Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty-Four
Kai
Thursday
My alarm went off and I threw it against the wall, which didn’t actually shut it off. Ugh. All alarms should turn off when thrown. I groaned, putting my pillow over my head. I felt like absolute garbage today. Not trash panda, more like flaming dumpster fire.
My body ached and I just felt shitty.
But I had to drag my ass to class because we were doing a test review.
The guys had already been texting me, so I sent a picture of my breakfast. I just made myself some soup and rice. I wasn’t feeling eggy today, and I certainly wasn’t feeling meaty. Well, not that kind of meat.
I should buy myself a knotted dildo. I was feeling especially horny today.
Logan’s mom had left me more messages. Jesus, wasn’t she running out of numbers to call me from? I did look at the transcripts in case I needed to save any.
Oh, she was super pissed. I’d gotten her precious baby boy kicked out of school and she used those words exactly. Precious baby boy. Gross.
Oh, his doctorate program rescinded his admission. Wow.
Part of me felt a little bad. Logan had worked really hard, but at the same time Leigh was right, he blew up his own life.
As I ate my soup and rice, and drank my coffee, I checked my email.
Steven was super chatty over text, which was a surprise.
I figured they’d be hungover today, but again they were five hours ahead.
He asked what I was doing today, so I let him know.
It wouldn’t hurt to let someone know my schedule.
I was no longer sharing my location with anyone but my brother and Pika.
Auntie Kiki came in, wearing a particularly glorious floral dress, her scarf around her hair matching. Today her glasses were on a beaded chain, and there was a flower in her hair from the garden.
She made herself a cup of tea and sat down with me. “You look awful. What’s wrong?”
“I’m not feeling good, but I’m not too sick for class, so I’m fine.” That was pretty much the baseline growing up–if you were too sick for school you were pretty much too sick to do anything.
“Don’t push yourself.” She took a sip of tea.
I stared at her. “Are you encouraging me to miss class? Who are you?”
“Of course not. Class is important, but you don’t need to do other things today,” she added.
Yes, like my life was full of social activities. One of the main reasons my ex and I had moved in together was so that we’d actually be able to see each other.
“You miss those boys.” Auntie Kiki took another sip of tea.
“I do. They want to visit next month. I think I’m going to see them over the summer, too. We’re going to go to the Renn Faire and dress up like pirates.” I was excited about that.
It didn’t look like my trip with my brother would interfere with any of those dates for Renn Faire. It might conflict with them wanting to go to a comic convention on O’ahu, but maybe we could find another one to go to somewhere else.
“I thought you weren’t keeping them.” There was no judgment in her voice, but there was a little worry.
“Auntie, I’m not going to give up anything to be with them. I’ve worked too hard,” I assured. Also, I feel like they’d never ask that of me.
“Good.” She stood and got some cookies and brought them back to the table. They were little shortbread cookies that she bought at the farmer’s market.
Absently I reached for one. “I can’t ask them to give up their jobs either. It’s not like they can relocate to somewhere closer.”
“Can’t they just change hockey companies and work here?” she asked, taking a bite of a cookie.
I laughed. “Hockey doesn’t work like that, Auntie. I like them a lot. Long distance would be hard,” I admitted. I’d thought a lot about what Leigh and Hayden had said yesterday.
“Long-distance is difficult, but if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.” Her eyes met mine. “Do you think it is?”
“Auntie Cookie is the one who said it was fate.” I ate my treat and finished my coffee.
“I see.” She nodded, giving me an appraising look over her teacup.
“I just have so many feelings for them–strong feelings–even though I haven’t known them very long.
Maybe Auntie Cookie’s right and it is fate.
When an omega has really strong feelings, quickly, for alphas, it usually means something.
These feelings are totally different from what I felt for my ex.
He felt safe, acceptable. These guys…” I exhaled heavily. “These guys feel like home.”
Auntie Kiki’s look softened. “Do they know you feel that way?”
“No, but I feel like that’s an in-person conversation. Since they’re going to visit me, we’ll have that talk then.” Part of me hated that it was so far away. But it’s not like I didn’t have plenty of classwork to occupy myself with.
“Why wait?” Her eyebrows rose.
“I’m not just going to fly to wherever they are and tell them.” I met her gaze.
“It doesn’t need to be in person if the time is right,” she replied with a shrug, reaching for another cookie.
I thought about that for a moment. “True. I should tell them how I feel and find out how they feel, before I get too worked up over anything.”
Not me wondering if I should change around class schedules for next semester to have the least amount of class days possible or look into the university’s policies for omegas.
She studied me. “You really don’t look good. You’re on those suppressants, aren’t you? Don’t they have side effects?”
“Yes, and yes. I looked at them carefully to make sure that they hadn’t been tampered with.” Unfortunately, I could see my ex doing that for funsies–take his sidepiece on my vacation and tamper with my heat suppressant so that I’d have a miserable time, having a heat without him.
Pretty sure this wasn’t a heat. Just a post-vacation cold.
“Maybe you should go to the campus clinic if you still don’t feel good–after class of course,” she replied.
“That's a good idea.” I sighed. “What if I do love them and they love me back? Could we make it work?”
“If they love you, they’ll support your career and won’t ask you to give things up and do what they need to do to make it work on their end. Yes, there will be compromise, but it shouldn’t be only you doing the compromising, or the work,” she told me.
That made sense. If it did work and I ended up moving my research to be more convenient to where they were, that wasn’t giving anything up.
That was me choosing an interesting project in a different biome than we have here in Hawai’i.
Something I had contemplated doing anyway, because Northern California did hold some interesting conservation opportunities.
There was the fact that even though it was hard for me to go back to Los Angeles, living there for free would be a huge asset while researching. My professor was encouraging me to choose projects different from what I’ve been doing in undergrad.
“You know, I did long distance with your uncle for three years while I was in nursing school. It made us love each other more. If it makes you love each other less, then you know they’re not the ones.” She took a sip of tea.
“Thank you, Auntie.” I finished my breakfast and put my dishes in the dishwasher. Then I grabbed my things and went to my car.
I really didn’t feel good and just wanted to crawl back into my bed with every blanket I owned and be a potato. Maybe have Ashton tell me a story. Even Steven’s sweatshirt didn’t help, but it didn’t smell like him anymore.
If we ended up doing some kind of long distance thing, could it include the mailing back-and-forth of sweatshirts that smelled like the both of them? I was really craving Ashton’s scent. I’d really like a flannel that smelled like him–a really soft one.
Maybe I should stay home today.
I started the car and headed towards campus. I think I’d just get through test prep and then come home and take a fat nap.
And maybe dream of those two.