Chapter 8 #2
I swallowed hard and shoved the memory away before I could linger over it.
I never should’ve agreed to take Dante in my mouth while Luca claimed me.
It’d been a moment of madness driven by bloodlust. It’d been wrong, a betrayal.
Luca could pretend that I’d done it under coercion, out of fear of Dante.
But deep in my heart, I knew the truth: in that moment, I’d wanted both of them, even if it had been on an entirely carnal level.
Dante brushed my palm with his thumb again, calling my attention back to him. “You’re safe, Nora.”
He’d misread the tension that pinched my features. I wasn’t frightened of leaving the bedroom anymore; I was torn over my traitorous feelings.
I should hate Dante.
But I didn’t. Not anymore. Not after he’d risked his life to save me twice, and he’d spent the last two weeks seeing to my every need. He’d bled for me. He’d killed for me. And he cared for me more deeply than I dared to contemplate.
He’d allowed Luca, his worst enemy, to touch me. I’d seen the jealousy that blazed in his eyes and the furious tension around his jaw when I leaned on my husband for support.
He did it all for me, sacrificing his own selfish desires for my sake.
We stepped onto the parquet floor of the opulent music room, which was dominated by a grand piano. My feet stalled again, and I locked my knees in place.
“You want me to play,” I surmised, voice tight.
Piano was my emotional release, a way to channel all the dark, intense feelings of pain and confinement in my father’s abusive home.
But I’d suffered so deeply at the hands of the Bratva, and the trauma was too close to the surface.
If I played, my volatile emotions would overwhelm me, and I might shatter.
Dante turned to me, caressing my cheek with one hand while the other settled on my hip, holding me firm.
“I do,” he confirmed. “I thought it might calm your mind. No one has played it since I lost my mother, but I had it tuned for you before our wedding.”
Memories of that awful day churned through my mind, threatening to sour the moment with my dark protector.
He’d drugged me and dragged me back to his estate.
He’d forced me to take part in a farce of a wedding ceremony.
And then he’d chased me through the woods like I was his favorite prey, delighting in my fear, my screams of frustration and defiance.
“How did you know?” I asked breathlessly. “When you first brought me here,” I clarified, voice gaining strength. “You knew all my hobbies, and you’d even brought my favorite books and put them in your library.”
His thumb caressed my chilled cheek. “Yes, I did it all for you.”
He seemed to think he’d done something good.
“It was horrific,” I told him, no venom in the words, only stark truth. “You terrified me. You kidnapped me and forced me to marry you.”
His dark brows drew together. “I asked your father what you liked because I wanted you to feel at home here.” His jaw ticked, but his hold on me remained achingly gentle.
“You were meant to be mine. This was the marriage we were meant to have if Luca hadn’t stolen you away from me.
He’s the one who forced you into an unwilling marriage. You agreed to be my wife, remember?”
“Only because I thought you were capable of hurting Giana,” I answered honestly. He was twisting the situation. “I didn’t want an arranged marriage at all. I pledged myself to you in order to save her.”
His lips pinched with something between disgust and regret.
“If I frightened you by attacking the guard who hit you on the day of our engagement, I’m sorry.
But I won’t apologize for protecting you.
Not ever. And as for Giana,” he barreled on, “I never wanted her. I wouldn’t have accepted a match with her.
You were the one I came for that day. I’d seen your strength, your poise.
I knew you would be able to handle the darker things I need from a wife, and I intended to show you how much pleasure can be found in pain.
We’re a good match, Nora. Don’t deny that you’ve found ecstasy in our more sadistic games.
That was the marriage I wanted with you.
It’s the happiness we could’ve had if Luca had never stolen you away from me and turned you against me.
All I ever wanted was to make you safe and content. ”
He trailed his fingers through my hair, stroking me in the way I liked. He’d learned my body, and I couldn’t deny that he knew how to wring pleasure from me, whether I was willing or not.
“I might have experienced ecstasy, but I didn’t want it,” I murmured, enlightening rather than accusing.
I didn’t feel loathing toward Dante, but he had to understand that what he’d done to me was horrific.
He didn’t want to be the villain, but he’d done terrible things to Luca, and I’d been collateral damage.
“What you did to Luca was barbaric, and you used me for your revenge. You hurt me in ways I never could’ve imagined, and I’m not talking about the whip or the ropes.
I was nothing more than a pawn to you, a torture implement to use on Luca.
You might have wanted a happy marriage, but you destroyed any chance of that with your sadistic actions. ”
“I’m sorry,” he rasped, lines of strain drawing deep around his remarkable eyes.
“I was wrong. I can see that now. I never should’ve involved you in my vendetta.
I will spend every day of the rest of our lives making it up to you.
We can still have the marriage I wanted for us.
I can build that life for us. For you. It’s all I want: to see you safe and happy. ”
“Why do you care about my happiness at all?” I asked, a tear scouring my cheek as emotion overwhelmed me. I’d once wanted the life he was describing, but he’d ruined any chance of that.
And Luca had promised to make me happy too. I loved him now. That would never change. There was no chance for Dante and me.
“Because I…” His gaze shifted from mine for the space of a heartbeat before spearing my soul once again. “It’s all I ever wanted.”
“But you didn’t even know me,” I pressed. “And how could I ever be happy in a cage?”
Frustration furrowed his brow. “You’re not my prisoner; you’re my wife. I will cherish you and give you anything you desire.”
I hesitated for a moment, then dared to say, “What I desire is Luca’s freedom.”
Dante’s eyes darkened, and he looked away from me again, his jaw working as though he was chewing on words he wouldn’t say.
“He killed my brother,” he finally said on a growl.
“Francesco was the only family I had left who hadn’t abandoned me or abused me, and Luca took him from me.
” His emerald eyes peered into my soul, a desperate light flashing over the green depths.
“I wanted a family with you, Nora. I still want that.
I swear I will never use you against Luca again.
“I know I’ve been hard on you,” he continued. “I pushed you too far, too fast, and I broke something between us. But I can fix it. Let me.”
“I don’t see how you can,” I replied shakily, another hot tear branding my cheek.
I’d never seen him this raw, this vulnerable.
My heart ached for his loss—I couldn’t imagine a world where Giana was ripped away from me forever—but that didn’t erase what he’d done to me. It didn’t save Luca from him.
“I know I was wrong to use you against Luca, but I pushed you in other ways. You hated when I forced you to eat, but that wasn’t about controlling you or humiliating you.”
My cheeks burned with residual humiliation at the mention of the awful way he’d stolen my shreds of control away from me.
“Of course it was about controlling me,” I countered. “You took everything from me, Dante. You stole my freedom and crushed my will, just like you’re doing to Luca.”
His features went slack, as though I’d slapped him across the face with devastating force.
“No,” he breathed. “It wasn’t like that.
I’m not like that. I’m not like him.” He shook his head as though clearing away dark memories.
“My father was a volatile man. He took out his rage on my mother. I watched her waste away in this house. She had an eating disorder, too, and it was all about maintaining control over one thing in her life. I saw that in you, and I refused to let it happen to my own wife.”
He kept saying that: his wife. Not me, Nora. Just a woman who would serve his needs and fulfil a role in his life.
“She abandoned me,” he continued roughly, eyes haunted.
“She had to save herself from my father, so one day, she disappeared. She left Francesco and me at our father’s mercy.
I won’t let the same thing happen to my children.
” He brushed the tears from my cheeks. “I will make things right with you, Nora. I swear I’ll always see to your wellbeing and happiness. ”
“It doesn’t have to be me,” I said quietly. “Listen to yourself, Dante. You want a wife and a mother for your future children. That picture has nothing to do with me as a person. Any woman would do. You can let me go.”
His big hands bracketed my face, holding me close.
“I can’t,” he rasped. “I told you: you were the one I wanted from the very beginning. I didn’t know you well then, but I was sure you were the perfect partner for me.
And now that I truly know you, I can’t lose you.
You’re brave and loyal and cleverer than I could ever deserve, and I want you so badly that sometimes I think I might die of jealousy.
I forget how to breathe when Luca touches you.
I can barely think when you’re in his arms, not mine. ”
I was the one who’d forgotten how to breathe. With each of his desperate declarations, my chest grew tighter, crushing down on my heart. He’d never been so vulnerable with me: raw and real. He’d never been vulnerable at all.