Chapter Eighteen
A ugust dropped to the floor of her living room, not batting an eyelid when Ford stepped over her to collapse onto the couch. She could still feel Piper’s hand against her back and her waist. She’d been nineteen the last time someone had touched her so simultaneously confidently and nervously at the same time—or maybe that was just the way it made her feel. Maybe Piper had been entirely sure of herself. However, the way neither of them addressed the touch, the cautious way her fingers crept over August’s body when they moved a little closer, and the way she couldn’t quite hold August’s gaze each time she moved told August she wasn’t the only one feeling nervous.
Ford cleared his throat, pulling August out of her reverie. “So, good night after all?”
August twisted her head to shoot him a look. “I never thought it was going to be a bad night.”
“Right,” he laughed. “You were just worried your girlfriend’s friends wouldn’t like you.”
“She’s not my girlfriend,” August shot back, wishing the floor would swallow her whole.
“Sure. You just spend every night with women you aren’t interested in wrapped around you.”
“It’s kind of weird for you to be taking shots like that, you know?”
He moved to be able to look over the arm of the couch at her. “And you only act weird about it when you’re really interested in someone. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Shame isn’t part of it.”
“Isn’t it?”
August lifted her head, frowning as she looked at him. “No? I’m not ashamed of liking her…”
He softened. “No. You’re ashamed of finally doing something for yourself that feels good. You stayed out of dating for a long time—”
“Yeah, because I had a bad experience and needed some time.”
“That’s all?”
“Yes?”
“Nothing to do with feeling like you need to put your life on hold to help me with mine?”
August stared at him in surprise. She had no idea he felt like that. She did feel responsible for him, for helping him, but she’d never blamed him, and she’d tried to avoid doing anything that suggested she was putting her life on hold to look after him. “No? Ford, I love you but you’re a grown man. I’m pretty sure you can look after yourself.”
He laughed and relaxed back into the couch. “I know you know that logically, but even you have to admit you’ve been willing to move your whole life around to help me.”
“I don’t know that moving apartments is that big a deal. I’ve done it before, I’ll do it again. People move all the time.”
“Yes, because they want to, not because they’re trying to house their siblings.”
“People do all kinds of things for the ones they love,” she said, slightly surly.
Ford sighed. “I know. And I am unbelievably grateful to you. I just want to make sure that you aren’t putting your thing with Piper on hold because you’re worried about me.”
“How would that even be connected?”
“Well, because I know you well enough to know you’ll have thought through the logistics of whether Hermes would still be willing to house me if things went badly with Piper.”
August huffed. She had thought about that. Damn him. “Fine. That has… occurred to me. But Hermes is going to have you sign an actual rental contract, right? You’ll be protected.”
He laughed and August knew they were both thinking about the fact that his lease hadn’t protected him from a bad environment in his current place. Contracts were great, but they only did so much.
But wasn’t that true in life, too? August couldn’t plan for every little thing. She’d stayed out of the dating game for a long time precisely because she’d seen how much control she had to give up to be in a relationship and she’d seen how that worked out. Piper, however, was making it feel fun and liberating to let go. Maybe she needed to learn to let go of things—like the idea that Hermes would screw Ford over if she and Piper didn’t work out.
August sat up and looked at Ford. “Okay. Fine. I can’t promise that it would protect you entirely, but I can’t promise that it wouldn’t, either. Hermes seems like a decent guy. It wouldn’t be fair for me to judge him on the way he might behave if a theoretical relationship went down the drain.”
Ford raised his eyebrows. “ Theoretical relationship ? As if this whole thing isn’t absolutely happening before our eyes?”
“We don’t know what’s happening. It’s not like Piper and I have really talked about it.”
“Oh, she hasn’t asked you out on a date?”
“Well…”
“And she wasn’t holding you for most of the night?”
“Um.”
“And you don’t light up every single time she texts or calls you?”
August cleared her throat. “What’s your point?”
He laughed.
“Fine,” August said. “Maybe it’s not theoretical but it’s also not actual, and until it is… it’s not.”
He narrowed his eyes, pausing as he tried to figure out what she’d even said. “What?”
“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”
“You’re so far gone you’ve stopped making sense.”
August groaned. “It’s a good thing Hermes is letting you move in, otherwise, I’d be kicking you out with nowhere to go.”
“You wouldn’t,” he said, cheerful and without a hint of concern that August would actually make him leave.
“Fine. I wouldn’t.”
They were quiet for a moment before Ford sucked in a breath and quietly asked, “Why are you being so cagey about the whole thing with Piper?”
August deflated slightly. She hadn’t expected him to just ask outright. Perhaps she should have known better. But, if she couldn’t tell him, who could she tell? Getting it out might even help.
She took a minute, thinking and gathering herself, before she looked pointedly at him. “She was—however unintentionally—the very first person I met on a date after I decided it was time. However ready and hopeful I felt about the whole thing, I wasn’t actually expecting something so quickly. I know it happened for Měilíng, and, ostensibly, I was looking for the same thing, but I was planning for a grace period, you know? A period of time where I could date and it wasn’t going to be anything, and I could… I don’t know, ease my way back in.”
“But you and Piper were just friends first, right?”
August nodded. “Even within that, there was this… chemistry, I guess? It wasn’t like anything else I’d ever experienced. You know how, when you’re with your friends, you’re having the best time and you love seeing them, but you know you’d start to wind each other up if you lived in each other’s pockets?”
Ford laughed. “Kind of, yeah. Though I think my need for quiet, alone time is less than yours.”
“Right, but you know what I mean. With Piper, it never felt like that. She could call me right after we’d gotten off a call; she could call me and stay on the phone all night; she could send me fifty texts in an hour, and it would never become too much.”
“She sent you fifty texts in an hour?”
“What? No. It was just… a saying.”
“Not a saying, but I see what you mean.”
August glared at him. She knew that wasn’t a saying, she was just trying to parse her thoughts, and there he was, being a typical brother, like always. “I just mean that, even when we were friends, it was a different kind of friendship than I was used to. So, if we do the whole relationship thing, what if that’s different, too?”
“What if it’s better? Why would that be scary?”
“Why would it not be?”
“Because you’re wondering about if you date and it’s amazing? There’s nothing bad there.”
August stared at him. “You never get that feeling? The terror of something that’s about to change your entire world?”
He stopped, looking at her, a million different emotions passing over his face. “Huh. I guess it’s never felt like that, no.”
“Culinary school wasn’t like that?”
He tilted his head, looking up at the ceiling. “Maybe a little, but, in a good way. I knew it was going to change everything in my life, and I knew it was going to be hard, but I wanted that change so badly. And it’s worth it, you know? Even with all the trouble with my roommates.”
“Because you love it?”
He smiled. “Yes. Because I love it. So, even the bad times are worth it.”
“But, what if you don’t love it yet, there’s just the potential for you to?”
“Wasn’t that how it worked for you when you went to college?”
She stared at him. “I… guess so.”
“And that seems to have worked out great. You picked something you liked enough to know you might love the future it gave you. Maybe relationships are the same.”
“My career doesn’t hold in its hands the ability to crush my heart.”
“Yeah, but it also doesn’t stand by you when you’re forced to go to dinner with Mom and Dad and answer all of their invasive questions. It isn’t where you turn when you’re having a bad day and need to talk—or when you’re having a great day and want to celebrate. It doesn’t give you the power to feel like you can live your own life without worrying what other people—Mom and Dad especially—think.”
“And you’re suggesting Piper will?”
He nodded slowly. “I think there’s something between the two of you that’s worth letting go of control for. And, I think, yes, she would stand by your side through Mom and Dad’s nonsense.” He hesitated. “I think the kind of connection you have with her could lead to a love that shows you that what you’ve settled for in the past is not what you deserve. You just need to give her the chance.”
August’s throat felt thick. She didn’t feel like she’d settled that much. Nobody went into relationships hoping to settle. She’d thought she’d been doing okay, doing the right thing. Partners didn’t want to deal with all of her family drama, and she’d understood. She’d assumed that was how it went, that she didn’t deserve someone who wanted to handle that with her. But here was Ford, pointing out things she’d barely had the courage to acknowledge herself, let alone think anyone else had noticed.
She blinked rapidly and cleared her throat. “When did you get so wise, huh?”
He moved to sit beside her on the floor, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “I grew up with a pretty great role model.”
“Oh, yeah? Mom and Dad teaching you all about being there for the people you love?”
He nudged her, the two of them swaying together slightly. “ You , you dork. And, as you said, I’m a fully grown man now. You don’t have to carry the burden all alone. Maybe you felt the need to protect me when I was a kid, but, now, we get to be equals.” He shot her a sentimental look that transformed into a laugh. “And, as your equal, I get to tell you when you’re being a fool about a good woman who is clearly massively into you.”
“You think?” August asked, a little more emotional than she’d been planning to get tonight.
“If someone looked at me the way Piper looks at you, I don’t think I’d be holding up that first date for anything.”
She laughed. “Does it even count as a first date at this point?”
“Yes. For sentimentality’s sake.”
“You’re such a romantic.”
“And you’re not? I got it from somewhere. And, no, it wasn’t Mom and Dad, before you ask.”
August laughed again. There were many things you could accuse their parents of, but being romantics would not be high on the list. “Fair. Sorry for infecting you.”
He leaned reassuringly into her side, making her feel small in a pleasant way—like maybe he was right and she didn’t have to carry her burdens alone, like they really were equals these days. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“Let us hope your new roommate is similarly sentimental.”
Ford laughed. “I think he’s more my landlord than my roommate.”
“You’ll be living together.”
“We will.” He smiled to himself, and August could see the relief that thought brought him. “I have a good feeling about it.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” He nodded, obviously going over his conversations with Hermes from the night. “Plus, we can gossip freely about what’s happening with you and Piper, because he’s just as much on that train as everyone else is.”
“Ugh.” August relaxed her body, dropping backwards onto the floor again. “I did get that impression from him.”
Ford laughed. “I don’t know why you’re being weird about it. Everyone there was thinking the same thing—even the people that weren’t part of our group.”
“They were not.”
“Excuse me? When was the last time you saw two people standing the way you and Piper were and didn’t think they were together?”
“Um. Well. Never, probably. But I’m sure I see it sometimes and don’t give it a second thought, so there’s no guarantee everyone thought we were together.”
He rolled his eyes. “I can’t wait until you two make it official so you can stop being ridiculous.”
“As you just pointed out, we haven’t even had our first date yet, so I’m not the one jumping the gun.”
“You’re the one being annoying about a woman you clearly adore.”
“I adore all my friends.”
“Not the same and you know it. You literally just told me it’s not.”
“Eh. I guess.” She laughed. “I suppose I just have to refrain from screwing up Thursday night?”
“You’re not going to screw it up. She’s been on more than enough bad dates. I think she’s ready for one she gets to enjoy. Hell, the woman traveled halfway across the city just to be there for you on your bad date.”
“It wasn’t quite that far.”
“Yeah, that’s the part to focus on.” He shook his head. “You’re ridiculous.”
“You too, but I guess it’s genetic.”
He laughed. “I suppose, if that’s what the genetics gave us, it could have been way worse.”
“You’re… not wrong there.” August shuddered.
He paused, watching her for a moment. “Just try to have fun on Thursday, yeah? Try to… let go.”
“I suppose a dance class is a good place to relax.”
“Mm. Yes. Besides, Shea’s got a whole theory about dance—”
“What?” August whipped herself up into a sitting position again at rapid speed. “How do you know that?”
Ford stared at her wildly. “Because she mentioned it when we were talking about the fact that you and Piper were going to take a rumba class together…”
“Ugh. Do I even want to know what it is?”
Understanding lit up his expression. “Ah. I see.” He laughed. “Yeah, you should ask her.”
“I’m not—”
August’s phone lit up on the floor next to her. Shea.
What timing the woman had.
Ford laughed as August picked the phone up and opened the message.
I was told I wasn’t allowed to ask you this at the bar, but we’re not at the bar now, sooooo… you’re into Piper, right?
August groaned. It was very Shea to work around the request like that. She was certain Piper must have been the one to tell her not to ask, and she was pretty certain the sentiment had applied to simply not asking at all, not just avoiding doing it in the bar.
Before she could reply, a second text came in. To be clear: I mean sexually. You’re into her sexually, right?
And another. Also romantically. That too, right?
August groaned, feeling herself flushing.
“Everything going well?” Ford asked, clearly amused.
“No. Not even a little bit,” August replied, ridiculously embarrassed.
Ford laughed loudly. “That means it’s going great. Let me see?”
“Ugh. Why not? What difference does it make? You’re all on the same page.” August shut her eyes and handed him the phone, blushing harder when he laughed. Even she couldn’t deny there was something sweet about it, though.
In her last relationship, she’d felt kind of alone. Měilíng hadn’t been keen on her ex. None of her friends had. Ford had hated her, though he hadn’t fully revealed that until it was over for fear of losing August. Her parents liked her, but August had since decided that wasn’t a good sign. She’d felt very much like she was segmenting her life for a relationship that wasn’t actually making her very happy at all.
Now, she and Piper hadn’t even had their first proper date but the people around them were all in. They were welcoming her and Ford. They were reaching out, connecting, embracing her. And, even if they were being a little forward, she found she didn’t mind it. She knew they’d stop if she asked. And that was when the lack of control felt okay.
Her whole life was already changing, but the changes were good. Maybe any future changes with Piper would be too.
She pulled in a deep breath, preparing to text Shea back, but the air was sucked straight from her lungs when Ford pulled out his phone and laughed.
“Hermes just texted to ask the same thing,” he said.
August laughed, the sound more akin to a groan than anything else. “Of course he did.”
But Ford looked up and caught her eye and the joy she saw there was something August knew she was feeling too. It was something she hadn’t seen in a long time and, no matter what happened, she was never going to be upset at Piper or this group for helping bring that back to both of them.