forth a bit, getting himself more comfortable in his chair as he edged closer to annihilation.
Caroline sighed and looked to Edmund. “I’ll take first watch with him, Eddie. You ought to see the doctor out and get some rest.”
“Are you sure? I don’t mind staying as long as it takes with him.” Edmund frowned.
“I’d prefer to go first. It gives me more time for sleep later on.”
And the longer she sat with her father, the more she could work up the courage to actually slip the letter beneath the earl’s door. That had been Caroline’s determined course of action. She was too cowardly to simply hand it over and apologize in person.
If she gave the letter over in secret, maybe they wouldn’t have to talk about it. In fact, maybe they would never talk ever again. Rockford could take his prize and flee the capital before any further announcements were made regarding their supposed engagement.
It was the right thing to do. It was also the hardest thing.
Caroline let the steward show her to her room, then went down and stayed with her father for a few hours. The baron did enjoy being fussed over by a whole staff of servants who brought him coffee and a sip of restorative brandy whenever he wished.
“Imagine if you were lady of this great house.” The older man eyed Caroline meaningfully. “I could be this comfortable every hour of the day.”
“It would create a great deal more work for the servants,” she replied.
“Think of Simon. He and Eddie will be in much worse shape if you let this slip.”
“Indeed, Papa? This might be the first you’ve thought of Simon or Eddie in some time.” Caroline could not keep the angry edge from her tone. Whenever she decided upon a course of action, the baron seemed determined either to reprimand her or else muck it all up. Her father sighed at her evident disapproval.
“You might say I’ve created problems for this family,” he began.
“Might?” Caroline drawled.
“Only slightly.” His defensiveness reappeared on the instant. “But Caroline, the boys are innocent of any wrongdoing. You know this world will be a harder place for them without Lord Rockford in the family.”
“Yes.” Caroline drooped; her brothers were the only aspect that made this hard. “But that’s our problem, no one else’s.”
Before the baron could continue wheedling his daughter, Eddie came into the room.
“Caro, I insist you get to bed. It’s half past one already.”
“Is Lord Rockford asleep, then?” Her heart pounded. All she had to do now was slip the letter beneath his door and their idyll would be over.
“Last I saw of him was hours ago. Go on. Off with you.”
“Might you leave the reticule behind? As something to remind me of you?” her father asked, his desperation obvious. He yearned toward the small silken bag in her hand as a dog strains toward a piece of meat.
“All right. Here.” Caroline removed the letter and tossed the empty reticule to the baron. “I’m touched by your devotion, Papa.”
“I cannot say the same,” he muttered, sulking into the empty reticule as Caroline took her leave.
As she searched for the earl’s room, Caroline realized something. In novels, heroines always seemed to magically find their way about a strange house with no map or guidance. As she’d no idea where Rockford’s room was, however, she was open to all types of blunders.
Twice she entered an empty chamber, once she came upon a stairwell that led up to the servants’ quarters, and when she nearly tripped over a sleek gray cat engaged in his nocturnal job of mousing, she almost begged him to show her where the family slept.
“I ought to just pick a door and slide the letter beneath,” she muttered, cross with herself as she paced another hall. “Why didn’t I just hand him the letter back downstairs and then rush out into the night?”
Probably because she was a coward. If she were to hand Rockford the letter and see only relief on his face, she would not be able to look herself in the mirror ever again.
The thought of it was like a sharp pinch of her flesh.
Caroline decided to simply choose a door and stick the letter through. She noticed one coming up on the left-hand side that would do as well as another.
With a sigh, she got to her knees and stared at the crumpled letter in her hand. It had been folded and refolded in her nervousness. It was her last chance of success in this life.
You’re a fool. You’ve always been a fool. Keep the letter and marry the earl, make your family comfortable. Caroline tried to imagine her mother saying such things but failed completely.
Mamma had been devoted to the family, but she would be the first to insist that some debts must be paid. She had been a good woman, and Caroline must follow that example.
Caroline pressed the letter down and began to slide it beneath the door.
The door swept open. Caroline nearly tumbled across the threshold.