The Wrong Date Deal

Chapter One

P iper slid through the crowded bar, weaving between the other patrons in search of the friends she knew were already there. Spotting them didn’t take long once she reached the seating area. They’d clearly arrived hours before she had because they’d managed to secure a high top.

“Piper?” Hermes called as he spotted her through a gap in the crowd.

Piper finally made it to the table and gave the three of them an exhausted look.

“Date went well?” Massima asked, wincing as she leaned across the table towards Piper.

Piper shot her a look. “Yeah, really well. We’re busy making out over dinner right now.”

She laughed.

“What happened?” Hermes asked as Shea jumped out of her seat, gesturing that she was getting Piper a drink.

“Ugh. I don’t know,” Piper said, squeezing Shea’s arm in thanks as she passed by. “Have you ever met someone who is just… painfully bland the second you meet them and it’s clearly not going to get better?”

“That bad, huh?”

There weren’t any spare seats available but Piper sat in Shea’s seat while she was at the bar, mostly to avoid anyone else trying to take it from under them.

“What did she do?” Massima asked. The bisexual neon lights shone in her dark brown eyes as she watched Piper without blinking, clearly eager for the story.

“Nothing,” Piper sighed. “Like, literally nothing. I don’t want to criticize—”

“But do anyway,” Hermes prompted with a laugh.

Piper shook her head. “Well, I think I’d have had a better night if I’d gone out with a cardboard cutout. She didn’t seem nervous or uncomfortable or anything. In fact, she seemed perfectly at ease. She was just at ease saying nothing, doing nothing. I showed up, and she just nodded, and stood there waiting.”

“Wow. Massive NPC energy.”

“Yes!” Piper said, grateful someone got it and gave her the words. “Exactly like that. It was as if I had to do some special task for her to speak to me, but nobody told me what the task was.”

“So, you just left immediately?” Massima asked, fascinated.

“No, no. At first, I did think it was just nerves, so I asked if we should go inside the restaurant.”

“And?”

Piper sighed. “And… despite stating that she’d made the reservation days ago, it turns out, she hadn’t.”

“What?”

“Yep. Got inside and instead of asking for the name the reservation was under, she just stood there, staring at the host.”

“Oh, my god.”

“Exactly. I tried to prompt her and she just looked at me like I was supposed to have made the reservation. Which, like, why would I have done that if we were at a restaurant she said she was booking?”

“I think I’d have left right then,” Hermes said, sipping his brightly-colored cocktail. “If you’re starting out lying, it’s not going to get any better, is it?”

Piper hummed, the sound getting lost in the noise of the bar. “I can tell you that it did not. They didn’t have a table, so we needed to wait at least forty-five minutes. I gave them my name because… I don’t know. It just seemed like the thing to do. So, we went to the bar—and she didn’t say anything.”

“Nothing at all?” Massima asked, her eyes wide.

“Not a damn thing. I asked if she liked lemonade because we had to get something, but the whole situation was a mess. She nodded.” Piper shook her head. “So I ordered two. And, again, she didn’t say a word as we waited for the drinks. Not one, single word. Just leaned against the bar like everything was fine and normal.”

Hermes let out a low whistle. “Wasn’t she talkative when you were texting?”

“Eh. Talkative might be a strong word for it, but communicating. I don’t need much, but I do need my date to talk to me a little, at the very least.”

“The bar is on the floor right there,” Hermes said, waving his drink in Piper’s direction.

“Apparently, still too difficult to reach.”

“So, you left, right?” Massima prompted, leaning even closer to Piper.

“You’d think so, wouldn’t you?”

“You stayed?” She stared at Piper in horror.

Piper shrugged. “I thought I should at least try. You know, see if she loosened up when we got the drinks and it was just the two of us. Like, maybe she just couldn’t talk to service workers.”

Hermes shook his head. “A very sweet consideration from you, but the woman was relaxed. There was no sign it was that.”

“I’m an optimist,” Piper offered weakly.

“You’re a glutton for punishment is what you are,” he said, his English accent coming out more strongly, just as it did any time he was stressed or excited.

“Maybe,” she allowed. “But, as I’m sure you can tell, it did not get better. She nodded when I asked if she was enjoying the lemonade, though, to her credit, she did answer direct questions about herself, though her answers were still a little lackluster, and she didn’t ask a single thing about me.”

“So, then you left?” Massima asked.

“Then I left.”

The three of them laughed, mostly relieved.

“Well,” Hermes said, “you lasted a lot longer than the rest of us would have done.”

“What can I say? Dating is a game of survival and I have to stay optimistic or it’s all over.”

Shea reappeared, placing Piper’s drink on the table. Piper moved to stand up, but Shea held her in the seat, insisting that they share the small stool instead. It was crowded, but so was the whole place, and it wasn’t the first time they’d squeezed into a seat together.

“This kind of thing is why I gave up on online dating years ago,” Massima said.

“Yeah, but Piper here is still holding out hope that she’s going to find ‘The One’,” Hermes pointed out.

Shea laughed. “The one for right now is working well for me. Maybe you should give that a try.”

Massima sighed. “Honestly, I kind of wish I could handle friends with benefits. I’d just spend the whole time catching feelings and stressing about who else they were with.”

“Right there with you,” Piper said, shaking her head.

Shea shrugged. “Yeah, I couldn’t care less. So long as we’re being careful and everyone’s getting tested regularly, they can sleep with whoever they want, I can sleep with whoever I want, and we can all have a great time together.”

“Ah,” Massima groaned, throwing her head back. “You make it sound so simple.”

Shea laughed again. “For me, it is, I guess. But I know it’s not for everyone. You can’t force it if it’s not right for you, and we know you’d hate it.”

“Ugh. So true. Why am I so desperate for romance?”

“Hey, you’re not the only one. Piper’s out here trying desperately to find it, while Hermes is holding out hope it’s going to find him.”

Piper groaned. “You’d think after all this searching, something would have found me.”

“And I,” Hermes said, enunciating clearly, “am subscribing to the philosophy that love finds you when you finally stop looking for it.”

“How’s that going for you?” Shea asked, hiding her laughter behind her glass.

“Ugh. You’ll hear about anything relevant when you need to.” He turned his gaze on Piper. “For now, I suppose we will have to content ourselves with imagining whether your date tomorrow is going to be better or worse than tonight’s.”

“Worse,” Shea said immediately. She had no faith at all in the process.

“Oh, no. I’m hoping for better,” Massima said, her brow creasing.

“You always are.”

“Right. Because I believe the one for Piper is out there and she’s got to find them soon.”

“One would think,” Hermes muttered, just a hint of the worry over losing his friends that popped up whenever they had these conversations seeping into his tone.

“Who is it tomorrow?” Shea asked.

Piper shrugged. “Woman, brown hair. That’s really all I know.”

“Oh, it’s one from that app with no pictures and just usernames?” Massima asked excitedly.

“Hummingbird Dating. It is indeed.”

“How are you finding it?” Shea grinned in a way that suggested she’d used it herself, but for nothing too serious.

Piper sighed. It was the latest app she’d tried for dating. She’d been promised it was better than the others because it wasn’t based on pictures and quick bios but on actual interests and real conversational connections. Not to mention the fact that you had to go through a rigorous vetting process to even have an account. However, the three dates she’d had from it so far had turned out equally as badly as any other app she’d used.

Maybe tomorrow’s date would be better.

“Well, isn’t that a glowing reference?” Hermes asked, rolling his eyes. “I’ll rush to sign up, shall I?”

Piper laughed. “Are you giving up on the idea that the right guy will find you?”

“I am not.”

Hermes had used apps a lot when he first moved to the US, and he’d floated the idea of using them again multiple times—mostly sticking to T4T posts so he didn’t have to worry as much about his safety—but he wanted to find someone organically. Even in the modern world when it seemed fewer and fewer of the people they knew had just happened across their partners, he still wanted to believe. Below the layer of sarcasm, he was probably a bigger romantic than Piper, and as big a romantic as Massima.

“You know,” Massima said, looking around the crowded bar, “your person might be right here, right now. You might be like ships, rowing around each other, almost meeting.”

“That’s not how the saying goes,” Hermes pointed out.

“I know, but I just think it makes more sense this way. I refuse to believe you’re ships just passing in the night—”

“Right. That’s more my style,” Shea interjected quickly before taking a sip of her drink.

Piper shot her a smirk before focusing back on Massima, who was watching Hermes intently.

“And, if we go with the idea of planets orbiting each other, that suggests you’ll never meet.”

“Ideally, in that case,” Hermes said, sniffing. “I’m not looking to cause the kind of damage two planets colliding causes.”

“But maybe that would be romantic,” Massima said dreamily. “Like… Romeo and Juliet . Chaos, love, destruction.”

“Not romantic. They both die. The ages are wild. The timeframe is ridiculous. It is not what I’m looking for.” He wrinkled his nose in disgust.

Shea laughed. “A Brit and an Italian fighting it out over Shakespeare.” She paused. “Actually, I’d bet good money Shakespeare would have loved that.”

“Mm. Plus, we’ve got a man and a woman,” Piper said, gesturing between Hermes and Massima. “You know what they say about Shakespeare…”

“That Romeo and Juliet is a tragedy,” Hermes replied pointedly.

Massima waved a hand in his direction. “I’m just saying, the kind of love that destroys the whole world is pretty romantic.”

“Remind me to order a bunker when Massima falls in love,” Shea muttered into Piper’s ear.

“Will do,” Piper whispered back brightly.

Hermes shook his head and leaned into the table. “ Anyway. Where is the date tomorrow, Piper?”

“That new café on Maple.”

“Oh, I was just there yesterday,” Shea said. “It’s nice. They’ve got a killer London fog that you’re going to love. You too,” she added, looking at Hermes.

“Hey, just because I’m half British—”

“Yeah, yeah. You love tea. Just accept that you’re a stereotype.”

Hermes scowled. “Anyone who doesn’t love tea is a problem.”

“Thank you,” Shea said, grinning widely. “More coffee for me.”

“I like coffee too.”

“Well,” Piper said, interjecting, “I guess, even if the date is horrifying, I’ll at least get a good drink out of it.”

“Yes, you’ll have to let me know how it is,” Hermes said, ignoring the way Shea grinned at him.

“Absolutely.” Piper laughed. “If the date’s terrible, I’ll just buy you one and bring it over.”

“Deal.” He smirked. “Now, I’m kind of hoping the date is bad.”

“Thank you so much for your support.”

“You’re so welcome.”

“And, if it goes well,” Shea said, nudging Hermes, “I’ll take you to get one.”

“Plying the Brit with tea. How original,” Hermes snarked, but he was smiling with no venom.

“Maybe you can ply me with coffee to even the playing field.”

“Iced coffee. With syrups and whipped cream. You know, if we’re going for the stereotype.”

“Sounds delicious.”

“Of course it does.”

“Maybe you two should go to the café tomorrow—maybe we all should!” Massima said. “That way, if Piper’s date is going badly again, she’ll have an easy out and her friends nearby.”

Piper laughed. “No, thank you. I appreciate the thought, but I don’t love the idea of you all watching me on a first date.”

“Why not?” Shea asked, grinning innocently.

Piper shot her a look. “Do you enjoy going on dates with an audience?”

“Not really my thing, but maybe it would work for you.”

“I can promise it would not.” Piper shook her head. “We can all go when I’m not on a date.”

“Yeah, okay, that’s fair,” Massima agreed as Shea just smirked. “I’m still holding out hope that tomorrow will be the good one. I have a great feeling about it.”

“Fantastic,” Piper said, smiling at her. “If you want to manifest that for me, I’m totally in favor. At this point, I’ll take all the help I can get.”

Massima held her glass up in a toast. “To Piper. And to her date tomorrow being a million times better than the one today and leading to something wonderful.”

The others held their glasses up too and said, “To Piper!”

Piper shook her head but joined in. No matter how badly her dates went, she was always glad she had this group to come home to. And, while she wasn’t feeling as optimistic about tomorrow as Massima clearly was, she’d take all of the good energy and belief she could get. After all, it only had to go right one time. Surely, that wasn’t too much to ask for?