Chapter Twenty-Two
Gabriel had spent years of his life at sea being pitched and tossed about in the wildest of storms, but the exterior chaos had been nothing compared to the tumult going on within his own soul.
After a childhood and youth of no real paternal love, of maternal indifference, he’d thought himself forever cursed to wander the earth as an observer of others’ happiness.
He’d never thought he himself would settle down. Even when he became the earl and was fixed in one particular place, his mind and soul still wandered about. He’d never anticipated wanting to stop for anything or anyone.
Yet now he knew true, sincere rest.
That evening with Caroline had been the most erotic, most enervating experience of his life, but it had also soothed him.
Lying there in the darkness, her naked body cradled against his, he’d realized that for the first time in thirty-one years he had no wish to be anywhere else, doing anything else.
Come the morning he’d woken to find her gone, and they’d had to behave with absolute propriety as the doctor came to check on her father, as the Devereux clan took their gracious leave and exited.
But his eyes and Caroline’s had met dozens of times across the breakfast table or along the length of the drawing room, and their language was secret and highly charged.
Gabriel could only imagine all the other delights to which he wanted to introduce her, and she expressed she was only too ready to reciprocate.
I’m the luckiest man on earth, he thought to himself two days later as he pressed his mother over preparations for the engagement ball.
The dowager’s disinterest in the upcoming event meant Gabriel had to take a firmer interest than usual.
“Have all the mirrors been polished?” he asked Lady Rockford as they entered the ballroom. The servants were hard at work festooning garlands of flowers about the place and placing lush bouquets of roses and peonies on available surfaces.
“Why should you care about polish?”
“Because I want to see endless reflections of the ton ’s reactions when they officially hear Caroline’s to be my wife.”
“I’m certain it will be a mixture of shock, horror, and regret.” Lady Rockford pursed her lips. “That last bit should come especially from you.”
“Mother, I know what I’m doing.” He had not told the dowager of Caroline’s returning the blackmail letter. He knew his mother would begin a constant barrage of haranguing, begging him to reconsider taking the girl as his wife voluntarily. Gabriel did not want anything to interrupt his blissful mood.
“Your father claimed he knew what he was doing, and he nearly brought the Rockford family to irredeemable disgrace,” the countess replied tartly. “When it comes to foresight, or the lack thereof, I regret it is the one attribute you and your father shared.”
Perhaps Gabriel had to share blood with that accursed man, but being compared to him personally felt like an injury.
“If I told you Caroline makes me happy, would you even believe me?” he snapped. They stopped beside a long table which the servants were outfitting in white linen.
“I would believe that you are making the best of a bad situation. I would admire you for it.” His mother lifted a brow. “Though I would also be disgusted by your own weak nature.”
“What do you mean ‘would be’? You always have been. You ticked that item off the list long ago.” He clenched his fist to keep his hand from trembling; if it was weakness she abhorred, he’d conceal it from her. Her abhorrence was one of the prime reasons he’d fled England, lived as a rogue, tried only to please himself. At least someone then would gain by his being alive.
“No.” His mother seemed shockingly candid. “I have never thought you weak until now. You were never as good or sweet as Philip was, but you were the strong one. I could admire that, if nothing else. If you lose your strength and your own willfulness, you will have nothing left.”
That was the only thing that had ever divided Gabriel from his elder brother: their mother’s clear love of one and disdain of the other.
Gabriel had always thought himself as despised as his father had been, so being complimented in even the smallest way came as a great surprise.
Even though she’d also insulted him.
“It’s not willful to deny being in love with Miss Devereux. It would be bloody wrong,” he snapped. “Please see that the invitations are posted to our ball.”
“They have been posted. I would not forget to invite a single member of the ton , no matter how inconsequential. I want everyone to be there.”
That was maddeningly opposite what the dowager had suggested before, but at least she was taking her responsibility seriously.
“You’ll have a far easier time when Caroline becomes Countess of Rockford. I won’t require you to handle these events any longer,” he said.
“Miss Devereux as a countess strikes one as a terrible idea. I doubt she has what is required to successfully entertain at a formal dinner, let alone a grand ball.”
“She’s as naturally suited to being a countess as I am to being an earl, it’s true.” Gabriel would not let any slight against Caroline stand, even from his own mother. “But like me, she’s a quick study. And we’re well suited in other ways.”
Particularly in discussion and in the bedchamber. When he thought of the sweat, the cries of delight, and even most surprisingly the laughter between them in bed, he grew almost ravenous for her touch once again. Lady Rockford, seeing he was not to be dissuaded, simply turned from him.
“I want the proper choice for you as countess. That is all I have ever wanted for you and your brother. The ability to chart the best course through life that you can. I intend for you to have that, at least.” His mother walked away to inspect another aspect of the decorating. If Gabriel was briefly concerned by her choice of words, he got it out of his head and left the ballroom. There was plenty to be done before the engagement became official.
…
“It seems the earl’s quite keen on you.” Edmund appeared delighted as Caroline read the card that had come with the bouquet. “It appears Papa’s performance at dinner hasn’t put him off at all.”
“No, I should say not.” Nothing about that night had been off in any way once it had been the two of them alone together. Caroline smiled at the words inked upon the card.
I hope to see you with such a bloom tonight. The ball is in your honor, and you must be conspicuous.
G
He wanted her to let everyone know by her mere presence that he’d set her aside for himself. Caroline could have laughed with absolute giddiness; being happy was better than the finest wine when it came to intoxication.
“You gave him the letter back and he still wishes to marry you?” Edmund looked relieved.
“Thank you for not appearing amazed,” Caroline joked.
“I’ve always known you were special, Caro. It’s no surprise to me that someone else noticed.” Eddie winked at her and ruffled her hair as he had when they were children. “I’m just glad he’s a fellow you seem to like.”
“A bit more than like, I should say.”
Love . Love was the only available word for her present condition.
Caroline had spent much of the past week in cloistered preparation for Gabriel’s ball, trying not to grin too often with sheer, casual delight at her turn in fortune.
She and Lord Rockford had only been able to meet once for a casual turn about the square, but the connection between them had not severed in the least. If anything, it seemed to have grown stronger.
After tonight, she would be his intended before all of London.
Perhaps they could arrange for a special license; Caroline couldn’t bear the thought of waiting an entire month to wed.
She took a bath as the afternoon set on, carefully soaping and primping in a way she never had before. She wanted to look ethereal this evening, and had looked out and altered one of her mother’s old gowns for the occasion.
The dress was a snowy white with a plunging neckline and lace sewn cleverly along the hem and sleeves. It wasn’t the most lavish gown in London—for that, she might have worn Gabriel’s lavender present again. But it was Caroline close to what she truly was, simple and untouched.
All right, perhaps “untouched” was now the wrong word. Simple and well touched.
By the time Caroline had finished her toilette, the sun was lowering outside. Phyllis knocked and entered with an envelope.
“If you please, Miss, Lady Sybil were here an hour ago. I told her you were bathing and she asked to write something down and have it given you.” The maid handed over the letter with a curtsy.
“Thank you, Phyllis.” As Caroline sat down and let the maid begin work on her hair, she read Sybil’s brief and rather strange missive.
Caro,
Please do not attend the ball. I will explain next time I see you.
Tell Rockford he must press for a quick engagement.
Syb
“Is something wrong, Miss?” Phyllis asked.
“Um. Nothing’s wrong, thank you.” Caroline read the few lines over and over again, a knot forming in her stomach. Sybil wouldn’t overreact and send such a note unless she was certain something was wrong.
Rockford must press for a quick engagement? Caroline gnawed at her lip. All right, they’d planned to marry anyway. If there was something wrong that could only be set right by an engagement, then Caroline needed to attend the ball tonight. The sooner she was safely engaged before the ton , the better.
The last of Caroline’s trepidations began to burn away when another knock came at the door. It was James with a slim package.
“His Lordship had this delivered, Miss Devereux.”
Caroline gasped as she opened the package to discover a graceful strand of milk-pale pearls. It was as if the earl had intuited that she would be dressed simply tonight and had wanted to adorn her with jewels. To mark her as his before the assembly.
Everything will be fine. Whatever Sybil’s frightened of, it can’t touch me. Not now.
Caroline was soon dressed, her hair styled in a tricky abundance of curls. Edmund and her father looked pleased as she descended the stairs.
“Caroline. I must say, you look just like your mother.” Her father’s normal habit of flouncing had quieted since the debacle at Kane House, and he looked at her now with a tenderness that had been missing a long while. He placed her gloved hand through his arm and patted it. “Perhaps this might be a new beginning for all of us.”
“I hope so.”
The baron cleared his throat. “I must say, my girl, I’ve been impressed with how you’ve handled everything. I never could have handled any of this so well as you. Your mother would be so proud.”
In Caroline’s stories, those were the sorts of things that fathers often told their daughters, but it was not something she’d ever expected to hear in real life. Caroline’s throat tightened, both because it was obvious how much Lord Devereux still missed her mother and because his pride seemed so genuine. She embraced her father, something she had not done gladly in some time. As she hugged him, Caroline frowned at the feel of something rather heavy in his coat pocket.
“Papa? What is that?”
“Erm, it’s nothing. A trifle,” he said, but Caroline reached into the pocket and was shocked when she pulled out a small pistol. She gasped, and Lord Devereux grabbed it and shoved it back into his coat with a minor grumble. Caroline could not think of any good reason for her father to carry a weapon, but she could think of a multitude of bad ones. Dreadful scenes of every sort flashed through her mind, chilling her blood.
“Why do you have a pistol?” she hissed at him.
He waved, telling her via gesture not to make a scene. “There, er, may have been some demands made on repayment of a particular loan. I know you’ll be Lady Rockford soon and all will be well, but I like to take precautions.”
“We’re going to a ball. Surely not that many present will desire you bodily harm!” Caroline cried. She had enough to worry about on her own with Sybil’s note; she hadn’t time for this.
“It’s nothing. I do not dance, you know that. Only allow an old man his comforts, Caro. As I said, it’s a vague precaution.”
She stopped arguing with him as the coach had arrived, but Caroline’s feeling of pure calm had dissipated and would not be reappearing.
As they rode through the streets toward Kane House, Caroline worried at her gloved hands while watching out the window.
Papa’s pistol and Sybil’s letter had both left her a bit paranoid; had Mrs. Webster ignored their carriage as it passed, or had she simply not noticed? When the Bainbridge girls had giggled behind their hands, was it to do with the Devereux family or just a stray joke between them?
“Caro, whatever’s wrong?” her father asked.
I shouldn’t have given myself to the earl that night. I should have been strong enough to walk back to my room.
“Nothing, Papa. All’s well.”
Caroline realized that a servant had probably seen her leaving Lord Rockford’s room at a late hour and had spread gossip below stairs.
It made her foolish, but she realized that it also was only that: servant gossip.
The instant she was engaged to the earl, any scandal brewing because of an errant chambermaid would die down. At the very least, no one would be willing to antagonize the Earl of Rockford over what one person’s cook said to another.
Caroline felt more in control. She even smiled as their carriage pulled into the long line before Kane House. When her father got out and handed Caroline down, she held her head up and walked toward the entrance with absolute assurance.
But there was no doubt about it: people were staring.
Caroline caught the scuttle of whispers behind her back. One of the women in the receiving line, a late baron’s wife, even looked down her nose at Caroline before making an indignant sound and turning away.
Caroline’s heart was now a steady drumbeat in her ears.
God, she wished she could turn back a few chapters of her life and rewrite that moment of joy and madness in Gabriel’s bedchamber. Or rather, she wished she could have written out the side character of the inquisitive servant who’d noticed her early morning flight.
Even now, nothing could make her truly wish to erase the ecstasy of that night.
As soon as Gabriel and I are engaged, the talk will cease. Once we’re married, no one will ever dare mention this again, and the ecstasy will be repeated with enthusiasm for the rest of our lives.
“Caro, people are staring at us,” Edmund whispered.
“I take it Lady Sybil did not speak with you when she visited earlier.”
“No, I was out. Lady Sybil stopped by?” Eddie immediately lost his unease and was all burning eagerness. If she hadn’t been so absorbed in her own problems, she would have prodded him further about that.
“She left me a note.” Caroline spoke low with her brother on one side, determined that their father not hear.
“What did it say?”
But they had to silence the talk as they arrived before Lady Rockford and Gabriel.
“Lord Devereux. What a pleasure to see you tonight.” Gabriel was all sincerity as he clasped hands with her father.
For a moment of pure respite, Caroline forgot the glares of the ton and focused upon the epitome of manly vigor. Gabriel had dressed in green velvet and black satin, the breeches seeming to have been nearly painted onto the steely muscles of his calves and thighs.
His broad shoulders were pulled back, his chest pushed forward. A square emerald the size of a sovereign was nestled within the snowy folds of his cravat. His jaw had been shaved, his wild black hair pomaded into barely contained obedience.
He was like her, something unconventional only barely able to play by society’s rules. But while Caroline winced as she flaunted convention, Gabriel embraced his status as a rogue. He had courage enough for both of them.
“Miss Devereux.” The earl bowed respectfully over her hand, but in the green depths of his eyes were the most lascivious, least respectful intentions. The sight of his ardor made Caroline feel stronger than before.
She could withstand any scrutiny from society so long as he was by her side. And he would be.
“Thank you for the invitation, my lord. Lady Rockford.” Caroline curtsied to the dowager, who appeared neither pleased nor displeased at the Devereuxes’ appearance.
“Think nothing of it, Miss Devereux. It’s so important that you take your rightful place in society.”
“I have to finish receiving,” Gabriel murmured, leaning nearer to her. “But don’t leave the ballroom. I’ve an announcement to make before the first waltz.”
Caroline sighed in relief. All would be well. She just needed to make it through an hour or two at the most.
“Don’t take too long, my lord.” She arched a brow. “I hate to be kept waiting.”
“I’m all eagerness to satisfy, Miss Devereux.” He lifted her hand once more and his lips grazed the back of her glove.
That mere touch was enough to set Caroline reeling, lightheaded as if she’d drunk several glasses of champagne. As the Devereux family removed their hats and cloaks and entered the grand ballroom, Caroline kept her focus on the announcement.
And away from the crowds all around them.
“I say, Caro. What the devil is going on?” her father asked.
As Caroline entered the room, the groups nearest her fell silent almost at once. Then the talk returned, but this time it sounded sharper and colder than before. As Caroline made her way along the edge of the room, ladies turned away to speak to one another, making it conspicuous how much they did not wish to look at her.
“Good evening, Mrs. Wellington. I hope you’re well,” Caroline said, coming upon an older woman who was without a companion. Now the woman would have to speak to her.
But Mrs. Wellington lifted her chin and fluttered her fan in perturbation.
“The audacity,” she muttered, and simply strode away from Caroline.
That elicited gasps from the people around them, and the whispers turned from the hum of bees to the angry buzz of wasps. They were now looking for a reason to attack and sting.
“How dare she?” Edmund looked pale with anger, but Caroline tugged on his arm.
“Please, don’t make a scene. I can’t afford it.”
“But what the devil has happened?” her father hissed, astonishment and fear on his face.
At that moment, a girl in a gown of rich red satin hurried past the Devereuxes.
“The library, quick as you can,” Sybil whispered.
Caroline didn’t even have a chance to catch sight of her friend’s face before the girl had slipped away into the crowd. Lady Rexbridge, Sybil’s mother, was fast on her daughter’s heels. The marchioness didn’t sneer at Caroline, but she pretended as though the young woman did not exist. Caroline had known the woman since she was only five years old.
That was when she knew this was more than servants’ gossip. Something had gone seriously wrong.
Where is Gabriel? Caroline thought as she scanned the crowd frantically. Lord, what if this had nothing to do with him at all? Supposing Felicity Berridge had told all of London about Caroline’s work as a Gothic pamphleteer? Though such gossip would only gain Caroline a bit of pity and ridicule, not a harsh snubbing.
“I need to speak with Lord Rockford,” her father said.
“Papa, let me handle this. Eddie, pretend as though nothing’s wrong. Escort me to the library.”
Her brother didn’t mind Caroline digging her fingers into his arm as they walked. The whispers trailed them all the way to the exit.
“What right do they have to look at you like that?” Edmund was growing enraged, something she’d never seen before.
“Sybil can tell us. I should have listened to her.” Caroline cursed inwardly. Why did she ever go against Sybil’s advice?
Sybil was alone in the library, worrying at the dance card slung about her wrist. When Caroline and Edmund entered the room, she gave a cry of relief.
“Oh, Caro! Whyever did you come? Didn’t you get my note?” Sybil hurried over and embraced Caroline.
“I had to come. Lord Rockford’s announcing our engagement tonight.”
“Then he’d better do it soon.”
“He will! He told me he would.”
“Are you certain?” Sybil regarded Caroline with a sort of narrow suspicion that did nothing to quiet her nerves.
“I assure you, His Lordship’s made his intentions toward my sister quite plain.” Edmund was almost shaking; he’d taken the slights against Caroline to heart. “My lady, what is going on?”
Sybil winced as she looked from brother to sister. “Mr. Devereux, perhaps it would be best if I spoke with Caroline alone about this.”
“Does this have anything to do with what’s going on out there? If so, I need to hear it! This involves our whole family.”
Caroline wished that the carpet would open wide and create an inviting little chasm for her to hide in for a few days, or perhaps the rest of her life. At least it was Eddie hearing all this gossip, not their father.
“Go on, Syb. I need to know the damage,” Caroline said.
“It’s not good, Caro. Lady Borham called upon my mother only yesterday and told her everything. The gossip’s all over town at this point.”
“Does this have anything to do with the Earl of Rockford and myself?” Caroline needed to get this over with quickly. Edmund, who’d turned a robust shade of red, was now paling to lily white as he realized what this all meant.
“I’m afraid it does. You don’t need to tell me if it’s true, but there’s talk you were seen slipping out of his chambers in the early morning hours. It’s said you looked rather disheveled.” It was like being read her sentence of execution by a judge. Worse, even, because at least death offered a release. Caroline put a hand to her mouth.
“What?” Edmund shook his head, his mouth agape. “Not the night we had to stay because of Papa’s injury? Caro, that’s impossible!”
“No, it’s not impossible,” Caroline muttered. Perhaps she ought to pretend, to spare Eddie shame, but she couldn’t do it. She felt bruised and embarrassed enough already; she didn’t want to lie to the people who mattered most to her. “It happened.”
“What?” Edmund’s voice rose an octave. In fact, he rather squeaked.
“Oh, Caro.” Sybil shut her eyes. “I do hope the earl intends to announce your engagement. It’s your only hope at this point.”
“Why shouldn’t he announce it?” Caroline asked, feeling a bit indignant. “Do you think he won’t deign to accept a girl with a soiled reputation?”
“He’ll marry you or I’ll bloody well call him out!” Edmund balled his hands into fists. “Do you hear? I won’t stand for it!”
“It’s all right, Eddie,” Caroline soothed. She gripped her brother’s arm. “I know a servant saw me that night as I was leaving. It’s all servants’ gossip. That’s it. His Lordship had nothing to do with it.”
“But that’s the thing, Caro.” Sybil looked rather ill. “I suspect Rockford knows a great deal about all this.”
“What do you mean?” Caroline immediately felt dizzy. It was like the room had begun to spin out of control, threatening to tumble her into an endless fall. “Rockford can’t know anything about all this. He was smiling when he received me!”
“Nevertheless, the gossip started because of the Dowager Countess of Rockford. She’s the one who informed Lady Borham in the first place. She’s the reason everyone accepts the story as gospel truth.”
Caroline didn’t hear anything Sybil said after that. Her hand went to the pearl necklace she wore on instinct.
The ball is in your honor. Want you to look conspicuous.
Gabriel’s words had made her think of triumph and public celebration, but now she glimpsed a more brutal, more frightening possibility.
That he had wanted to set her up so high only to laugh when he knocked her backward and let her fall to earth to crash and break into a thousand pieces.
Desperate, she tried to think of a way around or out of this, but it was no use. Caroline knew how it was when you came to the climax of a story: everything was out of the characters’ control now, and you could only sit back and watch their previous folly be their undoing.