19. nick
NICK
NEED TO BE MORE CAREFUL
It was quiet as I crossed my fingers, out of view.
“I was homesick,” Tallulah admitted, her voice soft. “I was even thinking about leaving the internship early. Now, with you and Rat, I don’t know. I’m not that homesick anymore.”
Not even the sportscasters announcing my hat trick could make me feel like this. I couldn’t stop drawing in breaths, grinning, unable to speak.
What could I say? I was happy.
“That was a fun game,” Tallulah said. “I couldn’t believe it when Sterling hit the net.”
I froze. “You watched my game?”
“Uh-huh.”
“You—what—?” I had to stop myself from sputtering. “You found a free link online?”
“No?” Tallulah cocked her head, frowning. “It was, like, twenty bucks?”
“You paid money for it?”
“Yes?”
“I—you—” I’d never been more flustered. I shifted up in bed, patting down the pillow to hide the flush creeping up my neck, another blush I couldn’t fight down. “I’ll pay you back—you didn’t have to—”
“I should be the one paying you for letting me stay here,” she giggled. “This house is so much better than the Village.”
“Yeah?”
“Mm-hmm. Is it cool if I do my laundry here?”
“Of course it is. Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Okay, good, because the laundry room has been closed down.”
“Since when?”
“Erm…”
“Tallulah.” I ran a hand over my face at her guilty look. With a sigh, I shook my head. “You can always do laundry at my place. When I get back, we’ll schedule it. I’ll pick you and your laundry basket up. Deal?”
“Deal.” She smiled. “I came here right after I hit my word count. I took a bubble bath, made myself the perfect cup of hot chocolate, I’m almost finished with this book about Doggerland.
It’s like this intricately researched historical fiction about—” She ducked her head. “I’m sorry, that’s boring.”
“Why do you say that?”
“You don’t want to hear about my books.”
“Wow, Tallulah,” I whistled. “You don’t know me at all.”
“It’s not like…silly family stories or whatever…”
“Tell me about it.”
Her eyes met the camera again, gazing back at me, and my heart thumped, off-beat. I could look at her for the rest of the night. For the rest of my life. Her smile was dazzling. Slowly, she talked about her book.
It was pretty interesting stuff. There were a lot more mice skeletons and bloody family feuds than I was expecting. In the end, the silence was so comfortable. Tallulah smiled at me.
“We’re going to Ottawa next week,” I said. “Why don’t you come?”
“Someone has to make sure the kitten doesn’t destroy your room,” she teased.
“Bring her with.”
“Like, to the hotel? That’d be too crazy.”
“It wouldn’t be. Spend the weekend with me.”
Her soft smile morphed into a smirk. “You want a make out buddy?”
“Make out buddy?” I snorted into laughter. “When are you going to adult-ify your vocabulary?”
“Stop making fun of me,” she groaned.
“Never.”
“I don’t think Andrew would allow it,” she sighed. “Don’t let that ruin anything. I don’t care who you spend time with, just use a condom and get tested.”
“Are you…sleeping with someone else?”
I knew Tallulah wasn’t. Her anxiety wouldn’t allow it, it took her too many steps to get to that emotional point. We weren’t even there yet. But I couldn’t help the sudden tenseness in my shoulders, my body growing cold at the thought.
Tallulah shook her head. “No—”
“I’m not sleeping with anybody else,” rushed out of me.
“Uh…?” Tallulah’s eyes flickered to the screen. “Nick, you don’t have to lie to me.”
“I’m not lying, Tallulah.”
“You were celibate for months and broke that celibacy for someone you can’t even have sex with yet? That doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.”
Of course she didn’t believe me. Why would she? My entire hockey team laughed at the thought of me pining after someone. And for six months, her ex-boyfriend told her every story about how I’d fucked my way from Minnesota to Houston.
“The things I want are changing,” I said softly. “That’s the truth.”
“Oh, right, your bucket list.” Tallulah perked up. “You left it here? Where is it? I want to figure out how to check it off this summer.”
I froze. “Uh…the bucket list.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“The bucket list. That I wrote. With the romantic stuff on it.”
“Yes?”
“It’s—” Fuck, I forgot to write it. How could I forget? What the hell was I supposed to say? I couldn’t tell her that I left it at home, she was in my bedroom, and I couldn’t say that I brought it to Calgary, because I was the idiot who forgot to write it down. “It’s—uh—at Everett Center.”
She frowned. “You left it at the rink?”
“In my other hockey bag. Stupid, dumb decision. Among many.”
“Do you remember what was on it?”
“Yeah. First date.”
“Mm, I know that.”
“And—and—” Shit, shit, shit. “Uh…holding hands?”
Tallulah dug her notebook out of her backpack. “We held hands at lunch? Yesterday?”
“Right. So…that’s checked off. Awesome.” This was painful. Me, stumbling over my words, wasn’t helping the situation. “And…my girlfriend’s parents liking me. And them being cool that we’re together.”
Tallulah laughed. “I can’t help you check off that one.”
“And…a girl and I going on a trip together?”
Rat popped up on the screen, meowing at the camera, before Tallulah poured some catnip in her cat tree, taking her attention away for the next hour. “Nick, what can I help you with that we can do in Toronto?”
My mind raced. What could I say, what could I come up with? How could I be such an idiot and forget to write it? Nothing came to mind. That was because of Tallulah. Our conversation had been too good, too comfortable. My insides were liquified, my brain wasn’t firing at full capacity.
I needed something, and something good.
Like…something I already had planned.
I held in the groan. I’d been planning a surprise for Tallulah, one I’d been very careful not to reveal. Goddammit, that was a surprise. I spent time on it! If only this wasn’t an emergency. I was out of time and out of options.
I chewed the inside of my cheek. “Uhhh…buy a girl a dress.”
“A dress?”
“Yeah,” I confirmed, reluctant. “I already bought you one.”
“You did?”
“It’s a surprise—it was a surprise.” I sighed, pulling up the email to check the tracking number. “This isn’t just something for my bucket list either. It’s for yours too.”
“How could a dress check off something from my bucket list?”
“That’s part of the surprise, Tallulah.”
“Come on,” Tallulah smiled, teasing. “Tell me.”
Ooo, that smile was way too persuasive. If she kept that up, she’d get me to reveal answers I didn’t want to give. Maybe even more than the question demanded. There was kind of an on-going list of things I was hiding from Tallulah, I didn’t want her to get too inquisitive.
In the future, when we were in a real relationship together, I could be honest. Not now, when things were so fragile between us.
I needed to switch topics, fast.
Something to distract her. Something to get her to stop asking questions.
I exhaled, gazing at the screen. “Tallulah?”
“Yes?”
“I haven’t sent you the video with your panties yet.”
Her eyes snapped from the notebook. In seconds, the blush spread across her skin, darkening her cheeks. It was the perfect distraction to buy me time. I didn’t have to be in the room, I knew what my words did to Tallulah.
“You should,” she whispered. “Right now.”
Fuck yeah. Smirking, I headed to my duffel bag. In the inner pocket, I had her pair of adorable gray panties. I dangled them to the camera, smirk widening.
“I was thinking…” Tallulah swallowed. “Um, Tuesday? Your teammates are going to hockey night at Klute’s. The house’ll be empty…if you want to…”
“Fuck?” I finished for her. “Sounds perfect.”
That hitch in her breath did it for me. My cock pulsed against the zipper. I tossed away my shirt, shrugged down my pants, and sat on the edge of my bed.
“Tallulah,” I murmured. “I seem to remember a question you had at the clinic…”
“Question?” she repeated, breathless.
“Something about you wanting to see my cock?”
Before I lowered my phone, Tallulah stopped me. “Nick, no. End the call.”
“End the call?”
“Your face is visible, this isn’t safe. You can’t trust people not to screenshot—”
I chuckled, a pleased rumbling in my chest. “It’s you, Tallulah.”
She ducked away from the camera, only her lips remained. “But—but—”
“I trust you,” I rasped.
She swallowed. “This isn’t safe for you—”
“So you don't want to watch?”
“I didn't say that…”
“I’m a grown man, Tallulah. A grown man who wants to jerk off, moaning your name. Who wants you to watch. Because I know you’ll be a good girl and send me a picture of how soaked your panties are thinking about me.”
“You—you need to be more careful,” she managed. “You could get hurt. You don’t know me, Nick—”
“I want to know you.” My cock throbbed against the fabric of my boxers. I pulled them down. The sudden cool air made me draw in a sharp breath. “I want to know everything about you, I want to know what makes you tick, what makes you blush, what makes you cum. I want you to know me.”
Wrapping her panties around my cock, I clenched my jaw. Tallulah swore softly over the call.
“You don’t want to watch?” I challenged. “Tell me the safe word. I'll end the call.”
Tallulah was silent. My cock ached because I knew she was watching. I knew she wanted to watch.
“Tell me our safe word,” I repeated.
“No,” she whispered.
My pulse raced. “So—?”
“Bring the camera closer,” she managed, her voice shaky. “I want to see precum.”
My cock jumped in my hand, my body flushed with heat. The impossibility of her ask was outweighed by how fucking hot it was to hear her. “Precum is clear, Tallulah. You won’t be able to see it—”
“Not unless there’s a lot of precum,” she whispered, a hunger in her words.
“I—” I stroked my cock with her panties, fumbling for a reply. “Uh…fuck.” I choked out a laugh, breathless. “Yeah, I can’t—that’s not something I can do—”
“Slow down.”
“I’m hard, Tallulah. It’s not easy to—”
“Slow down.”
My cock was so stiff, it was painful to slow down. I grunted, giving myself longer and longer strokes. Precum dripped from the head, and if I used only three fingers, stroking the underside where it was most sensitive—
“Oooh, fuck.” I panted, my eyes shooting wide when precum increased, a steady flow down my cock. My words rushed out. “Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck—”
“Perfect,” Tallulah gasped.
Precum pooled at my hand, my body jerking with every stroke. It felt like I was at the cliff’s edge. “Tallulah—” My voice was rough, raw. “I—I haven’t done this before—”
“Keep going.”
“I—I need to cum—”
“Not yet.”
“What?” I said in disbelief. I couldn’t stop jacking myself off. Everything inside was screaming at me to pick up the pace and cum already. It was what I was supposed to do. But I couldn’t go against what Tallulah wanted. My head spun with the need to satisfy her and me.
Fuck. What about what I wanted to do to Tallulah later? The surprise. The dress. I planned on pushing Tallulah past what even she thought she could do. How could I expect that from Tallulah and end it early when it came to me?
“Tallulah.” My jaw locked, I struggled to speak. “You don’t know what you traded for this.”
She was close too, obviously stroking her clit, off-camera. “Is that so?”
“It is.” I exhaled. “I’m going to make you pay for this.”
“You promise?”
“I promise I’m going to show you your fucking limits,” I muttered. “And then I’m going to break them.”
“I—I’m cumming,” she breathed out, shaky. “I—I’m cumming—”
“Can I cum?” I demanded, my voice harsh.
“Yes—yes—” She nodded, breathing hard, and I wrapped my hand around my cock, finally jerking myself off.
Three strokes and I came like a fucking firehose. Cum shot up my stomach, my chest, everywhere. I cursed under my breath, struggling to contain it. It dripped down my cock, on my thighs, on the floor.
I was spent.
Groaning, I hung my head. Sweat beaded the back of my neck, my body aching from the delayed orgasm. “Fuuuuck.”
“Thank you,” she murmured, pleased. “Goodnight.”
“I’ve never cum like that,” I admitted, head down. I came so much, I was too embarrassed to look at her. I pushed myself off the bed. “I’ve never done anything close to that.”
My eyes slid to the phone. A black screen.
I frowned. “Tallulah?”
I clicked the side. It showed my homescreen, no sign of Tallulah. Did I hang up on her? No, if I did, it would’ve shown up like that in the call list. I went to the bathroom to wash my hands, confused, scrolling through my phone again—
“Did she fucking hang up on me?” I demanded.
How could Tallulah edge me over the phone and then ‘thanks, goodnight!’ My mouth fell open. She couldn’t have stayed on a little longer? Maybe waited until I got out of the shower? How could she treat me like that?
My gaze snapped to the mirror.
Tallulah pulled a move I’d done a thousand times before. Was she some kind of karmic punishment? Another sick joke from the universe? The one girl I wanted was the one girl who treated me like a vibrator, something to shove back in the drawer whenever she felt like it.
“Shit,” I whispered. “This girl’s going to ruin my fucking life.”