Chapter 39 The Rules of Engagement
The Rules of Engagement
Nico
Football practice was hot and tiring today. We’re all worn out as we take our showers and get dressed.
“Hold up.” Luke sits on the bench, holding his side. It’s easy to forget he’s hurt when he doesn’t show it, but right now, he’s in pain. It’s in the lines on his face. We had a scrimmage at the end of practice, and he got taken down.
No one knows about his injury but us. I never knew about his father or what was happening in his home life. His father was always a neglectful asshole. I just didn’t know he was an abusive one.
I should have known. Even just with summers. This was going on long before I left. And the way Caden acted when we found Luke, he was used to this. He didn’t flinch or act shocked. He just took care of Luke.
That, combined with my jealousy, makes me feel like a shit friend all around. But if anyone understands jealousy, it would be Luke. He’s possessive of Harper.
Dropping my bag, I settle on the bench with the others. The rest of the team has left for the day, so it’s just the horsemen in the locker room. The assistant coach comes by on his way to his office.
His gaze lingers on Jack for a moment. “Good practice today, guys.”
“Thanks, Coach.” Eli waits for Coach Turner to move back to his office and the door to shut before saying, “We doing this?”
“Doing what?” I ask, but they all look at me.
Fuck. I stand. The instinct to storm away tries to take hold of me, but I need to own up to my shit if I want to stay part of this. And I’m not bailing now. I want Harper and I want my friends.
“Sit, Nico.” Jack, who is usually the least serious of us, is serious.
That’s how I know I’m in for it. I blow out a breath and sit on the bench. This has been coming. I’ve been all over the place with them and with Harper. Some of it is this situation, but most of it is on me.
“What’s going on, man?” Caden’s gaze locks on mine. “We don’t tear each other down. You aren’t the only one who gives a shit about Harper.”
“I know.” I run my hand through my wet hair and look at all their faces. “When I came back, she was a toy to you. Something to play with. I know it’s more now. I just—”
Fuck. How do I tell them what’s fucking me up without fucking this all up?
“We’re a team.” Eli leans forward and clamps his hand on my knee. “We’re all in this together. If you keep fucking up with her, it’s going to affect all of us.”
“You agreed to share her.” Luke leans back against the lockers and sighs. “She’s not our lap dog.”
“I said those things in the heat of the moment. You don’t understand what she’s meant to me.” I get up and pace away.
“So tell us.” Jack’s words sound so fucking easy. Like I can just magically put together how I feel about Harper.
Fuck, I have to at least try to explain, but will they understand?
“When Harper and I were young, we were all the other had. Harper couldn’t go to birthday parties or hang out that much because of her mother’s work schedule.” I rub my forehead. “She wasn’t outgoing, but we both lived on the same street. Until football, I didn’t have anyone either.”
I turn to face them. “She and I spent summers and after school playing. It was all innocent fun until I had to move away. If I hadn’t, I would have asked her to be mine.”
“Instead, she hid from us.” Luke nods. “What about now? You kept up with us a little, but not at all with her?”
I drop to the bench and put my head in my hands. “And I regret not keeping in touch, but we weren’t supposed to move back. I couldn’t keep up with her and not see her. I couldn’t ask you guys because I didn’t want you to see her.”
Caden chuckles. “Fuck, man. She hid herself almost too well. Over the years each of us got glimpses of her, but she didn’t want to be seen, and there were plenty of girls who did.”
“She wanted me to be her friend, her ally. And I betrayed her for you guys.” It’s been eating away at my insides like a festering wound. I couldn’t give her the one thing that would have guaranteed she was mine. The thing that made me hers.
“It’s never that simple.” Luke breathes out. “You couldn’t have kept that secret forever. Tanner wants to use our girl against us. We needed to know he had access. She needed to learn she needs to let us in.”
“You mean you.” The words are sharp and bitter with my jealousy. “She needed to let you in.”
Luke laughs and grabs at his side. “Fuck off. The only reason she clings to me is because I never bullshitted her. I never let her believe I was some white knight out of a fairy tale come to rescue her. She’s always known exactly who I am.”
And that’s the problem. “I don’t know who I am to her with you guys. I don’t know who I am in this group anymore. When I left, we were all friends. I was our leader. Now, I’m barely a part of you and barely a part of this relationship. I’m the fucking consolation prize.”
“Boo-fucking-hoo.” Caden stands. “You get to fuck the girl you’ve wanted for years, but you don’t get to keep her to yourself. Cry me a fucking river.”
I narrow my eyes on Caden. That’s not what I said.
“Have you seen the way she responds to each of us?” he continues. “It doesn’t matter if you had her on your own first. Harper was built to be mine. She was meant to be Luke’s. She was created for Eli. She was designed for Jack. And she’s yours too.
“She’s perfect and ours, and nothing you do will change that, except you could ruin it for us. She wouldn’t be the same without all of us.”
Eli nods and turns so his eyes catch mine. “He’s right. There’s a reason we want to keep her. Even at the beginning, she was different. All of us wanted a part of her. Instead of tearing her apart, we took her together. If you’d bowed out that first time, it would have slowly eaten away at her.”
“We need her just as much as you need her.” Luke straightens. “There isn’t anyone else, period. So you need to get your head back in the game. We’re a team. We’re all part of it and if any of us falls down, the others will have to help him back up.”
My back straightens as I look around at the guys I’ve called friends for years without thinking anything of it. They grew closer together while I was gone, which made me feel like an outsider. But that was only in my head. Right now, they’re looking at me like I’m one of them.
“So fix your shit with Harper. Fuck it out. Yell it out. Talk it out.” Luke shakes his head. “But don’t take out your problems on us. And if you need to fight to feel better, wait until my side heals. Then I can kick your ass.”
Fuck, he’s right. They’re all right.
“I haven’t had this since I was in sixth grade.” I indicate the five of us. “Even though I had you guys in the summer, I was on my own during the school year. I didn’t just pull away from Harper. I pulled away from you guys too.”
That’s what’s been eating at me. I don’t feel like I belong. “I still feel like an outsider.”
Jack shakes his head and gives me a smirk. “Fuck that shit, man. You have nothing to prove to us. This isn’t a competition. We’re a fucking team.” Jack grins. “Literally with Harper. She likes teamwork.”
Caden snorts a laugh. Even Luke smirks.
“You’re Apocalypse. A horseman.” Eli claps me on the shoulder. “You’re one of us. You make us whole.”
Those knots inside me loosen just a little. I still have to fix things with Harper though. “How do I fix this?”
“I’ll let you know after tonight.” Caden runs a hand through his hair and then offers me his hand to help me up. “Harper and I might be on almost the right page, but we’re still a little off.”
“You punished her, and I didn’t stop it.” I clap him on the arm. “Own it. She doesn’t want us because we’re perfect. She likes broken toys, so show her what breaks you. Trust her to keep it for you.”
Caden chuckles and shakes his head. “I’m pretty sure the only thing that could truly break us is her.”
Harper
In my email is a list of colleges, not a small list, like a fuck ton. It’s not even funny. My head spins at the names like Duke, Auburn, Yale.
Fucking Yale. How the hell am I supposed to get into schools like that? I’m just ignoring the tuition cost for now. If I can’t get in, I don’t have to worry about affording it.
Fortunately, a few of them use the common app that I’ve already filled out, but almost all of them have their own essays. I’ve been copying the prompts into a Google document for the last half hour.
I’m sitting at my desk chewing on my pen when my mom knocks on the door.
“Come in.”
“How’s it going?” Mom glances around my room as if a guy is going to jump out at her.
I roll my eyes. “No one is here, Mom.”
“Just making sure.” She holds up her hands and smiles. Her scrubs tonight have little puppies all over them. Usually by the time she comes home, she’s wearing her spare pair or a pair from the hospital.
She walks in and sits on the edge of my bed behind me. “What are you doing?”
“Bemoaning the fact I didn’t take more extracurriculars.” I spin in my chair to face her. “Why didn’t you encourage me to try out for more things?”
She arches an eyebrow. “Would you have listened if I told you to?”
“No.” I sigh. “Why am I so stubborn?”
“You’ve got this, Harper. You danced competitively until last year. You also volunteered at the hospital for a few years.”
I did up until this year because my classes got harder. Once again, I should have been in band. Then I wouldn’t even have to worry about applying to a million colleges to be near my boyfriends of sixty seconds because I would have lost my virginity like a normal girl at band camp.
“Okay,” I pull a face. “You have to leave soon?”
She nods. “I take it one of your guys will be over?”
“Caden.” I toy with the pen in my hand. “Were you upset about Luke last night?”
She laughs. “No. I’m just surprised I didn’t catch on quicker. I’m pretty sure these night shifts are messing with my brain.”
“I’ve been a good kid.” I feel like I should get some leeway. This relationship wasn’t what I wanted at first, but now, I’m apparently all in and applying to colleges I’ll never get into to be near them. And the thing is, I kind of want to get into those colleges, to prove I’m good enough.
“You are a good kid.” Standing, she brushes her hand over my hair. “And you make good decisions, so I’m not as worried as I probably should be.”
“I have five boyfriends. That’s a big red flag for most parents.” I give her a look that says, aren’t you worried?
“If I thought for one minute those boys were bad for you, I’d bring the world crashing down on them.” Mom shakes her head. “But I’ve seen the way they look at you. They know you’re worth your weight in gold, sweetie.”
I’m beginning to see that. But it’s hard sometimes. They can still be assholes.
“No guy is perfect, Harper. But maybe that’s why you need five.” She laughs. “I’ve lost my mind, but I trust you to do what’s right.”
The doorbell rings at the same time my phone buzzes. I smile at Caden’s text saying he’s here.
“Okay, just behave.” Mom rubs her temples like I’m giving her a headache.
I hug her quickly before walking with her into the hallway. When she continues with me down the stairs, my nerves start to tingle. We just did this with Luke. Why do I get the feeling we need to do this with Caden too?
She stops at the island, and when I get to the door, I turn to look at her. She smirks and gestures for me to open the door. I swallow hard.
Fun.
I open the door and Caden stands on the step. His green eyes meet mine, and my heartbeat quickens even more for a whole new reason.
“Hey, little—”
My eyes widen, and I shake my head fiercely.
He grins and kisses my forehead. “Girl.”
Not the best save, but better than what he could have said. I back into the kitchen, and he follows me in. That nickname will definitely get us into trouble and an economy-sized box of condoms.
“Good evening, Jennifer.” He nods at my mom as he sets his backpack on the floor. He turns his attention to me. “I parked behind you. That’s okay, right?”
“Yeah, that’s fine.” I draw in a breath and turn to my mom.
“I have a few minutes, if you’ve got time.” Her eyes never leave Caden.
Yup, this is the not fun part of having an involved parent.
Caden takes my hand and brings me to the island, sitting and holding the chair for me to sit on.
“Whatever you need.” When he sits next to me, he takes my hand and puts our hands on the island. Yeah, he’s not one for hiding anything. She’ll appreciate that. Maybe?
“So I’ve been thinking about the rules of these little sleepovers.” Mom rubs her hands together. “I trust my daughter.”
“Meaning you don’t trust me?” Caden isn’t saying that like it’s a bad thing. He’s just accepting it. I squeeze his hand.
Mom smiles. “It doesn’t matter if I trust you or not. Harper does, and that means everything. The minute she says she needs some rules, there will be rules. Until then, I’m happy to let her navigate this how she wants.”
My mouth definitely wants to drop open, but I’m not about to let it.
“So if you disrespect my daughter, I will know.” She narrows her eyes at Caden.
“Understood.” Caden squeezes my hand. He meets my mom’s eyes. “Jack is coming over to install that alarm system you talked about getting.”
Mom’s mouth falls open like she’s going to protest.
“I’m concerned about your and your daughter’s safety, so I’ll take care of it. I’m not trying to force my way into your home. But if for some reason, we aren’t available to protect your daughter, we want to make sure she’s taken care of.” Caden rubs the ring they gave me.
Mom closes her mouth and nods. “I’m glad you want to take care of Harper, but I can take care of the cost.”
From the stubborn set of my mom’s mouth, Caden won’t win this one.
“I’ll get you the billing information after it’s set up.” He nods to her. “We respect Harper, but we also respect you. Not all of us have the best families, but we can tell how much you love Harper. We’re grateful you’re accepting of this relationship.”
Mom softens a little. “We may be soft and caring, but if you burn either of us, we’ll rain hellfire down on you.”
Caden grins and nods. “Understood.”
I roll my eyes and stand. “Have a great night at work, Mom.”
I give her a hug and sink into her embrace.
“Be good, Harper.”