8. Char
EIGHT
“Hmm,yes, everything seems to be perfect. Yes, the job is yours if you want it.”
Frederique Tomas is about what I expect from the manager of a high-end boutique. A pencil-thin mustache, highly fashionable clothes, and looking like he got his hair done this morning.
Not really what I look for in a guy.
“Really?” I say, my eyes wide. “Just like that?”
“As the owner and proprietor, I can hire whom I want.”
“Wow, that’s great...”
“When would you like to start?”
I hesitate. It’d been two days since I got the call. It’s been chilly with Bear all this time. He’s been miserable; I’ve been miserable, both of us denying ourselves joy because we think it’s best for the two of us.
Well, he thinks it”s best. I know what’s best.
“Um,” I say, thinking of ways to buy time. “I have to make arrangements. I’m going to have to get back to you on that.”
“Could you please let me know when?
“I know. Sorry. I need to figure it all out. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”
He lets out a very French-sounding “Hrmph,” then, “Well, you’d better hurry. I cannot keep this position open for very long.”
“Thank you for working with me.”
Another ”Hrmph.”
I stand up and head out of the boutique.
Waiting for me outside is my old friend Tabitha, dressed as weirdly as she ever does. An old dress altered to add her own style, hand-crafted jewelry, and a rainbow of scarves.
“So what’s the verdict?”
“I got the job.” My tone being what you’d expect as if I was announcing my dog had died.
“You sound so absolutely thrilled.”
“Yeah, well, that’s about where I am about it.”
Tabitha is someone I went to high school with, and stayed in contact with after we graduated. She got to know Savvy, too, because she was a regular at the diner where we both worked, and we always welcomed her and fixed her up with some free coffee. She wanted to help me, too, when I hit my rough spell, but she’s devoted to making her own way with her arts and crafts, so the place she is renting is basically a closet with a bathroom. She’s got absolutely zero space for me to sleep, yet she still offered.
We head along to a local café, her wanting to catch up with me being we haven’t really talked since I ran off to the woods for a while.
“So how’s Savvy been doing out in the boondocks with the survivalist carpenter type?”
“Hunter? I wouldn’t call him a survivalist.”
“He built his own cabin. That’s more survivalist than most guys are.”
“Yeah, but he’s not running his own power grid and collecting his own rainwater. He’s just woodsy and folksy. Very indicative of Evergreen Valley in general, from the time I’ve spent there.”
We take our seats and place our orders. Simple coffees, neither Tabitha nor I made of money.
“Savvy seems super happy,” I say. “Her son is so cute, and Hunter is everything you’d want in a man. Was literally smoking brisket when I first arrived. How can you get better than that?”
Tabby chuckles. “I’m looking forward to some of that more rural cooking when I head out there.”
“You’re going to Evergreen Valley?” I cock an eyebrow. “Didn’t think you had any family there.”
“No, but there’s a big monthly farmers market. It brings people from all over the county, and I think that’s just a prime place to move some of my crafts. I’d be dumb not to go and hawk my wares there.”
“Seems like fertile ground for people who don’t shop at fancy places like the High Street Boutique.”
“Yeah, I’m not going to get any sales hanging around your future workplace, Char. Don’t take offense if you don’t find me a common visitor there.”
“I won’t. The place is honestly too fancy for my tastes, but they pay well, and hey, it might be a stepping stone to something more.”
Tabitha gets her coffee and starts to stir in a bunch of sugar and cream. “So why aren’t you more psyched about it? You get to work with clothes, which is what I thought you always wanted.”
“Because it means I have to live in, or at least close to, Smithsport. And I kind of don’t want to do that.”
My friend chuckles. “One week in the woods and you’re done with civilization.”
“There’s civilization out there. It’s just more of a matter of... well, who I’d leave behind coming back here.”
“Oh. A who?” Tabitha leans in, very curious. “And who might this who be? Is this who a he?”
I blush red. “Maybe.”
“So that’s a yes, then.” She leans in even closer. “What’s his name, then?”
“You’re incredible, you know that?” I run my hands through my hair in exasperation. “His name is Bear.”
“Oooh, strikes a very clear mental image. Is my mental image of him right?”
“If you are picturing someone ruggedly handsome and strong enough to throw me over his shoulder, you’re probably not far off the mark.”
“Tell me more, then. What does he do? A carpenter like Hunter?”
“No. Lumberjack. Woodsman? He’s kind of a tree farmer, if that makes any sense? Runs a business, very focused on sustainability and growing good quality wood. Not just, like, slashing and burning his land.”
“Sounds smart on top of buff. That’s the best kinda guy. Is he nice?”
“Incredibly. And sweet. And giving. And selfless, and devoted, and caring, and...”
“He’s perfect. I get it.”
I let out a sigh. “I wouldn’t say that.”
“Oh. So this is where it gets juicy and not just saccharine sweet. What is it? Does he snore?”
“If that was the only problem, I’d be in heaven. No. It’s something far worse than that.”
“What can be worse than snoring?”
“Commitment issues.”
Tabitha sips her coffee as she stares at me. “You’re worried about that after a week?”
“What we’re feeling for one another is really deep, Tabitha. It’s, like, this isn’t just a fling. This feels real. And this realness is the problem. He’s terrified of hurting me.”
“How’s he going to hurt you? Seems like he’s hurting you already.”
“That’s what I’m thinking, right?” I throw my arms up. “But commitment is a problem with him. His mother got hurt real bad by his father, and cursed their marriage. So he never wants to get married. Or even do anything that looks like it.”
“Oof. I’d call that a red flag, but I guess I can see where he’s coming from. Can’t let anyone get too close to him or he’s going to risk hurting them. Guess his dad cheated on her?”
I nod.
“Yeah, that’s the easiest way, but it can even be something beyond your control. Like a tragic accident. Or cancer. You lose someone that close to you, you’re going to hurt them bad.”
“But that’s silly. You can’t run away from everything that might hurt you. That’s just how life goes. There’s good. There’s bad. You best just enjoy the good times while they’re there, or you’re just accepting a life full of misery.”
Tabitha sips her coffee, nodding along with my words. “That’s how it works, yes. So are you going to wait for him to come around on that?”
I sink down, stirring my coffee with one of those little sticks. “I don’t know. This job is a big door for me. If I stay in Evergreen Valley, I can’t really take the job, unless I want a daily two-and-a-half-hour commute.”
“Think of the gas costs alone.”
“So I either go with this job, and try to make it on my own, or I stay near Bear, hoping that he gets his head out of his ass. Then I need to bet that there’s actually something there. I mean, he could be right. Maybe I’m blinded by a raging passion right now. Or lust. He’s very good at making me lust for him.”
Tabitha stares at me, nodding. “Go on.”
“It’s confusing, okay? I don’t know what to do. It’s just...” I let out a disgruntled ”Argh!” Some of the other café patrons turn my way, and I suddenly feel embarrassed with myself.
“The answer is pretty simple to me,” Tabitha says. “You need to talk to him like an adult. Make your feelings known.”
“I’ve tried that and...”
“Tell him that unless he opens up, you’re gone. He needs to realize what this means. If he can’t get his head out of his ass for this, then he doesn’t deserve you, girl.”
I nod, taking her words in. She’s got a point. I don’t want to rush him, but I can’t exactly wait for him to stop being cold to me and derail my entire life for something that’ll never come. There are some guys out there who are remarkably dedicated to ”stubborn as hell,” and Bear may well be one of them.
Everything is easier said than done. I don’t want to confront him. I don’t want to hurt him, just like he doesn’t want to hurt me.
But inaction will just hurt both of us more.
We have to figure this out.
Together.