Chapter 23 #2
“What?” I spin in my seat to find Brandon only a few feet away. Panic runs through me. “Did you set me up?” Ugh, I’m so fucking angry with Penny and her optimism.
“Penny, may I swap places for a while?” Brandon asks politely.
“No.” I throw the white cotton napkin on the table. I hold my breath and close my eyes while I count to five because I’m about to have a heart attack. “Allow me to swap. You have some nerve coming here.”
Brandon places a gentle hand on my shoulder before I manage to push out of my chair. “Please just give me a moment, Lottie. It’ll be a quiet conversation between friends since we’re in a reputable restaurant.” As if that will stop me from making a scene.
Penny stands with her champagne in hand. “We’re just out back if you need us.”
I scowl at her. “Then place an order for smelly socks pizza because that’s how much this stinks.
” I blow out a breath, puffing air into my cheeks.
Goddamn, my heart can’t handle this. I shake my head and stare at the menu because it’s safer than looking at him.
An awkward silence follows to the point where I can hear a pin drop since I have blocked everything out to what’s happening around me.
“I don’t know what I’ve done wrong since I was with you last.” His voice is a whisper, almost a plea for me to look at him. “All I know is I had to see you any way I could. Beg you to listen to me.”
I glance up, and my chest tightens, seeing his defeated expression.
His bottom lip quivers. “I don’t know who I am without you.
But the moment I saw you, I knew I had to fight because I’m not wasting this chance without trying to fix what I broke.
Last night, it was like a knife to my fucking heart watching you leave with him,” he says under his breath.
So this is jealousy. “I’m not yours, BJ.
I can do what I want,” I snap. Tears well in my eyes thinking about last night.
River kissed me, and then I asked him to leave because I felt nothing, and it was not fair to him.
I then explained it was never going to work.
I cried myself to sleep, knowing I’m incapable of loving again. “You,” I say harshly. “Broke me.”
He nods. “Moja gre?ka,” he murmurs.
“What did you say?”
A tear trails down his cheek, and I hold my breath, never seeing him cry over me.
“It’s Croatian. My fault. I broke you and myself equally.
Running was the dumbest thing I have done.
” Another tear falls, but he doesn’t try to hide it.
“I’ve missed everything about you, about us, but I promise I’m here to fix it all. ”
I immediately tear up. My throat feels like a thousand razor blades, and I can’t talk.
He is not the only one hurting here. “Don’t you dare act like the victim.
” My temper rises. “I have cried a mountain of tears over you, so I don’t care how much it hurts since you did this.
In the time you were gone, what did you think would happen? That I would easily move on?”
He winces at my tone. “All I wanted was for you to be happy. If I couldn’t give you that, then I hoped someone else could.”
“Oh, really. So why are you betraying your teammate now when River and I have a chance at happiness?” My throat burns with the lump of emotion building. I wasn’t ready for this talk or for my heart to yearn without a fight. I need to stay strong.
“Because we’re meant to be together. I know it. And I think you do too.”
The pain of wanting him hits me like a tidal wave.
Stay angry.
Stay strong.
Whether it’s the quiet surroundings forcing me to remain in control and not scream at him like every part of me wants to, I have no other release until the tears fall, and I swipe my eyes before mascara runs.
Brandon’s empathetic eyes meet mine, and wisely, he doesn’t say anything.
He simply places an open hand on the table, reaching for me.
The gesture means more than him understanding my pain because if I place my hand in his, I’m subtly agreeing to give him a chance.
The choice is now…
Stand and leave.
Or stay.
I steal a glance at him across the table. His hand rests near his glass, but his eyes… his eyes are locked on me, full of quiet desperation that makes my chest ache.
The logical part of me says to stand, excuse myself, leave, and protect the fragile pieces of my heart. But the part of me that’s still tethered to him refuses to move.
I stay.
“I can leave,” he murmurs, staring at his empty hand. “I can stay out of your life if that’s what you want?”
A sob bubbles up and blurts out of me. “I was slowly finding my way until you came back. I fought so hard to stop the trade.” I look into his beautiful blue eyes that undo me every time.
There were nights I fantasized about us getting back together.
For a few moments, I allowed my mind to drift until the anger overwhelmed every other dream, and I imagined the profanities I would say the next time I saw him.
He knows. He still wants us. We could continue to go around in circles, hurting the other until it ended in angry sex.
Fuck, I went there.
Because the sexual tension will always remain, even when I play it over in my mind and search deep in my soul, I want a resolution. Before we were lovers, there was a time when he made me laugh, not cry. I cannot cry anymore.
My hand moves almost on its own, reaching across the table and brushing against his. His fingers curl around mine, warm and grounding, and in that moment, the noise, fear, and uncertainty—all of it fades.
Brandon squeezes my hand so tight that I flinch. “I’m never letting you go again,” he croaks out. “And I’ll fight anyone who tries to stop me.”
I’m torn inside, knowing who he means. My heart, my family.
I’m laying it all down for him. “This is a chance with a fine line,” I whisper.
“In my heart, I know we should try. Our hearts deserve to be healed, but we start as friends first because I’m shaking here…
” I lift my free hand, my fingers trembling with the truth of it, “… scared you’ll destroy me a second time. ”
His eyes round. “I won’t,” he says quickly.
“You can’t make promises. Even you said you were returning to Australia after the season ends.”
He glances down at our linked fingers and covers my hand with his free hand. “That depends on us…” He hesitates. “And if my boss wants to offer another year’s contract.”
“Well, she is going to have to wait and see how you perform.”
His lips turn up into half a smile. “That is never in doubt.”
“Friends first,” I remind him.
He looks at me for a long while as though he is seeing me for the first time. “Hello, Charlotte.”