17. Carrie
SEVENTEEN
CARRIE
What I should’ve been doing immediately after my meeting with Carla was tapping my network to see if I could get another job lined up. I should’ve gone to Mr. Wentworth in person to see if he was willing to take me back, even though I was pretty sure he’d already have replaced me by now. The man could not check his own messages to save his life; hiring someone to do it for him would have been a priority.
I should’ve been preparing for a tough conversation with Cole, maybe even practicing in front of a mirror or writing down a speech.
Hi, Mr. Boss Man. There’s something I haven’t been completely honest about…
Yeah. That would go over well. Every time I started thinking about my eventual meeting with Cole, I recoiled.
I did want to wait until after the spelling bee, because Evie was throwing herself into her preparation with a kind of dedication that I’d rarely seen from her. I didn’t want to take that away from her. At least that’s what I told myself.
Really, I was just a scaredy-cat coward afraid of giving up a single minute of time with my daughter. And as the days dragged on, the spelling bee reasoning began to feel a little thin. The truth was that I was afraid of what would come next. Would Cole reject her? Would he try to take her away? Either option was terrifying, and I was frozen.
So I worked hard during the day, then quizzed Evie on words of ever-increasing difficulty, and then I did the thousand and one tasks required to care for myself and my daughter, then collapsed in bed, exhausted.
From a distance, I watched Cole and was unsurprised to find him to be extremely intelligent and exacting. He was a good boss, even though he demanded a lot. People moved out of his way when he walked down a crowded hallway. They stood up straighter when he entered a room. They glowed when he said their names and crumpled when he delivered criticism.
His presence was a typhoon that ripped through the rest of us like we were flotsam on a violent sea.
I was unbearably, pathetically attracted to him. I hated how much I was drawn to him. I despised how I could sense his entry into any room like my body was attuned to him on an energetic level. I resented the fact that I was just another minion caught in the storm of his presence.
I wasn’t special. Seven years ago, I hadn’t been special either. It was a sobering reminder, but it didn’t stop me from watching the way he prowled through the building, or the shape of his knuckles when he gripped a door handle, or the dark spark in his eyes when our gazes happened to meet.
Three weeks went by, and I was able to bury my attraction to him as deep as it would go. I was able to work in his presence without thinking about his hands on my body—mostly. Working helped. Thinking about the fact that I needed to tell him about Evie didn’t.
I knew that as soon as my secret came out, it was likely I would be jobless once more. At best, all I could hope for was a decent reference if someone asked why I’d only worked at Hearst, Inc. for a short amount of time.
The hell of it was, I loved working here. The assistant pool consisted of six highly qualified EAs. There was Kaia, who ruled us with an indomitable will. She was tough, but I quickly learned that she held herself to the same standards she expected from the rest of us. Her mind was a steel trap. Every SOP, every detail, and every preference held by all the executives, board members, and key clients were filed away in her brilliant mind. Not only that, but she had a deep understanding of the company’s products and processes, down to impressively technical details.
Within two days, I’d been in awe and more than happy to work under her. In two weeks, I’d wanted to be her best friend—and take a look at her planner so I could see how the hell she managed to keep so many tasks, meetings, and schedules organized. Every time she showed me one of the processes she’d perfected in the company’s manuals, I felt myself become better at my job.
Then there was Rachael, a woman in her mid-fifties who’d been the former director’s personal assistant for decades. She didn’t work as quickly as Kaia, but her knowledge of the company’s history was invaluable. By the end of my first week, I’d come to see her as the glue that held both the assistants—and by extension, the executives and most of the top managers—together.
On the Monday of my fourth week with the company, I found myself in the kitchen with the older woman. We hadn’t interacted much beyond professional courtesy so far. She shifted to the side so I could access the coffee machine, then threw me a sideways smile.
“I hear you impressed the big bad boss on your very first day. That takes some doing.”
I shrugged. “I might have used some connections from my old job to do it.”
Her smile was genuine—and a little wicked. “Hey, we have to do what we have to do to make this place run, right?”
“My thoughts exactly.” I lifted my mug in salute, my lips curving in a smile.
“Now all you have to do is impress the rest of them on the annual executive staff retreat, and your place here will be secured for life. Take it from someone who knows.”
The steaming mug of coffee froze halfway to my mouth. “Executive staff retreat?”
“Has no one told you about it yet?” Rachael glanced at me above the thick black rim of her glasses. Her hair was a shock of white, a shade so pure that I wondered if she bleached it to look that way. It was styled in a funky pixie cut that showed off the large dangling earrings adorning her lobes .
I shook my head. “I’ve just been trying to get my head around the job. The travel arrangements alone are a headache and a half. Haven’t had much time for anything else.”
“You’ll manage,” Rachael said with a wave of her hand.
“So, this retreat?”
“All the bigwigs go away to a resort owned by Chuck. Have you met Chuck?”
I shook my head. “Chuck Hearst?”
“The one and only.” She sidled past me to the coffee machine and poured herself a mug. Grimacing at the taste, she dumped three spoonfuls of sugar into it and stirred. Glancing at me as her spoon clinked against the edge of her mug, Rachael said, “You know the way to that man’s heart?”
“His stomach?” I guessed.
She barked a laugh. “If only. No. It’s golf. Display a passing interest in the game, and he’ll think you’re the bee’s knees.”
Evie’s voice popped into my head: “ Did you know bees have no kneecaps? ”
I smiled despite myself, then wondered if Cole would find her obsession with bees as endearing as I did. Then I cursed myself for thinking of him, and then I remembered that I was in the middle of a conversation.
“My old boss used to drag me around the course with him every Wednesday,” I told Rachael. “Only way to get him to answer any messages was to follow him around with a golf cart and pretend I knew how to swing a club. Eventually I got pretty good at it.” The memory made me grin. Wentworth was a quirky old man. He used to say that being a boring old accountant was the most interesting thing about him, but he was wrong. I missed those Wednesday morning golf lessons more than I’d like to admit. He’d been almost like a father figure to me. I would’ve worked for him forever if he’d been able to afford to pay me the market rate.
I smiled at Rachael. “Golf’s no problem for me.”
“Chuck’ll love you, then,” she answered, taking a sip of her sweetened coffee.
“When’s the retreat?”
“Usually sometime at the beginning of Q4,” Rachael said. “They say it’s to get the executive team together with the board to review the year before the busy holiday season, but it’s just an excuse for all of them to go down to Florida with their families and have a few days off. Now, for us,” she added, clicking her tongue, “it’s always a ton of work. We have to organize all the logistics and be on call for whatever they might need. And the ones who don’t end up going down to the resort have to hold down the fort while everyone else is gone.”
Thinking that as the newest EA in the pool, I’d be one of the skeleton crew left behind, I shrugged. “I won’t mind the office being a bit quieter.”
We both turned when Kaia poked her head into the kitchen. “Need you both for a quick meeting upstairs,” she said. “Meeting Room G in five.”
So, five minutes later, I walked into the meeting room behind Rachael, Kaia, and the other executive assistants. We all took a seat around the conference table, pulling out notebooks while Kaia connected her laptop to the projector. The meeting room was small, with only one open seat to my left remaining empty .
“I wanted to touch base with you about the executive retreat. Gillian, you mentioned you’d like to sit it out this year?”
“My mom’s illness flared up,” she said. “My dad needs help managing the appointments. I’d love to come to the retreat, and you know how committed I am to the job, but they really need me…”
While Gillian explained her family situation, my awareness went to the door behind me. I knew it was him before I worked up the courage to turn my head. I saw the vague reflection of a man in the windows in front of me, and I caught the barest whiff of spiced cologne, and I just knew .
Cole’s broad hand landed on the back of the chair to my left. He pulled it out and slid into it, all grace and coiled power. I loved the way he moved, so sure of himself. Slow and confident. I’d loved watching him stride out of the hotel with my car keys dangling from his fingers. Loved watching him run after the thief who’d tried to rob me, even though I’d cursed his name?—
I blinked, shaking off the memory. Bad Carrie! Those memories—those facets of our relationship—were in the past, and in the past they would remain. Now we were professionals, and I was the desperate woman who needed to find a way to tell him the truth while keeping this job.
Cole’s presence burned my side. Under the table, his legs stretched and his knee nudged mine. I coughed and shifted, pulling my leg away.
In my peripheral vision, I saw the slow turn of his head. He was staring at me.
Kaia was saying something. I had no idea what. My head was filled with white noise.
Gathering all the bits of bravery left inside me, I turned my head to look at my boss. Well, my boss’s boss. The man who’d changed the direction of my life.
Dark eyes watched me as my heart rattled in its cage. It wasn’t fair that this man still had an effect on me. Even though I knew I couldn’t have him—and I was afraid of the consequences of his discovering about Evie—I still felt an undeniable pull toward him. His broad shoulders leaned back against his chair as he arched an eyebrow at me. Long fingers came up to cup the side of his face. An electric tension pulled tight between us, fizzling and sparking with unspoken desires. I felt like I had all those years ago, sitting on the barstool next to his. Like all the world ceased to exist because an undeniably beautiful, powerful man had me in his sights.
His eyes glittered with…amusement?
“Well?” he said.
I blinked back to myself. It wasn’t just my boss that was staring at me; everyone was. Clearing my throat, I looked up to see Kaia frowning at me. “Um,” I said. “Sorry?”
“Gillian’s mother is sick, and she has to sit out the retreat this year. I’m putting you in charge of catering. Gillian will walk you through what’s required, including dietary requirements for various guests and coordination with a new catering company this year. I asked you if you think you can handle it.”
“O-oh,” I stammered. “Right. Yes, of course.”
“Good,” Kaia said with a decisive nod, turning back to the screen. On it, a list of tasks was assigned to various staff members. The meeting rushed on while I sat there, wondering what the hell I’d just agreed to .
The executive retreat would be a great way to prove myself early in my new job. The promise of financial stability and career advancement still glimmered like a mirage in the distance. My days here were limited, but I kept fooling myself into trying my best to be a star employee.
But going away for work meant organizing childcare, which necessarily involved putting more strain on my cousin and her husband. It meant leaving my daughter on her own when I already felt like I didn’t spend enough time with her as it was.
Would she resent me for putting work first? How could I juggle being a good mother to her, providing, and being present?
Did I even have a choice?
There were too many unknowns for me to start worrying about whether I was scarring my daughter for life by going away on a business trip. I was spiraling. More pressing was the fact that the father of my child was sitting next to me, and I had to work up the courage to blow up my nice, comfortable life by telling him about it.
Shaking off the familiar worries, I squared my shoulders and forced myself to listen to Kaia’s briefing. When Cole took over and detailed the VIP guests that would be in attendance this year, including his own father, I diligently wrote down notes that were mostly gibberish and did my best to avoid the trap of staring into his eyes.
Boss, employee. Old flame that had died down to cold ash. That’s all we were to each other. If I felt the heat of a hidden, red-hot ember, that was my own fault.
I had to fortify myself against my own feelings. I had to dig in and put up my defenses. What mattered was financial stability and my daughter’s well-being. A wayward attraction to a man who was wildly out of my league shouldn’t have even registered.
After the meeting, I sat down at my desk and checked my calendar. I noted that the last day of the retreat was the Sunday before Evie’s spelling bee.
And it felt like a sign.
I’d accept the responsibility for the retreat. I’d do the best job that I could, and then, when we were back in Manhattan, I’d finally ask Cole for that meeting. I’d tell him he was a father.
I had three weeks before my best opportunity at stability blew up in my face. And all I could do was prepare for the detonation.