Chapter 3 #2
Elizabeth simply nodded. Jane took her hand, and she permitted it, despite wishing she could hide from them.
She hated being the object of their pity, and, to avoid seeing the emotion in their eyes, she kept her gaze on the window and watched the passing landscape during the short ride.
The earlier melange of emotions she had felt settled into a heavy weight in her belly that was pulling her ever downward.
She had felt the same once before, although in a less stark manner.
It had been just after the death of her beloved grandmother when she had been ten.
She supposed this was—or might be—another loss, one that was so much worse.
Had she lost her chance to marry Mr Darcy?
Was it possible he was legally or morally obligated to his cousin?
He was an honourable man, truly the best man she had ever known.
His actions regarding Lydia were proof enough, but she could name other reasons to support her belief.
If Lady Catherine or his other relations provided evidence that his union to Miss de Bourgh was more than just the fanciful wish of their mothers, he might agree and marry her out of a sense of duty, despite loving Elizabeth.
I do not understand why Miss de Bourgh or her mother would want that, however.
To know that he intended to marry another lady, that he loved and desired another lady, yet be content to force him into a union he had rejected was unimaginable to Elizabeth.
How did they expect it to end? Surely not in a prosperous, joy-filled marriage of two compatible people who were devoted to each other’s happiness and well-being and to building a good life together.
That was what Elizabeth wanted of marriage and what she believed she and Mr Darcy would have.
All the de Bourgh ladies—and apparently the earl and countess—cared for was how proper the match appeared; they thought only of wealth and connexions, dismissing other considerations.
“Lizzy,” Jane said, her voice full of tenderness, “are you well? W-what— You and Mr Darcy, are you—”
“Please, I beg of you, do not ask me about him or what you saw this morning. I can tell you nothing,” she interjected, keeping her head averted. Softly, she added, “I cannot speak of it.”
“How can you ask me not to?” Jane said. Her voice sounded thick, as though she was close to crying. “Not when I see that you suffer! Liz—”
Once again, Elizabeth interjected. “I admit my feelings for him have changed, but there is nothing else to say of the matter. I cannot explain what happened at Netherfield. Please, Jane—please—do not speak of it. Not now.”
Jane sighed, but she kept her thoughts to herself. She rested her hand on Elizabeth’s arm, and they passed the remainder of the journey thus, only the sounds of the wheels intruding on the silence.
Once at Longbourn, Elizabeth retreated to her chamber with the intention of not leaving it again that day.
She threw off her pelisse and bonnet, and sat at the window, which was open an inch or two to let in the breeze, hoping the fresh air would stop the throbbing in her head.
Tears filled her eyes, and her breathing became laboured.
Afraid of being seen by her younger sisters, who were presently wandering through the gardens below her chamber, she lay on her bed instead, staring at the ceiling, her eyes tracing a thin crack that ran almost the entire length of the room.
“Here I am, alone yet again, desperately seeking hope that somehow this situation will end better than it seems possible at the moment, that somehow Mr Darcy and I will have our happily ever after.”
Once far enough from the house, Darcy rounded on his cousins and demanded, “What the devil are you doing here? Did you know what your parents intended to do, what Lady Catherine’s purpose was? You cannot agree with them!”
Bramwell grinned. “I thought I might as well join their merry party as not. London has been rather flat of late.”
“What with his lady love still in the country. She does not return for a few days.” Fitzwilliam sniggered. The remark earned him a punch on the arm from his brother.
Darcy did not know there was a lady his cousin was pursuing. It was not all that surprising, however; the viscount’s past included several affaires de c?ur, but Darcy did not believe any of the ladies had left their mark on his heart. He supposed this time would be no different.
“I do not care about Bramwell’s romantic escapades,” he said.
Bramwell clutched his chest as though wounded.
Darcy continued, “Were you aware of this…madness?” He indicated the house with a jerk of his thumb.
Speaking at the same time, Fitzwilliam said, “No,” and his brother said, “Yes.” They regarded each other and, in unison, added, “Not entirely.”
Darcy nearly roared with frustration. He counted the pair amongst his closest friends, but, currently, he despised them. How could they be so flippant?
The colonel suggested they walk, and, as they did, he explained.
“We did not even know that our aunt and cousin were in London, and only learnt that they were and that they and our parents intended to come to Hertfordshire this morning. All that we heard was that you were on the point of doing something exceedingly foolish that would ruin your future, bring shame to the family, and I do not know what other doom.”
“We decided at once that we should come along,” Bramwell said.
“Knowing the dragon of Kent, as we all have the misfortune of doing, there was a high probability that what she really meant was that you were not behaving as she wanted. I do not know what she said to the earl and countess, but, evidently, they believed there was sufficient reason for concern to go along with her scheme.”
Darcy seethed; his jaw was clenched so tightly that his muscles ached. “What right do any of them have to direct my choices, my life?”
Bramwell guffawed, and Fitzwilliam said, “Whether they have it or not, we all know they believe they do, thus the scene we were forced to endure. I wish we could have warned you, but we did not know what was going to happen until it was too late to do so.” He stopped, momentarily taking hold of Darcy’s arm to halt his steps too and asked, “Are you truly interested in marrying Elizabeth Bennet?”
Darcy was not so lost to his anger to miss the surprise in his cousin’s voice. In response, he nodded, keeping his gaze fixed on Fitzwilliam to see how he took the news.
“Are you engaged to her? Have you proposed?” the colonel said.
His mouth went dry, and he felt like he would vomit.
How close he had come to being able to answer in the affirmative!
He glanced at Bramwell, who appeared calm and curious but not disapproving.
At length, Darcy admitted, “She was on the point of accepting me when the servant interrupted and said I was needed at Netherfield. He was so urgent, I was certain something dreadful had happened.”
The viscount gave a bark of laughter. “It did, from what I can tell. This girl cannot be so objectionable. What is wrong with her? Oh, trust me”—he paused and shook his head, eyes rolling dramatically— “Lady Catherine had a great deal to say of her and not a word of it good, but I no more believe her than I would that men could fly like the birds.” It was likely no coincidence that a flock of birds passed overhead, their black silhouettes stark against the blue sky.
Rather than answer, Darcy looked at Fitzwilliam, his expression challenging. “You have met her. How would you respond?”
The colonel sighed and ran a hand over his mouth.
“That she is a charming young lady, lively, witty, very pretty. Not the sort of girl I would expect you would find attractive, given how she liked to vex you. And that she has no connexions, no money, has not been brought up with the expectations of our social sphere, and thus, is doubly not the sort of girl I would have foreseen you choosing as your wife.”
“Those are your objections to her?” Darcy said. “She is not rich, has no noble relations—”
“Lady Catherine says her people are in trade,” Bramwell interjected.
Slowly, Darcy nodded. “Her father is a gentleman, but her mother is from trade. However, I have met Mrs Bennet’s younger brother and his wife, and you could not find a more respectable, kind couple.
” Turning to Fitzwilliam again, he added, “You are wrong, obviously, about the sort of lady I find suitable to be my wife. I could select someone matching what you said—and what your parents expect me, all three of us, to consider of utmost importance. Anne is sitting nearby, and from what her mother says, she would accept me. I might even find a modicum of contentment, especially if I believed it would have pleased my parents. But I want more,” he added with fervour, his hands in loose fists.
“I want to be happy. I want to look at my wife and thank God for sending her to me. I want to look forward to spending time with her, to enjoy her company, to know that I truly matter to her.”
“You are in the enviable position of being able to make such a match.” Fitzwilliam’s voice was a touch wistful.
“And I shall exercise it,” Darcy insisted.
“As well you should,” Bramwell said. “I, for one, will support you. Just as I know you would support me if I decided to make an…unconventional choice of bride.”
Darcy regarded him, his eyes narrowed. “Who is this latest lady love of yours?”
Fitzwilliam laughed. “Let us deal with your situation first. There will be time enough to upset our relations regarding his daring decision.”
Darcy’s gaze moved between the brothers as he once again asked, “Who?”
“You might be surprised, but, if she is foolish enough to succumb to him, she will make him an excellent wife and help him become the best man he could possibly be. Make a damn fine countess too, I reckon,” Fitzwilliam assured him.
“As for Elizabeth Bennet, I do like her. That must have been evident last spring in Kent. Certainly, you have known her long enough that no one could accuse you of acting on impulse or simply desire, and I can honestly tell them that nothing I saw in her suggests she is false and would trick you into marriage or accept you simply because you are rich. If she says she returns your feelings, then she does.”
After regarding his cousins for a moment longer, Darcy nodded his thanks and then continued to walk.
He required a period of exercise before returning to continue the battle with his family.
I must send them on their way as quickly as possible.
Then I shall go to Elizabeth so that we can resume our conversation and finally reach an agreement!