—THIRTY-NINE—
Home.
This feels like home.
Not necessarily the four walls or the ruddy bricks, or even the curtain of tall, lush trees that surround the property, giving it an air of peaceful seclusion.
It’s this.
This man.
This new life fluttering in my belly.
After Bree discharged us from the hospital, she led Parker to my room. His eyes were tired and weary, but his arms felt safe and eager as he pulled me into an emotional embrace, kissing the top of my head and hushing away my tears as they fell hard against his chest. We held each other for a long time, while three precious heartbeats filled my soul with hope.
We shared an Uber ride over to our vehicles, still parked near the bridge, then drove separately to Parker’s house where I plan to share my news with him.
Stepping out of my car, I jog towards him down the gravel driveway, entwining our fingers together when we meet beside his truck. Parker inhales a weighty breath, leaning back against the hood with a sigh. His eyes don’t find me right away. They are cast just beyond my shoulder, flickering with something I can’t quite read. “Hey… look at me.” My hand lifts, and I graze my fingertips along the bristles shadowing his jawline. “Are you okay?”
Parker tenses, wavering before meeting my searching stare. “Sorry, I just…” He blows out a hard puff of air, like he’s trying to regroup. “I feel all fucked-up inside. Itchy. Off-kilter.”
“You just went through a trauma, Parker. It’s understandable.”
His eyes close tight as a sticky breeze rolls through. “I feel like I fucking failed.”
My stomach pitches at his words. “Don’t say that.”
“Why not? It’s the truth. I failed you, and now I failed him,” Parker bites out, looking away again. He withdraws before I’ve even had a chance to try and reach him. “He’s dead. I knew it when I was dragging him out of that goddamn bay.”
A heavy sorrow saturates the air around us. Bree gave us the grim news before we left the hospital—they’d done everything they could, but the man on the bridge didn’t make it.
My eyes had shifted to Parker in that moment, and I swore I could see a tiny light flicker out. A cloud rolled in, casting shadows all over him.
He dimmed.
“Parker…” I lower my hand from his cheek, grasping both of his palms in mine. “Don’t do that to yourself. This is not your weight to carry. I just witnessed the most selfless, heroic thing I’ve ever seen in my life, and it only makes me want you a thousand times more.”
Parker’s eyes dip back to me, flaring as he registers my words. His grip on my hands tighten. “Don’t say shit you don’t mean, Melody.”
“I mean it,” I reply in a whispered, valiant breath. “You didn’t fail me—you made a mistake. Mistakes make us human. Mistakes have the potential to mold us into better, stronger people.” His eyes catch the pearly starlight as they dance across my face, brows creasing with reflection. “You did a good thing tonight, Parker… a really good thing. The outcome doesn’t erase that.”
His shoulders deflate, his forehead dropping to mine as he pulls me closer. We hold each other in silence for a few beats, wrapped up in the mere vitality of one another, serenaded by the song of the cicadas and our healing heartbeats. “I’m so fuckin’ glad you’re okay,” he mutters, pressing a light kiss to my hairline. Then he says with a sigh, “Thanks for following me home. I’m probably going to hit the shower and head to bed.”
I nuzzle into him with a nod. It’s the middle of the night, nearing the early morning hours, and it’s been an exhausting day. Maybe my big reveal should wait until tomorrow when we’re both more clear-headed.
Parker gives me another kiss before straightening. “You’re good to drive home?”
My heart skips.
I flinch as I take a step back, not expecting the direction of his query. My skin prickles with dismissal as a brisk wave of queasiness causes my belly to swirl. “You don’t want me to stay?”
He stiffens. A beat passes while he processes the mood, tousling his fingers through unruly hair. Parker studies me, his gaze taking in my startled expression through incandescent moonlight. “Shit, you want to?”
“Of course, I want to,” I say, an earnest plea. “You almost died, Parker. I-I watched you almost die… only a few hours ago. You dropped fifty feet right before my eyes.” A surge of panic bubbles to the surface, snuffing out my words and stealing my breath. “Please, don’t make me leave. I need to hold you, wake up with you beside me, breathing and warm…”
“Fuck, Melody, I’m sorry.” Parker collects me in his arms, gliding his hands up to my face, cupping my cheeks. His green eyes shimmer with anguish. “Jesus… please stay. I want you to.”
My breathing is unhinged, bordering on manic. All I can muster is a nod.
“I figured you were still pissed at me,” he explains, worry laced into his words and his touch. He dusts his thumbs along my flushed cheekbones. “I wasn’t sure if we were okay. I didn’t want to assume all was forgiven, just because I launched myself into the fuckin’ bay.”
“We’re okay.” I say it quickly, confidently, and then I repeat it. “We’re okay, Parker. It’s over. I forgive you.”
Pulling our foreheads back together, he sucks in a hard breath through gritted teeth. A sound escapes him, one I’ve never heard before. Ragged, strained, almost painful.
Heart-rending relief.
“Fuck…” Parker’s fingers coil around to the base of my neck, clamping hard, his desperation sinking into me. I feel his need. “Are you still mine?”
My favorite song echoes in my mind, and I keep nodding, my tears spilling free. “Yes,” I murmur, watching his eyes snap shut, like he’s soaking up my assent and carving it into his bones. “I’m yours. I’m only yours.”
“Goddamn, I don’t deserve you.”
Leaning up, I place a kiss to his bottom lip, lingering as I mutter, “You deserve more than you know.”
Another kiss follows, just as light, but then the tip of my tongue flicks out for a quick taste along his lip. Salt and sweetness. Sensuality stirs between us, pulling our emotions in a new direction, and I melt into him with a sigh of longing.
Parker’s hands vanish beneath the hem of my sundress until he’s gripping my bare waist, his heated stare locked on my mouth. Our pelvises grind together as I lean in closer, and his fingers inch behind me, sneaking underneath the trim of my underwear. He groans when his palms slide inside, cupping my backside. “Christ, Melody, get in the fucking house. I need to be inside you.”
A whimper escapes me. “Wait… wait, you should rest. Recover,” I urge, despite the way my body buzzes with disagreement.
“I don’t need rest.” Parker squeezes my ass, tugging me flush against his erection. “I’ve been asleep for nearly thirty years. All I need is you.”
Our lips crash together, tongues tangling instantly. My head falls back when he raises a hand to my head, tugging on my hair, angling my mouth to taste me deeper through a frenzied growl.
I pull back to breathe. Grazing my hands up his chest, I rest them on his shoulders as we collect our bearings, and I force myself to say, “Shower. Rest.” His body hums and sways with both exhaustion and lust. “I’ll still be here in the morning.”
Parker’s resolve wanes, his long sigh kissing the hairs on my head. A small nod of concession follows. “Okay.”
We make our way inside, giving Walden a few minutes of attention before Parker slips into the shower and I retreat to his bedroom. Sifting through his drawer of t-shirts, unfolded and in disarray, I pluck one out and decide to use it as a nightshirt.
Butterflies scatter low in my belly as my bare feet traipse to his unmade bedside, and I slink beneath the cool sheets. I mold into the covers, inhaling his familiar scent.
Earthy woods and musky raindrops. Hints of cedar and pine. It’s not cologne—Parker isn’t one for appearances—so, it must be his soap or fabric softener.
A smile lifts with warmth.
Will our baby be a boy, smelling of a Colorado mountainside?
Or a girl? Citrus and sunshine?
Will he build and carve, or will she bake and smile?
Enchanting thoughts skip across my brain, dousing me in daydreams. A baby. I’ve wanted children since I was a child myself, from little toy dolls to babysitting the neighborhood kids. Charlie and I had a life plan, a plan that was cut short, cruelly severing my visions of ever becoming a mother. Months went by where I was plagued with vivid memories of that water running red in the shower, blood trickling down my thighs, my body purging all final remnants of hope.
Hope.
Parker said once that hope was for the weak.
It was my very first day at those meetings, and his words burned me. They rattled me straight to the core.
But maybe he was right—hope is for the weak. The frail and the struggling.
The breakable.
Hope is the glue.
And there is no shame in that. There is no shame in weakness, in wanting more, in failure or defeat. Without those moments of weakness, we would never truly appreciate the beauty of our strength.
Hope is the stepping stone for grief and suffering, and then it’s up to us to do the rest. To fill in our dark holes, stitch our wounds, and make our way to the other side.
A wistful smile still paints my face when Parker steps into the bedroom twenty minutes later, his hair damp and mussed, adorning a light gray t-shirt and boxer briefs. He lingers, his eyes skimming over me through the lamp-lit space, flickering with thoughtful emotion.
I sit up, gently patting the empty space beside me. “Hi.”
His own smile twitches on his mouth. He wavers for a brief moment, like he’s taking it all in, then paces forward. “I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to this.”
“Seeing me in your bed?” I grin.
“Seeing you in my bed, my space, my fucking clothes.” Parker climbs onto the mattress, prowling towards me, his arm draping over my torso and pulling me close. He trails a rough hand up and down my midsection, drinking in the sight of me in his t-shirt, and settles it on my stomach. He finishes in a low breath, “Everywhere.”
Inhaling sharply, I meet his gaze. “I feel you everywhere, too,” I whisper back, placing my hand atop his as he unknowingly palms my belly. “You’re inside me.”
His eyes flare with heat. “Fuck, I really want to be.”
“You are.” When Parker tries to move his hand downward, I halt his efforts, keeping it low on my abdomen. “You’re inside me right now.”
A frown appears between his brows when he realizes I’m trying to tell him something. “Like, in your heart and shit? Is this a girly metaphor?”
My smile blossoms wide, a chuckle slipping out. “No. It’s a fact. You’re literally inside me.”
“Shit, Melody, maybe I swallowed too much sewer water, but I’m not—” Parker cuts himself off, going still. He blinks once. Twice. His attention goes straight to our joined hands, resting on top of my stomach, and when his focus flicks back to my face, the revelation is clear. It’s striking. “Are you telling me you’re fucking pregnant?”
Tears shoot to my eyes, and all I can do is nod.
“Jesus Christ…” Parker scrubs a hand over his face, holding his jaw as he reins in a breath. A silent, heavy beat passes between us, the air charged and thick, his eyes closing tight. When his eyelids ping back open, jade irises are glistening with emotion and disbelief. “We’re going to be parents?”
My head bobs with fervor, my chin trembling. “Yes,” I reply, only a gasp. “Your sister told me at the hospital. They ran a blood test.”
“Fuck. Holy fuck.”
Parker launches at me, his one hand still clasped over my belly, while the other tangles in my hair, fisting the long strands as his face hovers above me. My core clenches at the indescribable expression on his face, the awe, the love. He lets out something like a moan as he holds me tight, and I lift up to kiss his lips. “Parker, I love you.”
Another desperate, virile sound escapes him as he tenses on top of me. “Jesus, you’re fucking killing me right now.”
“I love you,” I say again, coiling my legs around his hips while my hands cradle his face. “I love you so much, Parker Denison. You. All of your scars, your shadows, and your perfect, perfect heart. I’m not giving up on you. Not now, not ever.”
He smashes his lips to mine, starved and crazed, clutching me like I’m his most prized possession—his whole purpose. Lifting to his knees, he pulls me with him, then falls back to the headboard in a sitting position until I’m straddling his lap. “I can’t believe you love me. I can’t believe you’re mine.” His words spill out ragged, his hands climbing my back, fingers gripping me at the nape of my neck. “I can’t believe I put a baby in you.”
“Believe it,” I whisper. “Believe me.”
“God, I fucking love you.”
Parker kisses me again with unbridled hunger, our tongues dueling to the beats of our hearts. He tears the shirt off my body, throwing it to the floor beside us, then dives forward, taking my breast in his mouth. My back arches with pleasure, our intimacy spiraling into sheer desire. I grab fistfuls of his hair, a breathy moan mingling with his. Thick hardness presses into my inner thigh, and I grind into him, wetness pooling between my legs. “Are you sure you’re not too sore?”
He sucks my nipple into his mouth, biting gently. “I’m sore as fuck, but there’s no way in hell I’m ending this night without being inside you.”
My head drops back when he nicks me again, then trails his tongue up my chest to my throat, pulling the skin between his teeth. On instinct, I reach over to the bedside lamp to switch it off, but Parker steals my wrist before I can.
He shakes his head. “No.”
Inhaling a sharp breath, I watch as he gathers the fabric of his t-shirt, then pulls it up over his head, tossing it next to mine. His body sits bare before me, seventy-nine scars on display, and I fall in love with every single one. I trace my fingertips along the puckered marks, smooth and soft, feeling him stiffen as his fingertips bite into my hipbones.
Parker hisses when I lean down to pepper kisses along his torso, my tongue poking out to lave along the expanse of scars. He cradles the back of my skull in his hands, arching into my roaming mouth with a soft groan. “You ruin me, Melody,” he murmurs, weaving his fingers through my wild hair. “You shatter my walls. You vaporize my darkness, overthrow my demons. You destroy every goddamn misaligned belief I’ve carried with me all my life.”
My lips trail up his chest until we’re mouth to mouth, breaths intermingled, and I say, “It’s time to rebuild.”
Words fade into needy kisses and frantic touches, and I’m devoured by his tongue, his hands, his palpable love for me. His hips lift up to tug his boxers down as I shimmy out of my underwear, and I position myself in his lap, his erection teasing me.
Our eyes lock for a powerful heartbeat, the last few hours swirling around us with electrifying energy.
Near death.
New life.
And then I slide down onto him with a husky cry, fingernails digging into his shoulders.
Parker’s face falls between my breasts, stifling his moan of pleasure. Strong arms envelop me, wrapping around my back, anchoring me to him. We don’t move right away.
We just feel.
When my hips begin to rock on instinct, taking him slow and deep, Parker grips me tighter, his hands skimming up my spine and tugging me closer until our mouths meet.
Skin on skin, my body buzzes with restoration. His tongue pushes past my lips as fire blazes through me, my heart quickening, my pulse dancing. I ride him faster, harder, both of us groaning with every collision.
He’s alive.
I’m alive.
We are living, breathing, fucking, loving, evolving. Our blood pumps hot. Our veins thrum and throb. Our skin sweats, and our limbs cling.
My womb sings with life.
The thought alone ignites my core. I’m fevered and driven, rising and falling onto him at a desperate pace, attacking his mouth as I tug handfuls of his hair to steady myself.
Parker yanks my head back, nearly crumbling. “Jesus fuck, if you keep riding me like that I’m going to fucking lose it.”
I kiss him again without slowing down, nipping his lip with my teeth. “I want you to. Lose yourself in me.”
Show me how alive you are.
“You want me to lose control? You want me to come in two fucking seconds?”
“Yes.”
Our pelvises crash together, and I bite his lip again, grinding myself against his groin. My body sparks with the prelude to release.
“Fuck, Melody…” Parker palms the base of my skull in a punishing grip, our teeth knocking together as he hisses out, “You’re coming with me.”
His opposite hand snakes between us, fingering me until those sparks catch fire and I go up in flames. Parker slams into me with violent thrusts, unraveling the moment I’m shuddering in his arms, nothing but dynamite and shooting stars. His release flows through me, his life force, and he buries his deep groan into the crook of my neck, holding me tighter than ever as we ride the waves together.
I go limp in his arms, and we both collapse against the headboard with a hard sigh. Parker glides his hands up and down my back with tender strokes, his heart beating fast and furious into my own, our breaths uneven, yet perfectly aligned.
A smile claims me, and I feel myself drifting away as I lay sprawled atop him, our bodies still joined. But as a soft, hazy glow permeates the curtains, the first hint of daybreak, I’m overcome with another inherent desire. My cheek lifts from his chest. “Parker?”
His exhaustion is evident, but he musters a soft, “Hmm?”
“I know you’re tired, but I want to do one more thing before we go to sleep.”
Long lashes flutter as his eyelids open, and then he reaches down to squeeze my backside. “Mmm, you’re insatiable.”
“Not that,” I grin, pulling myself off of him and reaching for his hand. “Come with me.”
We take a moment to freshen up and find our clothes, and then I’m leading him through his house, Walden trailing behind us, until we’re standing on the front porch, gazing up at the blossoming horizon.
It’s a celebration.
A new day. A new beginning.
A new life.
We watch the sunrise together that morning, side by side, hand-in-hand, with Walden resting comfortably beside our feet. And as vibrant colors paint the sky, sheathing the treetops in magenta and gold, I think we finally see the same thing.
Hope.