36. Chapter Thirty-Six #2
“You don’t…have to apologize. I’m okay. You got to me so quickly. You protected me. Who knows what he would’ve done if you hadn’t stopped him, I…” He cuts me off.
“I could’ve been there quicker. I wasn’t fast enough. Please tell me what I can do.”
My body ignites another wave of tears from the deep and murky parts of my soul. “I-I-I don’t know. It-was-I’m…” I can’t form a sentence. The sensation of his hands scathing across my chest covers me. It feels like the world has swallowed me into its core and I’m drowning.
“Oh god, El. I…” He leans across the center console and embraces me. “Is this okay? Do you want me to hold you? Is this what you need? Just say the word. I’ll stop. I’ll do whatever you tell me to do.” Beau pleads with me.
“Just. Hold. Me.” I cry, attempting to catch my breath enough to speak. His arms ground me again and I find relief in them. The waterfall of shame cascades over me. He witnessed someone touching me. He has seen me in the most vulnerable position a human could be. God, I’m fucking disgusting.
“Don’t, please. You’re not. This wasn’t your fault. You didn’t want that to happen.” Beau slips. He pulls half way back from his embrace with a shocked expression on his face. His admission caused me to ground myself again. How does he know what I’m thinking?
“How did you…”
“I can tell what you’re thinking. I…just. I can’t imagine the thoughts running through your head, but none of this is your fault, Elowen Briar.
” In my confusion, I rest my head against him once more.
Am I hallucinating? He holds me, keeping my mind still.
So still that I don’t even remember what time I walked out of work, much less what time Benny attacked me.
His name comes flooding back to me once I’m more calm.
“Can you take me home?” Without hesitation, he starts his engine.
We don’t speak for a while, but then he finally asks, “Where do you live? I’m sorry. I’m probably going the wrong way.”
I glance out the window, double-checking the familiarity of our surroundings.
“You’re in the right area. Just keep going straight.
When you see a pond on your side, we’ll take a left.
Must be a good guesser. A naturally good driver is uncommon around here.
” I manage a laugh in my state. He looks back to me multiple more times over the drive, especially as I direct him closer to my house.
He glances at my hands rubbing together in my lap.
He’s afraid to touch me now. I didn’t think I could feel any worse, but that makes this whole situation a lot more unbearable.
As Beau pulls into my driveway, he cuts the engine. “I’m sorry about today. What would you like to do now? Do you want to talk to the police?” I run through all the ideas in my head of how badly I want to kill Benny, but decide on the safer option.
“I’m not going to the police. Last time… It. It just didn’t go so well.” My brain drifts to being a small girl and being mocked at school and questioned about whether or not I was lying for attention. “He knows not to come back. I’ll be okay.”
Beau’s face falters and he furrows his brows. “Go inside and rest. I’ll go grab food. Take a shower. Call Imani over.” He requests, but I can tell he has something else on his mind. His eyes dart back and forth.
“Sushi and okay.” I lay my hand over his.
He reaches over to his jacket pocket, still wrapped around my shoulders, and pulls something small and delicate from it.
“I kept this for myself originally,” he says, laying it on my lap, “A piece I never thought I’d be able to give anyone.
I don’t feel like it truly belongs to me anymore.
The woman I inherited it from, Itanya—Well, you can learn more about her some day, but for now, just know this is so special.
I believe it’s due time to pass it on. You need it more than I do. ”
I look down through the tears beginning to cloud my eyes. A locket, silver and elegant, with an emerald that gleams in the sunlight. It opens, but the inside is empty. The engraving on the edges looks reminiscent of Latin. And I wouldn’t know where to begin to translate it.
“Keep it,” he says softly, his thumb brushing the edge and wrapping it into my hand.
“Itanya protected me when I needed it. This is to remind you that even when nothing else makes sense, you’re worth it.
And I, Elowen, I will always protect you.
You will never know danger when I’m near. Ever again.”
“I think I’ve met the quota for thank yous. I feel like this is some sort of…” my mind drifts, collecting my thoughts, “You… want me to keep this?” I ponder if this is as sacred as it feels. The sentiment exudes a vintage energy that I can’t fathom with words. It’s beyond beautiful.
He nods. A physical representation of his vow to protect me.
A sacred memento from him to me. I swallow hard, the achiness in my hands fades into something heavier, something more prominent.
I turn the locket over in my fingers, feeling the weight of it, and for the first time in years, I feel like someone who wasn’t made to, has my back. Really has my back.
Grandma, did you send him in your stead? Is this who I’ve been waiting for all this time?