Mother’s Day
LAINEY
9:27 a.m.
Me
Here I am, pumping myself up to handle lunch with my mom and Harper's crew, then I think of you. I imagine this day must be hard for you and I wanted to say, I'm thinking of you and hope today is full of all the good memories you cherish. If you want to talk, I'm here.
Ben
Thanks. It'll be fine. My dad and I spend the day together. Enjoy your time with your mom.
Me
Thanks.
7:37 p.m.
Ben
Today's been shit. Will you come over?
Me
Send me your address.
When Ben opens the door, the first thing I notice is how tired he looks, as if he hasn’t slept in days. His hair is spiking in all directions, his eyes are dull and sunken in looking, and there’s this agitated tension radiating from him. But when he sees me, his body seems to instantly relax. A sad smile forms on his lips.
"Thanks for coming.” He steps aside for me to come in.
"Of course." I enter, and he closes the door behind me.
We just stand there, an awkward silence between us.
He rubs the back of his neck. "I feel a little silly for asking you to come over. You know what, it's fine. I'm fine. You—”
I rush to him and wrap my arms around his waist and pull him into a tight hug. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Lainey, seriously, it's fine. I was—"
"Ben." He looks down at me, his chest moving up and down in heavy breaths. "We’re friends. You had a bad day. I'm here. For you.”
After a moment of standing stock-still, he collapses into me. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me until I'm crushed against him. He buries his face into my neck and releases a shaky sigh. I pull him closer and let him take all the comfort he needs.
"I'm sorry," he mutters against my shoulder.
"There's nothing to be sorry for."
I slide my hand up his back and gently rub the spot between his shoulder blades—our spot. He sighs and relaxes into me even more. We stay like that for a long time, and when he pulls back, he swipes at his shiny eyes, avoiding my gaze. "I'll, um, be right back. Make yourself at home. There's wine in the kitchen."
He disappears down a hallway. I go into his kitchen and search around until I've found wine glasses and pour each of us one. Heading into his living room, I note how nice his apartment is. It’s a newer complex, so his kitchen has a marble-looking counter with modern cabinets. His couch is contemporary but looks comfortable with a simple coffee table and stylish lamps sitting atop the two end tables. He has a narrow table under his giant television that’s mounted on the wall with pictures of his family and a few people I don’t recognize.
For a guy who was considered Frat Bro Ben a year ago, his place is anything but frat-ish. It's an adult’s apartment.
I bend to look at a picture of him and his mom. She's beautiful, and Ben favors her a lot, especially her bright blue eyes. Those pictures are the most decorative items in the place, other than two large canvas photographs behind his couch. One is of the Red's Place sign, and the other is the sign as Red Poppy.
Ben emerges from the hallway. There's still some sadness lingering around his eyes, but mostly, the pain has disappeared. He sits on the sofa next to me, a sheepish expression on his face as I hand him a glass of wine. "I have to say, for all the reasons I've invited a woman over for, crying on her shoulder’s definitely a first."
"I'm truly honored." I keep my tone light, hoping to inject some humor into the situation.
He looks at me, his gaze roaming over my face, settling on my lips before moving back up to my eyes. "You should be.”
I swallow and look away, unable to handle the fierceness in his voice. I take a sip of my wine. "So, um, I'm sorry today was tough."
"I didn't think it would hit me so hard. The past Mother's Days were difficult, but I got through them. When she was sick, we got used to focusing on the good days, so that's what we always did even after she died. This year was different. It's the fifth Mother's Day since she's been gone, and something about it being a milestone year made it seem so much more significant. Then...and I really don't mean any disrespect to your mom or anything, but...he's moved on. And..." Emotion clogs Ben's throat. "And even though I'm happy for him, it also made me really fucking sad. It means she's really gone. And how stupid is that? She's been gone for five years."
He stops, his jaw clenching as he works through his emotions. I weave my fingers through his, squeezing his hand. "It's not stupid, Ben."
"He was different this year, too. And it really fucking pissed me off. I'm sorry to say, it made me resent your mom a little. And I don't. Not really. I don't know. It's just been a hard day."
I don't know how to respond. I understand what he's going through to an extent. Father's Day isn't easy for me. Harper’s dad eventually stepped up and wanted to be part of her life. He didn’t live nearby, and the times she left to spend time with him when we were younger, I always resented her a little bit. But I’ve never experienced the same immense sense of loss like Ben. His world has suddenly shifted with my mom entering the picture and that must be hard.
"Tell me about your day," he says.
"Do you really want to know?"
"Yeah, distract me."
I sigh. "We met at the restaurant and there was an hour wait even with our reservation. Cassie was not having it. Lots of squealing and breakdowns. Harper got her panties in a twist when I took the last glass of mimosa from the carafe. When Mom went to the restroom, she asked me in dramatic fashion if I planned to share or drink it all. It’s not my fault I drink faster than her. I ordered another carafe and didn’t drink a drop, but she was still all twitchy. Then Mom showed me a picture of her new yoga instructor and suggested I take him on one of my holidates."
"A Memorial Day yoga date?"
I pause, then huff a laugh. "You know, that might work. Because guess what his name is? "
"What?"
"Eagle."
Amusement lights up his bright eyes. "Eagle? Is that a name?"
"Apparently."
He starts laughing in earnest now. "Oh, my God. Dating a guy named Eagle on Memorial Day is so fucking perfect. Actually, the Fourth of July might be better."
I'm laughing, too, and give him a shoulder bump at the suggestion. "Lord, can you imagine? But wait, it gets better." I grab my phone and swipe to the picture my mom sent, showing him Eagle with his shaved head. "He's literally a bald Eagle!"
Ben nearly falls off the couch he's laughing so hard. Good tears are running down his cheeks. "Damn, Lainey, that's got to be one of the best stories I've ever heard."
"This is my life. Being set up by my mom with a bald Eagle."
He starts laughing all over again. When he finally gets himself under control, he slouches into me. "Ah man, thanks, I needed that."
As I watch him sip his wine, his face is now relaxed and happy. I kinda love my mom for trying to set me up. Ben looks at me, and a small smile forms on his lips. There's nothing particularly amazing about it, but my heart starts beating faster and little flutters take flight in my stomach. How does he do this to me with just one look?
"What did you do today with your dad? Or what do you normally do?" I ask, needing to stop this moment between us before it ignites.
He stiffens. Damn, maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up. Then he slowly relaxes, and a tiny, wistful smile forms. "When my mom was alive, all she wanted to do for Mother's Day was take a hike, watch her favorite movie and have Chinese take-out for dinner. So, that's what we'd do. Dad and I continued the tradition after she died."
"What's her favorite movie?"
" Singin' in the Rain . Sometimes she'd pick a different musical. Musicals were her favorite. Not so much for me and Dad, so it was the one day of the year she got us to watch one with her."
"And y'all did it today?"
"Sorta...it wasn't the same. For one, the house is different now that he's moved in with your mom. You can tell it's not lived in anymore. While my mom would pick different musicals, we've always watched Singin' in the Rain since she died. Today, he said that Kathleen recommended Hamilton ."
I suppress a groan. I'm sure my mom was only trying to be helpful, but she really shouldn't have gone there.
"And he wanted to do lunch instead of dinner, probably so he could go back to your mom's early."
Oh God. My heart clenches, and I want to wrap him in my arms all over again.
"The restaurant was always the same. My mom loved the soup dumplings from this place not too far from our house. My dad ordered and when it arrived today, it was from a different restaurant, another recommendation from your mom."
No wonder he was such a mess today. I don't blame him for resenting my mom.
"I'm sorry, Ben. That's a lot of change for one day."
His shoulders slump. "I shouldn't make such a big deal. Things are supposed to change."
"No, don't discount your feelings. Your dad’s already in a new relationship, and to mix up the rest is a lot." My mom should really mind her own business. And his dad should have damn well known better. Love can make people so oblivious. How many times did my mom pick the DW of the month over me and Harper ?
Ben squeezes my hand. "Thanks for understanding."
"Of course. Now, what’s the restaurant your mother loved?"
"Snow Pea."
"Okay, order for us, and we'll watch Singin' in the Rain ."
"You don't have to do that, Lainey."
"I know. I want to. I've never seen it." He looks at me like he doesn't believe me. "I'm serious. I've seen the clip where he dances in the rain, but that's it. I like musicals, so let's watch it."
He stares at me, his expression fierce. I can't tell if he's trying not to let emotions overcome him again or if...his gaze dips to my lips, and I think I have my answer. This is a kissing moment. But if we kiss, it'll be so much more than a kiss. The emotion’s too high. Things will escalate, and I don't think either one of us will have the willpower to stop it.
Suddenly, he looks away, takes a harsh breath, then looks back at me, his expression relaxed. "Okay, let's do it. Thanks."
An hour later, I can't stop smiling. Donald O'Conner might be my new favorite actor. He sings. He dances. He's hilarious. Oh, and he flips. The scene where he flips off the walls just ended, and it was brilliant. Suddenly, the film pauses, and I look over to Ben and he's smiling at me.
"What?"
"You should have seen your face during that scene. Like a kid on Christmas morning."
I laugh. "It was so awesome. I mean, he's so good!"
"I know. That was my mom's favorite scene too."
"Really?
"Yeah, that and Good Morning."
"Good morning?"
"It's another song. You'll see."
He restarts the movie and we continue watching. I totally agree with his mom, the Good Morning song is adorable. When it's over, I turn to him on the couch and tackle him in a bear hug. "Thank you!"
"Whoa, for what?"
"For sharing this with me." I pull back to look at him. "For sharing your mother with me."
His eyes turn shiny. "Fuck, Lainey, you're going to make me cry again."
"You can if you want."
His throat works around a swallow. "I'd rather do this." He gently takes my face in his hands and kisses me. It's soft and chaste. It's a friendly kiss. Except it's not. Because a friendly kiss shouldn't cause my heart to beat so fast.
The kiss is over as quickly as it began, and he looks as regretful at stopping as I feel. I can’t shake this longing, this pain. Not kissing him feels wrong, as if I’m robbing my body of something vital—depriving my very soul. “Thanks for making today a good day."
"You made my day better, too."
The problem is, he makes all my days good. And as I look at him, I wonder if he's thinking the same thing. Because even as the air charges between us, there's a sense of melancholy to it. A question of why are we fighting this?
Before we can contemplate the answer, he pulls me into him and we snuggle into the couch. If we can't see the questions in our eyes, we don't have to answer them. So, I take his comfort and cuddle into him further. "Tell me about Poppy."
He doesn’t say anything for a few moments, then releases a soft, slow breath. "Her favorite colors were red and gold. I think she favored red because poppies are red. She liked to play cards and was super competitive. Her favorite music was from the '60's and '80's. She loved to make meals out of appetizers."
I listen to him go on about her, and I wish I'd gotten the chance to meet her. She doesn't sound like my mother at all, but I think they would have been friends. I close my eyes and enjoy the feel of his body against mine and the smooth sound of his deep voice.
"Lainey?"
I blink. "What?"
"You fell asleep."
Crap, I'm practically in his lap. I push myself to sitting. "I'm sorry."
"It's fine. I drifted off a bit myself." He stretches his arms up and rubs his sleepy eyes.
I pick up my phone from the coffee table and see it’s 1:00 a.m. "I should go," I say as I stand slowly, then can’t make myself move. It feels like I’m standing in quicksand. Finally, I take a step, but his voice immediately stops me.
“Stay.”
My heart seizes and I look at him. “What?”
His eyes look as heavy as mine feel. “I don’t want you to go home this late being so tired.”
Oh. Disappointment settles heavily in my belly.
“I’ll be okay. It’s a short drive.”
He takes a step closer. His expression is resolute, yet his eyes implore. “Okay, how about I want you to stay? Just tonight. To sleep.”
All the heaviness that came over me disappears and the need that won’t lessen seems to build between us again. This time it's not sexual, at least not fully. It's vulnerable. Comforting. More…
I should say no. I know I should say no.
I don't. "Okay."
His eyes widen in surprise a bit before he looks away. A beat later, he stands, takes my hand, and leads me to his bedroom. We get in bed fully clothed, and he wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me into him, but not so close that we're completely touching. I stiffen at first then slowly relax into the bed, into him. I've never really snuggled with any of my past boyfriends or hookups. I'm not a super touchy-feely girl, but this feels good. Really good. He finds my hand and interlocks his fingers with mine, I close my eyes and let his warmth lull me to sleep.