Father’s Day
BEN
8:27 am
Me
Hey, if you need anything today. I'm here.
Lainey
Thx, I'm good. I stopped caring about Father's Day a long time ago.
Lainey’s text is still playing in my mind hours later. Her post a couple of days ago, in which she suggested activities for the holiday coming up, were all standard things that most people would think of. There was nothing personal in this one, and she usually adds a personal touch to show what she’s looking forward to most. I think this day bothers her more than she wants to admit.
“You’re up.”
My dad’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts, and I look down the fairway, completely missing my dad at the tee. “You’re like a foot away from the hole. ”
“Yeah, it was a beauty of a shot. Too bad you were daydreaming and missed it.”
“Sorry, zoned out.” I grab my driver and move to tee up my ball. Golf is something my dad and I have always enjoyed together, though I didn’t play during my college years. A Father's Day game has always been our tradition even if the course is extra crowded with many doing the same.
I swing, and the ball shanks left, nowhere near the green. My dad snickers as the ball descends towards the woods. "I swear, you seem to get worse the more you play."
"Thanks, Dad."
He slaps my shoulder as we grab our bags and head to our golf cart. "What's on your mind?"
"What do you mean?"
"Something’s distracting you."
"My mind was just wandering.”
"Is it the bar?"
"No, the bar's doing well. Far better than I ever expected." A small burst of pride swells in my chest. Even if I do wish some of the success wasn’t because I made shirtless suggestive videos.
"A girl?"
I hesitate half a second too long.
He smiles knowingly. "Ah, it's a girl."
"Um, not like you think. I was thinking of Lainey."
My dad hits the brakes a little hard as we get to the wooded area where my ball should be, and we both lunge forward. "Why are you thinking of Lainey?"
"Because it's Father's Day. I reached out to her since she had done the same for me on Mother's Day. She said she was fine, but I have this feeling she isn't."
I get out and pull a club from my bag so we can finish the hole before the people behind us get mad.
“Would it make you feel better to know that I invited her and Kathy to dinner with us?" my father says as we wait for the group ahead of us to finish up.
He has my full attention now. "What? When? Were you going to tell me?"
"It's only the fourth hole, son. I was going to get to it. Lainey sent me a Happy Father's Day text this morning, and Kathleen had told me it's usually a hard day for her, so I invited her. I hope you don't mind."
"No. Not at all. That's really nice of you, Dad."
"Well, I am about to be her stepfather." He laughs softly, his smile so full of joy it about steals my breath. "I still can't believe it. I'm about to have two stepdaughters and a granddaughter. Did I tell you Cassie asked to call me Grandpa?"
"She started calling me Uncle Ben." I smile, willing my sudden queasiness to go the hell away.
Impossibly, my dad’s expression turns more wistful, and I say what’s true and also bittersweet. "I'm glad you're happy. You deserve it."
But don’t I deserve it, too? I want us both happy, I want to find a way to make this work for both of us.
His eyes turn shiny as he gives my shoulder a meaningful squeeze. It's time for us to tee off and focus on the game.
"I'm glad you're okay with everything,” he says once we’re back in the cart. “I know this all happened so quickly. I never thought I'd ever marry again. Not after your mom. But there was this...I don't know, just this peace in my heart when I met Kathy. I don't know how else to explain it."
My mind immediately goes to Lainey and the pull to her that I can't seem to stop. How so many of our moments are real and right.
He looks at me. "Have you ever been in love?" The question catches me off guard, and he must sense it. "Was there no one in college? "
I scrub the back of my neck. "I didn't exactly date in college." My dad immediately picks up on my meaning and doesn't seem surprised. "I loved Emily, I guess," I continue even though the words feel sour on my tongue.
A smirk forms. "You didn’t."
"I think I said it at some point. We dated for a year."
“And I bet you said it because you thought you should, instead of meaning them.”
I shrug, pretty sure he’s right.
My dad has this faraway look in his eyes that’s somewhat sad yet hopeful. Then he looks at me. "When you mean them, they’re more than words. Because that person has marked your soul. And even if it’s not forever, they still live with you. In one way or another, they changed you. And it will always be worth it.”
"What ever happened with Eli?" my dad asks Lainey after we've polished off our drinks and appetizers at the restaurant later that evening.
A blush seeps into her cheeks and I have the distinct impression she's trying not to look at me. "Nothing, but he’s a great guy."
It’s the first time we’ve seen each other since our parents got engaged—since we had sex. It was slightly awkward at first, but we quickly slipped into the easiness we have with each other through texts. Honestly, simply being in the same room with her settles me like nothing else can.
"Really?” Dad’s eyebrows shoot up. “I could have really seen you two as a couple."
“Yes, I saw the pictures of you two from your post. Y’all really look good together, and he’s so cute,” her mom says .
Lainey rolls her eyes. “Mom, you say I look good with every guy I’ve been on a holidate with.”
“Well…you do. But if he’s great, then what happened?”
Lainey's gaze pops to mine and back to her mom. “Nothing happened. It just didn’t work out. He wasn’t…”
“Soul changing,” I say.
Lainey’s gaze snaps to mine. Suddenly all the noise in the restaurant fades and there’s only us. We’re locked into each other, this invisible pull between us making it impossible to look away. Her mouth parts, and her breathing picks up. Fuck. I need to touch her. I need…
“No,” she says, and it takes me a minute to realize she’s agreeing with me.
I smile, the roar of the restaurant returns, and I remember we have an audience. I cut my gaze and pick up my drink. “You should tell him how you kneed Eli in the kibble and bits.”
Thankfully, this does what I intend and takes the attention away from us.
"Lainey!" Kathleen exclaims.
“Now, this is a story I gotta hear.” My dad leans back and laughs.
"It was an accident," Lainey insists.
"He tried to surprise kiss her," I tell them.
My dad shakes his head. "That boy. I swear, he never thinks with the right head."
That earns a laugh from me and Lainey.
"Lainey, he was trying to be romantic,” Kathleen insists.
“Sexual assault isn’t romantic, Mom. I didn't even know who it was until he was...folded over."
My dad, still laughing, reaches over and pats her hand. "Good for you, Lainey. I love Eli, but he deserved what he got."
Thankfully, our dinner arrives, and the conversation turns away from Lainey’s love life. At some point, I glance at my dad and see he's looking at me with a thoughtful expression. My stomach knots. Was I too obvious? Does he realize Lainey’s making a mark on my soul?
I’d love to just confess, but it’s the last thing Lainey wants. That's what's been so hard about all this—fighting my feelings while respecting hers. Respecting my dad’s relationship, too.
It seems like my feelings are doomed no matter what.
I push away my melancholy thoughts and refocus on our dinner. Once the bill is paid, my dad and Kathleen head to the bathroom so Lainey and I go outside to wait for them. She takes an extra step away from me as she stares at the parking lot. I shift and stuff my hands in my pockets. How did we go from being locked in and connected to this awkward as fuck moment?
"Thanks for sharing your dad with me today," Lainey says, her gaze darting in different directions as if she's afraid to look at me.
Fuck this. Needing to get us back on friendly ground, I close the distance between us and take her hand in mine, giving it a squeeze. "I hope it was a good day."
And that seems to do the trick because she immediately relaxes and meets my gaze. The smile she gives me in one hundred percent genuine. "It was." But the friendliness quickly transforms to more. The spark of heat we can't seem to escape ignites between us. We sway toward each other, and it takes all my willpower not to pull her into me and kiss her. Instead, I hug her and press my fingers between her shoulder blades. I feel the intake of her breath and hold on to her for a moment too long before I step back, letting my hand slowly fall away.
A swallow works her throat as her brown eyes zero in on my mouth. Damn. She's making it really hard to not kiss her right now.
"Ready?"
The sound of Kathleen's voice jerks us further apart. We glance over to see our parents watching us with twin sets of guarded expressions. Fuck.
Lainey immediately moves toward her mom and exchanges a hug with my dad before they walk toward their car. We all met at the restaurant, and my dad’s staying the night at the old house. I tear my gaze from watching Lainey walk away, but I’m caught.
One look at my dad, and I know he knows.
The walk back to our car is silent. I keep glancing his way, but his head’s bent, seeming to be lost in thought. My stomach twists, and my forehead breaks out in a sweat. I’m back to feeling like a teenager and waiting for him to dole out my punishment.
"Ben..." he starts after we’re in the car.
I want to tell him to stop. To not tell me what I’m feeling is wrong.
"It was a good day," he finally says and starts the car. I glance at him, and he gives me a reassuring smile.
“Yeah, it was." I turn back to look through the windshield. "That's it?"
"That's it."