I WANT YOU TO BE MINE #2
“Let me up,” I murmured, teasing. “You’re too big, I can’t do it on my own.” He finally released me, and my body felt brand-new. Head lolling, I stretched on the edge of the bed. “Ugh, I feel so good after an orgasm!”
Nick was silent.
“Sweaty but…refreshed?” I released a long breath. “Like a sauna. It’s so good.”
I moved for the bathroom when Nick grabbed my arm, stopping me. His voice was quiet. “Aftercare?”
It was adorable how often Nick asked if I needed it.
Like I was this gentle, delicate butterfly that needed to be cared for.
The truth was, after sex, I was fine. Better than fine.
Sure, other people needed to snuggle, or time alone, or whatever, but I wasn’t one of those people. Sex didn’t affect me like that.
I felt rejuvenated. I could’ve run a mile.
I grinned. “Don’t need it.”
“Tallulah…”
I dug my phone out of my shorts. “We crossed something off of my bucket list, now we need to cross something off of yours.”
“Tallulah…”
“When are we going on that hike?”
“I think we need to talk about aftercare…”
“You’re so sweet.” I smiled over the phone. “I don’t need—”
“No, Tallulah, I—I need it.”
For a moment, I didn’t think I heard him correctly. Nick looked weirdly surprised that he’d said anything at all. We gazed at each other, and I opened my mouth to respond, unsure of what to say. “You…?”
“I know you can leap up after sex or whatever…” He leaned over to grab his boxers off the floor. “The shit we do is intense. And I don’t want you to only see me like that—”
I was so surprised by how fast his tone was turning. “I don’t only see you like that, Nick—”
“It’s not like I don’t want to do intense stuff with you, I do, I just need—I don’t know. I—I need time after. To decompress.” He averted his eyes, pulling up his boxers. “I’m not like you. I can’t flip a switch and walk away.”
I hesitated. “I—I don’t know how to…?”
Nick’s gaze sliced to mine. He shook his head. “Forget it.”
“No—I don’t know how to do aftercare, I’ve never needed it—”
“Don’t worry. It’s fine. Doesn’t matter.”
What was I supposed to do? Fridge and I hadn’t been cuddlers and that was honestly fine with me, I’d never thought about it much before.
Of course, Nick had nothing to worry about.
He wasn’t just the guy who face-fucked me.
Some days, I’d catch him giving twenty forehead kisses to Rat when he thought I wasn’t looking.
He always dropped everything to fold laundry with me when I brought my hamper to his house.
And now that he was more comfortable with the kids at the library, he was so cute with them.
His attitude during sex didn’t translate to who he was as a person. Nick was more complicated than that.
I didn’t know how to explain, and I didn’t know how to do aftercare. What could I offer? I didn’t know how to give him what he needed.
I strode across the bedroom and climbed into his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck, unsure if I was doing it right.
A few seconds passed in the heavy silence, seconds of Nick’s hesitation, before his arms went around me too.
He buried his face in my neck, breathing me in. “I—I need this, Tallulah.”
I stroked his hair. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t know…” His words were clumsy, hesitant. “I didn’t know I needed it until you. I didn’t know how to talk to you about it…I don’t know how to talk to you.”
It was one of our many differences. Under interrogation, I folded like a napkin. If someone wanted to know something, it was pretty easy to get it out of me.
Nick wasn’t like me. I’d always thought of him as so easygoing, but the more time I spent with him, the more I realized how much effort that took on his part.
Nick made things easy because he shied away from heavier topics.
If I mentioned his dad, or Tomasini, or how he felt about something, Nick would tell a joke and withdraw.
Like he was afraid if he said something serious, we couldn’t come back from that.
How long had Nick wanted to talk about aftercare? How long had this been a problem? How long did Nick hold it in before it exploded out of him?
I nestled in closer, kissing his hair. “You can talk to me about anything.”
His voice was husky. “Tallulah, I—I—” He fell silent. “I know.”
There was this pulsing at the edge of the conversation, like he wanted to say something but couldn’t. What was it?
Hm. Badgering him with questions wouldn’t do anything.
Nick needed…something else.
He needed to feel comfortable. Safe.
That’s what aftercare was for him.
“I have to clean up,” I admitted.
“Right. Right.”
“I’ll be five minutes, okay?”
Nick didn’t say anything and I slipped away for the bathroom. The two of us cleaned up, threw on our pajamas, and I found Rat, dozing on the floor, covered in sprinkles of catnip.
Nick stood in the small living room of our hotel room, hands shoved in his pajama pockets.
“Hey…” He winced. “I sprung that on you—”
“Come here,” I told him, taking his hand.
“It was stupid,” he continued, following me to the bedroom. “I’m tired—the game took it out of me.” He chuckled. “That half of a blowjob was amazing, sorry I had to cut it short. Best motivation I’ve ever had—”
I motioned to the bed. “Can you lie down?”
“Lie down?” His eyes slid from the bed to me. “Oh, you thought I was serious about aftercare? I was kidding—”
“Nick?”
“It was a joke, Tallulah—”
When he realized I wouldn’t drop the issue, Nick spread out on the bed, hands behind his head, trying to keep up the act. His grin too wide, shrugging like this didn’t mean anything.
I placed Rat on the pillow beside him and crawled on top of him, crossing my arms over his chest.
I’d never done this before. Never gotten comfortable like this with someone.
Taking his hand in mine, I kissed his palm. “I really like who you are, Nick.”
He was silent. I could feel his heartbeat, off-rhythm.
“I think you’re the first person I don’t feel anxious around,” I admitted. There were anxieties tied with our situation, but being with him, genuinely spending time with him, was so different than anyone else. “You make me feel safe. I want to give that to you too.”
His throat bobbed with his swallow. He lifted a hand, slowly, cautiously, threading his fingers through my hair.
“Is this okay?” I asked.
Silent, he nodded.
“We can do this,” I promised. “There’s nothing wrong with needing this.”