Mike and Kathleen’s Wedding Day, National Sisters Day - August 6th
BEN
It's my father's wedding day.
I don't know what I expected my emotions to be like today, but I didn't envision I’d mourn my mother all over again. It's like I'm realizing she's never coming back. Even though I logically know my father's love for her will never change, another woman has taken residence in his heart, essentially pushing aside the space my mother occupied. As happy I am for my dad and Kathleen, I can't shake the feeling, and I don't know how to get past it.
Then, there’s Lainey. And the fact I might be mourning the loss of a future with her, too.
My dad stands in front of the mirror, adjusting his tie to the point it comes untied. The red tie was his only requirement for what he’d wear. I was a little surprised since the girls are all in blue.
"Nervous?" I go to him and make him face me so I can fix his tie.
"Yes and no," he says. "I never thought I'd want this again, but it feels right. I know it's been quick and possibly hard on you." His gaze flicks to mine, and I hold it for a moment before going back to his tie.
"It's been good to see you happy, Dad. And I like Kathleen. You two are really good together." I hope he hears the truth in my words and doesn’t sense my omission.
"That doesn't mean it isn't hard to see me move on, Ben."
I turn him so he can examine my work in the mirror, but he turns back to me. I look down at my shoes, emotion suddenly clogging my throat.
"So, maybe this seems a little weird, but I couldn’t go through today without honoring your mom."
I look up at him. "What do you mean?"
He moves to the two boxes that contain the boutonnieres. "Your mom was my first real love, and she’ll always be a love of my life. My marriage to Kathy isn't going to make that love go away. It will make it this treasured part of me, which allowed me to open my heart to love again." He opens a box. "When I thought of what flower I wanted to wear today, the only answer was a poppy." He pulls out a single red flower, and my heart lurches. Now, the tie choice makes sense. "It's silk. Finding fresh poppies was too hard, but that means we'll be able to keep it forever."
I gently take the flower, which has petals so delicate they almost seem real. The red bloom blurs as tears rush forward. "It's beautiful, Dad."
"Just like her."
I nod and swipe at my eyes, my dad doing the same.
"Here, let me put it on you." His hand trembles as he secures it to the lapel. Our tears continue as I return the favor. When I'm done, he takes my head in his hands and brings it down to his so our foreheads press together. "I love you, Ben"
"I love you too, Dad."
He gives my head a gentle squeeze before letting go. A moment later, there's a knock at the door. Uncle Red comes in, and I leave so they can have a few minutes of privacy.
Stepping into the hall, I lean against the wall, close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. I hear the click of heels, then they stop. I open my eyes to see Lainey at the corner, worry creasing her brows. She's wearing a navy dress with a flowy, floor-length skirt. There's nothing overly sexy about it except the way the deep V accentuates her gorgeous breasts.
Fuck, she looks beautiful.
Our gazes meet, and she starts toward me. The tips of her shoes meet mine. Her fingers gently graze the poppy, and her hand cups my cheek. Her immediate understanding cracks something in my heart, and I take a shuddering breath.
She takes my hand and pulls me into the room across the hall. As soon as the darkness of the room envelops us, she pulls me into her arms, pressing her cheek to my chest as one of her hands immediately seeks out the spot between my shoulder blades.
Just like that, she's made everything better, and I know one thing for sure. All I need is her.
All I’ll ever need—is her.
I slide my arms around her waist and sink into her, taking all her comfort—soaking up as much of her warmth and her scent as I can.
After a while, she leans back and looks at me. "You okay?"
"Much better. Thanks." I give her a squeeze, bringing her body further into mine.
Voices from the hallway penetrate our moment. "Where is she? The wedding starts in thirty minutes. She just disappeared." It's Harper's voice.
"She's probably in the bathroom or something," Chandler says.
"Where's Ben? Please tell me she isn't with him. "
I immediately pull her into the room's closet so we're hidden in case anyone peeks in.
"He's with his dad," Chandler says, and I silently thank the man. Whether it's an assumption or a deflection, I appreciate it. I hear a noise that tells me someone opened the door then the voices fade as they move down the hallway.
Lainey sighs. "Harper has been a lot today. She's the wedding planner from hell that no one hired."
I laugh. "Hey, did you know it's National Sisters Day?"
"Well, if she keeps this not-the-bride-zilla behavior, I might not have a sister by the end of the day."
We both laugh softly, our gazes catching and locking. Our soft smiles fade as the air between us thickens and charges. I pull her into me even more. "Promise me something."
"What?"
"After the I do's, this won't change."
That little crease above her nose appears again. "I can't do that. After today...everything changes."
"It doesn't have to."
"Ben..." She pulls out of my arms. "My mother’s happy."
"My father is too, but that doesn't mean we can't be."
"Yes, it does. I won’t risk ruining their marriage. I don’t think she’ll ever forgive me if I do.”
I sigh. “I don’t think it’s as big of a deal as you’re making it out to be.”
She’s silent for a moment, and I don’t like it. Like she’s about to deliver a blow.
“When I was in high school, I sabotaged some of her relationships. I did it because I was tired of her picking them over me. When I told her that, it worked. She stopped dating and focused on me and Harper, though Harper was already in college. ”
“Okay,” I say, not sure where she’s going with this. “That sounds like a good thing.”
“It was,” she admits, but she suddenly seems tired. “But seeing us together on Fourth of July…she was scared I was trying to mess things up. She had a full-on panic attack. She loves your father so much. She finally found the one. Ben...I can't. We can't."
Tears choke her voice, and I hug her close.
Shit. The fact Kathleen actually said something changes things. While I still think things would eventually blow over, I understand why Lainey doesn’t see it the same way.
I tip her chin up and hate the sight of her brimming tears. "I'll respect your decision, but please don't ask me to stop being your friend. I couldn’t stand losing you completely."
A watery smile forms on her lips. "I don't want to lose you as a friend either. You're important to me, Ben. Please know that."
She rises on her tiptoes and places a gentle kiss on my mouth. I can’t stop myself from kissing her back. It’s soft and brief, with a bittersweetness that lingers on my lips. Yet, I can’t think of it as a last kiss. I can’t.
Twenty minutes later, I'm standing beside my dad at the altar watching Lainey come down the aisle, my heart racing but my head clear.
I can be her friend, but I'll never give up on the hope of being with her. This thing between us is so much more—it's inevitable.
Because I know, to the depths of my soul, that we belong together.