11. Carrie
ELEVEN
CARRIE
Muffled noises pierced the daze that overtook me as I walked toward the elevator bank. Kaia’s voice floated somewhere to the left of me, but I couldn’t make out the words. I knew I needed to snap out of it, to pretend that nothing was wrong.
But something was wrong.
My new boss was my child’s father. And he had no idea.
Turmoil rose up within me, whipping up the debris of my past decisions like a hurricane making devastating landfall. I focused on my breathing and made noises that I hoped would satisfy Kaia until I could get my bearings again.
The elevator doors closed, and my ears popped.
“…and I’ve never seen him like that before,” Kaia marveled. “It almost looked like he recognized you from somewhere?”
I forced a smile, and my distorted reflection in the stainless steel elevator doors told me it was a grimace. “I’ve got one of those faces,” I explained, which was no explanation at all.
“I know what you mean,” Kaia agreed, clearly unconvinced. “Still… You two don’t know each other?”
“Know each other?” I repeated, shaking my head. “No. I don’t exactly run in billionaires’ circles.”
Kaia snorted. “Unless you’re working for one of them.”
“Exactly.”
The doors opened onto the assistant pool floor, and Kaia’s shoes clipped out a quick staccato as she made her way across to her desk. “I’ll send over the details for those wedding invitations,” she said. “The printers said they can finish them today, but our regular couriers are screwing us around. You’ll have to pick them up and hand-deliver them to the residence.”
“Of course,” I answered robotically, making my way to my desk.
The little overwatered succulent plant sat puffy and discolored on the windowsill, clinging to its existence with the last gasps of desperation. I could relate.
Not only was I working for my child’s father, but now I had to facilitate his wedding to another woman. Why did that sting? It wasn’t like I could blame him. We’d had a few memorable hours together and never saw each other again. Seven years had passed. Was I expecting him to look for me? Did I think he could sense the fact that his progeny had come into the world and was waiting to meet him?
I wasn’t delusional. I knew I had no claim over Cole Christianson. I knew our time together had been brief and intense and it meant nothing in the long run .
But the reality was we had a child together. Sooner or later, I’d have to tell him.
And then what?
Did I want him to meet Evie?
The rational part of me—the part that wanted to be a good mother—said yes. Of course. I wanted Evie to know her father, to give her a chance to build a relationship with the man whose genes she shared. That was something I’d never had. Hell, that was something Cole had never had. There was a gap in my childhood that wanted a father. All I had to do to save Evie that same pain was march back upstairs and tell Cole the truth.
But the selfish, terrified part of me looked at the walls of the office tower around me, the money and the glitz and the power, and all I wanted to do was hide her away and keep her for myself.
What if he fought for custody? What if he won ?
Or—what if he rejected her entirely? Crushed her little heart and caused permanent damage to the girl who made my entire life worth living?
As my throat tightened with panic, I grabbed my phone and hurried to the washroom. Thankfully, it was a lockable, individual room, so I was able to close the door while I fumbled with my phone to find Hailey’s number.
She answered on the second ring. “Don’t tell me you’ve been fired already.”
I sucked in a trembling breath.
Hailey made a strangled noise. “Wait. What? How?”
“I haven’t been fired,” I hurried to answer, keeping my voice low. “But, Hailey. Oh my God.”
“What? What’s going on? Are you okay?”
“It’s him .”
There was a short pause. “Who’s him? What him are we talking about? And which him is he?”
“The guy from your wedding,” I hissed back. “Cole.”
“He works at your new company?” she screeched, and I heard the scrape of her chair’s casters against the floor of her home office. “Hang on. Start over.”
I leaned against the sink and massaged my temple, closing my eyes against the reality I had to put into words: “He’s my boss. The big boss. The one who runs the company.”
Hailey inhaled, long and slow. “Oh. Oh, wow.” The phone ruffled, and I imagined her pushing herself up to her feet to pace while she talked. She’d never been someone who was able to sit still. “Well, it’s not a total disaster. Maybe he didn’t recognize you.”
“He did,” I said, misery soaking into every syllable. “We made eye contact, and he knew , Hailey.”
“Okay,” she said, still in that no-nonsense voice. “That’s fine. That’s okay. It’s just a job. And so you had a one-night stand? So what? It doesn’t mean you can’t have a working relationship, right?”
“We have a child together,” I hissed, glancing at the door, imagining all my new coworkers pressing their ears to it to learn all the juicy gossip.
Hailey grunted. “Well, yes. That’s true. How did you react when you saw him?”
“I fainted.”
“You what ? ”
“I fainted.”
“You—”
“Lost consciousness and collapsed, yes. Woke up with him cradling my head on his office sofa. Then he fed me trail mix and tried to get my direct boss to call 9-1-1.”
In the silence that followed my words, I could hear Hailey’s breaths, and I could tell she was trying not to laugh.
“This isn’t funny.”
“It’s a tiny bit funny.”
“It’s not ,” I insisted. “This is a really, really big problem. It’s a disaster , Hailey.”
“Right,” she said, but the smile was evident in her voice. Unable to resist, my own lips curled in response. Hailey recovered first, and she asked the question that had been plaguing me since Cole had turned around and pierced me with his gaze. “How are you going to tell him about Evie?”
Not if I would tell him. How .
Because I didn’t have a choice. My daughter deserved a father, and Cole deserved to know he had a daughter.
But he had money, power, lawyers. What did I have? I couldn’t even give my daughter her own bedroom. We’d slept in the same queen bed since she’d outgrown her crib.
“I have no idea how I’ll tell him,” I told my cousin. “It’s not like I’ll be interacting with him all the time. We work on different floors, and he runs the whole company. I’m at the bottom of the executive assistant totem pole. The fact that I met him at all was only because my manager wanted to give me credit for fixing a problem this morning. She did it in the hopes that he wouldn’t immediately fire me if I messed up, which is his usual way of doing business, apparently.”
“So he’s a great, considerate boss that everyone loves.”
I groaned at her sarcasm. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Just—don’t rush into anything. You’ve got time. Yeah?”
“I have to tell him.”
“I know that. But you’ve had a shock. You fainted. It’s your first day. Just take a breather, sleep on it, and the answer will come to you. You’ll figure out how to tell him about Evie.”
“Yeah,” I replied. Biting the end of my thumbnail, I stared at the tile floor and let my cousin’s words calm me. After two deep breaths, I could almost think clearly. But once the haze lifted, all I saw was the shape of the fear that had been hiding behind my panic. I had to put it into words and speak it aloud to see if it really was as terrifying as it felt: “What if he wants to take her away from me?” I whispered.
“He won’t ,” Hailey replied vehemently. “He can’t.”
“He’s got so much money…if he wants to…”
“He won’t,” Hailey insisted. “Just—make it through today. We’ll order takeout when you get home, watch a movie, all four of us, and then once Evie’s in bed, we’ll crack open a bottle of wine and figure this out. Seth will help,” she added, brightening.
“Seth is a real estate lawyer, Hailey. And you can’t have wine.”
“Yes, but he’ll know someone in family law. He’ll know what to do. And I know I can’t have wine, but more importantly, you can.”
I exhaled the worst of my stress. “Okay. Yeah.”
“Don’t panic. We’ll figure it out. Got it?”
“You’ re going to be such a good mom, Hailey.”
“I’m not sure how me encouraging you to get drunk off a bottle of wine translates to my mothering capabilities, but I’ll take it.”
I laughed, and we said our goodbyes and hung up. Sighing deeply, I slipped my phone into my pocket and turned to look at myself in the mirror. My face was blotchy and red, and my eyes still held an edge of panic.
But everything would be fine. I’d walk out of the bathroom, get the information I needed to deal with the wedding invitations and drop them off, and by the time I was done, my head would be clearer.
That was the plan, at least, until I walked around the corner and saw Cole Christianson leaning against my desk. His dark head was bent over his phone, long legs stretched out before him in casual repose. His clothes fit him like they were made for him, which they probably were. Side-lit as he was by the window next to my desk, I was punched in the chest with memories of him.
The late afternoon sun streaming through the hotel windows as he grinned at me, wicked and charming. The look on his face when he held me, too tender for how brief our encounter had been. The feeling of his lips against mine. The way he’d stripped me bare like he knew every secret my body had to offer. The press of that goodbye kiss against my forehead, and how much it had ached to watch him walk away.
He was so beautiful, and he could so easily destroy me.
I paused, and as if he sensed my presence, Cole glanced up from his phone. He stood, and I reminded myself that Hailey was right.
I had time. I didn’t have to blurt out my— our— daughter’s existence right there and then. I could get my ducks in a row and protect myself—protect my daughter—from any claim this man might make on us.
As I approached, it took all my concentration to keep my steps steady. I noted the fine lines at the corners of his eyes, the glint of the sun against his dark hair. Tightness gripped my lower abdomen.
The man was as gorgeous as he’d been seven years ago. I could still feel the press of his warm, broad palm over my hip when I’d woken up to him kneeling next to the couch in his office. Could feel the weight of his arm behind my neck while he made sure I sipped the water he offered.
It felt like being transported back in time to the day my life changed. That irresistible, undeniable pull of his energy tugged at me like a magnetic field, and I knew, before I even came close enough to see the striations of lighter brown in his dark irises, that this situation was about to get a whole lot more complicated.
“Carrie,” he said, his voice raising goosebumps over my skin. “How are you feeling?”
“Fine,” I answered, which was a blatant lie.
A twitch of his eyebrow told me he could tell, but he didn’t call me on it. He straightened, standing close enough that I could smell the faint traces of his cologne, could remember the way it had felt to bury my face against his neck and inhale the scent of his skin .
I had to stop reliving that night. He was engaged to another woman. He was my boss. At best, he had the power to snatch away my one chance at financial stability. At worst, he could take my daughter away if I didn’t approach this situation carefully.
This wasn’t just some guy that I could allow myself to be attracted to. This man was an existential threat to me. The danger he posed was so big I could hardly see the outline of it.
“Kaia told me she’s sent you the details about the invitations.”
“That’s right,” I answered. “I was just about to head to the subway.”
“Don’t bother.” He took a step closer, his hand pressing against my mid back as he turned me toward the elevators.
My heart sank. Was he escorting me out? Had he decided that I wasn’t worth the trouble? He was firing me so quickly? I wouldn’t even have the time to figure out how to tell him about our child, because he’d toss me out onto the street like I was nothing. Less than nothing.
I couldn’t blame him. In a way, I was an existential threat to him too. How could we work together, considering our history?
“Don’t bother?” I repeated, shooting him a sideways look.
The line of his jaw was tense when he replied, “There’s no need to take the subway. There’s a car waiting downstairs.”
“Oh,” I said, shocked. “I see. Thank you, but that’s really not necessary.”
The corner of his lips curled a fraction of an inch. “I disagree,” he said. “Because I’m coming with you.”